Failed Suicide Attempt

[EbonNelumbo]

I dont know why I did it, but I did. I took some advil, aspirin and trazodone and through aan act of God spoke to someone and they called my friend here and had her take me to the ER. I have lived, obviously however I am going back into the ER at 3am because they need to do some bloodwork to check to see what damage has been done by the meds.

I am so afraid of myself, I have been doing so much better and now this...I dont understand. I am scared I am going to try again, and this time succeed...

I dont know what to do anymore, please help me.

 

[fisherman2]

Why don't you live by your signature???? We or at least I don't know the problems you are having, but to take your life, why?????Sometimes the best thing you have to show at the end of your day is your life,...

 

[EbonNelumbo]

life gets keeps getting worse and worse...I dont understand it. I woke up and I knew it was going to be bad, I was supposed ot drive to Portland to pick up my gma for teh weekend but instead I overslept, given that I got home at 5 it is not wonder, but still. Then I check my email to find two things, 1 is that my youth pastor, my dad as we have come to acknowledge, wrote me the most heatbreaking letter because i know he was hurt and two is that i am on acaemic probation because my ex beat me and i couldnt go to class. real reassuring here. I want to die, I hate this and I dont know if I can do this. I dont know why I am posting but I am...that is all I know. And I know that tonight at , I have a meeting with my pastor, he will know what I did or tried to do whetehr or nto I tell him, he is quite blessed with discernment.

What is wrong with me?

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

i know exaclty what your going through... im here if you need someone.

Jo.

 

[Crazy_nut_4_Jesus]

First of all, God hates to see us hurt and HE would NEVER EVER give us more than we can handle. And YOU have to realize that before the REAL healing begins.
Secondly, Nothing is wrong with you. You're just living through the world God has created. But it's not always going to go your way. As you can tell...

I can really tell you don't want to do this again, and that is wonderful that you want to hold it back!
If you believe in God, then why aren't you relying on Him? Not being mean, but really. Why aren't you? Everyone who is "depressed" and that is a Christian, needs to realize this whole healing process is a two-way thing. Not just God's part. It takes time to finally realize it, but when you do, it's a little bit easier everyday. Trust me.
If we relied on God a lot more, I don't think there would be alot of "depressed Christians". Christians that have fallen into depression are the ones that need to work on the areas of trust and honesty.
Be honest with yourself and God - Admit you have a problem to yourself, then God.
Then trust Him - Believe it or not, if you trust God, he can take control of your life and change it around.

Always remember that He loves you and that soo many others do too,
Love Always,
Becca

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Oh, dear God!

I'm very happy this attempt did fail. I want you to live.

Please Oddbeani, if you need to talk to someone, talk to me.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I talked to my pastor after church and he KNEW what I had done without me having to tell him. He spent 1.5 hrs exorcising demons and I felt things change. He said the hardest to get rid of was death...several people now have told me to be careful because satan wants me dead...

I have cancer, but he touched my back where it is at and prayed and it was painful earlier and then it stopped hurting all together. I am going to my dr tomorrow to see if more than just the pain went away. '

I am afraid of dying but I am still afraid nonetheless. My best friend Evelyn spent a good hour cajoling me to stay at the church, she knew what I intended to do when I left and she wouldnt let me, I didnt even have to say a word.

So after Pastor Jef and I were finished praying my life seemed to flip a bit. I felt freeer than I ever have, and yet I am suffering from insurmountable fear that this joy will soon be replaced by misery again...

I prayed with Pastor Jef for these things to all go away and they did, but I am afraid that I was more interested in not typing up his time and didnt honestly tell me that demons were still aflluent but just not like they were. I do want to be happy and to grow and help others, but it seems like nothing I do matters. I posted the orginal message on here to seek some help, which I looked at as a good step, then I have heard people displaying their dumbfoundedness and scoff because people such as myself attempt suicide.

I am afraid...I know that if I try again I will make darn sure I dont fail, and that thought pattern is what scares me...

 

[LegacyOfLove]

I'm praying for you! I am so saddened to hear how you are feeling. Just know, that there is nothing too big in our lives...or in what we are going through...for Jesus to take care of. He promises that He will NEVER leave us, nor forsake us. When we think we cannot go on, Jesus can give us the strength to keep going. I pray His light will shine down on your heart and that His peace will be with you. God has a purpose for your life and I am praying that you will be able to see yourself as God sees you (a wonderful person who He has great plans for). I pray that you will know how precious you are to Him! If you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to PM me anytime. You're very much in my prayers!

 

[mikeforjesus]

No Oddbeani plz dont go through with it ever , its the depression talking!

But to the other poster.. Not all depressed christians have problems trusting infact they turn out to be the most trusting people ever when they overcome and they receive special grace!
I dont mean to hurt u by telling u this but it is the truth.

Back to Oddbeani chuck those darn medicines away.... the truth is no matter what other ppl tell you otherwise... suicide cannot be forgiven bcoz it becomes too late for you to ask for forgiveness and if it could be the devil wouldnt try to make all our thoughts shift to that.
I will pray for u, where do u live and what is your real name sister?

 

[madison1101]

I strongly suggest you speak with a psychiatrist to see if you need any medication to stablize your emotions. You are facing a lot of stuff that is very difficult of most people to deal with. Cancer, an abusive relationship, school, all add up to challenges that may be adding together.

Whatever you do, talk to someone before opening a pill bottle to overdose again.

 

[Godsgirl481]

I have had about 30 failed suicide atempts in my life...the last one was a few months ago...I took a bottle of asprin and washed it down the a bottle of vodka....no real advice for you...just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have been suicidal since I was about 8...and I am almost 24 now

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Still praying. Love ya girly.

Jo.

 

[Atticus]

I know what you're going through. I'm fighting severe depression too and it's very hard. I'll pray for you.. you're definately not alone.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

Just checking back in on you and wanted to let you know that I am going to continue praying for you! Jesus loves you and so do I!

 

[eastside9008]

Look, OddBeani, I know exactly how you are feeling. I have made several attempts at suicide, with obviously no luck. Nevertheless, I am working through that. I have my friends, and most importantly, god. Every night I pray and beg god for his forgiveness for what I have done wrong. Even though I had valid reason for my attempts, I would take them back if I had the chance. My advice to you is to pray as much as you can, keep reading your bible, and continue to talk to everyone here. You are welcome to talk to me whenever you feel the need. Remember, I will pray for you every night, and god is always there for you. God Bless.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Everyone:

Thank you. I am doing okay, stable at least. I will update more later.

 

[macandcheese]

Beani...
hi hon. with everything you have been through so far, I know you have the ability to make it through this. just keep swimming...it isn't the best advice i know, but it's all i got, so just keep swimming. and please, beans, see a dr. for your cancer at the very least. we're rootin' for ya kid. keep me updated on how you are doing. never give up. ever.
Your Sister in Christ,
rach

 

[Radagast]

Amen.

-- Radagast

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I am okay...I guess. What scares me is that I began having suicidal temptations and attempts when I was 14 and they were out of desperation, but now, what happened terrifies me because I know that I INTENDED to die.

 

[darketernal]

The Cycle of the Soul

This book shows that however deep a human being has fallen,there will always be a way out.

http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

This book saved me from suicide,