Advice

[S.Kelly]

First, Sorry for my English. not my first language.

I am a Christian since young and be married. my wife say she no longer believe in God, she also was christian before. We normally go church every week and now I have to go alone, I know it sin to not go church, so what should I do about my wife?

She say she does not believe and never want to go back again, I am sad and lost by her saying, but don't know what to do.

What do you think I should do? What should I say? I feel bad and can prayer only, is there anything I can do?

We have 0 children and I want children and I want children to go church but with my wife and me.

Can you help?

 

[Teslafied]

All you can do is pray and trust God.

What do you think caused her to turn her back from God?

 

[mkgal1]

I am wondering the same thing---did something happen?

Jesus summed up the law of the Prophets by saying it all goes back to "loving God with your heart, mind, soul, and strength....and to love others as yourself". Going to church is "loving God with our bodies" but leaving our heart, mind, and soul out of it (I don't think He wished for that---that probably drives people to weariness). Faith is personal---and cannot be imposed on others. Just be patient with her (and, if she'd like to express her thoughts, listen without judgement). Don't pressure her to go to church.

 

[S.Kelly]

Thank you for your replies. Nothing has happened. She said she think this long time. Even before we married.

I feel sad and like she lie to me, if I before marriage know she not believe in God, I would not want to marriage with her. I feel like she don't want to listen and never want to go back, so feel lost and like I can do nothing. I know it bad to say but I feel regretting I married.

I know that i should be stronger and give example. But this is very hard when she don't want to listen or follow.

 

[Teslafied]

Just live for the Lord and let her see firsthand what God can do through you.

 

[LinkH]

My advice is to keep in fellowship with other believers. Raise our children in the faith. Teach them the Bible and pray with them daily. They aren't going to get that from their mother right now. And pray for your wife.

 

[S.Kelly]

I am writing update to situation.

My wife she refuse to go to church still and I start to feel like I do not want to go because people ask where is my wife and I know not what to say. What should I do? I feel I am fail because we not church together and feel sad now

 

[live4Christ2016]

Pray for her. Pray that God touches her heart and brings her closer to him. As for you....just continue going. Pray that God heals your heart over this and gives you strength to keep on going to church, praying, and trusting him with your situation.
When people ask where your wife is just tell them she's going through some personal things right now and ask for them to pray for her. You don't have to tell them why she is not there.
My husband was like your wife. He told me he hated church, hated going. It hurt me, but I was not going to push him into going. You cannot push her to go. Just leave her alone. Stop talking to her about it. Just get up on Sunday and go without her.
Be in prayer for her. It's not easy and it's a hurtful thing when our loved ones don't want to know God.
The enemy is playing with her mind right now and putting doubts into her head. Pray that God stands between her and the enemy.
Please continue to go to church, pray quietly, read your Bible and get yourself as close to God as possible.
Stop discussing her beliefs and going to church. Let God touch her heart. Only God can do the impossible. Not you. Just pray for her.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Sorry to hear. I hope she realizes your married unequally yolked because of that lie. Just pray she comes back to the Lord. Something long ago must have made her change her mind. Or maybe she never really believed in Him.

 

[Brianlear]

It's disturbing that you wrote "it's a sin to not go to church". Where did you come up with that? Church is not a building. It's a group of believers doing life together. You have not indicated at all whether she has rejected God being in her life. Is that the case?

 

[tall73]

1Co 7:12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
1Co 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
1Co 7:16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
1Co 7:17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.



Also, this is written from the perspective of an unbelieving husband, but the principle still applies.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
1Pe 3:2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Be the best example you can of a loving spouse, and pray for her. There is not much more you can do until she wants to speak about it. If she sees you as an example of Christ's love she may reconsider. Do not give up going to church, etc. as she needs to see you being faithful, even if right now she cannot believe.

 

[S.Kelly]

Hello, thank you for your help.

My wife still does not want to go church anymore and she is asking if I want to keep going, like she wants me to stop going as well.
She also say when we have children she no like them to go church, she will stop them go Church. I think this is bad because they need to know about God. I starts to think should I leave her?

 

[mkgal1]

Why would you leave her? It seems to me that the Bible says something about staying with a spouse if they are "pleased to dwell with you". Did she experience something hurtful at church?

You haven't said....does she believe in God still? ISTM that if you leave her....or continue to pressure her about this---if she does still believe in God---that may completely go away. It's just not loving---IMO---to not respect another's very personal beliefs (and divorce them over it).

 

[S.Kelly]

She no longer believe in God, she never experience him so don't believe he exist.

God is one of the most if not the most important persons in my life and I do not want to be without him, if my wife cannot be with me in going to church or praying to God it feel very lonely. I want a wife who will be with me, worshipping god and having family with kids to know God.

She say that she won't go back to church ever and she don't want kids going to church. We don't have kids now and we don't have intercourse. I feel that separation is the only answer because I am losing my faith if God will help her return. I find it hard, praying, like I don't know what will of God is now, if I stay we both unhappy if we separate it's not good because divorce should only be extreme.

 

[mkgal1]

You believe that God IS love....right? I doubt your wife doesn't believe in love. I suspect what she didn't experience was love in the church (and from the people she came in contact with). As her husband.....do you not feel a duty to demonstrate love to her (and consider that she probably also feels lonely and discarded)....just for being honest with you about her beliefs? Try to put yourself in her place....and consider how you'd feel.

I understand you had a certain expectation....but long-term marriages just don't usually function like that. It's more important (I believe) to learn how to respect the other person's opinions and beliefs than it is to control and manipulate the other person to conform to yours (or be ready to toss them out of your life if they aren't exactly like you).

 

[mkgal1]

In my opinion....this is a great article about what it means to love your spouse:

Love freely given. One of the most misunderstood aspects of marital love is the fact that true love is totally voluntary, unforced, and free of manipulation or control. God declared that this was the way He loved His people when He promised, “I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely” (Hos. 14:4). The word freely in this verse means voluntarily. In other words, God is explaining that His love can’t be forced or manipulated by others and that He has chosen to love His people for His own reasons. Jesus said the same thing about the love that motivated Him to go to the cross. “Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself” (John 10:17-18). Jesus was declaring that no one was controlling His decisions. He was voluntarily giving up His life because He loved us.

Why is this aspect of your love so important to maintaining your relationship? Because many husbands and wives tell me that they have fallen out of love with their mate and at the same time declare that they have a controlling, manipulating, pressuring, nagging, jealous, or clingy spouse. All of these behaviors destroy the voluntary nature of love. Couples also relate to me that when they first dated and became engaged they did so out of a voluntary choice, but now all they sense is force or control strangling the desire to love.

If you are the spouse that is attempting to control, let me say to you that this manipulation is destroying the very love that you are attempting to keep or renew. Love must always be given out of a free choice by the one loving. The more you seek to force, manipulate, and control your mate, the less you will be loved.

If you have fallen into this trap, ask your mate’s forgiveness and return to loving freely without nagging and control. Seek your mate’s best interest and encourage activities that promote freedom and trust. If you can’t seem to give up these behaviors, you should seek personal counseling for yourself.~What It Means To Love Your Spouse

 

[mkgal1]

A book recommendation: