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Doubting My Capacity To Love

Beloved Pure

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I am atypically autistic as opposed to classically autistic I am verbal with my immediate family only.

My parents are in the faith too but I think I take it more seriously in practice. My dad was working throughout my childhood and still today so my mum basically raised me herself. For years I resented my dad for his absence. He did not come from a happy or believing home his siblings all have different dads and share of violence, abandonment and addictions. Mum says he did not know how to be a dad so has been a poor spiritual leader/role model for the family though he has supported us financially and he is a good hard working God fearing man.

A few years ago tired of the resentment I asked God to help me see past the block and love him. It worked and things have never been that bad again. He is still away a lot and we do not talk much but I no longer question his love for me.

Now my doubts about my love are creeping up again. The more I progress in my faith the more I see I am leaving my parents behind spiritually which scares me. It is like I have outgrown what they can teach me and I am on my own perhaps to lead them. Also I question if I really love Our Father the way I am supposed to or if it is just another 'special interest'.

I believe in God I have experienced miracles and revelations I do not doubt God or Jesus I just question my response or lack of one sometimes. Maybe my autism is holding me back from being able to really connect and feel things like others seem too. I get things people struggle with or I just accept something others want to rationalise in their limited human perspective. I feel I cannot connect or be a part of a local church because people find me intimidating, literal, black/white, self righteous and inconsiderate. I am not intentionally malicious. I enjoy talking about faith and God I just do not know how to it seems in a loving way.

I would be thankful for your prayers and kind words.
God bless.
 
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twin1954

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Do whatever God puts in your hands to do and He will take care of the rest. Both you and your parents are in the hands of God. Trust Him to do what is right and good.

We are told to examine ourselves whether we are in the faith but never told to examine others. Examining ourselves to see if we have sin is nonsense. Of course we do. That is why we need Christ. Too much self examination will lead to fear and fear always drives you away from Christ not to Him. Simply rest in Christ and look to Him alone as your all in all.

Remember that you are complete in Him, Col. 2:10. It doesn't say that you will be complete but that you already are. All you need is already yours in Christ.

I am your simple servant in Christ, twin.
 
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Knowledge of God begets the response of love because of the will set on Him. Your experience of miracles and revelations add to your faith and is your personal knowledge of Him.
Think of your love for Him and how it's not always front and centre of your being, but in knowing His love for you it remains constant. So too with people. Love is part of your foundation because you are in Christ.
Loving your parents seems to have come about for you in your understanding of them. And I'm sure your love shines thru in this and that they feel it from you.
I think I can speak for all of us in saying that we're never sure if our debt of love is being paid in loving others. Some of Jesus's answers could sometimes be misconstrued as seeming harsh, yet they stemmed from the Father's love.
 
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Ask God to work the impossible in your life. For when the rich young ruler went away sad (because he was not willing to give up his riches to follow Jesus), the disciples asked Jesus who then could be saved? Jesus replied, with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. So call upon the LORD and ask Him for His strength of Spirit to help you to love more. Do not doubt or give up. Keep trusting in the LORD. Keep believing He will do it in the right time. For "....they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31). Why is it so hard? Because wants us to connect with Him? He wants us to build that relationship with Him. In this your love will grow even more for the LORD when you see Him deliver you one day according to His timing and purpose and plan.


...
 
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Beloved Pure

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Thank you. Coll 2 has been very much appropriate for me this week.

God bless.

Do whatever God puts in your hands to do and He will take care of the rest. Both you and your parents are in the hands of God. Trust Him to do what is right and good.

We are told to examine ourselves whether we are in the faith but never told to examine others. Examining ourselves to see if we have sin is nonsense. Of course we do. That is why we need Christ. Too much self examination will lead to fear and fear always drives you away from Christ not to Him. Simply rest in Christ and look to Him alone as your all in all.

Remember that you are complete in Him, Col. 2:10. It doesn't say that you will be complete but that you already are. All you need is already yours in Christ.

I am your simple servant in Christ, twin.
 
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Beloved Pure

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Thank you for your encouraging words!

God bless.

Knowledge of God begets the response of love because of the will set on Him. Your experience of miracles and revelations add to your faith and is your personal knowledge of Him.
Think of your love for Him and how it's not always front and centre of your being, but in knowing His love for you it remains constant. So too with people. Love is part of your foundation because you are in Christ.
Loving your parents seems to have come about for you in your understanding of them. And I'm sure your love shines thru in this and that they feel it from you.
I think I can speak for all of us in saying that we're never sure if our debt of love is being paid in loving others. Some of Jesus's answers could sometimes be misconstrued as seeming harsh, yet they stemmed from the Father's love.
 
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Beloved Pure

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Thank you I really really needed to hear these words right now now I just need to remember them!

God bless.

Love is simple. Love is patient and kind. Demonstrate patience and kindness both to yourself and others. Speak truth. You are probably more loving than you realize.
 
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Beloved Pure

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Thank you thank you.

God bless.

Ask God to work the impossible in your life. For when the rich young ruler went away sad (because he was not willing to give up his riches to follow Jesus), the disciples asked Jesus who then could be saved? Jesus replied, with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. So call upon the LORD and ask Him for His strength of Spirit to help you to love more. Do not doubt or give up. Keep trusting in the LORD. Keep believing He will do it in the right time. For "....they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31). Why is it so hard? Because wants us to connect with Him? He wants us to build that relationship with Him. In this your love will grow even more for the LORD when you see Him deliver you one day according to His timing and purpose and plan.


...
 
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Dave-W

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Now my doubts about my love are creeping up again. The more I progress in my faith the more I see I am leaving my parents behind spiritually which scares me. It is like I have outgrown what they can teach me and I am on my own perhaps to lead them. Also I question if I really love Our Father the way I am supposed to or if it is just another 'special interest'.
It is normal for the children to out grow the parents at some point. Each generation needs to go a bit farther in advancing God's kingdom.

So - yes, at some point you may have things to teach them. That is a good thing. I did with my parents and am looking forward to the time when our daughters and son start teaching my wife and me.

As to you questioning your own love for God, that is an age-old trick of the devil to try to make us doubt ourselves so we stop following HIM and start analyzing self. That makes us less effective in our witness.
 
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Beloved Pure

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That is a beautiful gift thank you so much. It made my spirit soar and my body chill.

God bless.

You may find the following song inspirational or encouraging.

Artist: Mary Jo Joyce
Song: Hem of Your Garment


May God bless you.
And always stay strong in Him.


....
 
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Beloved Pure

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I have been struggling lately I was aware of the obvious attacks but I guess I lost sight of this attack it was more subtle. Now I am aware I can re-arm myself with God's armour.

Thank you now I do not feel so bad leaving them behind a little.

God bless.

It is normal for the children to out grow the parents at some point. Each generation needs to go a bit farther in advancing God's kingdom.

So - yes, at some point you may have things to teach them. That is a good thing. I did with my parents and am looking forward to the time when our daughters and son start teaching my wife and me.

As to you questioning your own love for God, that is an age-old trick of the devil to try to make us doubt ourselves so we stop following HIM and start analyzing self. That makes us less effective in our witness.
 
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Dave-W

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I have been struggling lately I was aware of the obvious attacks but I guess I lost sight of this attack it was more subtle. Now I am aware I can re-arm myself with God's armour.

Thank you now I do not feel so bad leaving them behind a little.

God bless.
Indeed. You are very welcome.
Continue to stand strong my sister. :)
 
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singpraise

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God bless you, too, my dear. We all have struggles, there is no shame in that. I'm a rather introverted person and prefer keeping to myself, too. I try to smile and be friendly to people, and remember to mostly listen to them rather than talk too much myself.

Most of the time I prefer being alone or with just my husband; it's my nature. I've learned to embrace it and know that it energizes me more to spend time alone, and it drains my energy to have to interact with people too much. The key is finding the right balance that works for you personally. There is no right or wrong personality type, we're all different and that's a good thing.
 
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One more song that may lift you up is this one. Well, actually it is a short animated music video.


Granted, I do not agree with all the beliefs of the creator who makes the video, but he does a great job at creating gospel centered uplifting animated videos (with very beautiful music).


...
 
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