I am atypically autistic as opposed to classically autistic I am verbal with my immediate family only.
My parents are in the faith too but I think I take it more seriously in practice. My dad was working throughout my childhood and still today so my mum basically raised me herself. For years I resented my dad for his absence. He did not come from a happy or believing home his siblings all have different dads and share of violence, abandonment and addictions. Mum says he did not know how to be a dad so has been a poor spiritual leader/role model for the family though he has supported us financially and he is a good hard working God fearing man.
A few years ago tired of the resentment I asked God to help me see past the block and love him. It worked and things have never been that bad again. He is still away a lot and we do not talk much but I no longer question his love for me.
Now my doubts about my love are creeping up again. The more I progress in my faith the more I see I am leaving my parents behind spiritually which scares me. It is like I have outgrown what they can teach me and I am on my own perhaps to lead them. Also I question if I really love Our Father the way I am supposed to or if it is just another 'special interest'.
I believe in God I have experienced miracles and revelations I do not doubt God or Jesus I just question my response or lack of one sometimes. Maybe my autism is holding me back from being able to really connect and feel things like others seem too. I get things people struggle with or I just accept something others want to rationalise in their limited human perspective. I feel I cannot connect or be a part of a local church because people find me intimidating, literal, black/white, self righteous and inconsiderate. I am not intentionally malicious. I enjoy talking about faith and God I just do not know how to it seems in a loving way.
I would be thankful for your prayers and kind words.
God bless.
My parents are in the faith too but I think I take it more seriously in practice. My dad was working throughout my childhood and still today so my mum basically raised me herself. For years I resented my dad for his absence. He did not come from a happy or believing home his siblings all have different dads and share of violence, abandonment and addictions. Mum says he did not know how to be a dad so has been a poor spiritual leader/role model for the family though he has supported us financially and he is a good hard working God fearing man.
A few years ago tired of the resentment I asked God to help me see past the block and love him. It worked and things have never been that bad again. He is still away a lot and we do not talk much but I no longer question his love for me.
Now my doubts about my love are creeping up again. The more I progress in my faith the more I see I am leaving my parents behind spiritually which scares me. It is like I have outgrown what they can teach me and I am on my own perhaps to lead them. Also I question if I really love Our Father the way I am supposed to or if it is just another 'special interest'.
I believe in God I have experienced miracles and revelations I do not doubt God or Jesus I just question my response or lack of one sometimes. Maybe my autism is holding me back from being able to really connect and feel things like others seem too. I get things people struggle with or I just accept something others want to rationalise in their limited human perspective. I feel I cannot connect or be a part of a local church because people find me intimidating, literal, black/white, self righteous and inconsiderate. I am not intentionally malicious. I enjoy talking about faith and God I just do not know how to it seems in a loving way.
I would be thankful for your prayers and kind words.
God bless.