Confidence

[broken_one]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

 

[LadyOfMystery]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

Having confidence will make you happier, but don't fully expect it to get you places. Sure it helps, it especially helps when you've been rejected by something/someone. But sometimes confidence can be mistaken for ego/snobby and may make you seem less appealing for whatever it is/who ever it is.

But confidence does help in most cases. To get there, I think it has a lot to do with God, and with self worth, and with a good foundation of knowing your weaknesses and things you can do well. Stuff like "I can't do this, but I know I can do that." I think people can have two different kinds of confidence, confidence in themselves and confidence in what they know they can do/capable of doing.
I think starting at your self worth, and what God thinks of you is a good starting point to gaining confidence. IMO.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

Have you any experience with PUA?

 

[Stravinsk]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

Every bit of confidence is earned. Through action.

You were once scared to ride a bike. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

You were once scared to drive a car. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

It really is the same for anything.

 

[broken_one]

Have you any experience with PUA?

It works well, but it's all portrayed as a "trick" (as in I do x, y, and z and then I get in her pants). Works for the extreme short-term, but not for a long-term relationship based on trust.

Therefore, it's not useful to me.

Every bit of confidence is earned. Through action.

You were once scared to ride a bike. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

You were once scared to drive a car. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

It really is the same for anything.

I know....I think I'm going to move before I crash and burn. Apparently here I don't have a chance anyway, but that too. At least when I crash and burn then there's a good chance that I wouldn't see them like all the time.

 

[Japxican]

"Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." Batman Begins

Stravinsk said everything nicely.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Idk, there are pick-up artists whom teach you how to maintain a long term relationship and keep ... wait, I have another book I can send you Sean. It'll be sent shortly.

 

[ks777]

Life is definitely a lot easier with confidence... you never really worry about things because you're... well, confident

My class had to do group presentations today and luckily only one person from a group had to talk. She didn't care at all, just went up there and started talking. I envy that about women, most are naturally really good talkers

 

[Inkachu]

I don't think it's easy to become confident. I think it's something every human being who has ever lived, has struggled with. And I think, even the most confident-looking person on the outside, still has insecurities on the inside that only God may ever know about.

Some suggestions on how you might be able to improve how you feel about yourself:
1. Stop looking to people to make you feel accepted, wanted, and valued. People are not reliable and will always let you down. Get into God's Word to find out your value and worth and potential. The value that you have for God is something that will never change, and nobody can touch it.
2. Find out what you're good at it, and pursue it. I know you're in college right now. Do you know what you're passionate about? What really drives you? Even if it's something that the world might think is unimportant or stupid, it doesn't matter. We all have innate talents, and we should nurture and embrace them. Knowing that you're REALLY good at something - anything - can really boost your confidence.
3. Accept what you are, and what you're not. This is probably the hardest one. Most of us want to be things that we...just never will be. Always wanting what isn't, is a great way to breed frustration, bitterness, and resentment. Try to look in the mirror and say "I am what I am. And that's OK." That's harder than it sounds, lol. But learning to be comfy in your own skin is key to feeling confident in all of life's situations.

Hope some of that was helpful.

 

[MacFall]

Through practice. Only way to do it. Like Stravinsk said.

 

[Quoth]

Every bit of confidence is earned. Through action.

You were once scared to ride a bike. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

You were once scared to drive a car. Now you can do it with confidence. But you had to act despite your fear.

It really is the same for anything.

Essentially this. In many ways, you have to "fake it until you get it."

 

[Lord Herdsetk]

I know what you mean man. I was trying to talk to a cute girl in my english class yesterday, but I struggled in carrying the conversation. I introduced myself to her just fine, its just when I'm left to do most the talking (she's quiet as well), I fall flat on my face. I'm trying to get better at getting to know others though.

 

[broken_one]

Idk, there are pick-up artists whom teach you how to maintain a long term relationship and keep ... wait, I have another book I can send you Sean. It'll be sent shortly.

Now having read it, that book....wow. Talking about creating your own cult and brainwashing people.

But for the part that actually related to women, I am on the fence. Some things I disagreed with, but to the parts that actually were useful were....useful.

I don't think it's easy to become confident. I think it's something every human being who has ever lived, has struggled with. And I think, even the most confident-looking person on the outside, still has insecurities on the inside that only God may ever know about.

Some suggestions on how you might be able to improve how you feel about yourself:
1. Stop looking to people to make you feel accepted, wanted, and valued. People are not reliable and will always let you down. Get into God's Word to find out your value and worth and potential. The value that you have for God is something that will never change, and nobody can touch it.

But is is real? Like, it's hard to believe.

2. Find out what you're good at it, and pursue it. I know you're in college right now. Do you know what you're passionate about? What really drives you? Even if it's something that the world might think is unimportant or stupid, it doesn't matter. We all have innate talents, and we should nurture and embrace them. Knowing that you're REALLY good at something - anything - can really boost your confidence.

I know what I'm good at, and I know what drives me. I just can't handle what I'm not good at, I suppose.

3. Accept what you are, and what you're not. This is probably the hardest one. Most of us want to be things that we...just never will be. Always wanting what isn't, is a great way to breed frustration, bitterness, and resentment. Try to look in the mirror and say "I am what I am. And that's OK." That's harder than it sounds, lol. But learning to be comfy in your own skin is key to feeling confident in all of life's situations.

Hope some of that was helpful.[/quote]
Yeah...it was. Thanks.

 

[Im_A]

Those who said practice, I agree with them.

Just live. Fail, get up and get going again. Succeed and keep going. Just live.

You may find yourself realizing just how much confidence you have by accident. That is how it happened with me with confidence and self-esteem. I realized I had that stuff by accident.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Glad you found some of it useful hopefully there's enough to help make some changes Sean

 

[broken_one]

Glad you found some of it useful hopefully there's enough to help make some changes Sean

I'm already getting female attention now. Unfortunately though I realize that my anxiety is a major obstacle toward getting places with things, I know that I'm moving on and that will be a big help.

 

[Fremdin]

Fake it. No one will ever know the difference.

 

[Gabe7]

I think it comes from how you see yourself. If you see yourself as broken you might feel different than if you saw yourself as a whole and perfect creation of God.

 

[acropolis]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

There is no easy way to get there! If you're looking for an easy way out you have missed the point! It is the difficult things which are the most worth doing, and which will eventually bestow upon you a feeling of confidence. Easy things don't mean anything and therefore don't make you any more confident. If you work hard and set goals for yourself you can be secure knowing that you are becoming a better person every day.

 

[white dove]

It's apparent I don't have it.

This isn't some dating thing, this is a life thing.



How do I get this mythical thing that makes things happen? Is there an easy way to get there?

Nix the arrogance and stop feigning the confidence you don't have. When you fake confidence, it's even worse than if you just didn't have it to begin with. You come off the wrong way - or at least probably not how you'd like to come off. You get confidence by loving yourself and believing that you're not that terrible a person. You get confidence by embracing what makes you who you are - the good and the imperfect. You get confidence - and keep it - by not giving a damn what other people have to say about you.