Anyone Else Thinks Having A Family Sounds A Little Depressing?

[KingCrimson250]

So I'm generally a very upbeat guy, but let me know if this sounds a bit pessimistic to you.

I just find the prospect of having a family so disheartening. I mean I'm thinking about it, and it's like you're supposed to have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly and eventually I just end up asking: What's the point? Okay, I mean sure, continuing the human race and all that sort of thing, but that doesn't really seem to be a crisis at this point. I think the human race will manage. I'm talking more about the point in the sense of the ultimate teleological purpose. What's it all leading towards? Anything? I mean, having a job so you can put food on your table so you can raise your family properly seems like, well, treading water.

Here's the deal, though. I'm not one of those militant single-for-lifers (or at least, not yet). I want to get married, and at some point I even want to have kids. But I'm torn on that. There's just this part of me that keeps asking "Why?"

Can anyone relate?

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[LadyOfMystery]

I have to ask though, if you are unsure about family, why do you want to get married?

I want a family, but I don't see it as just continuing the human race. Getting married is a covenant with God as well, and having kids while continuing the human race but it's a joy in life that you can see your children grow up and make something of themselves whatever it may be but that's the adventure. Im not trying to convince you that family is good and you're weird for thinking otherwise, lol And you're not, at all. Im sure there are tons of people who think the same, but I have to say it's not all about continuing the human race or for nothing.

 

[Rhye]

No, I don't feel that way. However, at 22 I was NOT ready to have a family and kids. Maybe, you are there right now? I don't know. But, as a way of continuing the human race...I'm not sure I even thought of that. I want a family for different reasons I suppose. Everyone is different and I don't think its wrong that you feel that way. I think sometimes people end up leading different paths in life then they thought they would. I guess you have to find someone who wants to be on the same path with you. In some ways its extremely hard when you find someone who just doesn't want what you want, but in the end its just not fair to ask for things that are not freely and lovingly given.

 

[Im_A]

So I'm generally a very upbeat guy, but let me know if this sounds a bit pessimistic to you.

I just find the prospect of having a family so disheartening. I mean I'm thinking about it, and it's like you're supposed to have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly and eventually I just end up asking: What's the point? Okay, I mean sure, continuing the human race and all that sort of thing, but that doesn't really seem to be a crisis at this point. I think the human race will manage. I'm talking more about the point in the sense of the ultimate teleological purpose. What's it all leading towards? Anything? I mean, having a job so you can put food on your table so you can raise your family properly seems like, well, treading water.

Here's the deal, though. I'm not one of those militant single-for-lifers (or at least, not yet). I want to get married, and at some point I even want to have kids. But I'm torn on that. There's just this part of me that keeps asking "Why?"

Can anyone relate?

Not here. I don't have to ask why as to find out some purpose all the time for me to want something.

There is a simple answer to your question. Because you and that hypothetical person would want to have a family. Here I thought it was non-believers who were supposed to be sunk in nihilism.

 

[Im_A]

I will also add, there is no greater teleological purpose to having a sexual partner, who is your lifelong mate and she becomes pregnant and you are born a child. Even in Christianity, the call for the Christian is to preach the Gospel, not procreate and it seems theologically selfish or foolish to pretend that there is, when the Great Commission is the call of the Christian. Having a family is a choice you have to make if you want it. So you have no teleological purpose to procreating. You make up the purpose as you procreate, have a family and as life continues.

 

[KingCrimson250]

Jennie: Well, there's certainly aspects of having kids that I would enjoy. I'm just not sold on it.

Here I thought it was non-believers who were supposed to be sunk in nihilism.

That's just Christian propaganda

I guess what I'm getting at is that I can see why people would want to have a family but I can't see why it's this great need and the ultimate fulfillment of our lives, which is what many of the people around me make it out to be. I hear all the time that God has created me to go out and have children, as though it's one of the basic purposes of human existence. Now they don't really seem to offer any evidence - Biblical, scientific, or logical - for that, so ordinarily it's not really something I'd take seriously, but it's so prevalent that I thought I'd sit down and think through it anyway and it seems to be that there isn't a whole lot of justification for it being anything more than a recreational activity.

 

[Im_A]

I guess what I'm getting at is that I can see why people would want to have a family but I can't see why it's this great need and the ultimate fulfillment of our lives, which is what many of the people around me make it out to be. I hear all the time that God has created me to go out and have children, as though it's one of the basic purposes of human existence. Now they don't really seem to offer any evidence - Biblical, scientific, or logical - for that, so ordinarily it's not really something I'd take seriously, but it's so prevalent that I thought I'd sit down and think through it anyway and it seems to be that there isn't a whole lot of justification for it being anything more than a recreational activity.

I would love to someday, have that special person and we create a life and we exist together in this short life. The joys felt with family repeated and that cycle of happiness being created.

Even if I would ever come back to faith...why would I need a Biblical perspective to support this? Why would I need scientific theories with this? Why would I need some type of logical way of thinking to want this? No one here would need to justify their desire for family and what that means to them with their faith, or what it means to them period, with or without faith?

And what if it is only a 'recreational' activity? Nothing more than some subjective experience that we create because maybe we are selfish(I am selfish) and we want that experience? Why would that possibility make it less appealing? I hope it is more than, it not having the glamor and glee of ultimate purpose when, as a believer, you should know, that you are only promised one day, so why worry about teleological purposes period? Those purposes become irrelevant when you know you are only promised today and that day could end the next second, tomorrow or 80 years from now.

 

[KingCrimson250]

It doesn't. It's fine as just a recreational activity. I'm saying that when you elevate it to the level of a duty, a responsibility, a God-given mandate, which you are not doing but is fairly common amongst others that I know, you've got to be able to give some sort of coherent defense for that.

 

[dewba]

No need to rush. If it's God's will for you to get married, he'll take away that "Why?" from your soul. Don't feel guilty/worry that you feel pessimistic....

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
ecc 3:1

 

[Inkachu]

At 22 years old, I wouldn't expect you to be raring for a family. Give yourself about 10 more years, dude. Seriously. I'm not even going to get into the "why" thing, cause nothing anyone says is going to resonate with you (except maybe the way you're glad your mom decided to have you...), but it'll all make sense in a few years. Trust me.

 

[Lord Herdsetk]

I don't think age really matters (as far as being emotionally ready anyways) when it comes to being ready to raise a family. Maybe you still have some things you need to do before you decide to settle down, or maybe you just haven't found the right girl yet. Bob's right though, give yourself more time to develop. It'll save you a lot of heartache if you're still unsure about pursuing that path.

I want to at least have a job and be able to support my family before I get serious with a girl. Its not that I absolutely won't pursue a girl I like, but I'll be up front with her about not wanting to do anything serious before I can sustain myself and her at the very least. Its just my personality though, I want to be a decent provider, even if she's working too.

That's just the practical side though; Emotionally, I'm still developing quite a bit. My faith and beliefs in God are all over the place right now and it just wouldn't be sturdy enough to build a good relationship on. I don't want to grow all by myself, part of life is growing up with your and through spouse, but I have to be reliable. Reliability is sorely underrated.

 

[mina]

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in life. If it's not for you right now then wait until it is for you. Even if you get married and you aren't sold on having kids then don't have them until you are both ready to be parents. All children deserve to be wanted.

 

[Wren]

It sounds like you're just questioning tradition. There's nothing wrong with that, IMO. Just because the majority of people (either through real desire for children or from social pressure) decide to have children, doesn't mean you have to have them. You can still get married, just to a woman who does not want children herself, if that is what you ultimately decide. As others have said, you're young and have plenty of time to figure what you really want in life and if that includes having children or not.

 

[KingCrimson250]

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in life.

I'm not entirely certain that there's much truth to that, although it certainly seems like good advice as far as marriage is concerned

 

[mina]

Well in things where you do get a choice , like to marry or not or have children or not, then yes, you don't have to do anything that you really don't want to do. And in areas of relationships and family it's probably best to not get involved in either unless you really want to; b/c it affects more people than just yourself.

 

[KingCrimson250]

You're right, of course. I occasionally have a tendency to lean a bit towards the abstract

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Don't pigeonhole your life bevause of culture.

 

[127.0.0.1]

So I'm generally a very upbeat guy, but let me know if this sounds a bit pessimistic to you.

I just find the prospect of having a family so disheartening. I mean I'm thinking about it, and it's like you're supposed to have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly so that they can have kids and raise them up properly and eventually I just end up asking: What's the point?

Yeah dude it sucks. You spend all this time raising your kids so that, theoretically they can actually do something, but then they don't, they just have kids of their own. It's this never ending build-up and cool down of potential that's never really released.

For a time I thought even just being married would be disheartening, but then I realized you can pick and choose a spouse, so there's hope in that category.

Kids are really only fulfilling if that's all you ever want to do with your life.

I will also add, there is no greater teleological purpose to having a sexual partner, who is your lifelong mate and she becomes pregnant and you are born a child.

In some groups...

Others hold monasticism in high regard, and view the monastery as an example for how a family should run their own home.

Not to mention over indulgence in earthly pleasures deadens the soul and leaves you less open to receiving Grace.

 

[Ukrainia]

Coming from a single guy who has never dated, I'd love to have a family and raise children. Their is something incredibly awesome about raising a child - being able to love and to teach a person who relies so much on you would seem to be incredibly rewarding. I think so much boils down to your own childhood. In general, it seems that people who have great parents seem to think of parenthood as rewarding, while some with bad childhoods think of it as merely a chore. Anyone who thinks of raising kids as a chore, rather than a God given blessing isn't ready to be a parent.

I'm a Marquette fan, so I found this article especially inspiring. Jimmy Butler, a possible draft pick, was basically kicked out of his home at 13, but another family took him in and loved in. The article speaks wonders of the transformative power of a loving family. In a way, this story has a lot of parallels to the movie The Blind Side (a real life story as well).

2011 NBA draft: Marquette's Jimmy Butler finds a new home - ESPN