Banned from receiving Communion?

[ChirpChirp]

Hi, I have heard differing opinions in answer to my question and was wondering if someone could set me straight?

Basically, I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and a bit when in a moment of weakness, we lost our virginity to each other. This was in late December. I soon began to feel very guilty and when Lent started I had a chat with him and decided to stop having sex and wait until marriage like originally intending.

I am truly sorry that it happened and if I could turn back time and give myself some good advice I would! The trouble is that even though I always intended to wait for marriage, I did so because of my love for God and not of the "consequences" that might happen if I didn't, I was never too worried about that and never really looked into it. After having sex, my friend told me that I am now banned from receiving communion since I'm not married yet. I was absolutely distraught when I heard this, and a bit angry because I don't think that if you are truly sorry and show that in confession, that you should be banned from receiving God's healing through communion. I asked my parish priest about this and he said he wouldn't ban me but that "different people have different opinions". Tomorrow is my first confession since I lost my virginity and I am extremely nervous.

So to cut to the chase, could anybody give me some advice and shed some light on the church rules?

 

[Sarah2BH]

I don't know about Church rules, but I believe that God sees our heart and gives full forgiveness when we are truly repentent. He would not ban you from serving him by participating in communion.

 

[gracefullamb]

.

 

[nestoj]

I know there's a canon 59 of St. Basil the Great, which excludes a person for seven years from Holy Mysteries, but the priest is always allowed oeconomia. There are other canons, less strict...but don't be bothered by them. If I understood you correctly, you've already tolked to your priest and he told you will not be banned? If that is correct, then - that's it. That's the rule. The only constant, I know of, is that we all sin and no two of us are the same. Go to the confession and don't be afraid. All will be well.

 

[ChirpChirp]

Well that was completely useless for the OP considering she is Eastern Orthodox and asking what a Priest would decide for her, an Eastern Orthodox, and not what Protestants think of the matter.

ChirpChirp, you need to go to confession, as you intend to do so, tell your priest the truth and don't try to excuse the behavior, you were weak and you fornicated. Your priest will then tell you if you may partake in communion soon or if you must refrain from communion and for how long. I highly doubt communion will be withheld forever, but he most likely will require that you not approach the chalice for a certain period. He may also require that you have certain prayers that you must say daily until you return to communion. I know someone that was given a set of certain prayers they had to say daily until returning to communion because of fornication. I also know of someone that was told they needed to marry the individual sooner instead of later or break off completely with the person to prevent it from happening again. All of this will be for your own healing and not punish you. In the end though, only your priest can tell you what you must do. Asking us here to tell you what the canons state isn't really going to give you your answer since only your priest can make this decision and he can only do that with you confessing. Don't be worried about telling your priest everything, I promise he has heard it all before, and many times since there really are no new sins.

Hi, thanks for the reply! When you were talking about your first friend, how long was the period of time? Are we talking weeks, months, years? My friend who originally told me that I am banned asked her priest for me and he said that even if I stop and keep the Lent and show that I am sorry I can never have communion again until I marry, which really scared me as I don't want to be cut off from God for so long. Having said that though, the priest I go to has known me since I was about 10 and knows what's in my heart I think he would let me have communion straight away provided that there is some left by the time I get to make my confession...I guess I'll find out tomorrow anyway! The worst bit would be my family going up to get communion and me awkwardly hiding in the bathrooms or something so they don't notice I didn't get it

 

[ChirpChirp]

I know there's a canon 59 of St. Basil the Great, which excludes a person for seven years from Holy Mysteries, but the priest is always allowed oeconomia. There are other canons, less strict...but don't be bothered by them. If I understood you correctly, you've already tolked to your priest and he told you will not be banned? If that is correct, then - that's it. That's the rule. The only constant, I know of, is that we all sin and no two of us are the same. Go to the confession and don't be afraid. All will be well.

Thanks for the reply!! That cleared things up for me! Also explains why I've been hearing different things about different priests, I was really confused! And yes I've already talked to him about it outside confession

 

[gracefullamb]

.

 

[gzt]

So where did your friend get her degree in theology? One of those places where if you send in enough cereal box tops, they will mail you a diploma? Or... nowhere? She doesn't have one and your priest does, listen to your priest.

Anyway, more seriously: well, you are banned at the moment in the sense that you have committed the sort of sin that you must confess before you can receive communion again, and it is the sort of sin that may or may not involve a penance of abstaining from communion for some short time. However, your priest has already indicated that he will not give you such a penance, and in general such things are more typically done when somebody has been habitually sinning or there's something else going on. In short, your friend is full of it and you should listen to your priest. I hope, by the way, that you have been abstaining from communion between the time you stopped abstaining from sex and the present. Anyway, the hardest and most embarrassing part of confession for a lot of people is admitting that you've done something wrong, especially if it's something of this nature, but apparently you're already over that hump, so don't worry too much about it. God already knows your sins, apparently your parish priest already does, too.

And I just want to reaffirm for you: we won't call you bad names, your priest won't call you bad names, we don't think anything bad about you, the Church is still there for you, God still loves you. The Church is for sinners and we are all sinners.

 

[ChirpChirp]

So where did your friend get her degree in theology? One of those places where if you send in enough cereal box tops, they will mail you a diploma? Or... nowhere? She doesn't have one and your priest does, listen to your priest.

Anyway, more seriously: well, you are banned at the moment in the sense that you have committed the sort of sin that you must confess before you can receive communion again, and it is the sort of sin that may or may not involve a penance of abstaining from communion for some short time. However, your priest has already indicated that he will not give you such a penance, and in general such things are more typically done when somebody has been habitually sinning or there's something else going on. In short, your friend is full of it and you should listen to your priest. I hope, by the way, that you have been abstaining from communion between the time you stopped abstaining from sex and the present. Anyway, the hardest and most embarrassing part of confession for a lot of people is admitting that you've done something wrong, especially if it's something of this nature, but apparently you're already over that hump, so don't worry too much about it. God already knows your sins, apparently your parish priest already does, too.

And I just want to reaffirm for you: we won't call you bad names, your priest won't call you bad names, we don't think anything bad about you, the Church is still there for you, God still loves you. The Church is for sinners and we are all sinners.

I know it sounds silly, but my family emigrated to a different country which is officially Roman Catholic when I was young and she is one of my oldest friends so I was just asking her what she was taught in school and what her own priest has told her since I don't have that many people to ask.

In my church you are not allowed receive Communion without first going to Confession (unless you're a kid) so it goes without question that I haven't been taking it anyway.

To me the hardest part is not admitting I've done wrong, it's bringing up the whole topic of sex, I get EXTREMELY awkward (even though I'm a medical student and you'd think I'd be used to stuff like this) to the point that I'm so embarrassed that I can't even recollect what the priest has said to me. But you're right, since both God and my priest already know, it should be fine. Thanks for your encouragements, especially the last line!

Oh you poor thing you are getting yourself all worked up and terrified. To be honest I don't remember if she told me the exact time or even paying attention to it, I just know this because she mentioned it later when he a discussion that touched on different reason someone would be told to not approach the chalice. I know that the priest had her move the date of her wedding to right after Christmas and that may have played a part in the amount of time she was barred from communion. If your priest has you refrain from communion ask for his advice on how you should address it with your family if they become overly curious. Obviously you don't want to tell them details because that may cause scandal but you may have to tell them something if they become overly curious and pry. Since your priest has known you for so long he will know the best way to proceed and really how long would be best for you personally to refrain from communion, if necessary, for your benefit and spiritual growth.

Thanks, you've been so helpful!

 

[Cappadocious]

After having sex, my friend told me that I am now banned from receiving communion since I'm not married yet.

That's not true.

Just superstitions.

 

[InnerPhyre]

You will not be banned from receiving communion. The priest may ask you to take some time away from the chalice, but I doubt he would do even that. Confess the sin, accept that God has forgiven you, and avoid situations in which you might commit that sin in the future. Don't get bogged down in too much guilt. Guilt that moves us to repentance is good and you are currently repenting, which is good. Guilt that still pains us after we have been forgiven is not good though.

 

[rusmeister]

I don't know about Church rules, but I believe that God sees our heart and gives full forgiveness when we are truly repentent. He would not ban you from serving him by participating in communion.

Hi, Sarah, and welcome to TAW!

Well that was completely useless for the OP considering she is Eastern Orthodox and asking what a Priest would decide for her, an Eastern Orthodox, and not what Protestants think of the matter.
.

I'm guessing that Sarah didn't notice that she was making the comment in our forum. I doubt it was malicious intent on her part. She doesn't even have a hundred posts yet.

 

[Mikeb85]

Listen to your priest. Sometimes they suggest you take time off from communion, sometimes they don't. If he says it's ok for you to take communion, it's ok. Don't worry about it.

 

[gracefullamb]

.

 

[Dorothea]

Hi, I have heard differing opinions in answer to my question and was wondering if someone could set me straight?

Basically, I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and a bit when in a moment of weakness, we lost our virginity to each other. This was in late December. I soon began to feel very guilty and when Lent started I had a chat with him and decided to stop having sex and wait until marriage like originally intending.

I am truly sorry that it happened and if I could turn back time and give myself some good advice I would! The trouble is that even though I always intended to wait for marriage, I did so because of my love for God and not of the "consequences" that might happen if I didn't, I was never too worried about that and never really looked into it. After having sex, my friend told me that I am now banned from receiving communion since I'm not married yet. I was absolutely distraught when I heard this, and a bit angry because I don't think that if you are truly sorry and show that in confession, that you should be banned from receiving God's healing through communion. I asked my parish priest about this and he said he wouldn't ban me but that "different people have different opinions". Tomorrow is my first confession since I lost my virginity and I am extremely nervous.

So to cut to the chase, could anybody give me some advice and shed some light on the church rules?

Hi, ChirpChirp. I would follow whatever your spiritual father/priest tells you to do for you. It's good to go to confession and get through that. We all slip up and fall at times, but if we are truly sorry and are struggling to get back on the path, then I would think that would be noted. You also said you were going to stop having sex until you married. This also should be noted. From what I've seen, I don't think a person is banned from the Eucharist for a long period of time over this. Sometimes, not banned at all, especially once you've told your priest through confession what happened - what sin you've committed and are repenting of it.

 

[Knee V]

I certainly don't have a perfect record when it comes to this stuff. As long as we're willing to stand back up and keep walking, life goes on.

If you had no intention to repent and had no desire to stop, your priest might keep you from communing until the sex stops. But since you have repented and have cut off the sex, I can't imagine your priest doing anything more than having you abstain from communion for a short period of time. And honestly, since you've already cut it off weeks ago, I doubt he'll even do that (of course I don't know him, so that is only speculation).

 

[ChirpChirp]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies. Just letting you know that it went well and he asked me to come up to Communion straight away

 

[ArmyMatt]

glory to God! glad it worked out for you and welcome to TAW!

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies. Just letting you know that it went well and he asked me to come up to Communion straight away

Just to reiterate what everyone has said; our priest is the one to listen to, and whose advice we should follow.

It sounds as if your priest is being sensible, and looking after you as he should. None of us can ever ask for more than that from our churches.

In relation to communion, I do not know if it is the same in Orthodoxy, so apologies if it is not, but in my view receiving communion is a very spiritually healing thing to do; it effects graces in us that we cannot receive any other way. Unless it is absolutely necessary, I would say that when we know ourselves to be sinners we need communion even more than when we know we are being relatively good. But it is always important to act on the advice of our priests, and ensure that confession is made beforehand.

 

[27B6]

...