Divorcing lying, cheating husband

[Conservativation]

They didn't ask why he would allow it, they asked why he would HELP HER do it. Huge difference.
Despite that mans hideous behavior, the child should not be made aware of those details. i cant tell of that was the desire or not and this is very old news thread anyway, in these cases the child should never have to know these horror stories except maybe daddy did something that hurt mommy. Thats my main point

 

[hijklmnop]

They didn't ask why he would allow it, they asked why he would HELP HER do it. Huge difference.
Despite that mans hideous behavior, the child should not be made aware of those details. i cant tell of that was the desire or not and this is very old news thread anyway, in these cases the child should never have to know these horror stories except maybe daddy did something that hurt mommy. Thats my main point

I didn't say details. Obviously it should be explained appropriately. But my point is he shouldn't walk away and leave all the explaining up to her. What a cop-out.

 

[TheMrs274948]

Hey Sandradee,

Sorry to hear of your pain.
Let me tell you something. If you can, go to Divorce Care. I did, and it helps tremendously. My kids attended too...what a difference!
God loves you, don't forget that. He can take the ashes of your pain and use it to create something beautiful in your life. God has great plans for you and your son.

God bless you....it does get better, I speak from experience. Draw close to Him. He will be your husband.

God is not anyone's husband. He is God, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, Father Almighty, Heavenly Father, Creator, Holy Spirit, Healer, Provider, Master, Lord, Immanuel, God Who Sees, the Alpha and Omega, but not Husband. Christ loves the CHURCH like a groom loves his bride, but we cannot consider ourselves individually married to God. He designed men specifically for that purpose.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Sandradee
I recommend the book/cd titled FORGIVENESS by Charles Stanley at INTouch Ministries. I am reprinting a small sample below


Steps to Forgiving Others
1. Understand that forgiveness is not
* Justifying, understanding, or explaining why the person acted toward you as he or she did.
* Just forgetting about the offense and trusting time to take care of it.
* Asking God to forgive the person who hurt you.
* Asking God to forgive you for being angry or resentful against the person who offended you.
· Denying that you were really hurt; after all, there are others who have suffered more.
·
2. Understand that it is often unwise to forgive face to face. This tends to make the other person feel "put down" and make you look holier-than-thou.

3. Select a time and place when you can be alone for a season of time.

4. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your mind all the people you need to forgive and the events you need to forgive them for.

5. Make a list of everything the Holy Spirit brings to your mind, even if it seems trivial to you. (Do not rush through this step; allow the Holy Spirit all the time He needs to speak to you.)

6. Take two chairs and arrange them facing each other. Seat yourself in one of the chairs.

7. Imagine that the first person on your list is sitting in the other chair. Disclose everything you can remember that the person has done to hurt you. Do not hold the tears or the emotions that accompany the confessions.

8. Choose by an act of your will to forgive that person once and for all time. You may not feel like being forgiving. That's all right. Just do it, and the feelings will follow. God will take care of that. Do not doubt what you have done is real and valid.

9. Release the person from the debt you feel is owed you for the offense. Say, "You are free and forgiven."

10. If the person is still a part of your life, now is a good time to accept the individual without wanting to change aspects of personality or behavior.

11. Thank the Lord for using each person as a tool in your life to deepen your insight into His grace and conforming you to the image of His Son.

12. Pray. This is a suggested prayer to pray as you "talk" to each person:

Because I am forgiven and accepted by Christ, I can now forgive and accept you, _____________, unconditionally in Christ. I choose now to forgive you, _____________, no matter what you did to me. I release you from the hurt (take time to name the hurts), and you are no longer accountable to me for them. You are free. 3. When you have finished praying through the hurts you have suffered, pray this prayer of faith.Lord Jesus, by faith, I receive Your unconditional love and acceptance in the place of this hurt, and I trust You to meet all my needs. I take authority over the Enemy, and in the name of Jesus, I take back the ground I have allowed Satan to gain in my life because of my attitude toward _____________. Right now I give this ground back to the Lord Jesus Christ to whom it rightfully belongs.


Sandradee
Your achieving forgiveness is mostly for YOU!
When you complete your forgiveness God will bless you and you will be more spiritual.
I kow you know that but thought maybe a reminder might help.
God bless you my dear.

Stan

 

[JTC_DayByDay]

Sandra, I feel your pain and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this difficult period. I whole heartedly believe that your reasons for wanting a divorce are totally justified. I would like to respectfully point out that from my understanding of the Bible, divorce should be avoided if the offending spouse has truly repented. I believe that nothing is too big for the Lord. People CAN change. I've certainly no way of knowing if your husband has truly repented but I'd encourage you to get Christian counseling both with your husband and on your own.

Your husband made some terrible decisions, no doubt, but it is possible that his heart has changed. That possibility alone is worth exploring the issue further especially when there is a child involved. I've seen marriages recover from terrible circumstances and grow into wonderful fulfilling relationships that exceed all expectations. I realize that you have been horribly betrayed and hurt beyond measure. I'm just saying that miracles DO happen. People CAN change. Like I said before, nothing is too big for the Lord.

Lastly, when someone has been betrayed as you have, reconciliation is not something that the betrayed would actually WANT seek out. Who in their right mind would want such a thing with a person that has hurt them so deeply? It sounds like you are repulsed by the thought of your husband and rightfully so. Instead of wanting to work on the marriage the question for the betrayed becomes are they WILLING to.

At any rate, I will be praying for you and your family.

Regards,
JTC

 

[Sandradee0303]

Thanks to all of the new and old support. It has been a year since I left. My son is doing well. We are still married as I can't afford divorce and he doesnt want it. JTC I am NOT willing to keep trying. I don't trust him at all and refuse to continue allowing him to hurt me.

A new thing today. I went to his house today with our son and I went into the back room to look for my dog leash that I left there a month ago. When I left him I took the boudour (can't spell it) pics of myself and had them at my house. I have been thinking that he made a copy of my house key from my sons copy that he keeps in his book bag. Now I know!!!! I found those pics plus some other things. I am thinking that I need to put spy cams in my house to catch him.

Oh, nope, never mind. that won't work because I also found where he has printed all of my posts from this site and a couple other sites including a ladies only christian site. ONLY christian women that have been betrayed are supposed to join. He joined and printed all of my posts from there!!!!! I don't believe his deceptions will ever end. I will NOT give him yet another chance to hurt me (although the discovery today hurt and brought back all the pain from the initial discovery).

Seems so funny as we go to church as a family now, which we did not do during the marriage. I will still do all in my power to show a united front to our son.

For those that thought I wanted my son to know what my H did. I did not want him to know details. I did want my H to participate in the telling my son that we were separating but without telling his sins. As it stands now it has taken almost a year for my son to start talking to me like he used to. As far as he knows, I am still the reason for the break-up of the family. His dad is more than happy to leave that as it is!! No surprise there.

Dear Husband, I hope you are enjoying reading all of my posts and watching me get support/ and some not so supportive responses. If I told you once......I told you 1000 x.......if you want to know what I am thinking or feeling just ask me. Don't be a sneak!

 

[mplhawaii]

Your story is somewhat similar to mine. My husband is very "sneaky" and he hardly ever feels any remorse or thinks it's wrong. He's addicted to inappropriate content as well and it's gotten worse over the years. I've caught him on dating sites asking for sex several times. I even seen the texts myself and talked to the women. He tells lies like there is no tomorrow, but will always see himself as a victim.

I am happy to see that you are not going back to your husband. Do you think maybe he thinks there will be hope, as you all attend church together and are still married? What I learned is my husband can only be on good behavior for so long until his real motives are exposed.

I will need to cut my ties with my husband, permanently, from everything. I know if I don't, he will find a way to get back into my life.

I've caught him video taping me while having sex before. I'm constantly catching him doing something behind my back that a normal person who has respect and love for you would NOT do. When I caught him with pictures of myself, I cried. I felt violated. He didn't think it was a big deal. It happened several more times after and since then I've had to be really really careful. I would find cameras hidden in socks, etc. It's really pitiful. He just laughs when I tell him. I feel like I have to protect myself my husband in every way, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. He is very manipulative and makes people feel sorry for him.

From reading your story, I understand what you have gone through and the feeling like you always have to watch your back because of what he might be doing in secret. My husband makes fake FB accounts and tries to friend me or tries to hack my computer.

To be fair, we BOTH have anger issues and have to constantly deal with that on the daily. It's time for me to let go. It hasn't gotten better, just worse. I stayed for the sake of my family, but I'm raising my kids on my own already, as he is hardly home.

I pray for strength, peace, and courage.

God Bless you!

 

[dayhiker]

MLP .. welcome to CF ... sorry your in that situation.