Christian friend asked for a loan

[ch1719]

So a fellow brother-in-Christ has been struggling with money lately, and I mentioned that any time he needs me, I'd more than happy to help him out. He finally emailed me this morning with a request to help him out with a few thousand dollars. It broke his heart to have to ask for it, and he layed out a very detailed plan on how he plans on paying me back as soon as possible. I haven't responded to his email yet.

I make a comfortable living, and a few thousand dollars is absolutely no problem for me to help him out with. My question is, how should I approach the situation with him in a Christian/Biblical way? I think I remember reading that God asks us not to charge interest in loans, or maybe to not require a fellow brother/sister to pay back the loan at all. I'd be perfectly fine just giving the money to him with no requirement to pay me back, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with that. Is there maybe some kind of compromise I can come up with, like maybe he can pay me back half the loan, then pay back the other half in some non-monetary way?

This friend and I are pretty close, and he's helped me grow in my faith quite significantly over the past year or so, so I really want to help him as much as I can.

Any advice is appreciated!

 

[Fiona01]

I'm not sure what to advise you in regards to paying back, but God bless you for your generous spirit. God loves that in a person!

 

[powerpoint]

So a fellow brother-in-Christ has been struggling with money lately, and I mentioned that any time he needs me, I'd more than happy to help him out. He finally emailed me this morning with a request to help him out with a few thousand dollars. It broke his heart to have to ask for it, and he layed out a very detailed plan on how he plans on paying me back as soon as possible. I haven't responded to his email yet.

I make a comfortable living, and a few thousand dollars is absolutely no problem for me to help him out with. My question is, how should I approach the situation with him in a Christian/Biblical way? I think I remember reading that God asks us not to charge interest in loans, or maybe to not require a fellow brother/sister to pay back the loan at all. I'd be perfectly fine just giving the money to him with no requirement to pay me back, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with that. Is there maybe some kind of compromise I can come up with, like maybe he can pay me back half the loan, then pay back the other half in some non-monetary way?

This friend and I are pretty close, and he's helped me grow in my faith quite significantly over the past year or so, so I really want to help him as much as I can.

Any advice is appreciated!

As someone who has recently been on both sides of the coin with this, I would like to offer some insight.

Firstly, I hate to say this, but dont just plug a hole and hope the situation gets better. I've seen this before with someone who took advantage of me. I lent this guy about £1200 (about $1700) which is about 1/5 of my annual income (and came from a big chunk of my savings). This was for general cost of life stuff like rent, bills, etc. Within 3 months the money was gone and he wanted more, I had no more to give and was struggling myself, and I ended up getting harassed by this guy.

So I want to ask you, why is this person in this situation? I don't want an answer, but I do want you to ask "why is he needing this money?" If its a one off thing, like medical bills (I think you guys pay medical bills in the USA don't you?) or some such, fair enough, but if its because he just generally sucks at managing money and he's wasting it on stupid stuff or wants a big screen TV, then is it loving to enable that behaviour? I would suggest you pray into that and ask God to speak to you about it, seek the advice of a church leader who may have some greater insight into the situation and take advice before acting. It may be that God calls you to bless this guy, and if thats the case, I'd say crack on and do it, but it may be the case that you're funnelling money into something which could be unhelpful.

The second thing you must be careful of is breeding dependency on you to "fix his life". You want to be careful of not becoming a default response when the proverbial hits the fan, if that makes sense? Let me share another story. Back when I wasn't a Christian I got a homeless guy housed, which cost a bit, then ended up taking him food, paying bills and basically this guy ended up becoming dependent on me and basically ended up stalking me. I admit, I didn't handle it particularly well or wisely. But part of me would want to say to you, make sure that if this does happen and you do help, don't let it become a routine.

Thirdly: I'd be wary of any plans drawn up for repayment. Many plans like that are based on pie in the sky. Get this guy in touch with a debt managment group like "Christians Against Poverty" (Google it, my friend works for them in Bradford, England) or somesuch. But do be prepared to write this money off as things change, life happens and it's gfoing to mess with this guy if your expecting him to stick to a repayment plan that is unrealistic or so overwraught that one knock brings the whole thing crashing down. Better for you to say "pay me back if and when you can" and leave it at that.

Biblically, I would point you to Luke 6:34-35

34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them,and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

​

If your going to lend it, after proper care and consideration, be prepared to loose it, don't charge interest and don't worry about it. But, I would strongly urge you to pray into this first, seek the wisdom of church elders who know both of you and the wider situation and determine if it is both God's will and appropriate to lend the money.
​

 

[BFine]

If you can comfortably give money and not be negatively effected if the person
can't pay it back, then I see no problem with helping out.

What I do is find out what the money is needed for and then I would go
with that person and pay the bill(s).
I don't hand over cash to the person. If they need groceries or gas-- I get them
store gift cards for groceries or gas.

This has cut down on "friends" asking for help.

 

[miamited]

hi ch1719,

A couple of points. If your friend is a believer then he should be convicted by the Spirit to pay you back. If you are a believer then you shouldn't lend to him expecting to be paid back.

I once borrowed a fairly large sum of money from my uncle to secure a mortgage without having to pay the dreadful PMI. It was about $10,000.00 and, of course, as anyone knows who borrows money for the upfront costs of a mortgage, the lender is required to sign an affadavit that they do not want the money repaid. My uncle handled it this way. He called me and said to me that he would give me the money and that there would be no contract, but that he hoped I would desire to pay him back. Thereby putting the responsibilty of repayment upon me to do what is right, but still able to say that he was lending it to me without requiring repayment. I did pay him back every cent with interest for his generosity.

However, we were both christians and knew what was right to do in the situation. So, if you believe this friend to be born again, then that is my encouragement. That you would lend him the money without contract and tell him that you are placing upon him the responsibility to do the godly thing. To owe no man.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[Eyesee]

So a fellow brother-in-Christ has been struggling with money lately, and I mentioned that any time he needs me, I'd more than happy to help him out. He finally emailed me this morning with a request to help him out with a few thousand dollars. It broke his heart to have to ask for it, and he layed out a very detailed plan on how he plans on paying me back as soon as possible. I haven't responded to his email yet.

I make a comfortable living, and a few thousand dollars is absolutely no problem for me to help him out with. My question is, how should I approach the situation with him in a Christian/Biblical way? I think I remember reading that God asks us not to charge interest in loans, or maybe to not require a fellow brother/sister to pay back the loan at all. I'd be perfectly fine just giving the money to him with no requirement to pay me back, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with that. Is there maybe some kind of compromise I can come up with, like maybe he can pay me back half the loan, then pay back the other half in some non-monetary way?

This friend and I are pretty close, and he's helped me grow in my faith quite significantly over the past year or so, so I really want to help him as much as I can.

Any advice is appreciated!

I think you have a right heart about this whole situation. What has always worked for me is (in my heart) to "give" it to the person, fully releasing them (in my heart) from the responsibility of paying me back. If he wants to pay you back, just tell him "Pay me when you are situated -- don't stress about it, just do it as you are able" and don't bring it up again.

And then in your heart, you walk away from that money and consider it a gift to God. This will prevent you from laying any expectations on your friend and if he pays you back, then it's all the more pleasant.

It's a gift; give it as such. God bless you for being so generous and helping out a fellow believer.

 

[Ark100]

^^^^ Well said eyesee
I could not add much more. If you want to give, OP, give with all your heart and let there be a release. God sees your generous heart and the one who sees will repay you back double or more in kind. Don;t stress about it.
Do what you feel from your heart.

Proverb 19:17
Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord,
and he will reward them for what they have done

 

[parsley]

1. Some people have channeled money through a church deacon's fund, to remove that personal dependence/guilt/obligation/awkwardness. It is important that this doesn't become a shady way of dealing, as people should pay taxes on gifts. But it would make you feel as though you were half giving it to the church, and you wouldn't expect the church to pay you back.

2. My first reaction is caution, for all the scams I've heard. Make certain that you know him as well as you think you know him. Really, really know and trust. Some people have run out of fear that the friend would be too angry for them to bear the conflict... some have set people up and pretended to be friends.

3. Hire him to do something. Think of an area of life you'd like some relief -- lawn mowing, painting... and ask him to work it off. That is an OT scriptural process of working off debt. If it turns out well, you can be a reference for him for a future job.

4. Taking care of the poor is a recurring theme throughout scriptures. It would be a shame if we hardened ourselves to generosity, just because we are afraid of being made fools of. We throw away money on so many other things, it might not be horrible to take a risk on someone we trust, who shows good intent. But you can build in safeguards.

 

[tankerG]

My advice doesn't come from a Bible verse, but it has served me well through the years.
Don't lend money to anyone - not even friends. If you want to help someone, then give them money. This way, if they don't pay it back, the freindship is not lost, because the money was a "gift". They won't feel like they have to avoid you all the time because you're going to hound them for your money. You don't get all worked up about it, and neither to they.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I was in a situation like this where a sister in Christ was willing to give me money but ONLY if I paid her back and if I agreed to some out landish rules.

I told her I couldn't accept the "loan" from her because I felt it was unbiblical. Aside from the rules she had attached to it, a chrisitan should not give money and expect it back. The money we have is NOT ours, it is Gods. Everything we own is Gods. So when we give money we are giving Gods money to help someone. If we expect it back then we are making it our money.

Of course in a world that revolves around money not many want to hear that. And being on SSI I feel like that sometimes. But none the less I still give people money, items and even time and don't require anything back unless they feel lead to give back. This doens't mean you NEVER have to give back. If you come into a million dollars you shoudl remember those who you dind't pay back. Of course again you don't have to. But thats between you and God.

I am a generous person so if I became wealthy I'd pay back anyone who may have helped me, even if they didn't expect it back!

 

[ezeric]

You don't have to give or lend anything.
BUT

If the guy has genuinely helped you, and you've been growing, that is HUGE!
You would normally share or bless the other for all they have done for you. (because you WANT to).

This is what the Bible says:

Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Galatians 6:6

-eric

The Exchanged Life

 

[IisJustMe]

You don't have to give or lend anything.
BUT

If the guy has genuinely helped you, and you've been growing, that is HUGE!
You would normally share or bless the other for all they have done for you. (because you WANT to).

This is what the Bible says:

Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Galatians 6:6

-eric

The Exchanged Life

Amen, brother. It offers a great opportunity to witness to others, and to share the blessings God has given us. A win-win all the way around. (Even if we don't agree on tithes!)

 

[thesunisout]

So a fellow brother-in-Christ has been struggling with money lately, and I mentioned that any time he needs me, I'd more than happy to help him out. He finally emailed me this morning with a request to help him out with a few thousand dollars. It broke his heart to have to ask for it, and he layed out a very detailed plan on how he plans on paying me back as soon as possible. I haven't responded to his email yet.

I make a comfortable living, and a few thousand dollars is absolutely no problem for me to help him out with. My question is, how should I approach the situation with him in a Christian/Biblical way? I think I remember reading that God asks us not to charge interest in loans, or maybe to not require a fellow brother/sister to pay back the loan at all. I'd be perfectly fine just giving the money to him with no requirement to pay me back, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with that. Is there maybe some kind of compromise I can come up with, like maybe he can pay me back half the loan, then pay back the other half in some non-monetary way?

This friend and I are pretty close, and he's helped me grow in my faith quite significantly over the past year or so, so I really want to help him as much as I can.

Any advice is appreciated!

First, I would say, pray about it. The Christian thing to do, in my opinion, would be to just give him the money as a free gift, because our salvation was a free gift from the Lord. I would also add that lending money to him with the expectation of payment is going to put a strain on your relationship, so it would be better to avoid all of that and come up with a different arrangement. For instance, consider asking him to repay the debt by working it off in the community, like working at a soup kitchen or that kind of thing, basically contributing some time to render service to others and shining the light of Christ. Or you could ask him to repay some of the money into a charity that you like. I'm sure you could think of something creative. God bless.

Luk_6:34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.

Luk_6:35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

 

[parsley]

If you give a gift, use a certified check from the bank. It can be anonymous, and keeps the person from feeling awkward and obligated around you.

Lots of good advice and experience above. It really depends on what your heart is telling you -- our money speaks out about our values, and whether we want to show that we are wise savers, successful, or generous -- these all come out in how we spend. If you lose money now, you will probably gain it back or not need it all. If you save money now, you will have more to offer people when you know it's a safe situation.

Tithe... or give to the poor and spiritual guides... not much difference.

 

[jamesgunn]

So a fellow brother-in-Christ has been struggling with money lately, and I mentioned that any time he needs me, I'd more than happy to help him out. He finally emailed me this morning with a request to help him out with a few thousand dollars. It broke his heart to have to ask for it, and he layed out a very detailed plan on how he plans on paying me back as soon as possible. I haven't responded to his email yet.

I make a comfortable living, and a few thousand dollars is absolutely no problem for me to help him out with. My question is, how should I approach the situation with him in a Christian/Biblical way? I think I remember reading that God asks us not to charge interest in loans, or maybe to not require a fellow brother/sister to pay back the loan at all. I'd be perfectly fine just giving the money to him with no requirement to pay me back, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with that. Is there maybe some kind of compromise I can come up with, like maybe he can pay me back half the loan, then pay back the other half in some non-monetary way?

This friend and I are pretty close, and he's helped me grow in my faith quite significantly over the past year or so, so I really want to help him as much as I can.


Any advice is appreciated!

In any case, it's your choice. Good luck with that.