Cohabitation Before Marriage

[miss-a]

With all due respect, I can think of things less romantic than "Honey, I'm not so sure about you, but I'll give you a try just in case, and ditch you if it doesn't work out," but not many.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I can do it, being asexual. But I've seen it fail a few times. Beyond that, context is key.

 

[JohnDB]

I ain't a big fan of it...

Makes things too "easy in and Easy Out".

Especially if you have been divorced before...It gets harder to stay committed when you have a divorce in your past...and many living together arrangements?....well...it is just like many divorces...except with out all of the court fees and lawyer fees.

And...considering I have a son I want to raise in the grace, wisdom, and knowledge of God....I simply can't. I have two failed marriages now...one to his mother and one to another woman. I so wish that I could show him how to do it instead of how not to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. But...I have failed miserably in that.

A string of "live in" girlfriends speaks volumes to the outside world too that I don't believe in Godly principles...so...I can't do that either...

My identity is with Christ...sure I have made mistakes as all people do. But a lifestyle that speaks to not having a relationship with Christ....I simply can't do it. I don't have it within me.

 

[Tink]

I'm not sure how I feel about it, to be honest.

 

[Blank123]

I ain't a big fan of it...

Makes things too "easy in and Easy Out".

Especially if you have been divorced before...It gets harder to stay committed when you have a divorce in your past...and many living together arrangements?....well...it is just like many divorces...except with out all of the court fees and lawyer fees.

And...considering I have a son I want to raise in the grace, wisdom, and knowledge of God....I simply can't. I have two failed marriages now...one to his mother and one to another woman. I so wish that I could show him how to do it instead of how not to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. But...I have failed miserably in that.

A string of "live in" girlfriends speaks volumes to the outside world too that I don't believe in Godly principles...so...I can't do that either...

My identity is with Christ...sure I have made mistakes as all people do. But a lifestyle that speaks to not having a relationship with Christ....I simply can't do it. I don't have it within me.

although, depending on where you live, if you live together long enough you are considered be legally married and will likely have to go through the whole divorce and lawyers deal anyhow if there is a break-up. The only difference in a common-law marriage is there's really no defining point of making the relationship official to yourselves and your friends/family as with a wedding. Its just gradually falling into a legal bind with that person. and also there's no registering for gifts for just moving in with the boyfriend

 

[Trashionista]

If I'm good enough to live with, I'm good enough to marry.

That said, if I got pregnant before marriage or had already been married, I probably would just cohabitate. I'm not for getting married more than once.

 

[Gym]

I'm not sure how I feel about it, to be honest.

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter

 

[Italianguy]

I thought it wasn't allowed? It's sin? Transgression?

I could be wrong....usually am. I grew up in a different culture. I met my first wife for 20 minutes at 16 then again at the alter at 19. Soooooo I guess my oppinion doesn't count.

God be with you.

No cohabing!

 

[Im_A]

Why or why not?

For or against?

For it.
Easy answer:
I would enjoy being with the woman that I promised to be with her for the rest of my life before the wedding and not have to wait to feel 'justified' by blessings from a priest or preacher or the recognition of the local judge or Uncle Sam or the Elvis impersonator.

 

[Obzocky]

I thought it wasn't allowed? It's sin? Transgression?

I could be wrong....usually am. I grew up in a different culture. I met my first wife for 20 minutes at 16 then again at the alter at 19. Soooooo I guess my oppinion doesn't count.

God be with you.

No cohabing!

From my vague and sleep deprived recollection if you live as man and wife it is a sin. I don't consider seperate rooms living as man and wife, but then again I think i'm viewing cohabiting as living in the same house as opposed to the definitions i've just googled. A lot of them seem to imply cohabitation involves premarital sex, I just assumed it also covered living with someone you're emotionally tied to as opposed to simply sharing a house with roommates. Because i'm not wired 'that way' I fail to understand how anyone who could control themselves outside of cohabiting will suddenly drop all their ideals and suddenly be this lustful beast who cares little for the word of God.

I guess I just fail to understand how living in the same house suddenly compels individuals who say they have a relationship with the Lord to act like dogs in heat. Is it really that hard to abstain for some people?

 

[Apollo Celestio]

From my vague and sleep deprived recollection if you live as man and wife it is a sin. I don't consider seperate rooms living as man and wife, but then again I think i'm viewing cohabiting as living in the same house as opposed to the definitions i've just googled. A lot of them seem to imply cohabitation involves premarital sex, I just assumed it also covered living with someone you're emotionally tied to as opposed to simply sharing a house with roommates. Because i'm not wired 'that way' I fail to understand how anyone who could control themselves outside of cohabiting will suddenly drop all their ideals and suddenly be this lustful beast who cares little for the word of God.

I guess I just fail to understand how living in the same house suddenly compels individuals who say they have a relationship with the Lord to act like dogs in heat. Is it really that hard to abstain for some people?

Well, part of being godly is knowing your limits. Some people have their weaknesses there. But ultimately I agree with you. Just be smart about it.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Why or why not?

For or against?

against for many reasons:

"cohabitation will draw you closer to eachother" : no it won't..... and if it does it's not done in the right way and therefore is a cause for worry.

"cohabitation will prepare you for marrege" : ummmm nothing can truly prepare you for marriage..... using this mindset just pretty much says "hey, I want to see if you are truly worth my time without having the burdons of the vows around my neck, so that way I can leave you if you aren't good in bed"

"cohabitation will make a relationship work better" : the facts disagree, cohabitation ruins many many many relationships.

 

[JohnDB]

There is no playing "footsie" with sin when your identity is with Christ.
Living together is worldly...making firm commitments is more what a Christian is about. Especially when it comes to relationships.

sure, people sin and do all kinds of horrible things. Men being mean and uncaring...and women doing the same. But God is good...living together just speaks to being "of the world" and not of Christ.

It is a lousy witness IMHO.

 

[Stravinsk]

There is no playing "footsie" with sin when your identity is with Christ.
Living together is worldly...making firm commitments is more what a Christian is about. Especially when it comes to relationships.

sure, people sin and do all kinds of horrible things. Men being mean and uncaring...and women doing the same. But God is good...living together just speaks to being "of the world" and not of Christ.

It is a lousy witness IMHO.

Do you consider divorce less "worldly" and less of a "lousy witness" than living together before vows are taken? Because I don't, not by a long shot.

I'm not straight advocating cohabitation before marriage - yes - if you are doing it and having sex you are sinning (unless you are already committed and engaged...I see this a bit different) - but nevertheless it does provide benefits. You get to know first hand whether or not you want to spend your life with this person.

I did it, and am not sorry I did. I have friends who have done it, some are happily married now to that person, some are not.

The simple fact of the matter is that you get to know someone alot better when you are living with them. Sure, the alternative to that is to not do that and ask lots of questions - but you may get half truths and less than full disclosure. There is "less hiding" when you are living with someone and are making joint decisions with them, seeing their habits etc.

If it includes sex it's sin (and I'd say it usually does), and no you don't get to *shine* like a good Christian should for witness purposes, but you also are less likely to step into a serious commitment and find out all kinds of negatives and incompatibilities your partner may have been able to successfully hide from you during courting.

There is risk involved, of course, as I've already stated previously.

 

[latteda]

Against. Sharing a home with someone I was romantically interested in or in love with would be sharing an intimate part of me that I have always wanted to save for marriage.

And for someone like myself that believes in saving sex for marriage, it just seems to be putting yourself in a very difficult place. I would be fighting myself all the time. I think I would go CRAZY.

 

[SonicBOOM]

And for someone like myself that believes in saving sex for marriage, it just seems to be putting yourself in a very difficult place. I would be fighting myself all the time. I think I would go CRAZY.

if your saving yourself for marriage than cohabitation is simply a fool's idea. I mean think about it.... it's you and your loved one, alone.... with no one else around.... with no doubt hormones that have already been built up.... with really no logical reason to wait sense you already live together and are already "married". So given the situation there is no reason to convince yourself not to have sex.... if someone truly is serious about saving themself.... co-habitation is the worst thing you can do.

 

[1usul1]

I would totally try and have sex with her. Which isn't what I want to do. So for me it would be a terrible idea.
For me sex is a big temptation, and I find the problem with temptation is that it is very tempting, id give myself a week max til i have done something regretable.

 

[SonicBOOM]

I would totally try and have sex with her. Which isn't what I want to do. So for me it would be a terrible idea.
For me sex is a big temptation, and I find the problem with temptation is that it is very tempting, id give myself a week max til i have done something regretable.

I would give myself much much less.... maybe a day if I got lucky [no pun intended]. It's a huge thing of shame for me but my sex-drive is massive and therefore my desire is increased greatly and my temptation to sin is much greater. When I meet the girl who would be my wife someday.... I hope she is ok with some pretty massive boundaries, I'm simply hopeless.

 

[IreneAdler]

honestly I see no problem with it, mostly for people already in the midst of a intimate relationship. I wouldn't hesitate to live with my SO right now. Would do it in a heartbeat.

 

[JohnDB]

Do you consider divorce less "worldly" and less of a "lousy witness" than living together before vows are taken? Because I don't, not by a long shot.

I'm not straight advocating cohabitation before marriage - yes - if you are doing it and having sex you are sinning (unless you are already committed and engaged...I see this a bit different) - but nevertheless it does provide benefits. You get to know first hand whether or not you want to spend your life with this person.

I did it, and am not sorry I did. I have friends who have done it, some are happily married now to that person, some are not.

The simple fact of the matter is that you get to know someone alot better when you are living with them. Sure, the alternative to that is to not do that and ask lots of questions - but you may get half truths and less than full disclosure. There is "less hiding" when you are living with someone and are making joint decisions with them, seeing their habits etc.

If it includes sex it's sin (and I'd say it usually does), and no you don't get to *shine* like a good Christian should for witness purposes, but you also are less likely to step into a serious commitment and find out all kinds of negatives and incompatibilities your partner may have been able to successfully hide from you during courting.

There is risk involved, of course, as I've already stated previously.

This is a prime example of the world's wisdom...

Divorce is not great by any standards...but a real divorce is better than what you are proposing. There are so many calamities that can befall a person just by "shacking up" that the success rate of marriages of those who choose to shack up actually shrinks of any of those marriages actually working.

and yes...shacking up is a sin whether it includes sex (as it always does) or claims of innocence.

A divorce doesn't say whether you are a Christian or not...many fine Christian men and women are divorced or married to those that have been.

Shacking up though says that you don't give a fig about what God has said or what his son Jesus has said.

It is adultery at least...and a commitment-less marriage at best. With none of the legal benefits that come with being married. It speaks all about you looking out for yourself and not for your partner. (which is what a marriage is)

And exactly how is it specifically looking out for your Girlfriend's best interests if you simply live together without getting married? If she comes up pregnant the hurdles she has to go through to prove you are the child's father are immense by comparison to being lawfully wed.

And if fidelity has ever been an issue...cheating on a girlfriend/boyfriend is a nothing by comparison of cheating on a wife or husband...

And how exactly is the Kingdom of God furthered by just living together?

I am not a harsh legalist in such matters....but what you are proposing is an absolute ignoring of clearly lined directives given to us for our benefit by God.