Dad Arrested for Taking Tween Daughter's Phone

[Hammster]

It's not about compliancy. You keep misconstruing what I'm writing. This thread isn't about me or other teens here. So these are some of the facts that we know:

http://www.christianforums.com/thre...-daughters-phone.7930174/page-8#post-69225011

Do you think the way that man acted was actually reasonable & loving parenting? I definitely don't, and neither do my parents.

Well, you made it a out you when you posted what I quoted.

I do not know exactly what happened. But in general, if a child is being disrespectful to their parents, there should be discipline.

 

[Mayzoo]

It's not about compliancy. You keep misconstruing what I'm writing. This thread isn't about me or other teens here. So these are some of the facts that we know:

http://www.christianforums.com/thre...-daughters-phone.7930174/page-8#post-69225011

Do you think the way that man acted was actually reasonable & loving parenting? I definitely don't, and neither do my parents.

When a father literally chooses an iphone 4 over his own child, something is very wrong with the man.

He kept the phone; he gave up all legal rights to the child. He opted to go to court on both accounts. IMO, his priorities are VERY skewed, but we do not have all the facts....so far, predominately what I have seen is part of his side of the story.

Personally, I do not think all the facts would alter my opinion. Anytime a parent chooses to simply abandon a child, their priorities are skewed (I am not referring to giving a child up for adoption). There is almost no good reason for abandoning a child.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

When a father literally chooses an iphone 4 over his own child, something is very wrong with the man.

He kept the phone; he gave up all legal rights to the child. He opted to go to court on both accounts. IMO, his priorities are VERY skewed, but we do not have all the facts....so far, predominately what I have seen is part of his side of the story.

Personally, I do not think all the facts would alter my opinion. Anytime a parent chooses to simply abandon a child, their priorities are skewed (I am not referring to giving a child up for adoption). There is almost no good reason for abandoning a child.

I think it depends on what led up to the fact that the guy didn't know this girl existed her first 7 years. Ever hear of parental alienation? It does happen, and it's possible that it happened here as well. She doesn't seem interested in a relationship with him whatsoever, so why should he pursue one? By terminating his rights, he's giving the stepdad the opportunity to adopt her, too, something my ex could've be bothered to do.

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

From the article I read (https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-arrested-for-taking-daughters-phone-as-171354368.html), the phone belonged to mom who was letting the child use it. Dad kept it over three months before he received a citation of theft. He still refused to return the phone to his ex-wife. Then the police showed up to request the phone back. He refused to give it to the police (his wife is not a police officer from the article I read, her new husband is, btw). In January 2014, he was offered a plea deal if he would return the phone. He refused, hired a lawyer, then requested a jury trial. Then the case was transferred to another county and a warrant was issued. Nineteen months after dad took the phone and refused to give it back to his ex-wife, despite numerous requests, he was arrested. He took the phone in Sept. 2013 and he was arrested April 2015.

This is about more than just taking your child's technology for punishment. This is a power play between the divorced parents that went badly.

Now he refuses to have any relationship with his child. He has severed ties with her over this.

Cell phones and computers...... can't live with 'em, can't live w/o 'em.
I do like the GPS feature!


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[Mayzoo]

I think it depends on what led up to the fact that the guy didn't know this girl existed her first 7 years. Ever hear of parental alienation? It does happen, and it's possible that it happened here as well. She doesn't seem interested in a relationship with him whatsoever, so why should he pursue one? By terminating his rights, he's giving the stepdad the opportunity to adopt her, too, something my ex could've be bothered to do.

Yes, I have heard of parental alienation. There is no indication that occurred in this case. To my recollection, there is no indication he was unaware she existed for the first 7 years. Actually, no one has said any reason whatsoever why the father was not involved. All they did say was he was not involved in the first 7 years. Speculating beyond that is pointless.

What we do know is by his own words he decided "he has had to separate himself from Steppe and his daughter because of this incident. “I can’t ever have a relationship with them again,” he said." https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-arrested-for-taking-daughters-phone-as-171354368.html . Not a history of issues. Not a list of issues. Not because mom is alienating me. He merely listed this one issue as the reason he no longer wishes to be her father.

She is a child. She does not get to decide if a parent is in her life or not. Very few children would have any parents in their lives if it was left up to tweens/teens to decide. If your child stated they wanted to live on their own or for you to stop being their parent, is that their choice at 12 or at 15?

Why should he pursue a relationship with his own child? Seriously? You have no idea why a father is needed in a child's life? Here is a good start for that research for you: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#newwindow=1&q=Research+on+the+importance+of+a+father+in+children's+lives

Maybe I forgot, or maybe I missed it, but where did it state that step father wanted to adopt this 15 year old child? I really hope someone steps up and helps her recover from this injury her father has caused.

 

[Mayzoo]

Cell phones and computers...... can't live with 'em, can't live w/o 'em.
I do like the GPS feature!


.....................................................................

.

Like most folks, I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I love it when it is doing what I want, and ya know the rest!!!

I could live without my cell phone, but I would not live without it because someone else decided to steal mine . Even knowing now that I could easily lose in court despite proof it was mine, I would still prosecute the person who stole it.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Yes, I have heard of parental alienation. There is no indication that occurred in this case. To my recollection, there is no indication he was unaware she existed for the first 7 years. Actually, no one has said any reason whatsoever why the father was not involved. All they did say was he was not involved in the first 7 years. Speculating beyond that is pointless.

What we do know is by his own words he decided "he has had to separate himself from Steppe and his daughter because of this incident. “I can’t ever have a relationship with them again,” he said." https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-arrested-for-taking-daughters-phone-as-171354368.html . Not a history of issues. Not a list of issues. Not because mom is alienating me. He merely listed this one issue as the reason he no longer wishes to be her father.

She is a child. She does not get to decide if a parent is in her life or not. Very few children would have any parents in their lives if it was left up to tweens/teens to decide. If your child stated they wanted to live on their own or for you to stop being their parent, is that their choice at 12 or at 15?

Why should he pursue a relationship with his own child? Seriously? You have no idea why a father is needed in a child's life? Here is a good start for that research for you: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#newwindow=1&q=Research+on+the+importance+of+a+father+in+children's+lives

Maybe I forgot, or maybe I missed it, but where did it state that step father wanted to adopt this 15 year old child? I really hope someone steps up and helps her recover from this injury her father has caused.

I said it makes it possible. I also never said that a father isn't needed in a child's life. You spend an awful lot of time putting words in my mouth.

He just simply said he couldn't have a relationship with her. If he aired the reasons why, I'm guessing there would be people upset with him for doing that.

The daughter made it abundantly clear she didn't want a relationship with him, including saying he wasn't a father to her at all.

I would've jumped for joy if my ex had been willing to sign away his parental rights. The wonderful state of Michigan said that so long as he maintained parental rights, even though he never saw his son, and he was sending money (the very littlest amount and it was ALWAYS forcibly taken) that unless my ex relinquished his parental rights, my husband could not adopt my son. Do you know the ramifications that had on my son?

This relationship between the dad and daughter is obviously toxic. The daughter has a step father now. Let him step up and take over parenting duties if the biological dad is so bad at it, as you believe.

 

[Mayzoo]

I said it makes it possible. I also never said that a father isn't needed in a child's life. You spend an awful lot of time putting words in my mouth.

He just simply said he couldn't have a relationship with her. If he aired the reasons why, I'm guessing there would be people upset with him for doing that.

The daughter made it abundantly clear she didn't want a relationship with him, including saying he wasn't a father to her at all.

I would've jumped for joy if my ex had been willing to sign away his parental rights. The wonderful state of Michigan said that so long as he maintained parental rights, even though he never saw his son, and he was sending money (the very littlest amount and it was ALWAYS forcibly taken) that unless my ex relinquished his parental rights, my husband could not adopt my son. Do you know the ramifications that had on my son?

This relationship between the dad and daughter is obviously toxic. The daughter has a step father now. Let him step up and take over parenting duties if the biological dad is so bad at it, as you believe.

You said:

"so why should he pursue one?"

Then, I asked a few questions strictly for clarification because I would be absolutely dumbfounded if you truly did not know why a father should pursue a relationship with his child. I asked, not stated the below:

"Why should he pursue a relationship with his own child? Seriously? You have no idea why a father is needed in a child's life?"

Then I provided resources on the off chance you were actually unaware of the need for a father in a child's life.

Where in there did I:

#1 put words in your mouth?

and

#2 state you said that a father isn't needed in a child's life?

I am not on the dad's side. I am not on the mom's side. I am the side of the only victim here. The one person who had no say in being drug into this huge, completely immature mess that her parents created for her. The child. They can have sex, but not civil conversations later.

The dad simply provided ample media comments for us to discuss. The mother has mainly remained silent. I try not to speculate often. Hence, most my comments have been about what the dad has chosen to say and what the media has uncovered.

I am sorry you feel I am attacking you. I am not trying to, and I guess it is simply best I stop responding to you since it typically ends up emotional.

 

[Cimorene]

Well, you made it a out you when you posted what I quoted.

I do not know exactly what happened. But in general, if a child is being disrespectful to their parents, there should be discipline.

I definitely didn't intend to make it out that way when I answered your question. I was really surprised that's how you read it. I'm sorry you kept misunderstanding me. I'll try to be more clear if I talk to you again. If you want to know more about what happened, you can read the post I linked for you. This really wasn't about a father "disciplining" his child IMO.

 

[Cimorene]

When a father literally chooses an iphone 4 over his own child, something is very wrong with the man.

He kept the phone; he gave up all legal rights to the child. He opted to go to court on both accounts. IMO, his priorities are VERY skewed, but we do not have all the facts....so far, predominately what I have seen is part of his side of the story.

Personally, I do not think all the facts would alter my opinion. Anytime a parent chooses to simply abandon a child, their priorities are skewed (I am not referring to giving a child up for adoption). There is almost no good reason for abandoning a child.

This. So much.

One of my friends didn't know her dad until she was like 11. At the time her parents were together, he was suffering from untreated PTSD from being in combat in the military. He would go into these crazy rages and tear things apart, and get drunk and violent. He got into legal trouble for going a wall. He threatened her mom a lot and even hit her once. So when her mom found out she was pregnant she left him and moved away. She was frightened. My friend grew up not knowing her dad. She was raised by her granddad but desperately wanted a real dad. Fast forward to 2011. Her dad contacted her mom on Facebook. By that time he'd gotten therapy, and gotten his whole life together. That's when he found out about her and she met him. He could have claimed that parental alienation excuse or whatever but he didn't. He stepped up. He's done everything to try to make it up to her. Her mom could never afford the tuition for our school. He pays for it. They have a really great relationship now. Her stepmom is really great to her too.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

I am not on the dad's side. I am not on the mom's side. I am the side of the only victim here. The one person who had no say in being drug into this huge, completely immature mess that her parents created for her. The child. They can have sex, but not civil conversations later.

The dad simply provided ample media comments for us to discuss. The mother has mainly remained silent. I try not to speculate often. Hence, most my comments have been about what the dad has chosen to say and what the media has uncovered.

I am sorry you feel I am attacking you. I am not trying to, and I guess it is simply best I stop responding to you since it typically ends up emotional.

The daughter is the victim, and even if the wounds inflicted on her life from this trauma heal they are likely to leave emotional scars. Had the ordeal remained private it still would have been intensely painful, but her father's decision to thrust it into the public spotlight and give repeated on-camera interviews trying to portray himself as this earnest, benevolent father would have made it all the more searing. Of course the 50 seconds or thereabouts of airtime could not contain the needed details to put the situation into context, which would belie the first impression many would form.

Her mom stated that her daughter was heartbroken and devastated, which I absolutely believe. She also pleaded, "don't
smear her. Don't make her look like a sexting teen, an out-of-control teen. Don't mess with her life." Unfortunately that's exactly what happened, as evidenced on the pages of this thread. I imagine that in the comment section to a plethora of fact-deficient, clickbait-titled internet articles people have hurled out cruel comments and speculated the worst about her. Even though her name hasn't been released in those articles, her parents names are, and those in her community would easily identify her. I hope she's resisted the temptation to Google this and subject herself to even more heart battering.

The daughter made it clear she didn't want a relationship with her father after all that he had callously and egocentrically subjected her to - two years after that one-sentence text that contained one mildly objectionable word - writing him a letter stating that he had never behaved like a father to her. I think the letter was a way of putting some salve on a deep cut. He rejected her, and so she then rejected him in return. He was biologically connected to her, but from her account did not fulfill any of the true duties of fatherhood. His own actions, which seem fueled by obstinacy and a desire for retribution rather than parental love, substantiate her account. He, the adult, was the one who emphatically stated he could not have a relationship with her because of the situation involving the phone. Most kids, even ones who are grown, still yearn for a relationship with a parent. It's a primal desire. I completely agree with you that it was his responsibility, not hers, to maintain the relationship with her.

I'm sorry for reactivating a dormant thread. As with Cimorene, an incident involving a friend made me think of it again. It's spring break and instead of delighting in it a friend is once again collateral damage in the battle her father is constantly waging against her mother. The most petty matters are used as grounds for an attack.

 

[Cimorene]

I would definitely be heartbroken & devastated if my dad treated me that way. That poor girl.

 

[Cimorene]

Every time there's a terrorist attack my mom calls me several times during the day. Just bc she wants to hear my voice. She's in Europe right now but not anywhere near Brussels. It still shakes her up bad. Another reason why I think the girl's mom had the right to fight to get back the phone she bought for her daughter.