Well, I'm not sure how this would work for your marriage, but trying to get a counselor who won't pick sides seems like a prerequisite for healthy marriage counseling. In other words, if your counselor is dismissing your religious convictions or arguing against them, then that person is a bad (read: unethical) counselor. I don't know the context, though, so feel free to ignore the above.
In terms of phrasing, rhetoric: use "I" statements, not absolute statements. Don't say "Orthodoxy is the One, True, Church" but, instead, "In my conscience, I truly feel that Orthodoxy expresses the fullest Truth of Christianity. How can I not respond to that? Would you have my ignore my conscience?"
Put another way: "While I would never want to judge another person, I know that I will be held accountable for following the light that Christ gives me. I see Christ in the Orthodox Church, such that I cannot help but follow Him there; if I do not answer that calling, if I do not follow that light, then I know what I will face at the 2nd coming."
This way, the belief is stated in a non-threatening way (you aren't demanding that they agree with you, just that they not run roughshod over your convictions). When debating a relativist (and, in this case, ecumenism is a form of theological relativism) the trick is just to phrase things in a way that points out that the relativism itself IS imposing an absolute on you.
Because the relativist is already committed to not imposing absolutes on you (as that forms the basis for their implicit critique of you), making them into the one imposing absolutes forces them to back off.
This way, instead of you telling them that its Orthodoxy or nothing, THEY become the ones telling YOU that your convictions aren't worth following. Makes their position a lot harder to maintain (and, in all reality, brings a sober reality to just what exactly they are doing).
The danger, or risk, in this tactic is that they may turn your phrasing (saying "I'm just following my convictions!") into an implicit acceptance of their relativistic presuppositions and then try to "turn" the direction of the conversation back into a critique of you (by saying "So, then you understand that _____ is just following HER convictions when she says she doesn't want ______").
Then you have to just feel it out. You have a right to your convictions, and a moral right to follow those convictions (even an obligation). Marriage, though, is about compromise and marriage is holy. I don't think we can be rigorists and dogmatists in marriage!
Or were you looking for more arguments / phrases for how to explain the Orthodox conviction that the existence of a singular True Church matters?
This is great Macarius, thank you!
I am curious if it's possible to assert that there is the existence of a singular, visible, True Church on Earth without offending people by inferring that their faith and practice are invalid. That may be a mutually exclusive goal though.
It's always a nightmare to follow up on a Macarius post. The man is brilliant and says everything we all want to say only better....
I guess my humble opinion is this:
We all are put on this Earth in a quest for Truth, truth with a capital T on it. Christ created a visible Church in the Scriptures. History attests to this manifest, legitimate, real, tangible Church on Earth. It has a 2,000-year storied, lovely history of majestic peaks and some rough valleys. For you, Orthodox represents the Triumph of Christendom. It is the bishops, priests, deacons, patriarchs, and holy monks of Orthodoxy that have fought heresies, battled persecutions, and have worked their hearts out to deliver to us the True Faith.
You have done a thorough, prayerful, thoughtful study of Christian history. You have, from prayer and analysis, come to the conclusion that Holy Orthodoxy is the True Faith. You also know that Orthodoxy is not judgmental and condescending to other denominations. Orthodoxy is what it is. The Holy Orthodox Church doesn't pass judgment on the other denominations as damned, worthless, or Godless. But they do teach that they know where Truth is definitively---in the Orthodox faith. You are choosing this faith out of love, not as a weapon to alienate your wife or family. It is out of love, pure and simple.
You are at a point where you have a fork in the road and I think you have to be charitable but not obsessively charitable where you fear saying the Truth. This counselor has zero right to critique your choices of faith and morals. I would call a spade a spade in the kindest and most loving way possible. That isn't always easy.
That's great insight bro, thanks!
I may have improperly stated what my counselor is doing, although there are times that I feel critiqued. "Relativistic" seems to be more of the correct adjective to describe her assessment of my desire for Orthodoxy, she will use language like "It sounds like Orthodoxy is where you feel called for now..." and that
does help sort of unwind Brandy, but I also feel like it downplays exactly how important I believe it is to be a part of the
one true church. Maybe I'm being to picky, but sometimes it seems like she (and Brandy) are treating this as some sort of "unfortunate phase" that I'll wise up to and grow out of. I definitely avoid language that would imply Christians outside Orthodoxy are "certainly not saved", but I'm at a loss to communicate how crucial it is to be a part of the Church that encompasses the fulness of the Christian faith.
It's such a volatile subject...
I cannot really add aside to second what Macarius said. make it clear that this is your walk with Christ and where you feel called to be, and you are not judging anyone or demanding anything of your wife.
Indeed, thanks bro. My wife gets hung up on issues that are still many years down the road, but things like "what church are we going to raise our kids because there's no way I want our kids brought up in the Orthodox Church." Just to keep the peace I acquiesce with that and tell her I don't expect anybody to follow me into Orthodoxy, including her or our future kids. I personally hope and pray for that, despite all odds, but it's sort of a "hope for the best, plan for the worst" scenario.
I feel that Christ is calling me to salvation through the Orthodox Church. I am trying to abide by His will for my life.
Thanks, that's well stated.
Is it, by chance a "Christian counselor?" I do call myself a Christian, but that term always cause me to think twice. Seems to have a pre-established agenda, rather than just getting down to the issues between a couple.
Yes, she's a Christian counselor. Her and her husband are actually good friends with my parents and I do respect her as a professional, but I don't agree with her theological views for the most part. I mean we can absolutely agree on the essentials (like the Nicene Creed for example, if it came down to it) but ecclesiology for example, or maybe sacramental theology are polar opposites just like my wife and I.
So she implicitly sympathizes with my wife more if the issue is to come up in conversation in any form.
I talked with my priest about counseling and seeing a counselor that's Christian but not Orthodox and he said the Church would absolutely endorse counseling, and that actually the one Orthodox counselor in our area is someone he wouldn't recommend to anybody. Sometimes I feel uneasy because I'm worried that the suggestions the counselor would make would be very "Protestant" in their nature, but I'm trying not to obsess over it.
