children and hitting

[tonya]

Do you ahve a hard time with your child hitting..My 22 mo old hitd me and says no mommy..ok..I know alot of this is her age stage and I feel alot of it is I spank her and tell her no..I use to pop with my hand but haver decided that a fly swatter or wooden spoon would be better then she knows the differenmce maybe..any advice??

 

[Jenna]

My daughter has never hit me like that, but she does try to hit, kick, and bite her roomie. She kind of shares a room with her 9 year old 'aunt', which leads to all sorts of conflicts. So, aside from childhood squabbles, I don't have any ground to stand on. I've always been very clear with my daughter, telling her when she can't say certain things to me, or actions that she can't take with me. Usually it is enough for her to be told that she doesn't act that way to me, and I stand her in the corner until she will apologize.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

My one rather aggresive daughter (she's now 3 1/2)- was starting to hit others often- and under similar circumstances. It only stopped when we made the rule "We don't hit in this family." And that went for spankings, too-- it has taken much creativity to give appropriate consequences for wrong action- but she no longer hits (except when wrestling with big brother and they get all riled up!).

I do not at all believe in permissive parenting-- but you are contemplating hitting your child with a fly swatter or a spoon. Is there anyone else in the world that you love that you would deem that an acceptable solution? That was what really convicted me about spanking-- it wasn't acceptable to hit in any other circumstance, so for us I felt it was really not going to be the right decision. I was not modelling a virtue I wanted to see manifest in my children- and that has helped me to stick with other types of discipline. As I have prayerfully made an attempt to be a more virtuous ( patient, kind, mild, charitable, joyful, ya' know-all those fruits of the Holy SPirit! )person- I have noticed all of my children's behaviour improve drastically!!

As an aside- if this is a choice you feel is right for you and your family-- you may want to do some research about Family and Social Services in your area- and find out if that type of spanking is considered acceptable. In some areas of the country it is, while in other's it is not. It would be horrible to have to deal with those folks when all you are trying to do is be the best parent you can be!!!

 

[Celticflower]

When my daughter was 2 she got into the habit of hitting me. I would tell her NO and she would laugh and do it again. So I started just removing myself from her when she hit. I would sit her in the middle of the floor and tell her she couldn't sit with mommy if she was going to hit. Yeah, she'd cry and carry on like any 2 yr. old. It wasn't too long before she stopped hitting in favor of sitting with me and getting a story or a cuddle while watching a video. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing-as in, not give them what they want, or the opportunity to do what they want.

Celtie

 

[Evening Mist]

It only stopped when we made the rule "We don't hit in this family." And that went for spankings, too--

That is what worked for us too. And the consequence for hitting is that the victim gets a lot of attention, and the aggressor is required to separate himself from family or friends for a couple of minutes until he can "pull it together" and come back ready to be nice. For a verbal child, this would include coming over to "check in" with the victim to make sure they are okay. (I don't force apologies -- but they often come
naturally at this point.)

Remember that however you choose to solve this problem, she will learn something from that method. She may learn to stop hitting no matter how you approach it -- but what will she learn about how adults solve problems and teach important lessons? And how will she carry that lesson into her adult life?

 

[desi]

My wife doesn't take hitting from our children. When they hit her she smacks their hand harder and says 'We don't hit mommy!' After a few swats they don't hit mommy.

 

[Evening Mist]

My wife doesn't take hitting from our children. When they hit her she smacks their hand harder and says 'We don't hit mommy!' After a few swats they don't hit mommy.

So they learn that the strongest person is the correct person, and that whoever can use intimidation and pain the most effectively is the person who should be obeyed. And that maybe when they are big, they can use intimidation and pain to control others too!

How fun.

 

[tonya]

What does the BIBLE say...spare the rod and spoil the child?

 

[Evening Mist]

What does the BIBLE say...spare the rod and spoil the child?

No, I don't think it says that exactly, actually.

 

[desi]

No, I don't think it says that exactly, actually.

Sure it does, even though that isn't currently PC.

 

[desi]

So they learn that the strongest person is the correct person, and that whoever can use intimidation and pain the most effectively is the person who should be obeyed. And that maybe when they are big, they can use intimidation and pain to control others too!

How fun.

I don't know about all that. All I can say with any certainty is none of my children hit me or my lovely wife, their mother.

 

[IslandBreeze]

No, I don't think it says that exactly, actually.

Are you kidding?

Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes
Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the (reed-like) rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

​

Spanking is absolutely Biblical, and I would use it in this situation as well. To the OP: Keep doing what you're doing. You're in line with God's commands about discipline, and your child needs to learn not to hit.​

 

[mina]

I've thought a lot a bout spanking, and even though I don't have children I hope to have children one day and I work with children on an everyday basis. I've also disscussed the issue of spanking with my mentor- an older christian lady who is a Godly wife and mother. This is how I feel about it. Spanking is not acceptable for every little thing. the times that i feel that spanking is acceptable is when the child is going to harm himself or others with his behavior. Even then spanking is not about beating your child to show him who's boss. Never spank with your hands- show your child that hands are associated with love. Use something that is going to make a lot of noise but really isn't going to "hurt" the child like rolled up paper or a flat wooden spoon. Parents should certainly discipline thier children for their behavior, however spanking is not always the answer for everything. Use spanking wisely. And if you find that spanking is making you as the parent feel "justified" to the point that you actually enjoy demonstrating your power and it makes you feel like a "good" parent, then it's probably better for you not to spank your child. I think God is more concerned that you do show your children discipline for their behavior to train them in the right way, rather than beating them or spanking them for all bad behavior. In other words I think the verse about spare the rod and spoil the child isn't saying that spanking or beating is the best way to train your child, but rather that parents Should be actively involved in disciplining their child even if it's just telling them "NO". God created us with minds to think of creative solutions and spanking is not always the only way or best way to go. God does not always discipline us the same way. Anyways thanks for letting me share my opinion and discuss my ideas on the issue.

 

[greenessa]

My son is the same age, 22 months. He has been hittiing a lot in the last few weeks. It is far more effective to put him down and walk away so that he knows he will be isolated if he hurts anyone than smacking him with anything. I absolutely feel that "spare the rod, spoil the child" is true. But I think it can be taken as a metaphor for guiding and disciplining our children to grow into adults that continue having healthy relatioships all their life.

 

[Tini]

We've got a 2y.o. son who has started hitting.
But his 5y.o. brother can't quite figure out that this is just a life stage that he's goijg through hitting people.

He gets angry and has just bopped his baby brother back in the face with a fist.

Pandemonium has broken out.

We are praying into it and teachign them both that hitting is no solution (with a dose of spanking when it is called for).

 

[Evening Mist]

We are praying into it and teachign them both that hitting is no solution (with a dose of spanking when it is called for).

How does spanking teach that hitting is no solution? I think it teaches the opposite.

Our kids learn a lot more about how to handle problems by watching to see how we handle problems. If they see that we handle problems by hitting until we've gained obedience, then will they not internalize that hitting *is* a solution?

 

[Tini]

How does spanking teach that hitting is no solution? I think it teaches the opposite.

Our kids learn a lot more about how to handle problems by watching to see how we handle problems. If they see that we handle problems by hitting until we've gained obedience, then will they not internalize that hitting *is* a solution?

Hitting is only the last of the discipline types.

It is for willful disobedience of rules.

Privilages get takens away, we talk about differences of opinion etc too.

At the moment they are merely hitting each other out of frustration - IMO - it is more a way of getting to terms with how to interact than a by prodct of spanking which is always done in the bathroom after consequences of actions have been pointed out and a loving reconcilliationa dn forgiveness takes place.

So I dont see them linked.