how far is too far?

[pipsqueek]

My boyfriend and i of 2 1/2 years agree that we are not going to have sex untill we are married, and we agree oral sex is wrong. But what about all that other stuff? Is stuff like fingering wrong? Need help!

 

[ben14826]

Fingering may or may not be wrong, but I know one thing to be true. If you let him finger you, You're going to be ten times more likely to have it lead to sex. I know firsthand how hard it is to remain abstinent, but it is possible, and it is defineitely the right thing to do. Ask the Lord for his support with the issue, and don't do anything that you know will make you want to have sex even more. If you need more help PM me.

 

[wikawika]

The best thing I have ever read on this type of stuff discussed touching and other issues and what it said is...if you are doing things with other people or to your own body that produce a reaction to what you should get from Sex it may not be right...reason being the reactions associated with sex were designed to be experienced in the context of marriage.... and its true everything you are doing you should look at and say okay is this going to help or hinder me...and like the previous post said (even though I have no idea) will likely hinder your committment to stay pure... Take Care

 

[wikawika]

There is never a clear cut thing to what is right ...what is too far...but typically if you are asking and have reservations it may not be a good idea...also as a book by rebecca st james said if you want a clear cut rule typically an area that would be covered by a bathing suit should be off bounds ...again as these are body parts god designed for pleasure...again, within marriage

Again...i hope this doesnt sound nagging...I just usually take note when I read other stuff on issues that can effect alot of christians...

 

[Blank123]

i'll ask you the same question i ask the girls in the teens forum. if you're not planning on having sex what will becoming physical do for your relationship aside from leading one or both of your minds to places they shouldn't go and to temptation?

our lives should be lived in worship to God and i don't see how our relationships are any different. That may be something else to keep in mind when wondering about how far is too far; ask yourself if what you're doing is glorifying God or not.

 

[pipsqueek]

Personally, I think messing around does not glorifie God, because it's playing with temptation. My boyfriend, however thinks it's okay because we're not disobeying God, and we're doing it out of love, not lust. (Now, when i say "messing around" I mean doing things like humping and touching eachother in inappropriate places). We disagree a lot on this subject. How can I convince him that we shouldn't be doing this? Does anyone know of any scripture that relates to this.
I really appreciate all the help by the way, and I'm open to anyone else's opinion!

 

[aggiebob]

Personally, I think messing around does not glorifie God, because it's playing with temptation. My boyfriend, however thinks it's okay because we're not disobeying God, and we're doing it out of love, not lust. (Now, when i say "messing around" I mean doing things like humping and touching eachother in inappropriate places). We disagree a lot on this subject. How can I convince him that we shouldn't be doing this? Does anyone know of any scripture that relates to this.
I really appreciate all the help by the way, and I'm open to anyone else's opinion!

If what ever you are doing is creating a lust in either of y'all's minds, then it should probably be stopped right there. Also sex is a broad term. It encompasses ANY type of intercourse. With hand, with mouth, etc. I used to think the same way your bf does, until I read more into what that was making me feel and what it was doing to my relationships.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Personally, I think messing around does not glorifie God, because it's playing with temptation. My boyfriend, however thinks it's okay because we're not disobeying God, and we're doing it out of love, not lust. (Now, when i say "messing around" I mean doing things like humping and touching eachother in inappropriate places). We disagree a lot on this subject. How can I convince him that we shouldn't be doing this? Does anyone know of any scripture that relates to this.
I really appreciate all the help by the way, and I'm open to anyone else's opinion!

Ok, as far as boundaries go you have to set them for yourselves because there is nothing clear-cut, but God does want us to stay pure, and not just physically, but also in our thought life. You need to truly ask yourself what your motivation is for doing the things you are doing. You may not think you're lusting, but you really need to make sure you aren't allowing yourself to be deceived. Now, as far as convincing your bf about how far is ok to go. First of all, you need to decide what boundaries you want in place, and he should decide the same. Then once you both have a "list" (meaning you don't have to write it down, but it wouldn't hurt), you should discuss it. Generally (guys don't take this wrong), girls are more conservative on their boundaries, and if they guy truly loves and cares for you he will find your boundaries worth sticking too. If he isn't willing to do this for you, there are probably many other things he won't be willing to do for you, and his motives for "messing around" are most likely not pure. If you have any questions or if this is confusing I'm sorry, please PM me. Hope you can work things out according to God's will, and pray pray pray...

 

[Christiangal01]

Can you let your mom and dad let you see what you want to do?
That's the principle I take

I say to safeguard your heart, don't do the fingering

 

[Christiangal01]

I say amen to what Squirrelz15 said above!

 

[wiggbuggie]

scripture tells us to flee from any kind of sexual immorality because our bodies are temples of the living God and we do not own our bodies. And you cannot expose your privates to another person who is not your wife or husband. So the best thing to do is pray to the father for help to fight temptation and safe everything for marriage

 

[Kezzatinkerbellfairy]

Okay, so I'm going from the very first post here. I would say
#1 You're asking the wrong questions. The fact that you are asking that shows that you need to look at your relationships. What are you in it for? What does God think?

#2 Ask your youth pastor! It's gonna be so much easier to get an answer than asking on a forum with no one you know.

x

 

[Christiangal01]

Also,
you are enjoying the fruits of sexual acts before you are married...

 

[Ba]

Personally, I think messing around does not glorifie God, because it's playing with temptation. My boyfriend, however thinks it's okay because we're not disobeying God, and we're doing it out of love, not lust. (Now, when i say "messing around" I mean doing things like humping and touching eachother in inappropriate places). We disagree a lot on this subject. How can I convince him that we shouldn't be doing this? Does anyone know of any scripture that relates to this.
I really appreciate all the help by the way, and I'm open to anyone else's opinion!

Pip,
You have to stand up for what you believe in. You should not have to convince him it is wrong, he should respect you enough not to proceed along that path.

It can be very difficult to find that area where you've gone to far. Each time you go down that road you may be tempted to take it a little further, then a little further. The next thing you know you pass that line and left it way behind.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

It is a pretty clear cut scripture. Fingering, dry humping, mutual masturbation...Guess what....Flee and flee fast they will lead to more trust me.

 

[sunshinejennii]

Once you are touching each other genitals, or causing a certain level of sexual excitement to each other, you are, to my mind, sexually active. A lot of people say they are virgins but what they mean is they are technically virgins because no intercourse has occurred. Also, if you believe oral sex is wrong, why is touching each other any better?

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

There is much debate in christian circles what constitutes a virgin..I veer away from such talk my concern is not whether I have remained a 'virgin;' definitions vary and I think chastity is more than that,it is about what goes on in the mind. Some people may never have touched another but they have fantasised extensively about sex moreso than someone who has done the act. It is more to do with remaining PURE in body AND in mind..that is my standard. This makes me think twice about even kissing someone if is likely to stir up lustful feelings. Yes definitions of purity vary as well... but to me its very clear!
NB purity can be achieved through God in 'virgins' and 'non virgins' alike!yay!
Peace out

 

[RebornSinner]

I was actually sitting in on a Sunday school class for young men (out of highschool), while I was down visiting my girlfriend. The teacher just happened to be her father. We were talking about Jesus's second coming and how we should be prepared for Him to come back at any time. And then he said this, "I don't ever do anything that I wouldn't want Jesus to come back and see me doing." For me, that was very convicting. We also looked at some scripture (1 John 1:6, and others), that talked about how evil deeds are always done in darkness, and in places where others can't see them. And how we need to walk in the light and not hide anything we do. If you wouldn't do those things in front of other people, they are meant for marriage. My g/f and I are still struggling everyday to remain pure. For us, it is not easy, but we keep the fight up. I hope this helps ya.

 

[pebblesflintstone]

Look at what King Solomon wrote:
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" 5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Now lets keep on reading proverbs 5:7-23.. I included the verses below...
"7Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.

8Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:
9Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:
10Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger;
11And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed,
12And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;
13And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!
14I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly.
15Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
16Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
17Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
18Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
20And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
21For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.
22His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 23He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray."


Ok notice here, it talks about two different types of women, an adulteress, and a wife, the scriptures clearly state not to fool around with temptation.. verse 8 states "Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house.." the wise should run from temptation, not entice it or play with it just like scripture says...These verses are extreamely powerful, atleast to what I comprehend, here is a young man, with a choice to make, either go after a strange woman or the wife of his youth, his wife.... the Lord clearly reveals through verse 18-20 to stick to what is YOURS.. clearly if you continue reading it explains "21For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings."
<br>
therefore knowing this, we should most certainly flee from all types of physical contact not to fall into sin, easier said then done, but the LORD has equipped us and has given us enough self control to achieve it, my advice is to most certainly take care of yourselve, physically, spiritually, and mentally... and this is a choice you make everyday.... so my two cents on this issue is keep as spiritual as possible, and prayer is key...
...hoped that helped!

 

[Hediru]

I'll make this brief. General rule that my bf and I stick to: would we be ashamed if our future children found out that we did this before we were married? Would we be uncomfortable if our parents found out? If the answer is yes to either question, we don't do that thing. I know that we should focus on God's will, but sometimes its easier to put things in perspectives we actually understand.

 

[keyz]

Matthew 5:8 - Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Perhaps you're asking the wrong question. Maybe the better question is, "How do I have a pure heart?"