Okay, so I just found out that this part of the website was here, and that's why I am just now posting this.
A little history: In the past I have struggled with intense anxiety. If you're reading this, you probably already know what it's like, but I'll describe it a little anway. When I was anxious, it would start small and then escalate to the point where I felt like I was going insane. I was often truly afraid that I was losing my mind and that I would end up in a mental institute. It was extremely difficult to fall asleep, and when I finally did, I would wake up at all hours of the night. If I woke up past 5:00 (and sometimes earlier), there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep. I would just lie there in bed feeling like I was going insane, sweating, my heart beating furiously, and wishing desperately that I could just go back to sleep.
I no longer struggle with anxiety.
When I was in the midst of the worst battles with anxiety that I have gone through--in the very middle of terrible anxiety--I started to ask myself questions like this: what would happen if I was anxious like this for the rest of my life? The answer I would reply with was this: ultimately I would die and go to heaven to be with God, where I would never know any more anxiety. I finally began to see that ultimately it was okay for me to be anxious. I discovered that the thing I had feared most was anxiety itself. It was during this time that I wrote this:
"Anxiety is not a sin. Jesus was so anxious in the garden of Gethsemane that he sweated drops of bloodand Jesus knew no sin. I have suppressed my anxiety for all of my life up until now. I have feared it. The thing about fearing anxiety, of course, is that it leads to more anxiety. As soon as you start getting anxious about something, you become even more anxious because you become anxious about being anxiousits a terrible and escalating cycle. But anxiety is not a sin. I would say that Jesus probably knew the pain of anxiety for most of his life, not just in the garden of Gethsemane.
I am learning to do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am learning even to endure anxiety through Christ who strengthens me. I need not be anxious about being anxious anymore. I can sit in my anxiety and say, Its okay. I can be anxious. God still accepts me and loves me in my anxiety, and He will never leave me or forsake me. What is so astounding is that Christ suffered the greatest anxiety of any person to ever live so that we might never feel such anxiety. Because of his great love, Jesus suffered more than any other person in every way.
I am starting to see in my own life that the thing I am most anxious about is for othersespecially those whom I love the mostto forsake me, not to accept me, not to love me. And yet Christ suffered the most terrible rejection of all when he was forsaken by his Father. The One that he loved the most rejected him and turned his back on him. The sinless savior was forsaken by his Father so that we might never be forsaken by Him. I have no words to describe such great love. How can I not endure my small amounts of anxiety when Christ endured the greatest anxiety of all for my sake? May I rejoice in all things, even in my anxiety."
The way to battle anxiety is to tell yourself the promises of God and to come openly and honestly to God in prayer with what you are dealing with. Go to His word to hear and to remind yourself of His promises to you. Most of all, preach the gospel to yourself, which is the good news about what Jesus did for sinners by taking the wrath of God upon himself in their place, so that whoever holds to Christ's righteousness as their own has become a beloved child of God. There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
I really hope that this helps whoever reads it. I will end this post with something I wrote shortly after writing what I posted above:
"Anxiety, loneliness, and pain should drive me to God to find solace in Him, as should joy. I do not think that we can do much to control our emotions, although we should certainly deal with them, but we should always make sure that our emotions drive us to God."
A little history: In the past I have struggled with intense anxiety. If you're reading this, you probably already know what it's like, but I'll describe it a little anway. When I was anxious, it would start small and then escalate to the point where I felt like I was going insane. I was often truly afraid that I was losing my mind and that I would end up in a mental institute. It was extremely difficult to fall asleep, and when I finally did, I would wake up at all hours of the night. If I woke up past 5:00 (and sometimes earlier), there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep. I would just lie there in bed feeling like I was going insane, sweating, my heart beating furiously, and wishing desperately that I could just go back to sleep.
I no longer struggle with anxiety.
When I was in the midst of the worst battles with anxiety that I have gone through--in the very middle of terrible anxiety--I started to ask myself questions like this: what would happen if I was anxious like this for the rest of my life? The answer I would reply with was this: ultimately I would die and go to heaven to be with God, where I would never know any more anxiety. I finally began to see that ultimately it was okay for me to be anxious. I discovered that the thing I had feared most was anxiety itself. It was during this time that I wrote this:
"Anxiety is not a sin. Jesus was so anxious in the garden of Gethsemane that he sweated drops of bloodand Jesus knew no sin. I have suppressed my anxiety for all of my life up until now. I have feared it. The thing about fearing anxiety, of course, is that it leads to more anxiety. As soon as you start getting anxious about something, you become even more anxious because you become anxious about being anxiousits a terrible and escalating cycle. But anxiety is not a sin. I would say that Jesus probably knew the pain of anxiety for most of his life, not just in the garden of Gethsemane.
I am learning to do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am learning even to endure anxiety through Christ who strengthens me. I need not be anxious about being anxious anymore. I can sit in my anxiety and say, Its okay. I can be anxious. God still accepts me and loves me in my anxiety, and He will never leave me or forsake me. What is so astounding is that Christ suffered the greatest anxiety of any person to ever live so that we might never feel such anxiety. Because of his great love, Jesus suffered more than any other person in every way.
I am starting to see in my own life that the thing I am most anxious about is for othersespecially those whom I love the mostto forsake me, not to accept me, not to love me. And yet Christ suffered the most terrible rejection of all when he was forsaken by his Father. The One that he loved the most rejected him and turned his back on him. The sinless savior was forsaken by his Father so that we might never be forsaken by Him. I have no words to describe such great love. How can I not endure my small amounts of anxiety when Christ endured the greatest anxiety of all for my sake? May I rejoice in all things, even in my anxiety."
The way to battle anxiety is to tell yourself the promises of God and to come openly and honestly to God in prayer with what you are dealing with. Go to His word to hear and to remind yourself of His promises to you. Most of all, preach the gospel to yourself, which is the good news about what Jesus did for sinners by taking the wrath of God upon himself in their place, so that whoever holds to Christ's righteousness as their own has become a beloved child of God. There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
I really hope that this helps whoever reads it. I will end this post with something I wrote shortly after writing what I posted above:
"Anxiety, loneliness, and pain should drive me to God to find solace in Him, as should joy. I do not think that we can do much to control our emotions, although we should certainly deal with them, but we should always make sure that our emotions drive us to God."
