I know that some people who have this problem don't find themselves attractive and therefore don't have desire. I know the two seem like they don't go together, but they really do.
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Have there ever been times when you haven't been physically attracted to your spouse?
- Thread starter Glorianna
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Busybee
As For Me And My House We Will Serve The Lord
Mismay I agree completely with merryheart. If you can switch your focus to the fullfillment you're providing for him during those intimate times then I think you may find your enjoyment will increase. During those times if you can learn that it's not just about what you can get from it, but from what he's getting and what you can be getting it will be so much more enjoyable.merryheart said:
Focus on whatever it is about your hubby that is attractive to you (skin, his voice, whatever it may be). Also, if there's something that you would like from those moments that you just haven't voiced to your husband.
And don't forget that cuddling and touches daily will make touching and more intimate contact much easier and natural for you.
Keep on praying because the Lord will bless you through your faith in Him.
Also, is what Glorianna said above a possibility for you? I've been there and found that satan put my own body image problem there as a stumbling block for me. I didn't feel attractive myself and felt awkward at times. Now I'm much more comfortable in my own skin and rarely is that a problem for me. If that's the case for you, you could always try lingerie that you can keep on during (a gown of sorts). It works for me on those days when I'm feeling a little less than sexy and my husband certainly doesn't mindGlorianna said:
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hi everyone,
I appreciate your advice. I just want to clear some things up. I wasn't attracted to him BEFORE we got married, so it's even more difficult now. I underestimated the importance of that 'spark' or chemistry between 2 people in marriage. Yes, i know that attraction can fade and disappear at times, and can be regained. But my atraction for him was never there to begin with. I'm not ruling out that possibility of God making a miracle in making me want to be with him physically, but it hasn't happened sofar, and it's been over 2 years.
As far as my self-esteem and body image- great! I've never had a problem with body image or feeling insecure; I've always been confident.(not to sound conceited at all, but I'm young, fit, etc. etc., and I know how much my husband desires me- but that doesn't 'spark' anything in me). There's nothing about his physical apprearance that i do like. Like I said, I married my best friend- mistake? probably. But now I've got to deal with things as they are. And that is, that I feel 'gross', 'used', and 'almost repulsed' when he touches me- because I only see him as a brother. So no, lingerie or focusing on pleasing him won't help me- I've tried and felt so terrible afterwards. I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm not attracted to someone else, to answer that question. BUT, i do find other men attractive (that i see on tv/movies and the like). So i know that I do like men- that's not a problem. My honeymoon night, I cried for hours and hours because I was so miserable and realized what I'd done. Things haven't gotten better since. We're both beleivers, and haven't considered divorce. But I know that my husband won't stand for a marriage that isn't Biblical- and that includes sex, I suppose. I just want to know how to make it through- because sofar, I can't 'fake' attraction because the experiences have had such a negative effect on me.
Thanks.
I appreciate your advice. I just want to clear some things up. I wasn't attracted to him BEFORE we got married, so it's even more difficult now. I underestimated the importance of that 'spark' or chemistry between 2 people in marriage. Yes, i know that attraction can fade and disappear at times, and can be regained. But my atraction for him was never there to begin with. I'm not ruling out that possibility of God making a miracle in making me want to be with him physically, but it hasn't happened sofar, and it's been over 2 years.
As far as my self-esteem and body image- great! I've never had a problem with body image or feeling insecure; I've always been confident.(not to sound conceited at all, but I'm young, fit, etc. etc., and I know how much my husband desires me- but that doesn't 'spark' anything in me). There's nothing about his physical apprearance that i do like. Like I said, I married my best friend- mistake? probably. But now I've got to deal with things as they are. And that is, that I feel 'gross', 'used', and 'almost repulsed' when he touches me- because I only see him as a brother. So no, lingerie or focusing on pleasing him won't help me- I've tried and felt so terrible afterwards. I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm not attracted to someone else, to answer that question. BUT, i do find other men attractive (that i see on tv/movies and the like). So i know that I do like men- that's not a problem. My honeymoon night, I cried for hours and hours because I was so miserable and realized what I'd done. Things haven't gotten better since. We're both beleivers, and haven't considered divorce. But I know that my husband won't stand for a marriage that isn't Biblical- and that includes sex, I suppose. I just want to know how to make it through- because sofar, I can't 'fake' attraction because the experiences have had such a negative effect on me.
Thanks.
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mismay5,
All I can say is that he should be leaving you. Did you discuss this with him before you got married? If you didn't, it sounds like you should have so that he wouldnt' be stuck with you instead of a divorce being the way to get out. I know if it were me, I would have been long gone by now. Being skinny is unattractive? Would you rather have a fat spouse? If you love him, you would do those things with him. Have you had sexual relations with someone in your past..or many? Have you ever been abused sexually? It sounds to me like you have a standard that came from your past and that is something that you should have counseling for because it is not fair to him in your marriage. You probably had baggage that needed to be worked out. I know for me, if my husband wasn't with me (emotionally) during those times and was thinking about what is wrong with me, I would be very angry. Sounds to me like you just asked for a divorce. Sad to say since he sounds like a person who really cares for you, but you don't sound like you care for him. Have you been involved in inappropriate content in any way? You don't sound like you are following God's will if you can't or even more don't have sexual relations with him. Atleast he tried to please you. If you are following God's will, then you wouldn't have these problems. Beauty is only skin deep, but you think beauty is all on the outside. I really feel for him because he sounds like a keeper if he was atleast trying to get a better body. Are you not attracted to his face? What are the things you are attracted to. Body can't hold you back if it is a lack of weight. There has to be more to it. You wouldn't have married him if there was nothing attractive physically that you found.
All I can say is that he should be leaving you. Did you discuss this with him before you got married? If you didn't, it sounds like you should have so that he wouldnt' be stuck with you instead of a divorce being the way to get out. I know if it were me, I would have been long gone by now. Being skinny is unattractive? Would you rather have a fat spouse? If you love him, you would do those things with him. Have you had sexual relations with someone in your past..or many? Have you ever been abused sexually? It sounds to me like you have a standard that came from your past and that is something that you should have counseling for because it is not fair to him in your marriage. You probably had baggage that needed to be worked out. I know for me, if my husband wasn't with me (emotionally) during those times and was thinking about what is wrong with me, I would be very angry. Sounds to me like you just asked for a divorce. Sad to say since he sounds like a person who really cares for you, but you don't sound like you care for him. Have you been involved in inappropriate content in any way? You don't sound like you are following God's will if you can't or even more don't have sexual relations with him. Atleast he tried to please you. If you are following God's will, then you wouldn't have these problems. Beauty is only skin deep, but you think beauty is all on the outside. I really feel for him because he sounds like a keeper if he was atleast trying to get a better body. Are you not attracted to his face? What are the things you are attracted to. Body can't hold you back if it is a lack of weight. There has to be more to it. You wouldn't have married him if there was nothing attractive physically that you found.
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Child of JC
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dh is one of those guys that even when we are fighting, I still am willing and more than able to be intimate with, he is very attractive and good looking. He has put on some extra weight since we got married but hey I can honestly say he does it for me all the time!
In fact I would be estatic if he increased our intimacy level! great to be married.....
In fact I would be estatic if he increased our intimacy level! great to be married.....
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Snow Angel
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When a Husband Loses Interest:My Husband Has lost interest in me, Lord.I feel it I know it. I am less to Him than an easy chair.Less to him than a dinner.less than the TV set or his friends or his hobby or his newspaper.At least such things confort him or give him enjoyment.But me it is as I am invisible to him.He does not see me:He scarcely ever touches me. Even at night he has no need of me.He is a sleep before I get to bed.Lord when have I failed that he takes me so for granted? Is his blindness and indifference perhapa a reflection of my own blindness and indifference to my self?If I am no longer physically attractive, let me improve. Give me the time,energy imagination,yes and money,to become more appealing.If I have become dull and boring,wake me, shake me,let me read more, think more, do more to be a better companion.If I nagged or scolded or complained without realizing it,show me these faults clearly, help me change.Dear Lord,please awaken my husband to my presence once again. Make him see me,touch me,know me,love me as a woman once more.With your help I can become someone more worth seeing,touching,knowing,loving.Thank you for revealing this better self. author unknow
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I have not been attracted to my husband for a long time. In fact, for quite a while I couldn't even be in the same room with him without being physically nauseated. It was awful.
What helped me was superimposing Yahshua over him and doing unto him as I would if I were married to Yahshua. He said that whatever we do unto the least of these we are actually doing unto Him, so it really puts things in perspective.
What helped me was superimposing Yahshua over him and doing unto him as I would if I were married to Yahshua. He said that whatever we do unto the least of these we are actually doing unto Him, so it really puts things in perspective.
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Katydid
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Didn't read all the posts but this is my answer.
YES!! and then I heard someone, don't remember who, or was it read it. Well anyway, basically it said to remember..
When you look at his gut and wish he still had that six pack, you look at his balding hair, and wish he still had hair etc. etc. Just remember that you don't look as good as you used to either.
I don't know why but that put it back into perspective for me.
I actually prayed alot about it and found that the more I was willing to be attracted to him, the more I was attracted to him. NOT the more I wanted to be attracted to him or the more I wished he was the way he used to be.
YES!! and then I heard someone, don't remember who, or was it read it. Well anyway, basically it said to remember..
When you look at his gut and wish he still had that six pack, you look at his balding hair, and wish he still had hair etc. etc. Just remember that you don't look as good as you used to either.
I don't know why but that put it back into perspective for me.
I actually prayed alot about it and found that the more I was willing to be attracted to him, the more I was attracted to him. NOT the more I wanted to be attracted to him or the more I wished he was the way he used to be.
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