Asking for prayers. This is a big one!

[prodromos]

I'm having trouble believing that god would forgive me. Maybe because its going to take some time before I can ever begin to forgive myself.

Badly paraphrased from a poor memory, but I hope you get the idea.

There is a story of a young monk who continously fell into the same sins. He would fall prostrate before the icon of Christ, begging God's forgiveness with many tears, then go away in peace only to fail again.
The devil, indignant at God's mercy towards this monk, asked Him, "Why do you always accept the monk's repentance, even though you know that the monk will fall into sin again and again."
"You hypocrite!", said the Lord to the evil one, "Don't you immediately accept him back into your own arms when he falls from grace? Why are you indignant that I always accept him back when he repents?"

Again, the monk returned and fell prostrate before the icon of Christ, begging His forgiveness after falling once more into sin, at which point he died and the angels carried his soul into paradise.

 

[RKO]

Great story and one I needed. Thank you.

 

[prodromos]

Thanks, my friend. The only thing I can be sure of is that no matter what happens at home I will never stray off the road I am following now. I have learned that I can not live any other way.

If you haven't already begun to practice the discipline of fasting, start now to prepare for the spiritual assaults that will surely come to test your resolve.

You might find some comfort in the life of St Moses the Black. If a murderer can turn his life around and even become a saint, I have every confidence that in Christ, you will be more than a conqueror of your former passions.

May our Lord give strength to His unworthy servant.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I'm having trouble believing that god would forgive me. Maybe because its going to take some time before I can ever begin to forgive myself.

He forgave those who crucified Him, forgave the Apostles who denied and abandoned Him, so He absolutely will forgive you. there is nothing that any of us can do that is outside of His mercy.

 

[RKO]

He forgave those who crucified Him, forgave the Apostles who denied and abandoned Him, so He absolutely will forgive you. there is nothing that any of us can do that is outside of His mercy.

I know that is true. I think it's the trouble I have forgiving myself. And maybe that in itself is a sin, or at least it's presumptuous. But I think it's going to take time.

And Prodromos, thanks for the idea of fasting, but as a Catholic, it is almost foreign to me. Can you give me any direction?

 

[ArmyMatt]

I know that is true. I think it's the trouble I have forgiving myself. And maybe that in itself is a sin, or at least it's presumptuous. But I think it's going to take time.

but even there, you are recognizing a need for healing, and God can work with that (and maybe He already has).