Growing an attraction?

[OnFireforHim]

I know this great guy; he's smart, funny, sweet, passionate about everything he is involved in...all of the things I would want in a relationship, really.

I know he's attracted to me, and wants to pursue something. It's not that he's not good looking, because he is. I just am not attracted to him like I have been to other guys I have dated. We've been on a few dates, and I had a great time. But haven't felt that feeling yet...you know? I know I love talking with him, being with him, etc....but it feels like somehthing is missing. I've only ever had one relationship that was somewhat serious and exclusive; other than that the few dates here and there that never turned into anything in the long run other than friends.
Does this mean that nothing will probably come of our relationship, so no need to keep trying? I mean, it should work, in theory (hah), so why don't I feel it?

some women in my family have told me that "forever love is not a flittering of the heart and a flip of the stomach...it's compatibility and kindness in the long run"-way beyond the "gushy lovey feeling" as they love to say. Am I just a 'silly little girl' who has a wrong notion of what a good relationship is supposed to be like?

Has anyone had this issue, and worked around it; learned to feel for the person; or it just never worked?

 

[Inperfected]

Heh... sweetheart!!!! You sound exactly (and i mean "exactly" ) like me and my now fiance

Stay friends for now... But at some point you have to say yes, or say no. Some questions i was asked straight after i'd said yes to going out with him (and by the way, 3 hours later, i regretted it"REAL" bad..) are: Can you live without him? Man you want to be with longterm, or man as a life long friend?

Can you imagine holding hands with him, maybe even kissing him? (The kissing part can grow on you, i could kiss him, but didn't want to say yes.. )

Be SO careful of his heart... I think i drove him close to a breakdown or suicide... I was mean, cruel, and flirty.

But then i felt like this at 16 too (be it to the same guy) and didn't try to push it further... And tho i didn't go out with him then, we grew the most incrediable friendship of my life...

"Give it time, give it patience, cmon just wait." A line to a song a friend wrong.. and it is so true...

 

[Leanna]

Hmmmmmm well I definitely would not worry. You are 17 and I can think of nothing better than to be friends with this guy rather than getting emotionally involved. What is the hurry? If you are meant to be, it can work itself out in the future. There is no need to close doors now, do not discourage him, just tell him that at this point you just want to be friends. Maybe in the future you will have feelings for him, maybe not, but right now it is so much easier to just pursue being YOU and enjoy this time in your life. Boyfriends can just be baggage. I look back at my high school time and I had a boyfriend for half of high school and man what a waste. I could have been spending more time with my girlfriends and less time on "love" at that age.

 

[JustLiz87]

I agree with everyone else. Just stay friends with him and if it is meant to be, your attraction for him will grow. I wouldn't stress about it too much. Get to know him as a person and maybe the attraction will follow.

 

[septemberskies]

When something is for you its not going anywhere it is just yours. No need to rush and put a label, or push things in any direction because it will naturally just go where its suppose to be.

Just enjoy the friendship, hanging out, and getting to know him. Maybe you grow an attraction to him and then again maybe you won't. Either way just let the chips fall where ever they land.

 

[Mantos88]

If you feel nothing for him now, and dont anytime soon, forget it. Focus on someone else, tell him you're not interested. Honesty actually IS the best policy when it comes to relationships, something many people (Christians included) tend to forget.

 

[Eccp19]

Sounds like all you are missing is chemistry - The kind of chemistry that lets you look into the other person's eyes for long periods and smile. Romance and love are awesome, but don't push for them or "awaken before it so desires." Leanna gave you good advice to keep casual and focus on developing into an awesome spouse for your husband some day. God will lead you to him eventually and who knows? maybe this is him but I would keep your other priorities first.

 

[OnFireforHim]

Thanks for all of the great advice.

Thinking about it now; I don't know why I feel such a rush to "feel" anything, at all, really! I mean, the impending 18th birthday (2 weeks now!) still doesn't seem to be a reason to move into something serious...and other than that, I won't even be out of high school for another 2 months!

Thanks for the advice, and help, to bump me back down a few "seriousness" pegs....maybe I'll write "what's the rush?" on my forehead ; )

: )