How do you remain "child-free"?

[Gwendolyn]

Hello everyone. I was having a discussion on a related topic on another board. I was just wondering, for those of you who are certain that you don't want to ever have children, how many of you are sterilised.

And, if you are sterilised, at what age did you seek sterilisation? Were you already married? How many doctors did you go to before you found one who agreed to perform the surgery?

If you are not sterilised, and are merely on birth control, how do you cope with the possibility - however small - of the birth control failing and a child being conceived?

Thanks for your responses.

 

[LoisGriffin]

Well I have recently got an IUD so thats good for 5 years.

I have very irregular periods so am fairly confident that accidents wouldn't happen anyway.

 

[snoochface]

My husband was fixed after the birth of his second child. Let's see, he would have been maybe 27, 28 at the time? Younger than 30 anyway.

By the time I married him, I knew I didn't want kids. I had been on birth control pills for 13, 14 years by that time. There was very little chance of an accident happening, but if it had, I think it would have been pretty clear that it was God's will for us to have a baby after all that, LOL. So... we would have had a baby.

But in Feb 2006, I had a hysterectomy for medical reasons. It was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. My life is much easier now, and we have absolutely no worries that there will be any pregnancy surprises.

 

[MissBabylon]

Sterilization can fail, too.

Still, I'm not afraid of a surprise pregnancy. If despite our efforts I still get pregnant, I'll accept that and accept the child in our family. I was never afraid when I was on the pill.

My husband got a vasectomy last year, after 4 years of marriage, at age 41. Looking back I wish we had made that decision earlier. I have objections against the pill for medical reasons (it increases the chance on blood clots, breast cancer, and high blood pressure, to name a few things), and I wish I hadn't "polluted" my body with it for several years. Especially because of the blood clots and high blood pressure, which run in my family.

If I could do it all over again, I would use condoms the first year, and then get a vasectomy or tubal ligation (vasectomy is a lower risk procedure, so that would be my first choice - but not all husbands are excited about it) after one year of marriage. One year was enough in our case - we weren't that young when we got married, and we knew we were definitely childfree by then.

I would not get sterilized before marriage, because sometimes the wish to be childfree is dependent on a certain person (I didn't even know I was childfree before I met my husband - I think at first you need to know who you want to marry; marriage is a special vocation, you're called to marry this specific person, you're not called to marriage in general-doesn't-matter-who), and what if you break up and meet someone else who is your perfect mate but who does want children?

(Many people will not change their mind about this, but some will.)

The first doctor we went to performed the surgery, no questions asked. I think that's because
1. my husband was 41, which isn't young.
2. this isn't North America, we're not a sueing nation.
3. my husband is male, LOL. I think it's harder for a woman to get a tubal.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Hello everyone. I was having a discussion on a related topic on another board. I was just wondering, for those of you who are certain that you don't want to ever have children, how many of you are sterilised.

Funny you should ask, I have been considering sterilization very heavily lately. But I am not. Yet.

If you are not sterilised, and are merely on birth control, how do you cope with the possibility - however small - of the birth control failing and a child being conceived?

I'm on the BC pill, which is just as effective as any tubal ligation funny enough. Sterilization is only about %99.5 to 99.9% effective... same with the pill.

If I got sterilized, I'd still continue using the pill, that should just about cover it.

How would I "cope"? Adoption or abortion. My husband (who is supportive mind you) seems fairly certain that he couldn't have a child and give it up for adoption, sooo... process of elimination I guess. I just can't handle a child. It would be devestating. I've already been through this once before (I do have a daughter, from a previous marriage, whom I have no involvement with by my choice)

 

[HeyHomie]

I am "fixed." I got a vasectomy at age, oh, 34 or 35, somewhere in there. The first doctor I went to agreed to it. I played a pretty good angle with him: I asked him, which would my HMO (his employer) rather pay for, a vasectomy or childbirth? He signed the authorization on the spot.

If we did have an accident, we would love the child and do our best to raise him/her as Christian parents.

 

[127.0.0.1]

How do you remain "child-free"?

Simple, avoid children.

 

[Meep]

Simple, avoid children.

^ winner!

 

[Rembrandtfan]

DH got fixed in 1997. I had a hysterectomy 3 months ago which was medically necessary and would have eventually became an emergency. No pregnancies will happen here.

 

[Gwendolyn]

Simple, avoid children.

Smartypants if you read my actual post, I was asking who here had been sterilised, and at what age they had been sterilised. And secondly, if they remain on birth control, I asked how they dealt with the possibility of the birth control failing and a child being conceived regardless of their efforts.

I was just wondering if anyone had been sterilised in their 20s, before children or after 1 child... or if, despite your convictions and being honest with the doctor, your doctors have refused and told you that they won't sterilise until you're in your mid- to late-thirties or something.

 

[Rebekka]

I was just wondering if anyone had been sterilised in their 20s, before children or after 1 child... or if, despite your convictions and being honest with the doctor, your doctors have refused and told you that they won't sterilise until you're in your mid- to late-thirties or something.

Well, I can't speak for myself as my husband was over 40 when he got the snip, but a friend of mine said she couldn't get her tubes tied before she was 30, and she already had two children. She wanted a tubal when she was 27 or 28 I believe (after #2 was born), but she had to wait.

It really depends on the doctor though, because I know of people who got sterilized at a younger age. It seems that doctors have more objections to sterilizing women under 30 than men under 30 - I don't know if that's because of reversal success or because they assume women will change their mind sooner (because all women want children deep down ).

We were lucky with our first doctor, but if we hadn't been, we would have searched until we found one - eventually there will be a doctor who will do it.


When my husband was undergoing the procedure, the nurse chitchatted with him to distract him from the pain, and she asked him what he did for a living, and what I did. He answered that I had just finished my masters degree. Then the nurse asked him, almost in awe, how I had managed to finish my degree while taking care of the children. "We don't have any," my husband replied. "What, not even one?", the nurse asked, very surprised. Then after a while she said, "Well, that's an option too." It obviously hadn't crossed her mind that not all vasectomies are for dads. But the doctor wasn't surprised, and didn't ask. My husband had called for an appointment, and they gave him a date for the procedure - no questions asked. (We had had a talk with our family doctor first - but looking back that wasn't even necessary, as the hospital didn't ask for references.)

 

[jelvenko]

Well for us it's a little bit different. Yes, we are currently child-free and plan on being that way for at least another 3 years. But we do eventually want to have children. (Right now it's not possible due to our living situation, he just started a new job, I'm a full time student... So having kids now would be difficult for us to handle.)

I'm on the pill so we don't have an oops. And we also use the pull out method. I know it's not 100%, but between the two we haven't had any kids yet.

If by some chance I were to get pregnant now, we would still love the baby. It would be much more difficult though. Which is why we're waiting until I graduate from college and we get settled down somewhere. (Currently living with his mom. Plus we both hate living in FL so we want to move back north after I graduate.)

We're child-free right now because of our situation we're in. Maybe if things were different and a little more stable we would consider having kids now. But it's going to be at least another 3 years before we do that.

 

[Nella Fantasia]

If you are not sterilised, and are merely on birth control, how do you cope with the possibility - however small - of the birth control failing and a child being conceived?

I try not to think about it. But if it were to happen, I'd want to give the child up for adoption.

 

[Oblivious]

I was on the BC pill for about 3 years and got sick of some of the side effects. Plus I didn't always trust it to work 100% (thank God it did!). I finally told my DH it was either going to be him or me. So after doing the research and seeing that a vasectomy was much less risky than a tubal ligation, the DH had the snip-snip done.

 

[Epoh99]

Hi everyone! I rarely come on here but was bored so thought I'd check it out. Thought I'd throw in my experience.

My husband had no problems getting a vasectomy. He was 27, I was 19, and we weren't married yet. He told the dr. we didn't want kids, he got snipped, easy as that.

I've never been on birth control and it's been 9 1/2 years since his vasectomy.. Sure I've had many fears that I was pregnant or that the procedure may come undone but I'm a worrier anyway.

If I got pregnant my husband would first of all wonder who's it was. We would definitely keep the baby. There would be no other options for us.

 

[127.0.0.1]

Hi everyone!

Hi!

We would definitely keep the baby. There would be no other options for us.

Just curious, why is adoption not an option?

You can slap me...if I've traveled beyond the warm fuzzy meadow.

 

[Epoh99]

Just curious, why is adoption not an option?

You can slap me...if I've traveled beyond the warm fuzzy meadow.

I just couldn't. There's no way I could go through the trauma of being pregnant and giving birth just to give up the baby. I think adoption is great and am all for it...I just personally couldn't give up a baby for adoption. I really admire people who are able to. Make sense?

 

[127.0.0.1]

Smartypants

Well. I'm not sterilized (yet). But then...I don't have a partner either. So...for me, atm, staying child-free is fairly easy.

 

[Epoh99]

I would think that with as many people as there are in the world doctors wouldn't care if a small amount of the population asked to be sterilized. I'm always surprised when I hear or read people who have docs who won't, for example, perform a vasectomy on a guy until he's much older or already had kids.

That reminds me of what a co-worker said about over-population.

This lady at work told me she chose to only have one child because the world is over-populated and how her mother still gives her a hard time (the only child is now an adult) about only having one child. I figured I'd be safe telling this co-worker I was childfree not only because of her comment to me but also because she is very open-minded. Wrong! You should have seen the look on her face when I told her I was childfree and my MIL still doesn't like me after almost 11 yrs because of it. She said, "You're not having ANY children? Well I can see why your MIL is upset. How do your parents feel?"

What?!?!?! I was so surprised at her reaction and I kind of joked, "I'm just helping out the over-population situation." And she looked at me like I was nuts. Sigh.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Just curious, why is adoption not an option?

Just so you know, my husband doesn't feel he could give up a baby after it was born (though he'd do whatever had to be done I'm sure if the situation warranted it). And my ex husband? Forced me to keep the child that I bore, he threatened to divorce me back then if I tried to give her up for adoption (a divorce which happened anyway!).

So adoption isn't an option for a lot of people for whatever reason. I can sort of see the other side of things but frankly I don't subscribe to it. I'd love to see a child of mine raised in a loving home.

I would think that with as many people as there are in the world doctors wouldn't care if a small amount of the population asked to be sterilized.

It isn't that.

It's that a huge percentage of women and men getting sterilized young or without having children first end up wanting it reversed. And surgery is NOT a toy, you know? Especially for women, it is major, invasive, surgery. Doctors need patients to understand that sterilization is to be considered permanent -- but they never do think of it this way.

I feel like people getting frivalous sterilizations though have ruined my chances of having one blah.