courtship attempt

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

Christian females, I mean the serious born again Christian ladies and not just Christians by title, what did your husband or courting partner say to you when they first got together with you? I am not talking about the proposal for courtship, but before that. Did they say anything that hinted their desire for you?

The reason I'm asking is this....there's a godly girl in my school I really like. I talked with her on the phone today and asked if she ever wants to hang out someday, and she approved. Now I plan to tell her this, "since I first saw you, I've wanted to have an opportunity to talk with you more and be good friends with you." I am just wondering if that will give her the impression that I am interested. That is exactly what I attempt. I plan to show her I am interested without rushingly expressing feelings with statements like "I wanna get to know you." So I ask you ladies if your partner did the same, if he said something that told you he's interested without him directly expressing a straight "I'm interested in you" type of statement. Did you get the idea right away that he is interested? Because I really want to show my desire in an appropriate way. I don't wanna sneak in my attempt to court her, but at the same time not try to get into a quick courtship prematurely.

 

[citizenthom]

"Good friends" is a lie if what you really want is a courtship, and a lie is a terrible way to start off any relationship.

That said, you probably need to actually be around this girl alone a few times before you know whether you want a courtship. Get an appropriate amount of background info to make that call and then be up front about your intentions.

 

[gzt]

Typically, I think women will get the impression if you're simply very intentional about getting to know her and spending time with her. ie, if you ask her out on a date, and then ask her out on another. If you avoid asking her out on a date, you have to do something else to convey that interest. When I was starting out with my now-wife, I think what really got it across to her that I was interested in her (and it was important that I did so, because she had been burnt before by people who were essentially just toying with her) was that I asked her out to something that was clearly a date, then I followed up by calling her and asking to go out again, and then at that next date making clear what my intentions were. Okay, before those two dates there was a sort of opportunistic date - we were both there after church and I asked her to dinner. That sort of doesn't quite count as a real date because it could be misconstrued as both of us needing to eat in a friendly way. Which is why it was important to follow up by asking her to dinner in, like, a real sense.

 

[gzt]

And, just FYI, it was a couple months between when we started flirting and when I asked her on a date. So I did sort of take some time to get to know her and get friendly before going out with her. But I don't think I said anything in particular at that time to let her know I was possibly romantically interested, but I flirted quite a bit.

 

[JC_Crust]

<staff edit>

aww how cute a little troll!

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

aww how cute a little troll!

what do you mean man? haha

 

[The Nihilist]

"Good friends" is a lie if what you really want is a courtship, and a lie is a terrible way to start off any relationship.

That said, you probably need to actually be around this girl alone a few times before you know whether you want a courtship. Get an appropriate amount of background info to make that call and then be up front about your intentions.

Thom! He said no CINO's!


I'm kidding, but I do think it's funny that the OP thinks someone would identify as a CINO

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

Cino? I'm Confused

 

[JC_Crust]

what do you mean man? haha

well i guess after i quoted it the staff removed a comment made by some lowlife kid that needs a hobby lol

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

ohh, mumziiek!

 

[Bootstrap]

I think there are a lot of people who believe in "friendship first" before dating. I also think most women can sense when that friendship is open to more.

You don't need to create a formal constitution for your relationship before you start hanging out. Play this one step at a time. Invite her to dinner or a movie or a hike, you don't know for sure where it will lead, you know you like her.

The first question is always this: would I like to spend a little time together? The second question is: would I like to get together again? Eventually you get to the point that you ask if you want to kiss, or to make a commitment of some kind, or to get married ....

One step at a time. Slowly. Enjoy each step. Don't feel rushed. Let God guide each step. Leave the outcome up to him.

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

thats what i thought, order matters a lot. I just wanted to make sure that me expressing the desire to be "friends" without me mentioning my "interest" in her at first would not get her to think, "he just wanted friendship and now he wants more than friends?" I may mention my interest in a 2nd time we get together, just to be sure that she sees in our first get together that i am interested and at the same time seeming patient. This (hopefully next week) is something i would say, not considered a date yet since it might be premature to have date at a first get together, maybe after one more get together, and i tell her my interest, then if she is interested, the next get together, perhaps our 3rd or 4th one would be the actual first date. How's that sound?

 

[gzt]

Any sort of "get together" is kind of already a date. But, sure, generally, yes, if you have more of these get-togethers she will get the hint and will see that you are interested in turning the dial further from "friend" to "romantic partner" with each get-together. I don't think you need to say anything about friendship, since the fact of your getting together with her at all indicates some level of interest, either friendly or romantic, and expressing friendly interest will just be confusing.

In short, yeah, keep on at this pace, after a couple get-togethers talk explicitly about romantic interest or something.

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

ok, cause i always thought that a date is something where the guy handles the expenses and all. I was thinking, befire I get there, I should wait till the succeeding get togethers we might have in the further times. As for this being just a friendly gathering, or if i insert what you said, then i guess i can call it a friendly date to begin with.