Hello everybody!
Since I turned to Christ while being a teenager, I grew up in a Charismatic church. It is a small church,mainly made up of young people,most of them really wanting to know God. There was a lot of emphasis put on gifts and especially manifestations but not that much on holiness or behaviour. The pastor especially liked to see people slain in the Spirit and while praying for them he would move them back&forth or gently push them. I actually turned to God after being set free which I think it was a genuine experience due to my past and also I knew nothing back then about manifestations. But still, almost everytime I received prayer at the altar calls people would pray deliverance for me and I began to ask myself-am I that bad? Like what am I doing wrong if I need deliverance every week? I have problems with depression and anxiety, but are they always demonic? Also, I felt so pressured to manifest each time I received prayer or to be slain in the Spirit. To be honest, I can count on my fingers the times when I genuinely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and couldn't stay on my feet-one time everybody was falling and when he prayed for me I didn't feel anything and he just whispered to me tjust get down and the other day he was talking about how the Holy Spirit came at the meeting and all were slain the the Spirit. I always felt pressured to fake an experience or a manifestation so they could be happy. And it is not only me. Like we had people in church who had different deseases and received prophetic words that they will be healedd and they died. Is this OK? I mean they gave prophetic words that came to pass, too.
I am just so confused. I left this church for several months now because pain from past is coming up, I am dealing with a lot of depression and they would only pray deliverance for me-I don't say this is not good but man....I just needed someone to listen to me. Not to be seen as a demon sack. I still love and miss the church and I believe with all my heart that the pastors are good people who really love God. There are people coming to me now, from that church, who are so hurt because of some things that happen but have no courage to speak with the pastors or to leave or do something and I don't know what to tell them. I am so confused and scared that I am deceived right now and making a huge mistake by leaving church. I am attending now another church and I am so shocked when I see that I don't need to fake that I am good and that I can actually talk not only about my struggles but about how to overcome sin. I was shocked when the pastor asked me how was my walk with God-I was never asked this before. If I was radiant and going to all meetings they assumed I was good spiritually. If I did not attend all meetings or if I wasn't totally involved in worhsip-then there was a problem.But I am still so scared and confused right now. I don't know what to think, how to think about all the manifestations-didn't I insult the Holy Spirit when I was faking them?
Since I turned to Christ while being a teenager, I grew up in a Charismatic church. It is a small church,mainly made up of young people,most of them really wanting to know God. There was a lot of emphasis put on gifts and especially manifestations but not that much on holiness or behaviour. The pastor especially liked to see people slain in the Spirit and while praying for them he would move them back&forth or gently push them. I actually turned to God after being set free which I think it was a genuine experience due to my past and also I knew nothing back then about manifestations. But still, almost everytime I received prayer at the altar calls people would pray deliverance for me and I began to ask myself-am I that bad? Like what am I doing wrong if I need deliverance every week? I have problems with depression and anxiety, but are they always demonic? Also, I felt so pressured to manifest each time I received prayer or to be slain in the Spirit. To be honest, I can count on my fingers the times when I genuinely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and couldn't stay on my feet-one time everybody was falling and when he prayed for me I didn't feel anything and he just whispered to me tjust get down and the other day he was talking about how the Holy Spirit came at the meeting and all were slain the the Spirit. I always felt pressured to fake an experience or a manifestation so they could be happy. And it is not only me. Like we had people in church who had different deseases and received prophetic words that they will be healedd and they died. Is this OK? I mean they gave prophetic words that came to pass, too.
I am just so confused. I left this church for several months now because pain from past is coming up, I am dealing with a lot of depression and they would only pray deliverance for me-I don't say this is not good but man....I just needed someone to listen to me. Not to be seen as a demon sack. I still love and miss the church and I believe with all my heart that the pastors are good people who really love God. There are people coming to me now, from that church, who are so hurt because of some things that happen but have no courage to speak with the pastors or to leave or do something and I don't know what to tell them. I am so confused and scared that I am deceived right now and making a huge mistake by leaving church. I am attending now another church and I am so shocked when I see that I don't need to fake that I am good and that I can actually talk not only about my struggles but about how to overcome sin. I was shocked when the pastor asked me how was my walk with God-I was never asked this before. If I was radiant and going to all meetings they assumed I was good spiritually. If I did not attend all meetings or if I wasn't totally involved in worhsip-then there was a problem.But I am still so scared and confused right now. I don't know what to think, how to think about all the manifestations-didn't I insult the Holy Spirit when I was faking them?