God failed me

[imm]

You should of taken a red pill instead of the blue. Struggling in Reality sucks...hmm I rather live in dream world where God is always there.

uhm, okay i don't know if this is an advise or an insult?

My feeling is that perhaps anti-depressants aren't the correct medication-- but if you're doing everything right spiritually, and receiving no help, I think the problem may very likely be medical after all. Perhaps it's not just one medical problem, but a combination of several-- one affecting your waking hours, and one your sleeping hours. The two are probably connected in some way-- but if spiritual solutions aren't working, then rather than God having failed you, God may wish you to seek further medical help-- a specialist of some kind. A diagnostic psychiatrist would be my best guess. And no, I'm NOT saying you're crazy or mentally imbalanced. I just think there is a probably a chemical or hormonal or other situation that needs to be addressed.

My prayers are with you for answers.

thanks, I really appreciate your advise. it's just, i don't even think i could stand to see anymore psychiatrists, i usually lose them at "well, there is this thing on me..." if they don't understand the spirituality, then how can they prescribe the right durgs, and God healed/delivered people in the bible, no doctors, why would i be any different? I will look up another doctor though, thanks again.

imm,

I believe that it is OK to be angry at God. If he is to be our best friend, why can't we? Don't you think God understands that we hurt, mistrust, lack faith, get angry...etc.

thank you for understanding. the last thing i needed is/was bible passages telling me what i already know, this helps, and i know that I can go on believing in God, but only if he helps me. Thanks again.

I understand, imm. I went through not just a storm, but 15 years of constant storm after storm...never letting up but for a moment so that I could barley catch my breath. I held my faith for so long. i looked to Christ to be my rock through it all. then, at the end, I said what you are saying now. God, I can't anymore. i don't even know if i am really hearing you. I don't know if you are even real. Yet, I pushed through. The greater the trial, the greater the reward.
I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I am now. God IS faithful...I am a testimony to that! If it can happen to me, why can't it happen to you. I am no one special. None of us are. When I finally realized that it has nothing to do with me, then that is when i got it. I know we all say this, we all now the right scriptures and inspirational "pick me ups" one would say. But, when we are all alone, one on one with God, that is when we need to be truthful, not to Him, but to ourselves.

By the way, I am signing with a record label to produce my first CD and book. I dream I have had since i was 4 years old. I am not 33 and never really thought it would happen. I started to doubt if i ever really herd God. If He can do it for me, again I ask, what makes you any different?

Thanks, I am glad things worked out for you, I sure hope my storm doesn't last 15 years though

 

[TheMimic]

Hello, you wipper snapper! God hasn't failed you! Now get back in the ring and get to work!

 

[Meshavrischika]

Wow...

All I can say is that I understand your frustration. I had been at a point where I believed I was alone and God had abandoned me. Recently though, a friend of mine gave a sermon that I believe was just for me. I think basically it said that God has to be the desire of your heart. I know this is vague... At one point in your life, I'm sure your wife was the desire of your heart. She was all you thought about, dreamed about, and you did everything in your power for her happiness... This is what you have to do with God. Nothing else will matter. Really. You have to seek him out, not expect him to do all the work (which is what I was waiting for). This does not mean think morosely about how he has failed you and ask him over and over again why. Seek him out like you sought out your wife, with positive thoughts and appreciation and desire, not resentment, and impatience and hopelessness.

 

[1Newcreation]

IMM, I am so sorry that you are going through this spiritual battle, and maybe we do not understand all what you are saying.
When you read or hear God's Word , do you believe it? Do you believe or doubt what is says sometimes, are you claiming the victory in Christ that has already been given to you. Do you believe what God says who you are and what you have been given through Jesus Christ?

We have to claim it brother. I think claiming and standing on God's truth is half the battle.

I hope answers come to you soon and you will be given Peace and you will be well again in your mind, body and soul.

Jesus says John14:27 " Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

1newcreation

 

[koban4max]

imm,

I believe that it is OK to be angry at God. If he is to be our best friend, why can't we? .

God is NOT your best friend. He is God, our Father.

 

[Wordgazer]

thanks, I really appreciate your advise. it's just, i don't even think i could stand to see anymore psychiatrists, i usually lose them at "well, there is this thing on me..." if they don't understand the spirituality, then how can they prescribe the right durgs, and God healed/delivered people in the bible, no doctors, why would i be any different? I will look up another doctor though, thanks again.

IMM, the thing is that if your condition is medical, then even though it feels spiritual, it isn't. (The reason I don't think it's spiritual is that you have gone through so much powerful deliverance and everything. A real demon probably would have fled by now.) And God does still heal today, but sometimes He works through doctors instead. Lots of people who would love to be healed supernaturally are still undergoing chemotherapy, drug regimens, etc.

For a medical doctor, then, you have to put it in terms he/she would understand. Not "there's this thing on me," but the symptoms you feel in the night, the sensation of being unable to move or speak, the feeling of evil and weight upon you, etc., and then what physical and emotional sensations still carry over when you are awake. Describe your emotional feelings and physical sensations, not your beliefs about what it might be.

If no medical solution can be found, then I suppose it would be time to seek further spiritual help.

For the rest, I certainly agree with Cheyenee that expressing all your angry feelings to God is appropriate. After all, He already knows! The Psalmists held nothing back when pouring out their hearts to God. Psalm 13 is especially good for your situation. Pray it out loud to God, just as the writer would have done.

I'm praying for you.

 

[heron]

Also, I would guess that being somewhere in the middle of eight years of schooling, you are in a mindset where the right answers get you where you need to go. God is not following all His right answers... He is not fitting into the formula. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but just a rut our brains get into.

Depression medication can also cause depression.

There are some stances that I found were important for me to take on, in order to solve similar dilemmas.

1. I have unquestionable authority over demons since I am a child of God. They HAVE to leave if I tell them. So I can't afford to wimp out and wait for someone else to drive them away properly. They must go, immediately.

2. I have to look at faith as standing on everything He promised. His written promises might not appear to have materialized, but that is my challenge -- to believe Him to the point that I hold Him to His promises.

It takes a bit of chuzpah, but I have found much more success in expecting Him to come through instead of expecting my strivings to come through.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Imm

I am bipolar 1. I went manic and was put into the mental part of the hospital for 28 days. They told me I was bipolar 1 and I didn't believe them because I have never experienced real depression. Well shortly after I got out and was at home sitting in the front yard all of a sudden I was hit with clinical depression. I went to the couch and never ever wanted to get off. Nothing mattered to me and I was in real pain. Most folks have no idea what real depression is like.

Finally I started planning on doing away with myself as I just had to have relief from this pain. Well I planned it down to the last detail, all that was left was to pull the trigger.

There was ONLY ONE THING that stopped me:

" The Book of Wisdom

Chapter 1

12
Court not death by your erring way of life, nor draw to yourselves destruction by the works of your hands.

13
Because God did not make death, nor does he rejoice in the destruction of the living. "


While I never ever wanted to go to that hospital I told my wife we have to leave right now and go to the hospital. I was there 4 days. I felt so good when I got behind locked doors because then I couldn't carry out my plans.

The doctors immediately stopped the meds I was on and put me on some other. That was the start of my recovery. It took some time of trial and error to find the exact meds that would work for me. Now I have been totaly free of this chemical unbalance for almost 5 years and life has been good.

I know doctors and meds can be real aggravating but keep up the good fight:

" Sirach (Apocrypha), chapter 38


1: Honour a physician with the honour due unto him for the uses which ye may have of him: for the Lord hath created him.

2: For of the most High cometh healing, and he shall receive honour of the king.

3: The skill of the physician shall lift up his head: and in the sight of great men he shall be in admiration.

4: The Lord hath created medicines out of the earth; and he that is wise will not abhor them.

5: Was not the water made sweet with wood, that the virtue thereof might be known?

6: And he hath given men skill, that he might be honoured in his marvellous works.

7: With such doth he heal [men,] and taketh away their pains.

8: Of such doth the apothecary make a confection; and of his works there is no end; and from him is peace over all the earth,

9: My son, in thy sickness be not negligent: but pray unto the Lord, and he will make thee whole.

10: Leave off from sin, and order thine hands aright, and cleanse thy heart from all wickedness.

11: Give a sweet savour, and a memorial of fine flour; and make a fat offering, as not being.

12: Then give place to the physician, for the Lord hath created him: let him not go from thee, for thou hast need of him.

13: There is a time when in their hands there is good success.

14: For they shall also pray unto the Lord, that he would prosper that, which they give for ease and remedy to prolong life.

15: He that sinneth before his Maker, let him fall into the hand of the physician "


IT IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER:

“ Believe “ in Greek is a verb and has three components which are: hearing, accepting, and then " ACTING " upon that which you have accepted. X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O ( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[imm]

Thanks again for your advice. I just finished calling about 3 psychiatric centers, even setting up an appt. is proving to be too much. while dialing the phone, all i was thinking was that i am betraying God, that by calling, I don't have faith that God would heal me. the 3 centers either didn't respond or kept referring me elsewhere, i think i have accepted my fate. if it is a mental condition, then i hope it leads to a very swift end.

 

[swill8295]

God failed me.

I am finally willing to admit it that God failed me. I try to dwell on the song that “he has promised he will never fail” but I realize now that there is no denying it, God failed me...

From the sheer volume of Christian terms and buzz words, I am starting to gather that you are incredibly afraid of looking like a bad Christian. Not only that, but it appears that you are very presumptuous. One of the worst sins out there is the sin of presumption, as manifested by Satan when Jesus was fasting for 40 days. Presumption doesn't require belief, it only requires you to do "good" things to acheive a desired goal. And when you do those good things and don't acheive that goal, you say "what did I do wrong!?" A symptom of this might be jealousy or envy of others, as I kind of gather in your post. The problem with this reasoning is that it is conditional. Jesus Christ's love is unconditional. When you say that you have to do something to acheive eternal life, you are applying a condition. If a condition exists, it means that some people have an unfair advantage. Some people are definitely much more adept at doing "good" things than others, maybe because they have the capacity to do so. One person is smart, another was born into a rich family, another is an absolute child prodigy. But what can they do for God? Nothing apart from accepting His unconditional love. This is also a dishonest scale. The Lord eventually trashes dishonest scales, no matter how respected or well-stablished a person may be. The Lord judges a persons actions by what is in their heart when they do it. Likewise, the sin of presumption provides major problems in regards to atonement sacrifices (including Jesus). One mark of a Christian or Jewish society going down hill seems to be people taking personal license of sacrifices. Originally, sacrifices were meant to atone for sins, and you had to be willing to turn and be truly sorry in your heart. When the presumptuous heart hits, the people quickly change atonement into a system of justifying sin. Kind of like having a credit card with a really high credit limit. This is why Jesus Christ said "I desire mercy, not sacrifice". You tend to wonder when the amount of atoning sacrifices skyrocket because a nation of people is unwilling to stop sinning, but are simply covering everything up with dead animals.

I think this requires you being honest with yourself, and coming to God as yourself. God doesn't come to save "good",smart, successful, rich, attractive people. He doesn't judge by outward appearances. The law tears you apart and judges you on the spot, as it does anyone. Anyone who claims they can follow the law is lying, or in denial. The whole point is that God loved you first, not that you were capable of loving him or paying him back for his love.

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Mark 12:41-43 (New International Version)

The Widow's Offering

41Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,[a]worth only a fraction of a penny.

The Rich Young Man

17As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
18"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. 19You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'[d]"
20"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
21Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
22At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"
24The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is[e] to enter the kingdom of God! 25It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
26The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?"
27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
Proverbs 11:1
The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight.

Hosea 6:6
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

Matthew 9:13
But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Matthew 12:7
If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent.

One more thing, God has not failed you, and never will. If you are a believe in Christ, then the Lord is trying to teach you something. He's actually not doing you any favors by allowing you to believe that you "have" to be a "good" Christian. You say "why me?" Why not you? This is how you learn wisdom! Who ever learned anything from a perfect life?

 

[Wordgazer]

Please don't say that, IMM.

How could God possibly think you have failed Him? All good things are from Him. The sciences and the field of medicine come from Him. He is the one Who created the universe to be rational, to respond to natural laws, so that the sciences and medical fields actually work!

If He doesn't choose to answer your prayer supernaturally, how could there be anything wrong with seeking the natural answers He has provided through people on earth who have sought them out?

It's like the story of the man sitting on his roof during a flood. A rescue boat came by, then a rescue helicopter. Both asked if they could pick him up. The man replied, "No, God will save me, I have faith." Then the flood overwhelmed his house and he died. In Heaven he asked Jesus, "Why didn't you save me?" Jesus replied, "I sent a boat and a helicopter, wasn't that enough?"

It's not betraying God to let the boat or the helicopter (psychiatry and modern medicine) rescue you.

If you are having trouble making an appointment with a clinic, please, please ask a friend or family member, or fellow church member, to help you. You don't have to go through this alone.

(hugs)

Wordgazer

 

[koban4max]

Please don't say that, IMM.

How could God possibly think you have failed Him? All good things are from Him. The sciences and the field of medicine come from Him. He is the one Who created the universe to be rational, to respond to natural laws, so that the sciences and medical fields actually work!

If He doesn't choose to answer your prayer supernaturally, how could there be anything wrong with seeking the natural answers He has provided through people on earth who have sought them out?

It's like the story of the man sitting on his roof during a flood. A rescue boat came by, then a rescue helicopter. Both asked if they could pick him up. The man replied, "No, God will save me, I have faith." Then the flood overwhelmed his house and he died. In Heaven he asked Jesus, "Why didn't you save me?" Jesus replied, "I sent a boat and a helicopter, wasn't that enough?"

It's not betraying God to let the boat or the helicopter (psychiatry and modern medicine) rescue you.

If you are having trouble making an appointment with a clinic, please, please ask a friend or family member, or fellow church member, to help you. You don't have to go through this alone.

(hugs)

Wordgazer

I'm thinking God doesn't answer misbehaving people like me....

I'm just thinking maybe that's why God don't answer to all people.... I'm just thinking.

 

[swill8295]

I'm thinking God doesn't answer misbehaving people like me....

I'm just thinking maybe that's why God don't answer to all people.... I'm just thinking.

Well, God doesn't answer fleshy prayers. I've learned that the hard way, and still learning. I think you're onto something.

 

[koban4max]

Well, God doesn't answer fleshy prayers. I've learned that the hard way, and still learning. I think you're onto something.

What might that be?

 

[imm]

From the sheer volume of Christian terms and buzz words, I am starting to gather that you are incredibly afraid of looking like a bad Christian. Not only that, but it appears that you are very presumptuous. One of the worst sins out there is the sin of presumption, as manifested by Satan when Jesus was fasting for 40 days. Presumption doesn't require belief, it only requires you to do "good" things to acheive a desired goal. And when you do those good things and don't acheive that goal, you say "what did I do wrong!?" A symptom of this might be jealousy or envy of others, as I kind of gather in your post. The problem with this reasoning is that it is conditional. Jesus Christ's love is unconditional. When you say that you have to do something to acheive eternal life, you are applying a condition. If a condition exists, it means that some people have an unfair advantage. Some people are definitely much more adept at doing "good" things than others, maybe because they have the capacity to do so. One person is smart, another was born into a rich family, another is an absolute child prodigy. But what can they do for God? Nothing apart from accepting His unconditional love. This is also a dishonest scale. The Lord eventually trashes dishonest scales, no matter how respected or well-stablished a person may be. The Lord judges a persons actions by what is in their heart when they do it. Likewise, the sin of presumption provides major problems in regards to atonement sacrifices (including Jesus). One mark of a Christian or Jewish society going down hill seems to be people taking personal license of sacrifices. Originally, sacrifices were meant to atone for sins, and you had to be willing to turn and be truly sorry in your heart. When the presumptuous heart hits, the people quickly change atonement into a system of justifying sin. Kind of like having a credit card with a really high credit limit. This is why Jesus Christ said "I desire mercy, not sacrifice". You tend to wonder when the amount of atoning sacrifices skyrocket because a nation of people is unwilling to stop sinning, but are simply covering everything up with dead animals.

I think this requires you being honest with yourself, and coming to God as yourself. God doesn't come to save "good",smart, successful, rich, attractive people. He doesn't judge by outward appearances. The law tears you apart and judges you on the spot, as it does anyone. Anyone who claims they can follow the law is lying, or in denial. The whole point is that God loved you first, not that you were capable of loving him or paying him back for his love.

...

One more thing, God has not failed you, and never will. If you are a believe in Christ, then the Lord is trying to teach you something. He's actually not doing you any favors by allowing you to believe that you "have" to be a "good" Christian. You say "why me?" Why not you? This is how you learn wisdom! Who ever learned anything from a perfect life?

your post sounds very judgemental. it was not my intent to use christian words to feel better about myself, i wrote what i was feeling at that time, and if anyone asked if i was a good christian, i would be the first to admit that I am not. I don't even take holy communion because i feel like i don't deserve it, but am i sinning by trying to obey God's commandment? by striving to do as the Bible says, is that wrong? should i give up going to church everyday, the fasting, the praying? i am asking sincerely, maybe if i back up a little, God might come find me.

if my posts comes across as being jealous or envious, then i wrote badly. I see others and I am not envious of who they are or what they have but the fact that they continue to serve God despite whatever they also might be going through. I look to them for strength and think if they can do this, then I could try too. is this presumptous?

if God is teaching me a lesson, if this isn't the devil having his way with me, all i am asking is for the grace to go through life like this, but if i wake up every morning wanting to commit suicde, what exactly is the lesson? I don't know if you are trying to advice me or to humble me, either way, your post is appreciated.

I'm thinking God doesn't answer misbehaving people like me....

I'm just thinking maybe that's why God don't answer to all people.... I'm just thinking.

i don't understand any of your posts, it would serve me better if you are trying to give me advice if you would be less cryptic, am i misbehaving? how? and what should i do? thank you.

 

[swill8295]

your post sounds very judgemental. it was not my intent to use christian words to feel better about myself, i wrote what i was feeling at that time, and if anyone asked if i was a good christian, i would be the first to admit that I am not. I don't even take holy communion because i feel like i don't deserve it, but am i sinning by trying to obey God's commandment? by striving to do as the Bible says, is that wrong? should i give up going to church everyday, the fasting, the praying? i am asking sincerely, maybe if i back up a little, God might come find me.

if my posts comes across as being jealous or envious, then i wrote badly. I see others and I am not envious of who they are or what they have but the fact that they continue to serve God despite whatever they also might be going through. I look to them for strength and think if they can do this, then I could try too. is this presumptous?

if God is teaching me a lesson, if this isn't the devil having his way with me, all i am asking is for the grace to go through life like this, but if i wake up every morning wanting to commit suicde, what exactly is the lesson? I don't know if you are trying to advice me or to humble me, either way, your post is appreciated.



i don't understand any of your posts, it would serve me better if you are trying to give me advice if you would be less cryptic, am i misbehaving? how? and what should i do? thank you.

I was about to reply to your post out of anger because I had a feeling you would not receive what I said well. And at the same time, I felt guilty because I jumped the gun when I typed. I am sorry, and hope I have not poured salt in your wounds. The Lord stopped me from posting to you in anger, because I was about to tell you that you might be angry at the Lord without cause, but no, I realize that it is me that is angry at the Lord without cause. The Lord fiercly called me a hypocrite, and then asked me why I was angry. Perhaps the reason I replied in such a harsh manner to your post is because I suffer from the same problems I was stating. I myself am the hypocrite. I myself am very angry at people because they appear to be good christians, without cause. Then I become angry at myself. Then I hate myself, and feel suicidal because I hold myself to a rigid standard that is not God's. I myself don't accept Christ's unconditional love when I act like that. Maybe I saw a bit of myself in you, but I'm sure you're problems aren't like mine, and you would be insulted if I tried to say I have less problems and more spiritual riches. My post came off as judgemental towards you because I am very judgemental towards myself. How can I love others if I can't even love myself? These verses came to my mind:

Luke 6:42
How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Romans 13:9
The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Luke 12:1
[ Warnings and Encouragements ] Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.

1 Corinthians 5:8
Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.

With so many hypocritical Christians around, I can understand why it's hard for you to get help. It's harder to help others than it seems without God.

The verdict, I have hated myself without cause. God's wrath abides on those who do things without cause, including hate themselves. Maybe you can learn from me. Because God loves me, I love myself. Then I love you, and now I truly have hope!

One more thing before I go. Not only have I discovered that the Lord loves me, but he is absolutely delighted to help me, like little kids are delighted that you bought lemonade from their stand that no one has bought anything from all day. Maybe I've only told you part of what goes on with the Lord testing people. He allows people to be tested, not because he enjoys seeing them suffer, but because he wants them to receive joy when they find him, just like a woman receives joy when a new baby is born after extreme birth pains. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and whenever you are tempted beyond your control, the Lord always provides a way out!

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

[heron]

Wonderwaleye, what a blessing that Apocryphal passage is! I've never seen that one before.

If He doesn't choose to answer your prayer supernaturally, how could there be anything wrong with seeking the natural answers He has provided through people on earth who have sought them out?

Definitely. God is not against information, or building knowledge bases of solutions that help mankind.

When you're facing a behavioral issue that you know is medical, it's important to keep a level stance about it (both you and people around you).

There are actions that are almost beyond your control. Sometimes, in order to prevent yourself from taking actions that you normally would choose to avoid (the typical manic spurts that get people arrested or in debt), it's okay to try solutions that you think will help you stay in control.

 

[heron]

By the way, I think that half the reason Jesus conveyed the importance of communion, was to equalize people -- to start a ritual that required everyone set aside their worthiness and social levels, and just accept God's gift together.


The feasts of the OT were very similar -- everyone brought something, but according to their resources... then they shared
it equally, so no one was discriminated against for lacking worth or resources... or even spirituality.

 

[imm]

Please don't say that, IMM.

How could God possibly think you have failed Him? All good things are from Him. The sciences and the field of medicine come from Him. He is the one Who created the universe to be rational, to respond to natural laws, so that the sciences and medical fields actually work!

If He doesn't choose to answer your prayer supernaturally, how could there be anything wrong with seeking the natural answers He has provided through people on earth who have sought them out?

It's like the story of the man sitting on his roof during a flood. A rescue boat came by, then a rescue helicopter. Both asked if they could pick him up. The man replied, "No, God will save me, I have faith." Then the flood overwhelmed his house and he died. In Heaven he asked Jesus, "Why didn't you save me?" Jesus replied, "I sent a boat and a helicopter, wasn't that enough?"

It's not betraying God to let the boat or the helicopter (psychiatry and modern medicine) rescue you.

If you are having trouble making an appointment with a clinic, please, please ask a friend or family member, or fellow church member, to help you. You don't have to go through this alone.

(hugs)

Wordgazer

Hello Wordgazer, I am going to medical school this fall so I do believe to an extent in medical sciences. Like i posted previously, i have taken high doses of anti-depressants that barely worked. i go through cycles of "maybe this is spiritual and i need deliverance" and searching on google for various medical ailments that could explain what I am going through. and when i read your advice, i went searching again. am i schzinoprenic? do i have psychosis? a personality disorder? this is why i don't think anyone can really understand what is going on. this "thing" climbs on me, it jumps on my bed, it caresses me purposely, and I have had a conversation with "it" before, no voices, just physical contact, and when I pray against it, it hits me vehemently. its like having an inconvenient invisible conjoined twin. i can't seem to get rid of it. thats why i think it is spiritual. but i am going to my primary doctor, maybe i can get a referral to see a psychiatrist, I would rather put my faith in God though, only my faith hasn't seemed to work.

you think i should tell my family, my friends, my church? okay, they don't even believe in deliverance, and my friend and i were watching a movie where a christian girl was raped, he mentioned that he didn't think the girl was really a christian because she was raped and God wouldn't have allowed that to happen to a christian. how am i supposed to explain what is happening to me? to think that my friend, or family are any less christians becuase of what they believe or feel is to be judgemental, so i must go through this on my own.

sometimes i lose purpose of what i am searching for, i honestly don't know. i just want to know, if i am doing something wrong, maybe if i start doing it right... so swill8295, i guess you do have a point.

I was about to reply to your post out of anger because I had a feeling you would not receive what I said well. And at the same time, I felt guilty because I jumped the gun when I typed. I am sorry, and hope I have not poured salt in your wounds. The Lord stopped me from posting to you in anger, because I was about to tell you that you might be angry at the Lord without cause, but no, I realize that it is me that is angry at the Lord without cause. The Lord fiercly called me a hypocrite, and then asked me why I was angry. Perhaps the reason I replied in such a harsh manner to your post is because I suffer from the same problems I was stating. I myself am the hypocrite. I myself am very angry at people because they appear to be good christians, without cause. Then I become angry at myself. Then I hate myself, and feel suicidal because I hold myself to a rigid standard that is not God's. I myself don't accept Christ's unconditional love when I act like that. Maybe I saw a bit of myself in you, but I'm sure you're problems aren't like mine, and you would be insulted if I tried to say I have less problems and more spiritual riches. My post came off as judgemental towards you because I am very judgemental towards myself. How can I love others if I can't even love myself? These verses came to my mind:

The verdict, I have hated myself without cause. God's wrath abides on those who do things without cause, including hate themselves. Maybe you can learn from me. Because God loves me, I love myself. Then I love you, and now I truly have hope!

One more thing before I go. Not only have I discovered that the Lord loves me, but he is absolutely delighted to help me, like little kids are delighted that you bought lemonade from their stand that no one has bought anything from all day. Maybe I've only told you part of what goes on with the Lord testing people. He allows people to be tested, not because he enjoys seeing them suffer, but because he wants them to receive joy when they find him, just like a woman receives joy when a new baby is born after extreme birth pains. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and whenever you are tempted beyond your control, the Lord always provides a way out!

I read and re-read my post before replying because I really didn't want to make you angry, but if you are, I am sorry. I am not trying to make any point, I am here for help. I have been here before, many times, I have taken various advice and heeded them, and nothing has worked, or maybe they have, I am still here and still a christian afterall.

and maybe i am holding myself up against a standard, all i am doing though is what the bible says, to seek ye first his kingdom, to dwell in the church, to fellowship with fellow christians, to serve God, to fast, to pray, to ask and ye shall receive, to.... I am not expecting that becuase i do all this, that my life would be perfect, i really am not.

but couldn't there an explanation for what is happening to me? and if i did or i'm doing something wrong, i simply want to correct it. thats all. to believe that every obstacle i face is simply a test sounds like i'm settling, what if it is a punishment, what if it is something else?

Thanks though, for today at least, I can believe in God's unconditional love.

 

[swill8295]

Hello Wordgazer, I am going to medical school this fall so I do believe to an extent in medical sciences. Like i posted previously, i have taken high doses of anti-depressants that barely worked. i go through cycles of "maybe this is spiritual and i need deliverance" and searching on google for various medical ailments that could explain what I am going through. and when i read your advice, i went searching again. am i schzinoprenic? do i have psychosis? a personality disorder? this is why i don't think anyone can really understand what is going on. this "thing" climbs on me, it jumps on my bed, it caresses me purposely, and I have had a conversation with "it" before, no voices, just physical contact, and when I pray against it, it hits me vehemently. its like having an inconvenient invisible conjoined twin. i can't seem to get rid of it. thats why i think it is spiritual. but i am going to my primary doctor, maybe i can get a referral to see a psychiatrist, I would rather put my faith in God though, only my faith hasn't seemed to work.

you think i should tell my family, my friends, my church? okay, they don't even believe in deliverance, and my friend and i were watching a movie where a christian girl was raped, he mentioned that he didn't think the girl was really a christian because she was raped and God wouldn't have allowed that to happen to a christian. how am i supposed to explain what is happening to me? to think that my friend, or family are any less christians becuase of what they believe or feel is to be judgemental, so i must go through this on my own.

sometimes i lose purpose of what i am searching for, i honestly don't know. i just want to know, if i am doing something wrong, maybe if i start doing it right... so swill8295, i guess you do have a point.



I read and re-read my post before replying because I really didn't want to make you angry, but if you are, I am sorry. I am not trying to make any point, I am here for help. I have been here before, many times, I have taken various advice and heeded them, and nothing has worked, or maybe they have, I am still here and still a christian afterall.

and maybe i am holding myself up against a standard, all i am doing though is what the bible says, to seek ye first his kingdom, to dwell in the church, to fellowship with fellow christians, to serve God, to fast, to pray, to ask and ye shall receive, to.... I am not expecting that becuase i do all this, that my life would be perfect, i really am not.

but couldn't there an explanation for what is happening to me? and if i did or i'm doing something wrong, i simply want to correct it. thats all. to believe that every obstacle i face is simply a test sounds like i'm settling, what if it is a punishment, what if it is something else?

Thanks though, for today at least, I can believe in God's unconditional love.

Think nothing of it, I can't be made angry now. I'm actually much happier since I was forced to remember my own weakness. If you are doing what's in the bible sincerely, then I think you might come across your problem eventually. Sometimes the Lord won't listen to my prayers because I am judging people and in denial of it, even subconsciously. The other day I did something really, really bad on this forum, and have finally found out today, plain as day that I basically judged someone with my words, in a very, very bad way. I've been tormented on and off since, until a few minutes ago actually. But with you, I don't know because I can't read your heart. All I can do is hope you run into someone with the knowledge to help you, or that you find out the problem first hand.