Do we need a new theology for marriage?

[Veritas]

If you're not ready to have kids, you're not ready to get married. It's as simple as that.

 

[The Princess Bride]

Mat 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.







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So you don't want to do this? I hope you will think further about this, about what marriage and sex is all about, and not accept the world's viewpoint, but God's.


Peace to all

I take up my cross, one that is different than yours to bear.

God calls us to be selfless, not selfish. i noticed you said "I dont want".."I want" and "I would like a break". Fine go ahead and do that, just know its NOT what God has asked of you. Jesus said "Pick up your cross and follow me". Jesus said "Lose your life for my sake". The Christian walk is not an easy one.

I agree, the Christian walk is not an easy one.

But how do YOU KNOW what it is that GOD has required of ME to do?
The call He has on my life is differant to that He has placed on yours.

If you're not ready to have kids, you're not ready to get married. It's as simple as that.

Since when did being ready for kids and being ready for marriage go hand in hand? The principles and maturity levels required are completly different.


I know many people bash my feelings on birth control, here and other places. Do I care? Nope..not really.

No one has given BIBLICAL evidence backing that it is a SIN to use any form of birth control. Fact is, there isnt any.

God gives to us each a different portion of what we can handle. He DOESNT call us all the live the same life, if He did that would be redundant. God gives us the grace to handle the life He has given us. Some people are called to have large families, others small or none at all. It doesnt mean we are sinning by not having as many kids as the next person.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I'm not sure that I agree with the comment that if somebody is not ready to have kids they are not ready to get married. I was only 26 when I married and I needed those couple years just to really get to know my husband and devote myself to him. I was not ready to have kids. Now, nearly ten years later, we have two and I was certainly ready to have them when I did but it would have been too soon before that.

Anyhow just my thoughts on marriage...I don't believe in divorce and hubby and I discussed this before we married and had no problem agreeing we'd never divorce. God brought us together, of that there is no doubt and we both have the faith in God to help us through any rough patches and so far He has. I do believe divorce is a sin but I am not in the business of determining which sins are worse than others. It may be equal to lying or bragging or gossiping and how many of us have commited any of those sins in the last year? As far as the number of Christians divorcing, well, personally, I believe we have many lukewarm churches in the United States and they are producing christians and not Christians....just my opinion.

God bless.

 

[Dmckay]

I'm not sure that I agree with the comment that if somebody is not ready to have kids they are not ready to get married. I was only 26 when I married and I needed those couple years just to really get to know my husband and devote myself to him. I was not ready to have kids. Now, nearly ten years later, we have two and I was certainly ready to have them when I did but it would have been too soon before that.

Anyhow just my thoughts on marriage...I don't believe in divorce and hubby and I discussed this before we married and had no problem agreeing we'd never divorce. God brought us together, of that there is no doubt and we both have the faith in God to help us through any rough patches and so far He has. I do believe divorce is a sin but I am not in the business of determining which sins are worse than others. It may be equal to lying or bragging or gossiping and how many of us have commited any of those sins in the last year? As far as the number of Christians divorcing, well, personally, I believe we have many lukewarm churches in the United States and they are producing christians and not Christians....just my opinion.

God bless.

Your's was a very wise post. It takes time for a married couple to get to really know one anothers strengths and weaknesses and how to deal with them, before they add the added stress and confusion that beginning a family creates.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Your's was a very wise post. It takes time for a married couple to get to really know one anothers strengths and weaknesses and how to deal with them, before they add the added stress and confusion that beginning a family creates.

Sometimes I wonder if having children too early in a marriage keeps the marriage from strengthening...not in all cases but I've seen too many marriages end in divorce where the couples had children too soon and never really got to know their spouse. Children are a blessing but so are marriages and marriages deserve dedication too. Their parent's marriage provides a foundation from them and it is always best to strengthen that foundation first.

 

[Veritas]

Since when did being ready for kids and being ready for marriage go hand in hand? The principles and maturity levels required are completly different.

Since the beginning of man. Up until just recently with the "me generation" do we see the idea of getting married and waiting to have children under the guise of "getting to know each other better". What a silly notion that would have been to our grandparents. Interestingly, the older generations who got married and had children right away had far stronger, longer lasting marriages than those who's concept of marriage is "let's have fun" or "finish my education and start a career" types. Nowadays, "Chrisitian" marriages fail at the same rate as the general population. I think the separating of marriage and family has a great deal to do with it.

 

[Lynn73]

Babies do not keep a marriage from failing nor do I think marriage is supposed to be nothing more than a baby factory institution. People should not be having babies they don't want. Nowhere in Scripture is it indicated that marriage is for babies only or that people who don't or can't have babies should be denied marriage.

 

[Veritas]

Babies do not keep a marriage from failing nor do I think marriage is supposed to be nothing more than a baby factory institution. People should not be having babies they don't want. Nowhere in Scripture is it indicated that marriage is for babies only or that people who don't or can't have babies should be denied marriage.

I guess you forgot the first commandment God gave Adam and Eve: "Be fruitful and multiply"......

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Since the beginning of man. Up until just recently with the "me generation" do we see the idea of getting married and waiting to have children under the guise of "getting to know each other better". What a silly notion that would have been to our grandparents. Interestingly, the older generations who got married and had children right away had far stronger, longer lasting marriages than those who's concept of marriage is "let's have fun" or "finish my education and start a career" types. Nowadays, "Chrisitian" marriages fail at the same rate as the general population. I think the separating of marriage and family has a great deal to do with it.

Not quite accurate...first of all, before no-fault divorce, divorces were not easy to come by. Secondly, I know 'elderly' couples who have been married a long time (happily, too) and did not have children immediately. For many elderly couples they did not have access to birth control so you cannot really compare.

And just speaking for myself, we did not put off having a family 'to have fun' or 'finish the education' or 'start a career'. As a matter of fact, we both finished our educations after the kid(s) were born. We simply believed we needed a strong foundation and getting to know each other was a part of that foundation. We didn't live together before marriage and only dated 9 months before marrying (six of which he spent deployed).

Keep in mind, while you may believe God's plan was for you to start bearing the babes right away, for some of us, that was not God's immediate plan. God knew we needed that time for each other and we've been blessed tremendously as a result and while we've only been married ten or so years and are still in that 'honeymoon' phase I suppose, we do have a solid marriage and our two childless years played a role in that.

God has different plans for different people. I'd say we leave it up to Him to decide what others ought or ought not be doing.

God bless.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I guess you forgot the first commandment God gave Adam and Eve: "Be fruitful and multiply"......

If you've ever grown fruit trees, you'll know that it often takes several years for them to bear fruit. Give the trees time to grow and mature.

 

[Veritas]

If you've ever grown fruit trees, you'll know that it often takes several years for them to bear fruit. Give the trees time to grow and mature.

Bad analogy. Human's made in the image and likeness of God bear no resemblence to trees. Also, God never told the trees to "multiply".

 

[heartnsoul]

Matthew 19:6
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Mark 10:9
"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Do you believe we need a new theology for marriage? And if so, do we need to accept fornication (living together in a loving relationship with a person of the opposite sex, but ready to break up if things don't work out) and adultery (re-marriage after divorce) as acceptable for christians.

In my opinion, the answer is no, we don't need a new theology for marriage because the passages you quoted still remains true. The problem is not with the theology. The problem is the impatience of people to rush into marriage without patiently waiting on God's PERFECT timing for the right partner. Thus, as you noted passages, "...therefore God hath joined together,"...."therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."

Therein lies the problem. It's man's impatience and man's poor choice of marriage partner that resulted in an ungodly marriage. There is a big difference between a man-made marriage and a godly marriage from what I read. Godly marriages are based on "spiritual attraction and maturity" whereas man-made marriages are based on physical attraction.

With that said, I think if we truly waited on God's timing for the right partner, the marriage would be spiritually mature and stable so that divorce wouldn't even be a consideration.

On a recent Christian radio program, I heard it said that 97% of marriages today are from impatience, not waiting on God's timing. No wonder so many marriages are stuggling and unequally yoked.

So the problem is not divorce. The root of the problem is impatience on God.

 

[Lynn73]

Impatience, that's it right there. Impatience caused me to really mess up totally that area of my life and I'm now in my third marriage and am not really happy in it. Young people, get in a hurry and you'll live to regret it.

 

[Lynn73]

I guess you forgot the first commandment God gave Adam and Eve: "Be fruitful and multiply"......

No, I didn't. Look around. The earth has been mulitplied plenty, so much in some places there's not even enough food to go around. In China, they have so many people I think people are permitted to have only two children which I assume means forced abortion if a woman gets pregnant a third time. Children aren't for everyone. Some can't have them, some don't want to have them and they shouldn't have them if they don't want them. But I do not believe this means they shouldn't marry. The sex drive is still there and the Bible says it's better to marry than to burn.

 

[heartnsoul]

Impatience, that's it right there. Impatience caused me to really mess up totally that area of my life and I'm now in my third marriage and am not really happy in it. Young people, get in a hurry and you'll live to regret it.

So true Lynn73. 97% of all of us can testify to that fact that we were all impatient and did not wait on God's perfect timing. Hind sight is always 20-20. But from this, it's even more important that all of us make every effort to educate the young adults and help them focus their energies on strengthening their walk with God so they will make the right decisions.

 

[Lynn73]

Yep.

 

[PraiseToHim]

Matthew 19:6
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Mark 10:9
"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Who was speaking in these verses ?

Has anyone with more authority than Him changed these commands?


Answer those two questions and you've answered to OP.

Right on the nose. Jesus said it and as far as I know no one with more authority has superseeded it.

Looks like most people around don't want to hear that though.

 

[GraceInHim]

the problem is not getting married and divorced or getting married to multiply and be fruitful.. the problem is our carnal ways and it is called LUST.. that is where it starts.. lust is just by looking and wanting.. it is mistakes we or the other makes once we feel this. but we also learn by our mistakes and we are forgiven.. the prostitute was and Jesus told her to go and STOP SINNING..

 

[thereselittleflower]

Not all, most hormonal contraceptives prevent the release of an egg for fertilization.

Actually, that is what the pharmaceutical companies that make them want you to believe .. but ALL hormonal contraceptives have, as ONE of their methods of action, abortion . . preventing the fertilized egg from implanting if the other mechanisms fail . . .

We went through this last year sometime, i have no idea where those threads are now . . . Let me see if I can round up some links for you . . ah . . here is one - hormonal contraception involves either estrogens, progestins or a combination of both . . .





Here are the methods of action for both individually:

Hormonal contraception is one approach to birth control. It may be accomplished through various methods, which all involve interference with normal sex hormone function in the body. Hormonal contraception for men is under study, but existing hormonal contraception is used almost exclusively by women. Currently-available hormonal contraceptives disrupt the normal menstrual cycle by altering the levels of the female hormones, mainly estrogens and/or progesterone. By changing the amounts of estrogens, progesterones, or both; hormonal contraceptives interfere with the release, fertilization, and/or implantation of human eggs.
. . . . . . . . . .

Estrogens:

• prevent ovulation (the release of eggs from the ovaries)
• affect the time needed for an egg to travel through the fallopian tubes, thus interfering with precise timing needed for fertilization
• interfere with the implantation of a fertilized egg on the wall of the uterus

Progestins:

• prevent ovulation (the release of eggs from the ovaries)
• affect the time needed for an egg to travel through the fallopian tubes, thus interfering with precise timing needed for fertilization
• increase the amount and thickness of mucus at the cervix (the opening of the uterus), thereby decreasing sperm entry to and passage through the vagina
• decrease the ability of sperm to fertilize an egg
• interfere with the implantation of a fertilized egg on the wall of the uterus

DrugDigest​

Hormonal Contraception/Birth Control
http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/PrintablePages/HealthConditions/1,20041,550100,00.html


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As you can see, both have the interefernce with implatantion as a final mechanism of action, which means that if this is the method of action that prevents the pregnancy, if the others fail and the egg is fertilized, the pregnancy is prevented by abortion.


So if you have been led to believe you can't be causing an abortion by using hormonal contraception, you have been deceived . . most of us have been.

Only if they intentionally take a "Morning After" Pill...

As you can see, this is not the case.

Do you realize that before the "morning after" pill hormonal contraceptives were used just like this, by increasing the dosage of the usual pill?

Yes, but it is STILL a form of Birth Control, no matter how you look at it.
NFP takes into account the fertile and infertile times during a woman's cycle, but that isnt always accurate. For women who are also on an irregular cycle, it doesnt do any good for them, because of the unpredictablity.

It can be used wrongly . . . but it is for birth PLANNING and it ALWAYS leaves one open to life . . it never forces an artificial sterility.

It is using the rhythm that God made a part of our beings to make us fertile to help plan and space children . . . it is never to be used to keep one from having children . . . .


But, the important aspect of this is it is not contraceptive, it puts no unnatural barries to conception, it inhibits no natural function in the body . .

Artificial contracption does all this, and it closes one to the possiblity of life . . . this has the tendency to turn each other into objects of sex, sources of pleasure when engaging in the sex act (even if mutually desired) rather than two sharing each other for the creation of new life.

Our society has sex and procreation so turned upside down that it is extrememly hard to conceived of this . . .

Those who use Natural Family Planning share how just the opposite results from using this method . . have you ever taken time to read about this?



Peace to all

 

[Daily Miracle]

What about the lack of encouraging reconciliation after divorce? Reconciliation almost never comes up as an option to Christians, even though it SHOULD be a consideration.