How do I know if I was molested? *trigger*

[never4now]

I have had no luck finding counselors or anyone for free. I looked at some info for a huge church near me but they charge $150/hr. I can't afford to really pay anything right now. I am hoping to start meeting with a woman in my church soon as a mentor but I want to also get counseling specifically for the sexual issues. I don't really know where else to look because I want Biblical counseling only.

 

[Johnnz]

Don't shut out the possibility of good non Christian counselling. Sometimes it's the comfort and support you feel with someone that makes the most difference rather than being Christian or non Christian.

John
NZ

 

[ADandT]

My experiences have been strangely similar to yours up until around 14 I guess. I reacted differently because i'm male, but your description of your childhood sounds exactly like mine. Putting my attention towards trying to remember what happened to me never seems to get me anywhere, and I constantly flip back and forth between being sure that I was molested and wanting to do something about it, and wondering if I just imagined it or it was insignificant and not worth worrying about. I've tried to tell my dad, but he seems angry at me for bringing it up and basically causing problems. My brother was hospitalized after a breakdown, apparently he was facing these memories and became manic and then threatened suicide. The only reason I know is because they looked at his phone records and found a minute and a half conversation with a convicted rapist he spent some time alone with. My brother and I both were watched by a neighbor who used to have snack time alone in the kitchen with each the kids. I feel like if I could remember what happened I would be able to deal with it. But not knowing leaves me feeling like I have no where to go with the anger and dissapointment. I have been seeing a therapist and her perspective is helpful, but even the best advice doesn't help me understand what made me who i am