Cruel spouse

[Living4HisGlory]

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[Gwen-is-new!]

It's so tempting to filter and advice based on our own personal experiences or a close friends experience that we are observing (and getting our hearts torn out along with them).

The Lord did give us a mind, and He does want us to use our trials to help others, but it seems at some point, our own emotions over our own personal experience take over - we aren't able to give wisdom that comes from His Word anymore. All we can think about and see is what happened to us when we loved the unlovable, what happened to our friend when she chose to love her husband unconditionally, and how we did what Christ says to do, and it just turned out terribly wrong (the abuser got more abusive etc).. We get mad and I'm guessing some of us are secretly mad at the Lord and His church, and therefore are rejecting His ways.

I think the Lord is all-knowing, and His ways are perfect, and take precedence over my "personal" experience.

I know it's really hard to not get heated and emotional - it's so easy to misunderstand/misconstrue what people actually mean in their blog entry when 1) we don't actually know each other 2) it touches such a personal sensitivity.

If I had real abuse in MY FACE right now, I just wouldn't even come here because I'd know that I wasn't seeing clearly, and it just hits too personal.

Just some thoughts

PS) not saying abusive is okay, not saying the victim is to blame, not saying not saying not saying not saying not saying that .. luv2all

 

[Paidiske]

I don't think loving someone, even unconditionally, means having no boundaries.

It is not "loving" to stay in an abusive situation. It is self-degradation and - if you want to go there - it's enabling the sin of the abuser.

It's not being mad at the Lord or mad at his Church that makes me say that. It is my bedrock conviction that the Lord's will is the fullness of life, for each and every one of us, and that abuse is never the path to that fullness of life. Neither for abused nor abuser.

It is my conviction that Christ went to the cross to set us free from sin and all its effects, including this one. I take this passionate stand against abuse - especially in the Church - because I believe abuse or tolerating abuse spits in the face of our Beloved Saviour and what he came to do.

Saying that abuse must stop is not rejecting God's ways. It's insisting on them.

 

[mmksparbud]

What disturbs me, and I find I don't really know what to make of this, is how many people will post a problem on here, asking for advice, but then never show up again. I see it quite often. Not only do they not post again, they don't even bother to sign in again. I don't understand this. This poster hasn't shown up since the day after she posted, Oct 17. Maybe their spouses are so controlling that they do not have access to their computers anymore? I know that happens.

 

[mkgal1]

It's so tempting to filter and advice based on our own personal experiences or a close friends experience that we are observing (and getting our hearts torn out along with them).

Are you inferring some of us have an irrational stance because of experience? All4Christ posed some excellent questions. Are you willing to make an attempt to answer? What experience does is it puts to the test our beliefs (when the "rubber hits the road" so to speak). For instance: I *used to* believe that everyone just wanted love and understanding. Now I know that's a false belief. That doesn't mean I have a clouded view (I don't see ALL situations as "abusive")---that just means I have an educated view. Seeing life through a lens of denial does no one any good either. Truth and a clear view is what's helpful (not skewed into false perceptions in either direction).

When someone has been expected to stay at home and care for the little ones and not seek employment outside of the home--they are placed in a very vulnerable spot (and it happens to men as well). When they are then shut out of all finances---that's not teamwork....or even a marriage...that's more like indentured servitude. It's not illegal though (not that I'm aware of). So what's a spouse to do in that scenario? I have a few friends who responded by getting jobs outside of the home.....but guess what happened? Their husbands sabotaged their employment. Clubs where put on car steering wheels.....garage doors were disabled....and one husband called the employer and said his wife didn't have his "permission" to work so she wasn't going to return. A hug and a few cliche's about "in God's time" just isn't going to resolve all that. What do you propose? And....for the record: being shut out of bank accounts WAS causing harm to the families I knew. There wasn't enough money given for food and necessary items (the wives "should have been more responsible"--is what was said).

 

[mkgal1]

What disturbs me, and I find I don't really know what to make of this, is how many people will post a problem on here, asking for advice, but then never show up again. I see it quite often. Not only do they not post again, they don't even bother to sign in again. I don't understand this. This poster hasn't shown up since the day after she posted, Oct 17. Maybe their spouses are so controlling that they do not have access to their computers anymore? I know that happens.

That could be (that the spouse found out and took away the access). It could also be that the "advice" given wasn't helpful (and they realized that) and looked elsewhere. I hope the OP is safe.

 

[mkgal1]

how we did what Christ says to do

What specifically are you referring to when you mention this? What did "Christ say to do" and where (and in what context)?

I'm guessing some of us are secretly mad at the Lord and His church, and therefore are rejecting His ways.

I'm not mad at the Lord because He isn't responsible for the abusive ways of people (one reason why I speak out against "God gives us" ). "His ways" are love.....to be the voices for the voiceless....and to do justice. Those that turn the other way (or cross the street) when a person is bleeding out (like in the parable of the Good Samaritan) are the ones that are "rejecting His ways".

 

[Velvetyrabbit]

I can not tell you what to do, and I won't try. But I will tell you as a woman who grew up watching her mother be abused, your children are not ok. What they see and hear will haunt them always. I still suffer from what I saw and heard. Little things you would never think about. If my husband accidentally drops a dish in the sink, I freeze, thinking the yelling and screaming are about to come.
Your husband is not a good father, not even a good man. He is suppose to be the example of how a man should be and how a man should act. Your sons should aspire to be like him and your daughters should aspire to marry an man like him.
If you can tell me honestly you would be happy if your sons turned out just like him treating women they way he is treat you- stay
If you can tell me honestly you would be happy if your daughters married men who treated them they way your husband treats you- stay
You and your children do not sound like you are in a safe home. Something needs to be done before he does something that can not be undone. If you think you can get him in therapy try, but I don't think he will go. He has told you he is right and you are wrong and he sees no issue with his actions. Which makes him dangerous