Building Yourself Up
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Luther073082
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I'm not going to tell you how to lose weight. I've never had to lose more then 15 pounds, and never really needed to "diet" for more then a month.
But I will say this. Changing your appearence can help with your self esteem, but you need to find someplace else to draw your self esteem from too hon. Otherwise it won't matter what you look like, you will never feel like you are good enough. And the increased self-esteem will probably help you lose weight too.
In my experience there are a couple of things that you have to come to terms with in order to keep your self esteem.
1. Life is not fair. - Its not. It hurts your self esteem to worry about how life has treated you unfairly. More over it blinds you to the people who have it worse then you do. So count your blessings and be thankful for them, while at the same time not looking with envy at those who have more.
2. You are your own worst critic and often we worry that everyone is watching us and looking down on us. They arn't. While you see the "skinny" girls at the store, do you think very many of them are looking back and thinking "look how fat that girl is." They arn't, they usually have their own business to think about and havn't even noticed you. You are not so overweight that you would draw attention in public.
3. Everyone has problems, and furthermore everyone has stuff about themselves that they do not like. While many people can be on the whole happy (which is where you need to be.) they also have something or another that they either privately or publically do not like about themselves.
There are things I do not like about me that I can't change: Essential Tremors, Epilepsy, Hypogylcemia.
There are things about me that I don't like that I can change but haven't found the motivation: I wish I would excersize and lift weights more regularly. I wish I would eat more healthy, I wish I did not have a phobia of fish. (Its questionable as to if I can change that or not, however I have not as of yet tried to get help with it. So until I try I have to assume I can do something about it.)
4. Those things which bother you and hurt your esteem do not make you valueless to other people. They also do not necessarily stop you from dating. You are not that heavy and I bet they sell wedding dresses in your size. What I mean by that is, that if no one of your size ever got married they wouldn't sell wedding dresses in that size. Your size doesn't keep you from dating. Your shyness may, your low self esteem may. But it has nothing to do with your size.
5. There are a lot of people out there who love to play an unloving critic. The difference between an unloving critic and a loving one is important. You have to pay close attention to what they say and how they say it to tell the difference. Loving critics should receive your attention even if you may disagree with them.
Unloving critics you should ignore their critism and instead pray for them. They would never be willing to admit it but the things they say are derived from their own insecurities. Ask anyone who has ever been like that and turned away from it. They all say the same thing, because being mean to other people and making fun of them made them feel better about their faults. They NEED someone to look down on in order to feel better. They also have just as great if not greater self esteem issues then you.
Good luck with your weight loss, its a good goal. But don't pin your self esteem on this.
But I will say this. Changing your appearence can help with your self esteem, but you need to find someplace else to draw your self esteem from too hon. Otherwise it won't matter what you look like, you will never feel like you are good enough. And the increased self-esteem will probably help you lose weight too.
In my experience there are a couple of things that you have to come to terms with in order to keep your self esteem.
1. Life is not fair. - Its not. It hurts your self esteem to worry about how life has treated you unfairly. More over it blinds you to the people who have it worse then you do. So count your blessings and be thankful for them, while at the same time not looking with envy at those who have more.
2. You are your own worst critic and often we worry that everyone is watching us and looking down on us. They arn't. While you see the "skinny" girls at the store, do you think very many of them are looking back and thinking "look how fat that girl is." They arn't, they usually have their own business to think about and havn't even noticed you. You are not so overweight that you would draw attention in public.
3. Everyone has problems, and furthermore everyone has stuff about themselves that they do not like. While many people can be on the whole happy (which is where you need to be.) they also have something or another that they either privately or publically do not like about themselves.
There are things I do not like about me that I can't change: Essential Tremors, Epilepsy, Hypogylcemia.
There are things about me that I don't like that I can change but haven't found the motivation: I wish I would excersize and lift weights more regularly. I wish I would eat more healthy, I wish I did not have a phobia of fish. (Its questionable as to if I can change that or not, however I have not as of yet tried to get help with it. So until I try I have to assume I can do something about it.)
4. Those things which bother you and hurt your esteem do not make you valueless to other people. They also do not necessarily stop you from dating. You are not that heavy and I bet they sell wedding dresses in your size. What I mean by that is, that if no one of your size ever got married they wouldn't sell wedding dresses in that size. Your size doesn't keep you from dating. Your shyness may, your low self esteem may. But it has nothing to do with your size.
5. There are a lot of people out there who love to play an unloving critic. The difference between an unloving critic and a loving one is important. You have to pay close attention to what they say and how they say it to tell the difference. Loving critics should receive your attention even if you may disagree with them.
Unloving critics you should ignore their critism and instead pray for them. They would never be willing to admit it but the things they say are derived from their own insecurities. Ask anyone who has ever been like that and turned away from it. They all say the same thing, because being mean to other people and making fun of them made them feel better about their faults. They NEED someone to look down on in order to feel better. They also have just as great if not greater self esteem issues then you.
Good luck with your weight loss, its a good goal. But don't pin your self esteem on this.
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- Feb 3, 2007
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Thanks Luther 
A lot of what you said I need to take to heart.
I also suffer with Hypoglycemia. Not fun.
A lot of what you said I need to take to heart.I also suffer with Hypoglycemia. Not fun.
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ido
Adios
Blind post:
I get told I'm beautiful but I've never really believed it. I have been successful in a few ways over the years in improving my self-esteem. Primarily, I focused on being/feeling beautiful from the inside out. If you think about it - an attractive face only gets someone so far...then their personality takes over. If I behave in ways that are attractive, I feel like I am more outwardly attractive to people. I have always believed that it's my personality that makes me pretty in someone's eyes...not my actual looks.
The other thing I do is I pick out at least one physical trait that I appreciate about myself and focus on it for a few minutes (in the morning as I get ready or at night before bed - or sometime in between if I'm struggling that day). I might focus on my eye color or my hair every day for a week, but at least I've found one positive thing I like about my appearance each day.
Something else that is helpful is to combine the focus with halting the negative internal dialogue that we have with ourselves. As soon as you start tearing yourself down you need to consciously STOP the dialogue and pick your focal point that you appreciate and concentrate on that until the negative dialogue subsides.
I know the heavier you are the harder it is to find clothes/styles that flatter you - but it can be done and it can be done on a budget. Watch shows like What Not To Wear for styling tips or go to a dept store and ask for the assistance of a personal shopper. The service is free whether you buy something or not - don't feel guilty if you don't buy anything!
It's taken me until the age of 35 to really appreciate myself for who I am and how I look. That doesn't mean there aren't things about myself that I wouldn't change - or that I think I'm all that physically attractive. I have just learned to embrace me for ME and to enhance the parts of me (inner and outer) that bring out the "best" in me, so to speak.
Above all else, remember that you are made in the image of God.
I get told I'm beautiful but I've never really believed it. I have been successful in a few ways over the years in improving my self-esteem. Primarily, I focused on being/feeling beautiful from the inside out. If you think about it - an attractive face only gets someone so far...then their personality takes over. If I behave in ways that are attractive, I feel like I am more outwardly attractive to people. I have always believed that it's my personality that makes me pretty in someone's eyes...not my actual looks.
The other thing I do is I pick out at least one physical trait that I appreciate about myself and focus on it for a few minutes (in the morning as I get ready or at night before bed - or sometime in between if I'm struggling that day). I might focus on my eye color or my hair every day for a week, but at least I've found one positive thing I like about my appearance each day.
Something else that is helpful is to combine the focus with halting the negative internal dialogue that we have with ourselves. As soon as you start tearing yourself down you need to consciously STOP the dialogue and pick your focal point that you appreciate and concentrate on that until the negative dialogue subsides.
I know the heavier you are the harder it is to find clothes/styles that flatter you - but it can be done and it can be done on a budget. Watch shows like What Not To Wear for styling tips or go to a dept store and ask for the assistance of a personal shopper. The service is free whether you buy something or not - don't feel guilty if you don't buy anything!
It's taken me until the age of 35 to really appreciate myself for who I am and how I look. That doesn't mean there aren't things about myself that I wouldn't change - or that I think I'm all that physically attractive. I have just learned to embrace me for ME and to enhance the parts of me (inner and outer) that bring out the "best" in me, so to speak.
Above all else, remember that you are made in the image of God.
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Luther073082
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Thanks Luther
I also suffer with Hypoglycemia. Not fun.
I hate it especially in combination with the tremors I already do have. The simple solution to having an attack is usually to eat something.
But man I really hate walking into fast food joint or a gas station shaking like I have parkinsons. Then trying to eat after that, I feel like I'm eating more like a dog then a human. I have to struggle to aim the food at my mouth and then it still looks more like stuffing food in my mouth then eating politely.
Anywho, mini-rant, sorry.
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It's alright. No problem.
My whole family has hypoglycemia. My sister finally went to see a nutritionist about it and she told her to stock up on protein! Protein is your friend! We all have taking to this advice and it controls it very well! ! !
At first she would eat like a chocolate bar or something with sugar in it. But the lady said that sugar makes you come out of it quick but then after a while your blood sugar plummets back down very quickly! And you're back to where you started. It has no lasting effects in other words.
Protein keeps it stable for a long while! Foods such as nuts, cheese, peanut butter, meats anything with protein. The lady my sis talked to has it too and that's how she controlled hers. It works wonders! I rarely have any really bad spells now. We carry cheese or peanut butter everywhere we go pretty much just in case!
Anyways, I figured if you haven't found a way to control it I though I'd tell ya about it.
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Thunder Peel
You don't eat a peacock until it's cooked.
Obviously I'm no self-esteem expert (never had any of it to begin with) but I think that surrounding yourself with genuine and loving people is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I only have a few close friends but they're the greatest people on earth and special to me. Some are really thin, others are heavy; some are college graduates and others never finished; some have amazing jobs and connections while others simply work retail and barely get by each week.
My point? I love them all equally and it's not about what they've done or what they look like but about who they are. Each one is unique and they all fill a certain void in my life that I don't think any other person quite could. Whether it's in dating or just general friendships, these are the kind of people you should seek out. There are most likely people out there who need something that you have and would be happy to know you regardless of what you look like.
I know it sounds cliche but the inside is what really matters. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look better and take care of yourself; that's something we should all strive to do, but pulling all of your self-worth from that alone will drive you mad. Trust me, I speak from experience.
My point? I love them all equally and it's not about what they've done or what they look like but about who they are. Each one is unique and they all fill a certain void in my life that I don't think any other person quite could. Whether it's in dating or just general friendships, these are the kind of people you should seek out. There are most likely people out there who need something that you have and would be happy to know you regardless of what you look like.
I know it sounds cliche but the inside is what really matters. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look better and take care of yourself; that's something we should all strive to do, but pulling all of your self-worth from that alone will drive you mad. Trust me, I speak from experience.
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stephanieamber
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Word, Austin!
A very good friend of mine, whom I've known casually for a few years, has lost a lot of weight in the past few years, and she just got really strict about her dieting and started to go on walks. She used to hide behind a weird personality to hide her insecurity(my hypothesis, at least!).. she had kind of a boy sounding nickname and dressed like a boy. Now she goes by her full, girl name and dresses cute and is so much more open. I'm not even sure that her self esteem changed so much as that she felt like she could finally be herself.
When I was younger I wore pajamas to school everyday because I was so insecure about myself. Finally, after I won our class elections, I got a bit of a self esteem boost and since then, I've worn skirts almost every day (it's now evolved into dresses) and I really am glad that I hit a point where I could start being MYSELF, not some mask I put on to make people think I was okay with myself.
All of this to say that I think your self esteem has to be a choice. For me, I had to say "I am important enough that I know people notice me, and I don't want to misrepresent Stephanie." Maybe it's a different thing for you. Saying or thinking you'll be happier at a smaller weight is like assuming life gets easy when you're married.
Remind yourself that you have friends who love you and want to be around you, regardless of what you weigh.
A very good friend of mine, whom I've known casually for a few years, has lost a lot of weight in the past few years, and she just got really strict about her dieting and started to go on walks. She used to hide behind a weird personality to hide her insecurity(my hypothesis, at least!).. she had kind of a boy sounding nickname and dressed like a boy. Now she goes by her full, girl name and dresses cute and is so much more open. I'm not even sure that her self esteem changed so much as that she felt like she could finally be herself.
When I was younger I wore pajamas to school everyday because I was so insecure about myself. Finally, after I won our class elections, I got a bit of a self esteem boost and since then, I've worn skirts almost every day (it's now evolved into dresses) and I really am glad that I hit a point where I could start being MYSELF, not some mask I put on to make people think I was okay with myself.
All of this to say that I think your self esteem has to be a choice. For me, I had to say "I am important enough that I know people notice me, and I don't want to misrepresent Stephanie." Maybe it's a different thing for you. Saying or thinking you'll be happier at a smaller weight is like assuming life gets easy when you're married.
Remind yourself that you have friends who love you and want to be around you, regardless of what you weigh.
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Luther073082
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It's alright. No problem.
My whole family has hypoglycemia. My sister finally went to see a nutritionist about it and she told her to stock up on protein! Protein is your friend! We all have taking to this advice and it controls it very well! ! !
At first she would eat like a chocolate bar or something with sugar in it. But the lady said that sugar makes you come out of it quick but then after a while your blood sugar plummets back down very quickly! And you're back to where you started. It has no lasting effects in other words.
Protein keeps it stable for a long while! Foods such as nuts, cheese, peanut butter, meats anything with protein. The lady my sis talked to has it too and that's how she controlled hers. It works wonders! I rarely have any really bad spells now. We carry cheese or peanut butter everywhere we go pretty much just in case!
Anyways, I figured if you haven't found a way to control it I though I'd tell ya about it.
Not sure if that works with me. I remember eating a very large steak and having an attack less then 2 hours later.
Thanks for the info though.
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Marycita
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I really really really love what Luther and Flnativegrl said
I was gonna type out a long thing, but they said a bunch of it already, so I don't need to...
but I do want to say...please please please please please...NEVER equate skinny with beautiful. People who are "skinny" are beautiful but people who are not are just as beautiful too... It's really important to know this ...and know that YOU are beautiful as you are NOW..or even when you do lose all the desired weight, you will still think you are ugly..You will always find something about yourself that you think makes you not worthy of holding the title of beautiful. Instead of letting that happen-realize that being beautiful isn't about being perfect (because who is other than God eh?)...it's about being the you God created you to be. And, I don't know about you, but every creation of His I have seen has been absolutely beautiful..you're no different. Hate to break it to you.
I was gonna type out a long thing, but they said a bunch of it already, so I don't need to...
but I do want to say...please please please please please...NEVER equate skinny with beautiful. People who are "skinny" are beautiful but people who are not are just as beautiful too... It's really important to know this ...and know that YOU are beautiful as you are NOW..or even when you do lose all the desired weight, you will still think you are ugly..You will always find something about yourself that you think makes you not worthy of holding the title of beautiful. Instead of letting that happen-realize that being beautiful isn't about being perfect (because who is other than God eh?)...it's about being the you God created you to be. And, I don't know about you, but every creation of His I have seen has been absolutely beautiful..you're no different. Hate to break it to you.
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don't always beat yourself up about your weight.
you know you are capable of loosing it all, or you wouldn't even desire to look like all those other skinny girls.
if you continue to beat yourself up about self-esteem issues there will always be something you can find wrong, that is a bad mental conditioning.
do the opposite, start building a confidence of success no matter how small or big it is. take steps to accomplish that perfect person you want to be.. and whether or not you actually become that person, that's where your eyes and focus are, and that's who you really are.
-ethan.
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Obviously I'm no self-esteem expert (never had any of it to begin with) but I think that surrounding yourself with genuine and loving people is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I only have a few close friends but they're the greatest people on earth and special to me. Some are really thin, others are heavy; some are college graduates and others never finished; some have amazing jobs and connections while others simply work retail and barely get by each week.
My point? I love them all equally and it's not about what they've done or what they look like but about who they are. Each one is unique and they all fill a certain void in my life that I don't think any other person quite could. Whether it's in dating or just general friendships, these are the kind of people you should seek out. There are most likely people out there who need something that you have and would be happy to know you regardless of what you look like.
I know it sounds cliche but the inside is what really matters. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look better and take care of yourself; that's something we should all strive to do, but pulling all of your self-worth from that alone will drive you mad. Trust me, I speak from experience.
Thanks for replying Austin! I totally agree about the friendships. I too only have like 2 close friends but sadly I never get to see them at all hardly. One may even be moving here soon if she gets this job she's applied for.
I love them both to death but they just don't seem to have time or want to make time should I say for hanging out. The one that's possibly moving is better than the other about getting together so I'm gonna hate to lose her if she does move.
I wish I could make some new friends somehow.
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Thanks for all the replies everyone! They are very much appreciated! I know this is something that isn't gonna happen overnight but I'm bound and determined to do something about it. If ya'll could pray for me that'd be most awesome! Just that I will actually stick to this thing for once in my life. Thanks ya'll!
Thanks ya'll!
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white dove
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They had one for each meal of the day and two snacks. If you want any or all of the recipes I can put them on here or PM them to you.
Oatmeal Berry Pancakes
Apple Wedges With Cinnamon Cream
Mixed Greens With Turkey And Cheese Quesadillas
Chicken And Swiss Bites
Chicken Stir-Fry
Chicken and swiss bites.. chicken and swiss bites!!!
Please.
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Obviously I'm no self-esteem expert (never had any of it to begin with) but I think that surrounding yourself with genuine and loving people is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I only have a few close friends but they're the greatest people on earth and special to me. Some are really thin, others are heavy; some are college graduates and others never finished; some have amazing jobs and connections while others simply work retail and barely get by each week.
My point? I love them all equally and it's not about what they've done or what they look like but about who they are. Each one is unique and they all fill a certain void in my life that I don't think any other person quite could. Whether it's in dating or just general friendships, these are the kind of people you should seek out. There are most likely people out there who need something that you have and would be happy to know you regardless of what you look like.
I know it sounds cliche but the inside is what really matters. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look better and take care of yourself; that's something we should all strive to do, but pulling all of your self-worth from that alone will drive you mad. Trust me, I speak from experience.
You are a breath of fresh air, what a great attitude to have!
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Chicken and swiss bites.. chicken and swiss bites!!!
Please.
They are very simple! I'll PM them to you later on tonight or tomorrow.
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sweetlambofgod
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sweetlambofgod
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Some tips (which you probably know yourself anyway ):
- drink lots of water and avoid caffeine, fizzy drinks.
- walk for 30 minutes three times a week, or maybe 7 nights (thats what I do).
- Don't rely on anyone else apart from yourself and God.
- Become a vegetarian (I lost weight when I cut out meat).
):- drink lots of water and avoid caffeine, fizzy drinks.
- walk for 30 minutes three times a week, or maybe 7 nights (thats what I do).
- Don't rely on anyone else apart from yourself and God.
- Become a vegetarian (I lost weight when I cut out meat)
.
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