Friend and Engagement at 14

[soldoutdancer4]

my friend has a bf who verbally abuses her. he just recently broke her heart after saying something and she was thinking about cutting him off. but fri. he got on his knee and proposed to her. AND SHE SAID YES! now this may seem crazy as her bf of a yr is cruel to her but they're my age, 14! they plan on getting married when they turn 16 bcuz apparently its legal as long as the parents r kewl w/ it. they're babies! they have no idea that marriage is something serious. she's gonnas throw her life away and care for her too much to do something like this. i think he just did it to get her back an manipulate her again. but she just doesn't see him as someone who hurts her. she says she loves him. what should i do about this? should i just leave this situation to God? thanx

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Soldoutdancer


GOD'S WORD says we are not to meddle in another's affairs.



I know this is hard to do when you think someone is doing something wrong and hurting themselves.



I do know of some folks that got married at 15 and some at 16. The ones that married at 15 are now in their 70's. The ones that got married at 16 are now in their 60's.



Believe it or not there is NO true test for marriage. It all depends upon the couple.



As a retired Private Investigator that specialized in domestic affairs I can tell you I have seen many marriages fail that waited until they were older and had gone with each other for a long time.



There is a lot of pressure on a marriage that young and we all hate to see them in pain. But there are other offsetting advantages to a young marriage. Today we have a lot of STD'S that injure and kill. We have a lot of unwed mothers. There are even more serious problems I could mention.


What you really can do is witness to them about making GOD as the number one priority in each of their lives. Then all else is vanity.




EVEN IN THIS REMEMBER:




X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[JEBofChristTheLord]

my friend has a bf who verbally abuses her. he just recently broke her heart after saying something and she was thinking about cutting him off. but fri. he got on his knee and proposed to her. AND SHE SAID YES! now this may seem crazy as her bf of a yr is cruel to her but they're my age, 14! they plan on getting married when they turn 16 bcuz apparently its legal as long as the parents r kewl w/ it. they're babies! they have no idea that marriage is something serious. she's gonnas throw her life away and care for her too much to do something like this. i think he just did it to get her back an manipulate her again. but she just doesn't see him as someone who hurts her. she says she loves him. what should i do about this? should i just leave this situation to God? thanx

In these situations, I find it's best to speak the truth whenever asked to do so, be friendly and uncondemnatory always, and most of all remember that if this friend of yours is to be released from evil, God is the one who will do almost all of what needs to be done for her. We do little bits to help. God does the heavy lifting.

 

[alloftheword]

Is she a Christian? Tell her that God loves her no matter what, and his love is what she needs to experience by following his word. I went through the same thing that she did, tell her if she doesn't follow God's way, she'll never get to experience the wonderful plan he has for her, and the people He has for her to meet. I stayed with a guy like that because I felt I was responsible for him, but now I realize I'm not God, and I shouldn't get in God's way!

Ohh, and yes remember that you're not the holy spirit so you can't change her heart, but you can show her God's love, tell her that you will love her no matter what and you accept her the way she is. And you can pray for the holy spirit to move on her.

I hope she doesn't waste any more time on this guy! You or she can email me if you want to know more of my experience.

 

[Saeph]

It's to your credit that you care that much about your friend! I think everybody would be glad to have such a friend like you.



Well, I don't know your friend and her boyfriend, so I can't say how serious they take that whole thing. But I can tell you: Just give them time. Some of my friends (also about 14, 15) had the same kind of "ideas". I think that's pretty normal in that age, I thought that way with my first boyfriend, too.

Don't know if this helps you, but even if they don't give up their plans, you're not the one to do something about it, they are reliable. Your job is to support your friend whatever desicion she makes.

 

[christianflyboy]

ummm, please refer to verses that tell us not to meddle in the affairs of a bother or sister please. If a brother was sinning, should we just sit back and watch in or horror? this is no diffrent.

Please consult your pastor, revrend or whoever it might be right away. 14 is waaay to young to make a desicion that effects the rest of their adult lives. I'm highly doubting that they are out of pueberty yet, and may not realize how this can effect them.

Remind them that marriage is forever, not just a fling.
And pray, alot.

 

[Born2Serve06]

I agree. You need to just pray that God will lead her to do the right thing. I have a cousin who got married at 16 and is still married. I thought she was crazy too because I am just a few years older than her.

Just remember a lot can happen in two years!

 

[jsimms615]

my friend has a bf who verbally abuses her. he just recently broke her heart after saying something and she was thinking about cutting him off. but fri. he got on his knee and proposed to her. AND SHE SAID YES! now this may seem crazy as her bf of a yr is cruel to her but they're my age, 14! they plan on getting married when they turn 16 bcuz apparently its legal as long as the parents r kewl w/ it. they're babies! they have no idea that marriage is something serious. she's gonnas throw her life away and care for her too much to do something like this. i think he just did it to get her back an manipulate her again. but she just doesn't see him as someone who hurts her. she says she loves him. what should i do about this? should i just leave this situation to God? thanx

I actually know a person who had an engagement around the same time and they have been married for about 36 years now.
I think it is really more of an issue for these kids parents than for you. You need to be supportive and pray for her and be available. When she wants your advise give it, but don't be harsh. This probably won't last and you can be there for her when it ends.
J

 

[bliz]

Are you people out of your minds?????

Don't meddle...

Just pray...

Maybe her marriage will work out...

If what the OP says is accurate, this guy is harming her! It's called abuse. It's ASSULT!

The OP should report the abuse to a school nurse or guidance counselor. This is a sick and dangerous relationship and physical violence gets worse over time, it does not stop or go away on it's own. HE BROKE HER ARM! What will he do when he next feels like he is losing control???

Report this creep to the authorities!!!!!

 

[jesuschickseven]

Are you people out of your minds?????

Don't meddle...

Just pray...

Maybe her marriage will work out...

If what the OP says is accurate, this guy is harming her! It's called abuse. It's ASSULT!

The OP should report the abuse to a school nurse or guidance counselor. This is a sick and dangerous relationship and physical violence gets worse over time, it does not stop or go away on it's own. HE BROKE HER ARM! What will he do when he next feels like he is losing control???

Report this creep to the authorities!!!!!

Where is the post that says he broke her arm? Perhaps you should read it again?
However I personally think that verbal/ mental abuse is much worse than physical abuse....
My best friend did the same thing with her abusive boyfriend (though he wasn't all verbal/ he raped her), but they did eventually break up Junior year.
He married his next girlfriend senior year, and now my best friend is in the Navy and a little wiser and happier....
I tried to interfere with their relationship after the whole rape thing, but it only backfired....she took his side and didn't speak to me for over a year (and we grew up together, but she had only known him a couple of months)
I just told her I still loved her and prayed for her...I did so every few days for a whole year; eventually she got tired of his abuse and became my friend again; I helped her finally break up with him, and protected her when he came around to get back at her....
It isn't easy; you're position sucks, but you've gotta do it... God Bless you...

 

[bliz]

Boy am I stupid!!!! That's what I read - read it twice... but it sure was not there! SORRY! That explains why everyone was so laid back...

 

[Dace]

I abhore any form of abuse especially in marrige, infact Love and abuse are mutually exclusive IMO. the trouble here is that we're talking about children (more or less) and not adults, when he's grown up the guy may turn out to be a perfectly nice well rounded chap, then again he might not.

One of my Aunts got married at 16 and they are still together now, so young marriage isn't necessarily doomed to failure. Although you do have to be careful that you understand your feelings fully at that age because naturally you lack any experiance, and your hormones are clouding your judgement. I certainly wouldn't recommend marriage that young to anyone but if they can stick out a 2 year engagement at that age then who can say that it might not work out after all?

 

[Controverse]

Righto, I'm jumping in!

Believe it or not, there will be the occasional young teenage couple that are somewhat mature enough to handle something like marriage. It doesn't happen very often, but it happens. It is a rare thing, though.

Given that, I don't know about the GUY because he's been verbally abusing the GIRL, and that's not good in any relationship.

That said, people do change.

If the GUY is indeed doing this as a way to continue to manipulate her, or if you at least think he is, you should be a good friend and talk to the GIRL about it. Don't try to impose anything on her though. Just be very VERY polite and calmly explain your worries to her, all the while letting her know you're merely trying to be a good friend who's looking out for her safety. She should know you're just concerned about her, and you are afraid something will happen to her, you can't handle the thought of one of your closest friends being in a situation where she is regretting everything. I cannot stress this enough!

I'm thinking the GIRL may be a little too naive, and naivete is incredibly dangerous. You should probably tell her to secretly be on her guard and not let the GUY know you were talking to her. He might get a little huffy and start hurling abuse at you as well for "meddling".

I think it's a little foolish to just sit back and just trust in God to "fix" this, because after all, there's every chance He might decide to let it happen. Other people might tell you meddling in her affairs is a very bad idea, but I'm telling you now, if you trust in God, He might plan on USING YOU to help get it sorted. If you go talk to the GIRL like I've said, this may be God's way of trying to help your friend.

I do think though that ultimately, she has a choice in this matter and you are merely there to try and influence her. It's a battle between you and the boy, with her life as the "prize".
It's likely to be her choice in this matter much in the same way we decide whether to follow God or not.

I really hope this helps. O_O

Ark