Another topic on Lust / Sexual Desire

[Blueforest]

Desiring a relationship isn't wrong. Also without being attracted to the opposite sex there would be no procreation and mankind would have died out long time ago. What's considered a sin is entertaining fantasies for example if you are attracted to a woman and then think about having sex with her. Such thoughts should be tried to be suppressed which is most likely also not that easy. I know someone who's married and he also struggled a lot with lust and I think he still does as far as I know. I guess if you have a strong libido you have it harder than others who have a weak libido.
My personal opinion is that if I had to choose between masturbating and trying to live abstinent and then being even more tempted to look after women or watch porn I'd rather touch and try not to think of any women which is also not that easy but it's possible at least for some. But there are also christians who say you also mustn't touch which then again increases the chance of totally messing it up and then ending up watching porn & masturbating on top of it.



Don't do that. That would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. We all struggle with sins and some struggle more in some areas than others. That doesn't mean you have to give up being a christian. And you also seem to have a false understanding of what is sin. Being attracted is not a sin. I'm sure all men struggle with sexual thoughts so if you couldn't be a christian if you struggle with sexual thoughts then there wouldn't be many christians. Also be careful who you go to for advice because wrong advice could make you feel even more helpless.

Yeah but what's wrong with desiring to be with someone you're going to marry? I don't get that. From a natural perspective, it doesn't make any sense.

Religion seems so contrary to biology sometimes. Why God would make humans one way, then get mad at them for following their programming does not make sense.

The word in Greek means a strong desire or longing for. That would certainly refer to desiring someone. I weep for those who recommend entering into a romantic relationship with NO sexual desire for their partner. What kind of a marriage is that going to wind up to be?! I can only shudder when I think of it.

 

[Rhombus]

You're being very open, and honest, and I appreciate that. And in all honesty, I don't know if I have the answer, and you ask a very good question.

Firstly, I don't know how to answer it well. Looking at my personal life, all I know is that before I was ready to enter into a relationship, I had to come to the point where I knew I loved the Lord my God above everyone else, including any love interests. Think what you will of that, it's just a personal little testimony, and the story behind it is too long to speak of, and I don't want to make a thread about myself - if you care to hear it ask for a PM and I'll PM you.

All else I can think of, aside from focusing all the attention you can to God, is this scripture. Again, interpret it how you will, and form your own opinion on it.

1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Blessings brother.

 

[Rhombus]

Yeah but what's wrong with desiring to be with someone you're going to marry? I don't get that. From a natural perspective, it doesn't make any sense.

Religion seems so contrary to biology sometimes. Why God would make humans one way, then get mad at them for following their programming does not make sense.

The word in Greek means a strong desire or longing for. That would certainly refer to desiring someone. I weep for those who recommend entering into a romantic relationship with NO sexual desire for their partner. What kind of a marriage is that going to wind up to be?! I can only shudder when I think of it.

I saw this post late, so please don't mind my double post. Again, I simply draw the boundary at fantasizing of having sex with that person. Definitely, I look forward to marrying my girlfriend, and a part of that is intercourse. But I never do picture the act or fantasize about her sexually. There is a physical attraction, but I try my best not to fantasize having sex about her as she isn't my wife yet.

 

[Armistead14]

This is a personal - and serious - topic for me, so here goes. I'm well aware of Matt. 5:28, which says that if you look at a woman to lust for her, then you have already sinned (i.e. committed adultery) with her in your heart. Now, at first glance, we could say this only applies to one or more parties being married, which is one possible explanation. However, it is not the norm.

Normally, people infer this refers to lusting (or desiring, since they mean essentially the same thing) after simply someone of the opposite sex, period. But the problem with this view is that it is bondage, it is torment. It is basically saying, "It's a sin to be attracted to someone" or maybe better said, "It's a sin to lust after or desire to be with someone." That's kind of a problem for me, as a human, and as a male.

You see, I'm a normal, heterosexual male with a perfectly normal, healthy and strong libido. Yet, according to this verse, which is evidently what Jesus said here, I'm sinning simply because I am attracted to - and / or desire to be with - someone of the opposite gender. Some may say, "Well, we all sin, and it's good because it points you to Jesus", but the problem with that view is, what do you do once you accept Christ and follow the path Jesus laid out? You're still gonna sin! It is inescapable. No human - rather, no healthy, red-blooded, normal heterosexual male who is single and actually 'desires' (oops, there's that WORD again) to be in a relationship with an attractive female - could possibly follow and obey this teaching! It is simply not possible.

I am actually starting to rethink my entire 'Christian walk' over this verse. I cannot see how, short of physical and bodily mutilation, I could possibly adhere to this verse. And I don't know of any other males who are capable either.

It's one thing to say don't commit adultery, it's another to say don't desire females, period. One is attainable, the other... is a bar that is set too high. Why God demands perfection of imperfect people is something I do not get.

Note: The Greek word for lust in Matt 5:28 is 'Epithumeo' which simply means to long for or desire something. It does not necessarily imply a "bad" longing in itself, hence one cannot separate "lust" from "sexual desire" - they mean the same thing, in this verse! Jesus Himself used this word (according to Luke anyway) in Luke 22:15, when referring to His desire to eat the passover meal with his friends.

So much for all lust being bad, huh? (Except for in this specific case, since desire itself for a woman IS considered sin.)

Since this is an advice forum, I would like to know how I am supposed to overcome this natural, biological desire / lust, if it is even possible? And if it is not, then should I leave Christianity behind once and for all, since I cannot possibly obey it? Basically, what am I supposed to do?

You're misreading the verse, pulling one verse out of context with the chapter. The verse was dealing with biblical adultery law. In those times women were property of the father or husband. Lust in the bible is never defined as sexual thought, it means to covet, the desire to take something that doesn't belong to you, that is why it's connected to adultery here. The verse simple explains if you covet "lust" after another mans wife then you've already committed adultery. Lust implies more than sexual thought, it's the actual desire or plan to take something not yours. Biblically, only taking someone else spouse sexually is adultery, but the verse explains sin starts with the intent of the heart. If you actually plan to murder, Christ says you're a murderer, plan to steal, you're already a thief, etc...

The verse has nothing to do with sexual thoughts. Sexual thoughts stem from God given puberty.

 

[Rhombus]

You're misreading the verse, pulling one verse out of context with the chapter. The verse was dealing with biblical adultery law. In those times women were property of the father or husband. Lust in the bible is never defined as sexual thought, it means to covet, the desire to take something that doesn't belong to you, that is why it's connected to adultery here. The verse simple explains if you covet "lust" after another mans wife then you've already committed adultery. Lust implies more than sexual thought, it's the actual desire or plan to take something not yours. Biblically, only taking someone else spouse sexually is adultery, but the verse explains sin starts with the intent of the heart. If you actually plan to murder, Christ says you're a murderer, plan to steal, you're already a thief, etc...

The verse has nothing to do with sexual thoughts. Sexual thoughts stem from God given puberty.

Informative post!

 

[sam7]

Yeah but what's wrong with desiring to be with someone you're going to marry? I don't get that. From a natural perspective, it doesn't make any sense.

First of all, you will not find many men who marry another woman without being attracted to her. That is why you marry in the first place.

And also it's not even totally clear what this verse actually means. I have also often heard the interpretation that this verse is talking about married men who lust after other women which then would be adultery.
Single men should simply try not to entertain sexual fantasies for example if you see a woman in a short skirt and know that this tempts you then don't look at her. Simply try to avoid things which tempt you. And if you do get sexual thoughts then don't obsess over it. It happens to everyone and beating yourself up over this doesn't help you.

 

[OGM]

I've asked God to take away my sex drive and my desire for a mate. Unfortunately, those prayers have fallen on the deaf ears of the divine, I'm afraid. He does not respond.

I wonder why...? Normally, God is quick to respond to what I seek and ask for. We know He desires for His kids to walk uprightly and in purity, as I made this post - I know this is true. But He refuses to end my problems and take away this heavy burden.

Just because he hasn’t yet…doesn’t mean he will not sometime in the future. Any can happen. Perhaps you prayer will be granted.

Religion seems so contrary to biology sometimes. Why God would make humans one way, then get mad at them for following their programming does not make sense.

Remember that years ago people would often marry when puberty hit. Skip to 2011 and the age of puberty is much lower yet the age of first marriage is much higher than it used to be. It is a problem that I see as being unsolvable. I can imagine what my life would be if I had married at age 11 or 12!

The word in Greek means a strong desire or longing for. That would certainly refer to desiring someone. I weep for those who recommend entering into a romantic relationship with NO sexual desire for their partner. What kind of a marriage is that going to wind up to be?! I can only shudder when I think of it.

Many people worldwide marry without sexual desire for their partner. In much of history romance was not considered to be an important factor in spouse selection. I have two friends that were in arranged marriages that did not even meet their spouse until two weeks before the wedding!!!

 

[Blueforest]

Just because he hasn’t yet…doesn’t mean he will not sometime in the future. Any can happen. Perhaps you prayer will be granted.

Remember that years ago people would often marry when puberty hit. Skip to 2011 and the age of puberty is much lower yet the age of first marriage is much higher than it used to be. It is a problem that I see as being unsolvable. I can imagine what my life would be if I had married at age 11 or 12!
Many people worldwide marry without sexual desire for their partner. In much of history romance was not considered to be an important factor in spouse selection. I have two friends that were in arranged marriages that did not even meet their spouse until two weeks before the wedding!!!

And I won't be one of them.

As for God answering my prayer above, I'd rather He just kill me instead. Be far less painful.

 

[stiller]

And I won't be one of them.

As for God answering my prayer above, I'd rather He just kill me instead. Be far less painful.

Don't get messed up dude by bad advice. Some people here sound like they live in the dark ages and it would be best to castrate yourself.

 

[Avniel]

Lusting and thinking someone looks good are two different things. I as a married man have thought certain women look good but I have not had the desire to have sex with them. You can notice beauty in anything and anyone. If I see a nice car I think to my self "Boy that car looks nice" does that mean I am lusting after that car, no. You can notice beauty but the sexual desire is where the lust comes in.

 

[scrofford]

This is a personal - and serious - topic for me, so here goes. I'm well aware of Matt. 5:28, which says that if you look at a woman to lust for her, then you have already sinned (i.e. committed adultery) with her in your heart. Now, at first glance, we could say this only applies to one or more parties being married, which is one possible explanation. However, it is not the norm.

Normally, people infer this refers to lusting (or desiring, since they mean essentially the same thing) after simply someone of the opposite sex, period. But the problem with this view is that it is bondage, it is torment. It is basically saying, "It's a sin to be attracted to someone" or maybe better said, "It's a sin to lust after or desire to be with someone." That's kind of a problem for me, as a human, and as a male.

You see, I'm a normal, heterosexual male with a perfectly normal, healthy and strong libido. Yet, according to this verse, which is evidently what Jesus said here, I'm sinning simply because I am attracted to - and / or desire to be with - someone of the opposite gender. Some may say, "Well, we all sin, and it's good because it points you to Jesus", but the problem with that view is, what do you do once you accept Christ and follow the path Jesus laid out? You're still gonna sin! It is inescapable. No human - rather, no healthy, red-blooded, normal heterosexual male who is single and actually 'desires' (oops, there's that WORD again) to be in a relationship with an attractive female - could possibly follow and obey this teaching! It is simply not possible.

I am actually starting to rethink my entire 'Christian walk' over this verse. I cannot see how, short of physical and bodily mutilation, I could possibly adhere to this verse. And I don't know of any other males who are capable either.

It's one thing to say don't commit adultery, it's another to say don't desire females, period. One is attainable, the other... is a bar that is set too high. Why God demands perfection of imperfect people is something I do not get.

Note: The Greek word for lust in Matt 5:28 is 'Epithumeo' which simply means to long for or desire something. It does not necessarily imply a "bad" longing in itself, hence one cannot separate "lust" from "sexual desire" - they mean the same thing, in this verse! Jesus Himself used this word (according to Luke anyway) in Luke 22:15, when referring to His desire to eat the passover meal with his friends.

So much for all lust being bad, huh? (Except for in this specific case, since desire itself for a woman IS considered sin.)

Since this is an advice forum, I would like to know how I am supposed to overcome this natural, biological desire / lust, if it is even possible? And if it is not, then should I leave Christianity behind once and for all, since I cannot possibly obey it? Basically, what am I supposed to do?

You have to look at the context this verse was spoken. Context is important too. Jesus was talking about adultery in the heart. It's one thing to be attracted to the opposite sex. It's entirely another to "lust" toward them.

God gave us a desire to be with the opposite sex, and it is entirely possible to keep that desire pure. We don't have to lust sexually toward a woman we are attracted to if we choose not to. I didn't say it was easy, but I did say it is possible.

In marriage, the attraction we have toward our spouse is not lust. (Or shouldn't be) It is or should be love. As I'm sure you know there are a couple different types of love. The point I'm making is that again, you have to look at the context of what the Bible is saying too.

I don't think God ever expected us to never desire a female or a female not to desire a man. That wasn't Jesus' point in Matt 5:28. Anyway, maybe what I said helps. Maybe not. Hope it did.

One other thing...God's grace and the blood of Jesus. God knows we cannot live perfect here. Yes he calls us to a holy life, but one thing is that God looks at is the intent of the heart. Is our heart holy and pure before Him? The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin and God's grace gives us favor with Him.

 

[OGM]

And I won't be one of them.

As for God answering my prayer above, I'd rather He just kill me instead. Be far less painful.

Why pray for one thing when you really prefer something else to happen? Why would lack of libido be painful?

 

[mytel]

Like others have said, there is a difference between being attracted to someone and imagining sexual thoughts with them. I am a single young christian male as well so i totally get where you are coming from. But i can think of several times in the past where i have like and been physically attracted to a girl without having sexual thoughts or imagining sexual situations with them. If you do, it is sin but Jesus died for this, and if you truly want to get rid of such sin you have got to trust in God, only He can help. Its something i am sure nearly every male struggles with, so don't weigh up your faith over such a matter as this. Just trust in God.

 

[eachallberg]

Since this is an advice forum, I would like to know how I am supposed to overcome this natural, biological desire / lust, if it is even possible? And if it is not, then should I leave Christianity behind once and for all, since I cannot possibly obey it? Basically, what am I supposed to do?

It is possible to over come temptation. There is no need to leave the Faith because your Spirit is trapped in your flesh, making you a slave to sin.

No worries! Grace is great, all one can do is accept it. G_d is known for his Mercy.

Know that you are never alone.

This could also help, http://www.christianforums.com/t7578213/

Peace be to you.

 

[Blueforest]

Don't get messed up dude by bad advice. Some people here sound like they live in the dark ages and it would be best to castrate yourself.

I agree.

 

[cfinigan5876]

If you do become a family man with a beautiful wife and kids please please do not lust for anyone, do not be unfaithful. I have learned this the hard way and trust me you do not want to do it.

 

[Blueforest]

If you do become a family man with a beautiful wife and kids please please do not lust for anyone, do not be unfaithful. I have learned this the hard way and trust me you do not want to do it.

I would not. If I had a beautiful wife, I would have no need to lust after anyone but her. Sadly, God has withheld from me - big surprise.