Homosexual brother is angry with me and refuses to understand

[Sword of the Lord]

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

 

[Willie T]

You are only resting with God in this. Your brother can get over it if he chooses. But you can also do some praying about being in attendance..... God may have more in mind for the future.

 

[ValleyGal]

This passage came to mind when reading your OP (bolding mine):

1 Corinthians 5: 9-13a (NIV):
I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.

Your brother does not claim to be a Christian, so we cannot judge him by Christian standards. God will judge him when the time comes.

I am sure it's a painful reality for you that your brother's sexuality has come between you. I'm sure it's even more painful that he mocks your faith and is unsure about what he believes. I'm not saying this is the case (because I do not know you or the situation), but sometimes I think Christians are unaware that how we respond to people who are not Christians, really influences them more than we like to admit. For example, it might be wise to pray about the situation and ask God to reveal how you might have contributed to his mockery of your faith, by how you respond to his homosexuality. Pray that you will show the love the the Lord Jesus (sacrificial, serving, selfless love) to your brother "while he is yet a sinner" - this is how the Lord Jesus loved us - while we were yet sinners. Perhaps this love of Christ through you is what will eventually lead him to a Jesus.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Another thing that really bothered me was, he said that a few years ago I would have had no problems being his best man at his "big gay wedding". I told him that a few years ago I didn't know Jesus Christ. He said that he wishes I would have never came to know him.

 

[dogs4thewin]

just pray for him and support him as a person is about all you can do.

 

[TillICollapse]

I've had homosexual friends, and one specifically who was a homosexual asked me to attend his wedding and be the photographer at it. Pretty much the only reason I didn't attend was because it was out of state and I didn't want to have to fly/etc ... otherwise, I would have attended and taken the photos.

I typically take it as an honor when unbelievers and "sinners" invite me into their personal lives, because who better to be present in their life than Jesus. And if they don't invite Jesus specifically, well they invited me ... and I am thus representing His family.

I didn't always have that perspective however ... many years ago, I was caught up in the "But I can't get unclean ! I can't be with the unclean because I'll get myself dirty in the eyes of the Lord and I can't support such a sinful world !" but luckily, I experienced the Love of Christ through even the "unclean", and I realized my error. If I am of Christ, and they share even a simple cup of cold water with me, I *actually* experience the Love of Christ. When they invite me into their personal lives, and where their treasure is .... I experience the love of Christ and it's beautiful to me. They may as well be loving Jesus through me, because that's how I experience it with them.

Believers, as stated above, are often another matter, however. Believers often have so many rules and regulations surrounding their lives I find I experience something different unfortunately.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

 

[dogs4thewin]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

maybe could you see Him in a saloon on a Friday night at midnight?

 

[ValleyGal]

Another thing that really bothered me was, he said that a few years ago I would have had no problems being his best man at his "big gay wedding". I told him that a few years ago I didn't know Jesus Christ. He said that he wishes I would have never came to know him.

This is really, really painful. My dad expressed his regret over raising me as a Christian because he thinks I "took it too seriously." It is really, really painful when your own family speaks against the values that you hold so dear. I'm sorry this is such a struggle in your family.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Another way to put it is, you attend a wedding to celebrate the joining of a couple in holy matrimony. As a Christian, I know marriage is between a male and a female, and to celebrate the joining of same sex couples does nothing but encourage them. I just can't do that. From this point, real Christian advice please.

What do you mean by the saloon comment?

 

[dogs4thewin]

Another way to put it is, you attend a wedding to celebrate the joining of a couple in holy matrimony. As a Christian, I know marriage is between a male and a female, and to celebrate the joining of same sex couples does nothing but encourage them. I just can't do that. From this point, real Christian advice please.

What do you mean by the saloon comment?

Could you see him hanging with people at a saloon about 12 1 o'clock in the morning on the week end when many have WAY too much to drink? They are sinners, too, you know.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

To pull them out, not to encourage them. And it would be reallly inappropriate and relationship breaking for me to go just to express my displeasure. Please stop the nonsense.

 

[TillICollapse]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

I haven't specifically attended a homosexual wedding yet to see whether or not I saw Jesus there. I have seen what I believed to be the love of Jesus in other "sinful" situations with other "sinners" however. Homosexuals, prostitutes, drug dealers, addicts, strippers, murderers ... I'm well traveled so I've been a lot of places and in a variety of interesting situations. Jesus, as far as I know, died for sinners, and still loves people even though they have sin natures.

Like I said, I used to have essentially a similar view as you, until I experienced the love of Christ through such "sinners" and situations. Then, I realized what Jesus dining with prostitutes and sinners, and even having them treat Him like a king, was about. I learned the depths of serving others and Jesus being welcomed by others. But before that, I did go the "I can not be part of what is being condemned" route. I didn't see it like Pharisees judging Jesus for dining and being with "sinners", and the irony of it yet I also hadn't realized yet what it meant fully that *I* was a sinner, nor had I realized yet what "mercy and forgiveness" meant. It's not about supporting actions, but looking at the person.

I see your stance, and I don't want to go against it. I'm not telling you what to do, only showing another way that I took, compared with one I use to take

 

[ValleyGal]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

God condemns it for those who choose to place themselves under His authority. He will judge the world....that is not our position. And because Jesus is God, attending a wedding between gay people is different than it is for us. We are not gods; we are not God. He has explicitly stated that we are not to judge those outside the church. That's His job, not ours.

My pastor and his wife went to take a 12-step program because they wanted to help "those" people who have addictions. Once they were into the program and doing the work, they both realized that they *are* "those" people. We are all sinners. A gay person's sin is different from yours, but you still sin, nonetheless. Perhaps your sin is judging "those" people.

I am sure it's really hard place for you to be in right now, and it obviously causes a lot of inner conflict. You love your brother, but you also love God - but you cannot force God's values onto your brother. He is responsible for that.

 

[dogs4thewin]

oh I see what you are saying now being in there via buying them a drink except that you cannot really GO to wedding WITHOUT celbrating?

 

[dogs4thewin]

How about this do not go to their wedding, but instead maybe invite them to your house. This way you are not celbrating their union you are just inviting them to dinner just like you would he and his wife.

 

[Willie T]

Sorry, and not to sound rude, but if you want to go and participate in something that God condemns, go right ahead. I know where God stands on homosexuality, and I have to take that stand, too. To attend something I disagree with and that is foul and ungodly would be hypocrisy.

I can't see Jesus and Mary attending the wedding at Cana between a same sex couple. Can you?

Our church actually has a ministry called "God & Guinness". We meet at a table at a local tavern. Our preacher runs the group.

We also pray with hookers and petty gangsters on the street corners where the winos and Sex Offenders hang out. Know what? I still love God, and I haven't had a leg rot off, or anything.

 

[Willie T]

Did you ever notice that one of the complaints against Jesus was that "He eats and drinks with sinners"?

That is not standing outside the sinner's house, preaching at him. It is bellying up to his table, accepting his hospitality, getting to know who he is, and letting him learn who you are through interaction and conversation.

 

[Harry3142]

Mike-

Since you described your brother as a proud homosexual, it wouldn't surprise me at all if he prepared the socalled wedding to also be a trap for you. GLAAD is the militant arm of the gay movement, and is openly threatening anyone who does not actively promote homosexuality (we're getting reports from college campuses concerning their intimidating their students). If you atttended his wedding there would in all likelihood be members of GLAAD there waiting to intimidate you into accepting homosexuality as normal, and they might even attempt to force you to deny your faith in Christ.

This is especially so due to his first asking you to be the best man at a 'wedding' which he knows is seen as an abomination to Christians. He's trying to get you to choose what he wants over your faith. So not only is it your desire to convert him to Christianity, it is also his desire to convert you to being an agnostic, or even an atheist, and therefore approving of conduct which you know is seen as an abomination to God.

 

[Inkachu]

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

Do not attend the wedding.

Pray for your brother. Pray for wisdom on how to love him as Christ would, without condemning him, but also without tolerating his sinful lifestyle. He expects you to accept his lifestyle and beliefs, yet he's refusing to accept yours; he's being hypocritical, but probably can't see that because of his defensiveness.

Remember that Jesus loved sinners, but He never tolerated their sin. He was all about repentance, forgiveness, and leaving the sin behind.