I hate you - don't leave me

[bhsmte]

This has nothing to do with me. What I'm saying to you is you cannot DX someone with any type of mental health condition without using the DSM IV/V. You cannot make DX off of some type of topical response you throw out. No, people do not fit into tidy little boxes but each DX has parameters and specific criteria even PD NOS. You cannot make value judgments about someone's mh by some topic you present and judging their response of it and then saying they have any type of PD. That is unethical and unprofessional and extremely stereotypical to clients. There are already enough problems with stereotyping the mentally ill and then to make that kind of value judgment just further establishes that people continue to not follow any type of scientific criteria when DX people with mental illnesses.

I didn't say you diagnose anyone without using the DSM IV. You diagnose them based on whether they have the traits that meet the criteria. Obviously, it is not a perfect science and there is subjectivity built in for those professionals doing the diagnosing. And, there needs to be subjectivity, because there are individual variables that come into play.

The understanding of personality disorders including BPD is evolving and there are quite a few highly credentialed psychology professionals that have differing opinions on how to properly diagnose the disorder. Bottom line, it is not one of the best understood disorders at this time.

 

[pawnraider]

I have been on the receiving end of that statement. My mother was classic borderline.

I wish I could express how much that damaged me. I am over 50 years old, and I am still dealing with the anguish she instilled in me.

This pretty much sums up what my mother has done to me. I'm still trying to deal with her emotional abuse and I'm 53 years old!

You might not want to hear from me here in this forum, and I accept that. But I am here to tell you that living with a borderline mother nearly did me in. I am happy to say that though I still deal with the fallout, the buck stopped with me. By God's grace, I did not pass the horror of it down in my own parenting, and my children are very happy and well adjusted. Even as a child, my son saw how unreasonable and cruel my mother was.

I am not nor have I ever been married. Because of the emotional abuse I don't think I would have made a very good husband and father. I just didn't want to risk exposing my wife and kids to the emotional baggage that I may still have.

I am sad to say that when she died 10 years ago, only 3 people came to her service, including me. Not one person shed a tear, including me. I have never cried over her loss. I am relieved that she no longer tortures me with her neediness.

My mother is still alive but I don't see how her funeral would be any different than that described above.

My mother had no business becoming a parent. She couldn't even take care of herself. She drove my father away,

I don't know why but my father stayed with her and is still with her. My mother is even able to manipulate him to the point that she has him thinking that I'm the one that's causing the problems between me and her which is absolutely not true.

I carry very deep scars

As do I. And they are as deep as yours.

My deepest sadness is that I never had a mother. I was the mother, and she was the child from the time I was 7 years old. It just shouldn't be that way.

That pretty much sums up my mom. If I just may add this. She is a pathological liar. I was in my very early 20's the first time I tried reasoning with her about her lying and the only result of that was that she nearly knocked my head off! She went to slap me but I caught her arm. To this day I don't know how I did because I didn't see it coming. I was just standing there amazed that I had caught it. I'm pretty sure that if she had connected I would have destroyed her. The second and last time was when she initiated the discussion-if you can call it that-it didn't get very far as it was nothing but more lies so I left and we've barely said a word to each other since and it's been more than 15 years since we have. It's so bad that she has dad convinced that I'm the one that's lying. My dad wasn't guiltless in all this as he was emotionally abusive himself. As a result I suffer from bouts of depression. My situation may contribute to it as well or perhaps triggers my depression. Sorry to go into this tangent.