How to help a girl respect her own body?

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

This was a very odd circumstance that just happened to me. I was on Facebook & got a friend request from someone I didn't know. My account is a joke account, not even with my last name on it, just Alex with an old nickname. I created it exclusively to talk to a few friends who never check their e-mail, so I just had fun with all the personal details. According to the account, I'm 114 years old, working as a Bouncer/DJ at the Krusty Krab in Vatican City, I studied wizardry for 57 years...fun things like that!

I say this because I knew there would be no harm in accepting an odd friend request, especially because I'm part of a large Facebook group that shares nothing but wacky comics. Suspecting her to be from this group, I accepted.

She started a conversation with me last night, which I thought was odd, but I went with it. Pretty soon, it got weird...she asked me if I was alone, and I said yes, then she asked me if I liked sex.

I cannot express how bizarre it feels to literally be offered video sex from a stranger, one who looked quite attractive in her profile picture. This raised a lot of questions, not the least of which was what kind of person offers herself to strangers on the Internet so quickly.

I rejected her offer of switching to video call, saying that her offer sounded very appealing, but I would have to disagree. As I expected, she asked "Why?". I could see what was happening, though I've never been in this sort of situation before. I wanted her to see everything I said as genuine, and as such, I never glossed over the appeal of what she was offering, lest she think I was gay or not interesting or something. I wanted to be a good man, someone who has sexual attractions but chooses something higher.

Shaking from the adrenaline, I gave the briefest explanation I could of why a 22-year old single straight male who's alone would still reject an "free show" of a beautiful woman's body:

I knew a girl named Paige. She was someone I really liked in high school, but she was always around the worst kind of guys. She was a beautiful girl, but the other men saw her beauty as something to use for themselves. I was just a teenager at the time, but as I saw the dignity in her that she had forgotten, and as the other men were using that to their own selfish advantage, I became determined to never use a girl like that.

This is absolutely true. Paige was the turning point in my life, where I stopped looking out for myself & starting looking out for others. It was through the depravity of the men she was with & her losing sight of her own dignity that I started to become who I am today. This was about 4 years ago, and my determination to never use a girl, even if she's offering, has only grown over time.

There really was no fight against temptation here; I had so much moral strength to see the best in women, even when they don't see it in themselves, that it barely crossed my mind to say Yes to her offer. I saw Paige in her, and I would want to beat the hell out of any man who took advantage of Paige when she offered her body so quickly. I was not going to be this man.

The conversation was fairly brief; she though I was being shy. I replied,

It may be really fun, and you do look very beautiful in your profile picture. But this is not shy-ness, this is me seeing you as a true sister in Christ, someone I will try to defend. I would not want my sister to "show herself" to a strange man on the Internet , and even though I don't know you, I still believe that I should do what I can to treat you with respect.

I promised that if she ever needs to talk, I'll be here for her. She immediately said no, she just wants me to give her pleasure. After a little more like this, when it was evident I wasn't going to do it, she just said bye. I wished her a good night & promised to keep her in my prayers...please take a moment to pray for her now, it's what she really needs.




As this progressed, it occurred to me that she probably never heard someone talk to her the way I did.

I don't know if you've ever heard someone talk to you the way I just did; frankly, I've never heard someone talk that way. But as hard as it is to explain, and as hard as it may be for you to understand, I truly do care about you, I mean everything I said, and I am saying all this because I truly believe that you will be better as a result. It is my duty to God & to you that I try to give you something better than the thing you're asking for.

I'm not telling this story to give advice on accepting random friend requests & being offered a free sex show. What I want to do is provide a reminder that there really are good men out there, ask for prayers for this girl, and ask if anyone knows of a short video or article or something I can send to try to help her understand the inherent dignity of her body. It almost brought me to tears, as I realized that Paige might be like this, and nothing I was saying was making a difference. I truly believe that what I said will confuse her enough that she'll look back over the conversation sometime, and I pray to God that some form of wonderful conversion can happen for her. This is not at all how I expected the call to make disciples would play out for me, but if God has prepared me for years to stand strong in this moment, I will be there for her as best as I can.

What I'm asking for advice on is what I can send her. She seemed to have a routine down, which suggests that video sex with strangers is something she does somewhat often; seeing this girl as Paige, that was really hard for me to imagine. I think a short video would be best, something on reverence for the body, not to follow some rules (I don't know if this girl would even care about following the Bible or Church teachings), but as something truly beneficial for her. I really hope we can continue a conversation when she's not so focused on getting pleasure.


As a side note, I've been trying to figure out what sort of spiritual things I can do to prepare for Christmas. Those of you Catholics & Episcopalians & other Christians that use the liturgical calendar know this time as Advent. One interpretation of preparing for Christmas is to prepare for Christ's coming into my life. In starker terms, suppose Christmas is the day I die & meet Jesus for the final judgement; how should I prepare? This conversation also made me realize that Advent may be spent helping others prepare to meet Jesus; explaining to a girl that I want to see her dignity rather than her sexualizing her body is something that I hope will prepare her for the loving God we all have.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

These are a few I'm considering; it's hard to know what will or won't resonate with her, but I know as I pray that God will bring something to her that will change her life. At the very least, I will know that I have done my part, even if she isn't responding to it. As heartbreaking as this is for me to watch, I can't imagine how much more pain Christ is in as He watches what His own daughter is doing to herself.

It's still my finals week right now, so I really should be getting back to my schoolwork, but this is a much longer talk from former model Lead Darrow that may be good. I know I said I want a short talk, but maybe she's down for something longer, or maybe I can tell her to start the video at a certain time. Please give me feedback for what would be best, from any of these videos, or from anything you already know of.

This is the link to a website I may send along with a video; give her something short to watch, and a website to spend some time on, if she so desires.

About Us - Women Made New

From that website, here's a letter to women: Letter to Women - Women Made New

I also hope & pray, even if this doesn't do anything for the girl I was talking to, God will still use all this to guide one of you to something you or someone you know could use. I know, I can't shake how confident I am in this, that God will take something from this experience to transform someone; please give Him the chance.

 

[Phronema]

I promised that if she ever needs to talk, I'll be here for her. She immediately said no, she just wants me to give her pleasure. After a little more like this, when it was evident I wasn't going to do it, she just said bye. I wished her a good night & promised to keep her in my prayers...please take a moment to pray for her now, it's what she really needs.

I can appreciate the moral of the story, and how you responded to her, but quite frankly it seems/sounds as if this person was likely a scammer of some sort. It seems very highly unlikely that an attractive young woman would be searching for random men on FB to video chat with for the purposes the person claimed. In all likelihood a young woman would be able to find a young man to reciprocate the attention in person quite honestly.

That being said God Bless you for seeing women as sisters in Christ. To me they are made in the image of the Holy Theotokos; the prototypical woman. As such women are our sisters in Christ, and should be treated as such though not everyone would agree, or acts as such.

In addition you mentioned preparing for Christmas as a liturgical Christian. I would say fasting. The Nativity Fast is ongoing at the moment, and fasting is a great way to prepare for Christmas. It helps us to hone our spiritual discipline, and we see it both in the Holy Scriptures when Christ fasted, and in the early Church Fathers. Of course during times of fasting we are to pray more, read the Holy Scriptures more, and read the Church Fathers/Mothers more to bring ourselves closer to Christ. Though this may differ as a Roman Catholic, but since you asked that's my two cents

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

I can appreciate the moral of the story, and how you responded to her, but quite frankly it seems/sounds as if this person was likely a scammer of some sort.

This did cross my mind, and I suppose it was entirely possible, though she had various photos of herself with friends on her page. Whatever the motive, she was, as you said so well:

That being said God Bless you for seeing women as sisters in Christ. To me they are made in the image of the Holy Theotokos; the prototypical woman. As such women are our sisters in Christ, and should be treated as such though not everyone would agree, or acts as such.

It's interesting that you mention the wonderful Theotokos (for anyone reading who doesn't know, theotokos is a Greek term for "Mother of God"). This morning, my head still in a whirl from what happened, a gentle reminder was whispered to me: "Whatever you do to the least of my people, that you do to Me." Paige was the girl in mind when all this happened, but I realized that, in a mystical way, I protected the dignity of Jesus Christ. Amazing! I'm sure His mother would be happy about that.

Though this may differ as a Roman Catholic, but since you asked that's my two cents

Appreciated. I'm actually drifting between Roman & Byzantine Catholicism, so from the Eastern Catholics, I know of Philip's Fast leading up to Christmas. I will keep your advice in mind, thank you.

 

[RaymondG]

I believe you are putting too much thought into this situation. But, by all means, continue to do so, if it helps you feel better about yourself and your treatment of others.....which seems to be the case.

Yet in reality, this, most likely was not a pretty young lady, desiring to show herself to you.. It was a Bouncer/DJ at the Krusty Krab in Vatican City, who studied wizardry for 57 years.

I would advise not to continue to try to contact this person......who only desires to give you physical pleasure.....and try to refrain from adding "friends" and accepting conversations from people you do not know.

 

[bèlla]

Alex,

I love the way you handled yourself and the respect you showed for her. I've known my share of girls like Paige. It sullies your beauty. I've met men who like dolls and trophies. Beyond the physical. It's a slippery slope.

As for the person, she could have been a cam girl and had a paid service elsewhere. They're very popular. I don't think the situation was a coincidence. You've advocated against sex-trafficking and you encountered another form of exploitation. Sometimes self-inflicted or at the behest of others.

Contact the XXX Church and share your experience. Ask for resources. They've ministered to prostitutes in the past. They'd know where to point you. At the very least, you'll have information you can reference later on.

God bless.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Kenny'sID]

I dont even answer those, especially after being aproached by a couple of males as well as clearly loose women.

What did her FB page look like? A lot of those are looking for a business proposition, and you are the one who pays.

 

[Sketcher]

There's a lot you don't know here.

Maybe she really is who she says she is.

Maybe she's a minor.

Maybe she's trafficked and being forced to do what she's doing.

Maybe she's really a man doing this for amusement.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

What did her FB page look like? A lot of those are looking for a business proposition, and you are the one who pays.

Just some pictures of a girl with her friends.

There's a lot you don't know here.

Maybe she really is who she says she is.

Maybe she's a minor.

Maybe she's trafficked and being forced to do what she's doing.

Maybe she's really a man doing this for amusement.

Whatever the reasons, or whoever she was, I stand by what I said. I suppose it'll really confuse the person, in the best possible way. Considering people being stuck at home from Covid, that adds extra credibility to the idea that this might be someone just looking for a little excitement. I heard from a conference with Shared Hope International that the most popular apps during the pandemic have been social media chat apps, with increasing favor on "random chat" apps. This told the people analyzing the app store that people are bored, more adventurous than usual, and not too worried about who it is they talk to.

There's really no way for me to know for sure; all I know is that there was a real person on the other end & that person is someone who needs prayers.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Just some pictures of a girl with her friends.


Whatever the reasons, or whoever she was, I stand by what I said. I suppose it'll really confuse the person, in the best possible way. Considering people being stuck at home from Covid, that adds extra credibility to the idea that this might be someone just looking for a little excitement. I heard from a conference with Shared Hope International that the most popular apps during the pandemic have been social media chat apps, with increasing favor on "random chat" apps. This told the people analyzing the app store that people are bored, more adventurous than usual, and not too worried about who it is they talk to.

There's really no way for me to know for sure; all I know is that there was a real person on the other end & that person is someone who needs prayers.

K, sounds relatively normal.