Dark Night of the Soul.

[chevyontheriver]

Hey guys just wanted to say I guess I'm in the Dark Night of the soul I truly got saved in early 2009 but in early 2013 of October I started getting Blasphemous thoughts and now I'm at the point where I'm just truly numb if I read or pray I feel nothing not even a goosebump don't know if you guys have ever been there the thoughts are so sick and twisted against the Holy Spirit I dare not even mention them therefore Beyond The Pale of ungodliness don't know if you guys can relate to any of what I just said and it even feels like they want to come out of my mouth so it's almost like The Dark Night of the Soul mixed with demonic oppression

The dark night of the soul is usually not associated with demonic oppression. The dark night of the soul is not something where you have evil thoughts but is an opportunity to learn to love God for who He is rather than for God providing you spiritual highs all day long. I'd suggest you might be in some sort of spiritual warfare but probably don't call it the dark night of the soul.

What to do? Get a confessor and confess your sins. Ask for a blessing to combat spiritual oppression. Get a spiritual director to guide you in standing strong against oppression. Build your willpower by tiny acts of will, tiny acts of denial, tiny conscious acts of goodness slightly beyond your comfort. Learn custody of your eyes, your lips, your body, your mind. Then when these thoughts occur you can set them aside. Easier said than done, but with God's grace and your better trained will you can do it. Remember that a temptation itself is not a sin but what you do with a temptation may be a big sin. Learn to will to put those temptations aside. Fail then start again. Make small progress over a long time, not frustrated if it takes much much longer than a few days. More like months and years. As St John Fisher said, meditate on the sufferings of Jesus and how they were for you. Think of the cross, with Jesus hanging on it, suffering, hearing all the blasphemies uttered about him. How he chose to take all of it, and for you, especially for you. Be happy that God did not spare his only son for your sake, your brother dying for you. There is a prayer at the end of Fisher's 'A Spiritual Consolation' as follows. Sorry for the olde English, but ... give the Lord the small gift of your self, over and over again. It will not be spurned. I'm praying for you as well.

"O my blessed Saviour Lord Jesu, Thou
askest my love, Thou desirest to have my heart,
and for my love Thou wilt give me Thy love
again. O my sweet Lord, what is this for Thee
to desire, which art so excellent? If my poor
heart were of so much value as all the hearts of
men and women that ever were, if they were put
together in one ; and if it were as precious and
noble as there is price and nobleness in all the
orders of angels; if furthermore it did contain
in it all bodily and spiritual treasure that is
within the compass of heaven or without, yet it
were but a little gift to give unto so great a
Lord, for His most delicate and precious love
to be had of Him again: much rather my
love and heart, as it is now naughty, wretched
and miserable, so is it but a small gift and of
little value. Nevertheless, such as it is, since
it is Thy pleasure to have it and Thy goodness
doth ask it of me, saying : Praebe mihi cor tuum ;
that is to say: 'Give me thy heart ' — I freely
give it unto Thee, and I most humbly beseech
Thy goodness and mercy to accept it, and so to
order me by Thy grace, that I may receive into
it the love of nothing contrary to Thy pleasure,
but that I always may keep the fire of Thy love,
avoiding from it all other contrary love that
may in any wise displease Thee."

 

[miknik5]

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Just really need some encouragement my mind is so played with these Blasphemous thoughts but now it's to the point as if I think them out of habit I don't know I just know it one point I was so on fire for Jesus I was at a point to where it was Jesus or die and I Know The Enemy came in and I just don't know what to do just need some encouragement any of you guys ever had Blasphemous thoughts ever have the urge to want to speak them ever accidentally spoke then it's just crazy and it sprayed me with such anxiety and derealization and depersonalization I feel completely numb like an empty shell like I don't even know how I make it from minute to minute

Sir. I am going to find where St. John spoke of this. And I will try to locate it online so I can somehow attach it for you


What you need to go is keep praying

Satan would love for you to become afraid of these unclean thoughts and therefore out of fear of this, stop altogether from praying


Dont

 

[miknik5]

book 1. chapter 4. Bullet 3
Under the imperfection of the soul with regards to "luxury". Please google " dark night of the soul E. Allison peers."

There is an online copy available and it is a duplicate of the hard copy that I have

I don't know how to copy it. I am going back to find the website and will copy that for you


Google "dark night of the soul E. Allison Peers
Then scroll to the online books website which will be this below:
http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.ed...=Peers, E. Allison (Edgar Allison), 1891-1952

 

[miknik5]

I mean I could just cry right now it gets so bad even when I drive it's like my mouth wants to blaspheme the spirit and I don't understand I'm to the point now to where I'm numb as if I were to speak something it wouldn't bother me but yet I don't want to speak something I'm just in a whirlwind of confusion I just want to cry right now I want my life back in Jesus name I'm tired of living this way I know the Bible even went to Bible school I love the Lord but I've been in the oppressive battle that has just overwhelmed me to the point of almost giving up but yet I refuse to give up

Don't give up. Keep praying. This is what you must cintnue to do and it is whst the enemy does not want you to do

 

[Received]

The dark night of the soul is when God loses the skin of the old concepts you've had of him, leaving you conceptually in a dark alleyway with God as pure noumenon, the pure divine thing-in-itself, a God that can't be understood or ascertained. These moments of darkness are reminders that God is more than the signifier "God", which can be terrifying and lonely, but ultimately is the building block of great faith. Once you learn to fight in dark, the light's a tremendously easy place.

 

[PapaZoom]

Dark night of the soul.

Anybody ever been there?

Do you mean depression?

 

[blackribbon]

I am living in that dark night....waiting for the "light to guide me".

I wonder how broken I have to become before I can hear His Voice again. I feel like I am going through life in a lonely fog and I am failing those around me because I can't find my way. Mother Teresa's secret letters both give me hope because I know that I am not alone in this kind of emptiness even though I feel like I am where I belong....but I also despair a bit in thinking that maybe this fog won't be lifted in this lifetime.

The idea that this is preparing me for something is terrifying. How much worse can it get and yet people will continue to expect me to show up smiling......

 

[Lulav]

This thread was moved from General Theology
to Christian Advice.
Please continue posting
under the SOP of this forum.​

 

[Gregory Thompson]

@brinny - The first day is always so long, so when the second day begins, it is a shock. The morning and the evening have come many times within me.

It is part of being a new creation.

 

[Galilee63]

PM me if you need me,

Our Lord calls us back through these heart wrenching experiences with our Blessed Virgin Mother Mary waiting to get through to us in Loving aid.

Love to you my Sister in our Lord Jesus and Mother Mary

 

[Vicomte13]

How much worse can it get and yet people will continue to expect me to show up smiling......

I'll tell you how much worse it can get, and I'll tell you what is to be learned from it.

Once I fought with God and would not take "No" for an answer. God and I were talking - this was during a period of visions and miracles in my life. There was something specific I wanted, and I kept asking for it, and God kept on telling me his way, that would not include that in the way I was asking, I pushed, and he told me "You have your answer". Well, I didn't accept the answer, I didn't like the answer, so I pushed back HARD.

And that's when he pushed me into the black abyss.

It was the most utter blackness one could imagine. No light whatever. There was no gravity, no up, no down, nothing to orient upon.

There was also no air, no ether, no substance. I waved my hand frantically before my face - no wind. There was nothing to breathe, nothing going in or out. I wasn't suffocating, but there was another stress that was the worst thing I could have never imagined before, and that it is difficult to believably described.

With no up or down, no ground, no light, a blackness so utter it fills your eyes and ears and mouth like ink, no air, nothing to push against, you can thrash around but it is AGAINST nothing - the universe does not "touch you back", because there was nothing there. Nothing. No atoms. No energy.
NOTHING.

This was not the thing of great despair.

The greatest despair was that inner voice, you know, the inner monologue that we maintain throughout our lives, the verbal mirror of our thoughts, us talking to ourselves. That stopped. Completely. And in a moment I realized that never before in my life had I ever really been alone. The "other half" of my own thoughts, the mirror that talks back in thought, the inner monologue, was a dialogue and it always had been. What I had always thought was me, was not me at all. It was always God talking back to me in something I took to be my own "inner voice". That which I had always thought was my mind was NOT my mind at all. I discovered that half of what I thought was me, wasn't me at all, but was God.

And he was gone. Now I could not have an inner monologue, no internal "Stephen, how are we going to get out of this one?" Nothing. I had never thought about it before, but in retrospect I always assumed that I could just imagine responses, that my mind was the constant iteration of thoughts and repetitions, the inner back and forth.

I discovered, in one terrible moment in utter blackness, that it was not. I discovered that the inner monologue always was me talking with God (or, later, I discovered it could be other spirits that are not God at all). I discovered it because He left me alone and was not there. My mind couldn't "reflect". I could form no "inner dialogue". Nothing. Even my MIND wasn't my own.

And in that state I was utterly alone. In the airless, weightless blackness, without even the consolation of my own thoughts as I had always known them.

And I knew that it was MY FAULT.

The inner primal scream for mercy I cannot describe and don't want to try. Some say that Hell is the separation from God. I don't know about that. I do know that there is a black abyss of nothing, where God leaves you. And I know that it is the horrifying and emotionally devastating thing I have ever experienced.

He took me out of that place - he literally ripped me up out of it into the light, and I found myself standing on a plain, looking up at one gate of a great city far above, in the sky. There was great light behind the gates and walls of city, like a glorious sunset. It was beautiful - the City of God - from below and afar. And as I looked at it, I was speaking with "myself" again within, and realizing that it wasn't fully myself at all. That it had been God all along.
So, from the black abyss to a vision of hope.

But yes, things can get a lot blacker and a lot worse than they are. God can push you down into the blackest abyss of despair, and leave you there, and then for the first time you will realize that you know God and always did, because half of the internal you is him talking back to you.

Or at least a spirit. Half of what you think is "you" is not you. And in the black abyss you discover that, to your horror and overwhelming grief.

You are sad and things are dark, but they're not as dark as THAT. God is still talking to you. Perhaps my story will help you to recognize how close he really is.

 

[blackribbon]

I'll tell you how much worse it can get, and I'll tell you what is to be learned from it.

Once I fought with God and would not take "No" for an answer. God and I were talking - this was during a period of visions and miracles in my life. There was something specific I wanted, and I kept asking for it, and God kept on telling me his way, that would not include that in the way I was asking, I pushed, and he told me "You have your answer". Well, I didn't accept the answer, I didn't like the answer, so I pushed back HARD.

And that's when he pushed me into the black abyss.

It was the most utter blackness one could imagine. No light whatever. There was no gravity, no up, no down, nothing to orient upon.

There was also no air, no ether, no substance. I waved my hand frantically before my face - no wind. There was nothing to breathe, nothing going in or out. I wasn't suffocating, but there was another stress that was the worst thing I could have never imagined before, and that it is difficult to believably described.

With no up or down, no ground, no light, a blackness so utter it fills your eyes and ears and mouth like ink, no air, nothing to push against, you can thrash around but it is AGAINST nothing - the universe does not "touch you back", because there was nothing there. Nothing. No atoms. No energy.
NOTHING.

This was not the thing of great despair.

The greatest despair was that inner voice, you know, the inner monologue that we maintain throughout our lives, the verbal mirror of our thoughts, us talking to ourselves. That stopped. Completely. And in a moment I realized that never before in my life had I ever really been alone. The "other half" of my own thoughts, the mirror that talks back in thought, the inner monologue, was a dialogue and it always had been. What I had always thought was me, was not me at all. It was always God talking back to me in something I took to be my own "inner voice". That which I had always thought was my mind was NOT my mind at all. I discovered that half of what I thought was me, wasn't me at all, but was God.

And he was gone. Now I could not have an inner monologue, no internal "Stephen, how are we going to get out of this one?" Nothing. I had never thought about it before, but in retrospect I always assumed that I could just imagine responses, that my mind was the constant iteration of thoughts and repetitions, the inner back and forth.

I discovered, in one terrible moment in utter blackness, that it was not. I discovered that the inner monologue always was me talking with God (or, later, I discovered it could be other spirits that are not God at all). I discovered it because He left me alone and was not there. My mind couldn't "reflect". I could form no "inner dialogue". Nothing. Even my MIND wasn't my own.

And in that state I was utterly alone. In the airless, weightless blackness, without even the consolation of my own thoughts as I had always known them.

And I knew that it was MY FAULT.

The inner primal scream for mercy I cannot describe and don't want to try. Some say that Hell is the separation from God. I don't know about that. I do know that there is a black abyss of nothing, where God leaves you. And I know that it is the horrifying and emotionally devastating thing I have ever experienced.

He took me out of that place - he literally ripped me up out of it into the light, and I found myself standing on a plain, looking up at one gate of a great city far above, in the sky. There was great light behind the gates and walls of city, like a glorious sunset. It was beautiful - the City of God - from below and afar. And as I looked at it, I was speaking with "myself" again within, and realizing that it wasn't fully myself at all. That it had been God all along.
So, from the black abyss to a vision of hope.

But yes, things can get a lot blacker and a lot worse than they are. God can push you down into the blackest abyss of despair, and leave you there, and then for the first time you will realize that you know God and always did, because half of the internal you is him talking back to you.

Or at least a spirit. Half of what you think is "you" is not you. And in the black abyss you discover that, to your horror and overwhelming grief.

You are sad and things are dark, but they're not as dark as THAT. God is still talking to you. Perhaps my story will help you to recognize how close he really is.

Interesting that you make assumptions about my life and where I actually am. I know that internal voice isn't me most of the time...but rather God...and it is that voice that I am not hearing. I am left with just me and I know I am not strong enough to face my world without God. I also know better than to challenge God because I am nothing. Luckily, I don't need that to move ahead and do what I am supposed to but I still live in that dark place waiting for the light.

I didn't realize this was a competition.... Your "encouragement", well, it isn't. My physical world doesn't look that bad so nobody realizes that I'm drowning, but I feel like I am... In someways, that makes it that much harder.

 

[DawnStar]

Do you mean depression?

That is exactly what is in my opinion. Whether it be situational or clinical. Many Christians feel they could not possibly be depressed because of their status as believers so they believe they are going through the so-called dark night of the soul.

 

[W2L]

Interesting that you make assumptions about my life and where I actually am. I know that internal voice isn't me most of the time...but rather God...and it is that voice that I am not hearing. I am left with just me and I know I am not strong enough to face my world without God. I also know better than to challenge God because I am nothing. Luckily, I don't need that to move ahead and do what I am supposed to but I still live in that dark place waiting for the light.

I didn't realize this was a competition.... Your "encouragement", well, it isn't. My physical world doesn't look that bad so nobody realizes that I'm drowning, but I feel like I am... In someways, that makes it that much harder.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, theirs is the kingdom. I'm glad I suffer. I was not always so thankful, but now that I see so much imperfection in people , I don't condemn myself anymore, and I have found a great source of strength in my suffering. Sure it slays me, but we must be born again, so I am blessed, the Lord has become my strength, and I learn to walk by faith in him, not by what I see in this world. We walk by faith not sight. Paul gloried in hardships, necessities and distresses, because he learned, over time, that when he was weak then he was strong. Some people thank god for carnal prosperity, but i'll thank him for my suffering. Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Do you mean depression?

That's not usually it, although I suppose the absolute dryness of the dark night can be depressing and lead to clinical depression. Depression is treatable with counseling and pharmacology, and should be treated. The soul in relation to God experiencing a dark night is a different thing. Spiritual consolation and desolation don't always correlate with mental health.

 

[blackribbon]

Blessed are the poor in spirit, theirs is the kingdom. I'm glad I suffer. I was not always so thankful, but now that I see so much imperfection in people , I don't condemn myself anymore, and I have found a great source of strength in my suffering. Sure it slays me, but we must be born again, so I am blessed, the Lord has become my strength, and I learn to walk by faith in him, not by what I see in this world. We walk by faith not sight. Paul gloried in hardships, necessities and distresses, because he learned, over time, that when he was weak then he was strong. Some people thank god for carnal prosperity, but i'll thank him for my suffering. Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul.

I am glad that you came out of your dark place.... but why do you consider my dark place inconsequential?

Nevermind, I guess. It is mine to struggle through.

 

[Vicomte13]

Interesting that you make assumptions about my life and where I actually am. I know that internal voice isn't me most of the time...but rather God...and it is that voice that I am not hearing. I am left with just me and I know I am not strong enough to face my world without God. I also know better than to challenge God because I am nothing. Luckily, I don't need that to move ahead and do what I am supposed to but I still live in that dark place waiting for the light.

I didn't realize this was a competition.... Your "encouragement", well, it isn't. My physical world doesn't look that bad so nobody realizes that I'm drowning, but I feel like I am... In someways, that makes it that much harder.

It's not a competition. I was trying to help. I see that I didn't. I'm sorry.

 

[blackribbon]

It's not a competition. I was trying to help. I see that I didn't. I'm sorry.

Sigh...I wasn't trying to make you feel bad but when someone comes up and says "I have been deeper or darker than you..." ... particularly without knowing where I am ....

It doesn't matter. Maybe God is just saying that I am to battle this out alone.

 

[W2L]

I am glad that you came out of your dark place.... but why do you consider my dark place inconsequential?

Nevermind, I guess. It is mine to struggle through.

I have not come out, I have found light shining into it instead. I was merely trying to share your burden with you, and its the same as mine as well.

 

[brinny]

Do you mean depression?

I'm referring to the type of spiritual angst and inexplicable suffering that many in Biblical history experienced. Job comes to mind. He didn't know why he was being afflicted and why all that he knew and loved were taken from him (except his wife - she left of her own accord, rejecting and despising him). From his perspective it came out of the blue, and all collapsed, like dominoes, one after the other, and there he was on an ash heap, worms in his sores, and Satan giving him night terrors, and through it all, God seemed to be absent, and silent, and no longer a Comforter for Job, it seemed. Thus what comes to mind for me is a spiritual "dark night of the soul" for Job.

However, Job isn't the only one who agonized over what seemed as if God had forsaken them.