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I wrote this study because its something that I continue to observe as the years go by. In both the world, and the church, amongst the female population, there is a vast majority which is strongly seeking to fulfil two major desires. The first is to find a man (preferably the man of their dreams!) to marry, and secondly, is to start a family.
Also, popular culture amongst both the world and the church teaches the concept of finding your soul mate. Is this idea scriptural? Does God have a specific man picked out to marry each Christian girl and so fulfil the desires of their heart? Well, if we read 1 Corinthians chapter 7, the answer is... NO! The clearest New Testament instruction on how a Christians attitude towards marriage should be and about who to marry, is contained 1 Corinthians chapter 7, so please take a minute to stop and read the chapter, then ponder these two important questions...
1. Does the text in any way indicate that God has a soul mate (or a specific person chosen by God) for every Christian woman seeking marriage?
Clearly the answer is no!
2. Does the text in any way show that God WILLS for Christian women (or men for that matter) to even get married?
Again, the answer again is NO!
There is one exception to the above two questions, which I will discuss at the end of the study.
So lets now go through and look at the individual verses that explain why the answer is NO to both the above questions.
Does the text in any way indicate that God has a soul mate (or a specific person chosen by God) for every Christian woman seeking marriage?
Verse 2 clearly says God permits Christians to get married BECAUSE OF SEXUAL IMMORALITY (i.e. to avoid it), not because God wills for those people to get married as part of a specific plan for their life! Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Getting married to stay away from sexual sin is a completely different reason than getting married because God had planned for you to get married to a specific person.
This is confirmed in verses 8 & 9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
So the clear statement of that text is that those who cant exercise self control (i.e. those who are weak in the flesh when it comes to being tempted to fornicate), are permitted to get married. Lets call it what it is its a concession from God its not a predestined union of two people who God had always designed to be together.
Now lets look at the instruction to the unmarried in verse 27: Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
The purest wisdom from the heaven is not to seek a wife! Or, since Im writing to ladies now, do not seek a husband! How can God have specially chosen a person for you to marry, and then advise you not to seek a husband? Well the only way He can say that is if He doesnt have someone picked out for you to marry! The idea of a soul mate is not taught in scripture. That is the cold hard basis of what the verse is saying.
Now, to clarify the freedom that God has given to the church, the aforementioned instruction is not a COMMANDMENT (v 25), but it is Godly wisdom given for the edification of single members within the church (v 25). In other words, God has revealed that we shouldnt be seeking to get married, however for those Christians who are weak when it comes to sexual temptation, God will permit them to get married, though He does not will them to.
Now I know there is a group of Christians out there who claim that 1 Corinthians is not God talking, its just Paul giving his own opinion. But to those people, I would say to remember 2 Timothy 3:16, states that all scripture is God breathed! Many verses in the bible are the Wisdom of God, though not all are commandments from God, yet they are still scripture. 1 Corinthians 7 is one such case where God says through Paul that these instructions are Wisdom and not commandments (v 25).
Does the text in any way show that God WILLS for Christian women (or men for that matter) to even get married?
As I stated above, the text shows NO! Now before I discuss the one exception to the above statement, I want to look at the reason Paul gives as to WHY God doesnt will for most Christians to get married.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lordhow he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the worldhow he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the worldhow she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
This is the answer why! It all revolves around the doctrine Jesus taught that God must be our FIRST LOVE! God knows whats in the heart of man, and so God has stated through Paul, that when Christians get married, it naturally pulls their affections away from God onto their spouse! Thats why the text shows its NOT Gods will for people to get married! The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love.
THE EXCEPTION
Now the exception is this - In rare cases, God does have a specific person picked out for you to marry, as per 1 Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
When that happens, God classes your spouse as a gift (that is, a gift from God). God obviously has some specific reason mapped out in His will for this to occur. Its in these situations that you can realistically apply scriptures like Proverbs 18:22, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. However, Christians are not all supposed to hone in on that one verse and all think they are the one God has picked out a gift for. Christians are supposed to see the chapter for what its saying, not for they hope for. I believe the ones who God has a gift for are ones who wont put their husband or wife before God (as per v32-35).
CONCLUSION
The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love. Personally, I dont see how anyone can justify applying the verse its not good for man to be alone, to Church or to the church age, especially in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And even if Genesis 2:18 did apply to the Church age, it almost CERTAINLY doesnt apply to the generation that will live to see the coming of Christ (Of which I believe and many prophets have said that we are it). Lets pursue God, free from the distraction of a spouse, unless God intervenes and shows us otherwise.
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
First of all, lets establish what this is NOT saying. Its not saying that those who are fornicating or who have fornicated now have a green light for marriage. Marriage is NOT the biblical solution to Christians who are in bondage to lust! If youre fornicating, or if youre in bondage to lust, its NOT saying marriage is the cure or solution to get freedom in this area. Sanctification and deliverance from these things comes from God alone, through repentance of sin and through God cleaning you up. Getting married doesnt deliver you from the cords of iniquity that may be there. God Himself has to free you. The strength of what verse 2 is talking about as to who can get married is actually talking about virgins, because the idea is for them to marry instead of losing their virginity through fornication (v 34-38).
Also, popular culture amongst both the world and the church teaches the concept of finding your soul mate. Is this idea scriptural? Does God have a specific man picked out to marry each Christian girl and so fulfil the desires of their heart? Well, if we read 1 Corinthians chapter 7, the answer is... NO! The clearest New Testament instruction on how a Christians attitude towards marriage should be and about who to marry, is contained 1 Corinthians chapter 7, so please take a minute to stop and read the chapter, then ponder these two important questions...
1. Does the text in any way indicate that God has a soul mate (or a specific person chosen by God) for every Christian woman seeking marriage?
Clearly the answer is no!
2. Does the text in any way show that God WILLS for Christian women (or men for that matter) to even get married?
Again, the answer again is NO!
There is one exception to the above two questions, which I will discuss at the end of the study.
So lets now go through and look at the individual verses that explain why the answer is NO to both the above questions.
QUESTION 1
Verse 2 clearly says God permits Christians to get married BECAUSE OF SEXUAL IMMORALITY (i.e. to avoid it), not because God wills for those people to get married as part of a specific plan for their life! Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Getting married to stay away from sexual sin is a completely different reason than getting married because God had planned for you to get married to a specific person.
This is confirmed in verses 8 & 9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
So the clear statement of that text is that those who cant exercise self control (i.e. those who are weak in the flesh when it comes to being tempted to fornicate), are permitted to get married. Lets call it what it is its a concession from God its not a predestined union of two people who God had always designed to be together.
Now lets look at the instruction to the unmarried in verse 27: Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
The purest wisdom from the heaven is not to seek a wife! Or, since Im writing to ladies now, do not seek a husband! How can God have specially chosen a person for you to marry, and then advise you not to seek a husband? Well the only way He can say that is if He doesnt have someone picked out for you to marry! The idea of a soul mate is not taught in scripture. That is the cold hard basis of what the verse is saying.
Now, to clarify the freedom that God has given to the church, the aforementioned instruction is not a COMMANDMENT (v 25), but it is Godly wisdom given for the edification of single members within the church (v 25). In other words, God has revealed that we shouldnt be seeking to get married, however for those Christians who are weak when it comes to sexual temptation, God will permit them to get married, though He does not will them to.
Now I know there is a group of Christians out there who claim that 1 Corinthians is not God talking, its just Paul giving his own opinion. But to those people, I would say to remember 2 Timothy 3:16, states that all scripture is God breathed! Many verses in the bible are the Wisdom of God, though not all are commandments from God, yet they are still scripture. 1 Corinthians 7 is one such case where God says through Paul that these instructions are Wisdom and not commandments (v 25).
QUESTION 2
As I stated above, the text shows NO! Now before I discuss the one exception to the above statement, I want to look at the reason Paul gives as to WHY God doesnt will for most Christians to get married.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lordhow he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the worldhow he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the worldhow she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
This is the answer why! It all revolves around the doctrine Jesus taught that God must be our FIRST LOVE! God knows whats in the heart of man, and so God has stated through Paul, that when Christians get married, it naturally pulls their affections away from God onto their spouse! Thats why the text shows its NOT Gods will for people to get married! The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love.
THE EXCEPTION
Now the exception is this - In rare cases, God does have a specific person picked out for you to marry, as per 1 Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
When that happens, God classes your spouse as a gift (that is, a gift from God). God obviously has some specific reason mapped out in His will for this to occur. Its in these situations that you can realistically apply scriptures like Proverbs 18:22, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. However, Christians are not all supposed to hone in on that one verse and all think they are the one God has picked out a gift for. Christians are supposed to see the chapter for what its saying, not for they hope for. I believe the ones who God has a gift for are ones who wont put their husband or wife before God (as per v32-35).
CONCLUSION
The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love. Personally, I dont see how anyone can justify applying the verse its not good for man to be alone, to Church or to the church age, especially in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And even if Genesis 2:18 did apply to the Church age, it almost CERTAINLY doesnt apply to the generation that will live to see the coming of Christ (Of which I believe and many prophets have said that we are it). Lets pursue God, free from the distraction of a spouse, unless God intervenes and shows us otherwise.
**IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT 1 CORINTHIANS 7 REGARDING SEXUAL IMMORALITY**
First of all, lets establish what this is NOT saying. Its not saying that those who are fornicating or who have fornicated now have a green light for marriage. Marriage is NOT the biblical solution to Christians who are in bondage to lust! If youre fornicating, or if youre in bondage to lust, its NOT saying marriage is the cure or solution to get freedom in this area. Sanctification and deliverance from these things comes from God alone, through repentance of sin and through God cleaning you up. Getting married doesnt deliver you from the cords of iniquity that may be there. God Himself has to free you. The strength of what verse 2 is talking about as to who can get married is actually talking about virgins, because the idea is for them to marry instead of losing their virginity through fornication (v 34-38).