Homosexual brother is angry with me and refuses to understand

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

?

 

[Dusky Mouse]

How could you apologize for hoping to save your brothers soul?

He won't understand because he is comfortable in his sin. And like all sinners it feels good, it feels right.
You are reminding him that it is not. Rather than condone his desire to send himself straight to Hell, you love him enough not to tolerate the abomination of a gay mockery of marriage that officiates his pride in being a sinner who, if he dies the moment of his vows completion, is damned for all eternity.

That you stay strong in your faith will weigh on your brother. And who knows, when you aren't there on what he sees as his special day you'll perhaps influence him to change his ways.

May God's strength hold you to the path you've chosen in this regard. It takes a lot of faith to hold to scripture in the midst of something like this with family. When you know he's so wrong in what he's doing you stand as a role model. Whether he knows that now or not.
God bless you. And may God be with your brother as well. That his heart open to the truth of the Lord.

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Alright. So apparently I need to throw the whole story out here. Some on CF know. I will, however, keep it brief and keep many of the nasty details out of it.

My brother and I were raised in an abusive household. Our stepfather sexually, physically, and emotionally abused us. I personally was physically abused far more than my brother was, but unknown to me at the time, my brother was being sexually abused daily; which involved penetration, oral sex, and my stepfather web-camming with ladies behind my mother's back while my brother sat under his desk and took care of him, if you will. The only time I was sexually abused, was when I was maybe 5 or 6, and my brother was 4 or 5. My stepfather made my brother give me oral sex while I gave my stepfather oral sex.

There's a lot more to it, but that's all we're getting into.

Eventually my brother came out as gay, and I was made aware of all the sexual abuse that happened that was unknown to me. He said he was probably gay because of everything that happened. He simply has zero attraction to females. My brother ultimately went to worldy route, and I the Christian route. We are the best of friends, I completely accept him for who he is, and I never condemn nor judge him. I meet and become friends with his boyfriends. I have many gay friends through him.

HOWEVER, marriage is where I, as a Christian, have to draw the line. To go and to celebrate two men joining in marriage, which God says is between a man and a woman, is just wrong. I can't be alright with this. I can't go and celebrate it with them. I can't be his best man and watch him join in an ungodly union with a man. It's not ever marriage. It's make believe.

So Traveler, you know nothing of my position. K, thanks, bye.

 

[TillICollapse]

How could you apologize for hoping to save your brothers soul?

He won't understand because he is comfortable in his sin. And like all sinners it feels good, it feels right.
You are reminding him that it is not. Rather than condone his desire to send himself straight to Hell, you love him enough not to tolerate the abomination of a gay mockery of marriage that officiates his pride in being a sinner who, if he dies the moment of his vows completion, is damned for all eternity.

That you stay strong in your faith will weigh on your brother. And who knows, when you aren't there on what he sees as his special day you'll perhaps influence him to change his ways.

May God's strength hold you to the path you've chosen in this regard. It takes a lot of faith to hold to scripture in the midst of something like this with family. When you know he's so wrong in what he's doing you stand as a role model. Whether he knows that now or not.
God bless you. And may God be with your brother as well. That his heart open to the truth of the Lord.

Not to derail, but I wanted to ask ... and you don't have to answer if you don't wish to of course ... have you ever tried to trade places with someone whom you thought was going to go to hell ? IOW, there was a person you thought was going to go to hell for whatever reason, and so that they wouldn't go to hell and/or suffer, you stood in the gap to the degree that you offered your very life and eternal standing so that they may go free and not suffer ... free as in, FREE. Even if they took the gift you offered them and threw it on the ground, you still did this out of love for them, or whatever your reasons ? Just curious. I'm not being rhetorical, I'm being serious.

 

[TillICollapse]

Alright. So apparently I need to throw the whole story out here. Some on CF know. I will, however, keep it brief and keep many of the nasty details out of it.

My brother and I were raised in an abusive household. Our stepfather sexually, physically, and emotionally abused us. I personally was physically abused far more than my brother was, but unknown to me at the time, my brother was being sexually abused daily; which involved penetration, oral sex, and my stepfather web-camming with ladies behind my mother's back while my brother sat under his desk and took care of him, if you will. The only time I was sexually abused, was when I was maybe 5 or 6, and my brother was 4 or 5. My stepfather made my brother give me oral sex while I gave my stepfather oral sex.

There's a lot more to it, but that's all we're getting into.

Eventually my brother came out as gay, and I was made aware of all the sexual abuse that happened that was unknown to me. He said he was probably gay because of everything that happened. He simply has zero attraction to females. My brother ultimately went to worldy route, and I the Christian route. We are the best of friends, I completely accept him for who he is, and I never condemn nor judge him. I meet and become friends with his boyfriends. I have many gay friends through him.

HOWEVER, marriage is where I, as a Christian, have to draw the line. To go and to celebrate two men joining in marriage, which God says is between a man and a woman, is just wrong. I can't be alright with this. I can't go and celebrate it with them. I can't be his best man and watch him join in an ungodly union with a man. It's not ever marriage. It's make believe.

So Traveler, you know nothing of my position. K, thanks, bye.

That's horrific. I did not experience that, however I experienced a different set of horrors.

I thought your OP issue was more of a cognitive dissonance issue about the "I want to take a stand for God against this homosexual unbelieving relative and he doesn't respect my stance," however I think it may be something more personal.

I think that maybe it's a *violation* issue, and your brother either gets it and understands it, or doesn't get it and doesn't understand it. Whether he's mocking you, trying to test you, hurt because you will be choosing a path he views as separating you from him, whatever ... it may be an issue of learning to respect boundaries. You have your boundaries, of the life you are trying to live ... he has his. Asking you to go against your own boundaries, is in a way ... asking you to be violated for his sake. Maybe he hasn't learned the same boundaries yet when it comes to those he cares about ... i.e. you.

If it violates your boundaries, perhaps instead of telling him, "I'm taking a stand for God," or some variation thereof ... try and get him to understand that you have your own life, and going against something you are trying to build in your life will violate you, and you don't want him to try and force you into such situations. If he can respect that, and understand .... your relationship can eventually mature and grow and perhaps even if he's initially hurt, he'll eventually grow to see the value of respecting each other's boundaries. If he doesn't, well ... someone is going to be hurt. You, him, someone.

I hope I'm not out of line with the perspective that he's basically trying to, either knowingly or unknowingly, get you to violate your own personal boundaries which you currently hold dear.

You don't have to let someone violate you, to show them you love them. Perhaps that is a language he is still speaking, but doesn't realize it. It is a very hard language for victims of abuse to get over Again, I hope I'm not getting too personal now, or speaking out of line. If so, I have no problem deleting the post.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Alright. So apparently I need to throw the whole story out here. Some on CF know. I will, however, keep it brief and keep many of the nasty details out of it.

My brother and I were raised in an abusive household. Our stepfather sexually, physically, and emotionally abused us. I personally was physically abused far more than my brother was, but unknown to me at the time, my brother was being sexually abused daily; which involved penetration, oral sex, and my stepfather web-camming with ladies behind my mother's back while my brother sat under his desk and took care of him, if you will. The only time I was sexually abused, was when I was maybe 5 or 6, and my brother was 4 or 5. My stepfather made my brother give me oral sex while I gave my stepfather oral sex.

There's a lot more to it, but that's all we're getting into.

Eventually my brother came out as gay, and I was made aware of all the sexual abuse that happened that was unknown to me. He said he was probably gay because of everything that happened. He simply has zero attraction to females. My brother ultimately went to worldy route, and I the Christian route. We are the best of friends, I completely accept him for who he is, and I never condemn nor judge him. I meet and become friends with his boyfriends. I have many gay friends through him.

HOWEVER, marriage is where I, as a Christian, have to draw the line. To go and to celebrate two men joining in marriage, which God says is between a man and a woman, is just wrong. I can't be alright with this. I can't go and celebrate it with them. I can't be his best man and watch him join in an ungodly union with a man. It's not ever marriage. It's make believe.

So Traveler, you know nothing of my position. K, thanks, bye.

my apologies.

I didnt realize your background.

as for your brother's wedding, dont attend if your dont want to.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

That's alright. A lot of people want to instantly assume it's the typical "ewww, gays" position that many Christians tend to take. But it's not. It's so much more. It is, in my eyes, genuinely wrong to go to the wedding and ultimately support what is so clearly not of God.

 

[Inkachu]

Alright. So apparently I need to throw the whole story out here. Some on CF know. I will, however, keep it brief and keep many of the nasty details out of it.

My brother and I were raised in an abusive household. Our stepfather sexually, physically, and emotionally abused us. I personally was physically abused far more than my brother was, but unknown to me at the time, my brother was being sexually abused daily; which involved penetration, oral sex, and my stepfather web-camming with ladies behind my mother's back while my brother sat under his desk and took care of him, if you will. The only time I was sexually abused, was when I was maybe 5 or 6, and my brother was 4 or 5. My stepfather made my brother give me oral sex while I gave my stepfather oral sex.

There's a lot more to it, but that's all we're getting into.

Eventually my brother came out as gay, and I was made aware of all the sexual abuse that happened that was unknown to me. He said he was probably gay because of everything that happened. He simply has zero attraction to females. My brother ultimately went to worldy route, and I the Christian route. We are the best of friends, I completely accept him for who he is, and I never condemn nor judge him. I meet and become friends with his boyfriends. I have many gay friends through him.

HOWEVER, marriage is where I, as a Christian, have to draw the line. To go and to celebrate two men joining in marriage, which God says is between a man and a woman, is just wrong. I can't be alright with this. I can't go and celebrate it with them. I can't be his best man and watch him join in an ungodly union with a man. It's not ever marriage. It's make believe.

So Traveler, you know nothing of my position. K, thanks, bye.

Hugs to you, Michael. Many times over. My heart breaks for what you and your brother endured.

You are correct in your stance on homosexuality and "gay marriage". Stay strong. It does not mean you hate your brother. It does not mean you think you're better than anyone else. These are the lies that will be thrown at you, to make you feel guilty. Anyone who truly knows and loves you will understand that you are following your own personal convictions about what's right; nothing more, nothing less.

I've learned that in most cases of homosexuality, there was some form of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction early in life. And believe it or not, this gives me hope that your brother may yet find healing, though when or how it may happen, only God knows. So keep loving him, be the good brother that you've been, but remember that your ultimate allegiance must be to God and only God.

 

[Inkachu]

That's alright. A lot of people want to instantly assume it's the typical "ewww, gays" position that many Christians tend to take. But it's not. It's so much more. It is, in my eyes, genuinely wrong to go to the wedding and ultimately support what is so clearly not of God.

Same here. People who don't understand are so quick to throw the word "homophobe" around, as if we're disgusted and irrationally terrified of homosexuals, which is completely NOT the case. They're human beings just like anyone else. Disagreeing with their choices does not mean you hate them or find them revolting. It's just easier for the other side to throw "hate" terms around, because it's lazier and easier to accuse someone of hating you. Then you don't have to think about the fact that maybe they have a point, and maybe they aren't monsters, and maybe you should listen to what they have to say.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

I've learned that in most cases of homosexuality, there was some form of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction early in life. And believe it or not, this gives me hope that your brother may yet find healing, though when or how it may happen, only God knows.

I have learnt that many Christian organizations seems to come up with inaccurate to distorted information on gay issues, including gays is caused by dysfunctions etc.

Most gays, in fact, do not come from a background of abuse.

 

[Inkachu]

I have learnt that many Christian organizations seems to come up with inaccurate to distorted information on gay issues, including gays is caused by dysfunctions etc.

Most gays, in fact, do not come from a background of abuse.

Traveler, I already know what you believe, hon. You're welcome to disagree with me. The truth is what it is, we don't need to argue about it. My statement wasn't aimed at you.

Also, notice that I didn't just say "abuse". I believe there are a myriad of factors that come into play with this issue. Abuse is just one of them. The common thing is that most of them happen during the formative years, sometimes earlier in childhood than can be recalled clearly as an adult. Things like neglect by the opposite-gender parent, abandonment, encouragement to indulge in opposite-gender traits, growing up around other homosexuals, and much more.

We're all born with a sinful nature, and we're all predisposed to certain behaviors, but it's what happens as we're developing (nature vs nurture) that determines much about who we'll be as adults.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Traveler, I already know what you believe, hon. You're welcome to disagree with me. The truth is what it is, we don't need to argue about it. My statement wasn't aimed at you, so there's no need to aim yours at me.

Also, notice that I didn't just say "abuse". I believe there are a myriad of factors that come into play with this issue. Abuse is just one of them. The common thing is that most of them happen during the formative years, sometimes earlier in childhood than can be recalled clearly as an adult.

forget it.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Traveler, I already know what you believe, hon. You're welcome to disagree with me. The truth is what it is, we don't need to argue about it. My statement wasn't aimed at you.

Also, notice that I didn't just say "abuse". I believe there are a myriad of factors that come into play with this issue. Abuse is just one of them. The common thing is that most of them happen during the formative years, sometimes earlier in childhood than can be recalled clearly as an adult. Things like neglect by the opposite-gender parent, abandonment, encouragement to indulge in opposite-gender traits, growing up around other homosexuals, and much more.

We're all born with a sinful nature, and we're all predisposed to certain behaviors, but it's what happens as we're developing (nature vs nurture) that determines much about who we'll be as adults.

you know what, forget it.

I know you well enough to know you are not coming from a place of malice.

but does that mean you are willing to do the right thing by examining information you came across in an objective manner to ensure you are not spreading "potentially" false information that could hurt others?

I dont see any evidences so far, but i have seen plently of evidences point to the contrary.

the official science position is that gay orientations could result from variety of factors, but it is not changable.

people like Exodus have just apologized for this particular position because it messed people up.

certainly a person can make the right choice regardless of who they are attracted to, but not the attraction itself.

I have pointed out earlier, this is not a neutral discussion between you and I in a sense that it does not affect you or me, or affected us equally.

it is a discussion that affect me but not yourself to the slightest.

So everytime you make any kind of irresponsible statements on gays, you are essentially on the offensive, and I am being forced to defend myself and people like me.

It is not different than if a non Japaneses person make a statement on something like " You Japanese are dishonest", if a person make a statement such as this, he/she can say whatever she wants, because it will not affect them, but what they say will affect me, hence i have the right to defend myself agaisnt any statements are potentially false hence slanderous.

 

[Two Scoops]

Christ Brings Division
34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’[e] 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

 

[Two Scoops]

Galatians 1:10
King James Version (KJV)

10 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ

 

[~Anastasia~]

That's alright. A lot of people want to instantly assume it's the typical "ewww, gays" position that many Christians tend to take. But it's not. It's so much more. It is, in my eyes, genuinely wrong to go to the wedding and ultimately support what is so clearly not of God.

I am so sorry for what you and your brother have suffered.

I didn't realize your reason for not wanting to go, not really. I did make wrong assumptions as well. I don't think anything I suggested would be any different, except I acknowledge you have more reasons than just your personal convictions not to go. I apologize if anything I said pained you in any way.

I pray for healing for both you and your brother.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

My reason for not wanting to go is still quite simple. God says no, so I have no choice but to follow my convictions and say no as well.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm feeling for your frustration right now, Michael. Despite the horrors that you and your brother endured, your reasons for not attending the ceremony aren't based on that. I, too, endured some horrific abuse as a kid, but it doesn't shape the decisions I make today as a woman. It has lingering affects, sure; everyone's childhood affects who they are as an adult. But to say that your reasons for taking this stand are based on childhood abuses or some sort of latent psychological resentment rather than what you've clearly stated - that you're taking a stand for God - is really offensive to me.

I think I'm gonna leave this thread alone for now. Anybody who'd like to talk further with me is free to PM me.

 

[~Anastasia~]

My reason for not wanting to go is still quite simple. God says no, so I have no choice but to follow my convictions and say no as well.

(Edited)
My thanks to Inkachu for pointing out I could have been offensive. If I have, please forgive me. It was not my intent, and I'm sorry.

 

[Emil Rez52]

Stand by your principles, just know you have one less brother as of now. It's all a matter of priorities.