I'm just going to get real honest here......dh does nothing to help with me or the kids. He never wants to do anything as a family that requires us to go anywhere. I didn't give him any choice this year when we went to Disney. He ended up sick but I refused for him to make the kids and I miserable. We left him in that hotel room alone everyday. I refuse to sit around and let my kids miss out on life experiences b/c he can't fit it into his busy schedule of all this work he has to do outside that nobody will help him with. Yes, I know there is upkeep to be done around here...mowing, splitting wood for winter, garden, and whatever else but he does this ALL the time until dark with a beer in his hand the entire time. He has verbally abused me for years. Doesn't name call (at least not to my face) but I never seem to measure up in his eyes. Everything is my fault, according to him. He screams at me constantly and it doesn't matter if the kids are around or not. He says he talks loud so I will understand him...I'm not hard of hearing but that doesn't seem to matter. . He constantly says I don't understand...makes me feel like a stupid idiot. Right after the baby (now almost 2) was born, he broke one of my mugs and some of the baby bottles in a rage that scared the kids. Hasn't done that one since but did slam the door a couple of weeks ago. He has slammed it so hard, that I'm surprised it didn't fall off the hinges. Thankfully, the baby and our daughter were in the bath and our oldest son was at my mom's so they didn't know what it was. I thought he was going to hit me as he got up against my back and told me I made his so mad. Thank God he didn't. I don't think he would hit me but I can honestly say, it would only happen once. He drinks beer daily...it was one of the wiskey fits that he broke the mug and bottles b/c I mentioned that I was concerned about him drinking wiskey every night. His dad was an alcoholic, as was his grandfather...not sure how far back this generational curse goes. His aunt, our neighbor, was too but quit a few years ago. He doesn't drink to get drunk but it is an obvious problem for me, especially when he has our 6 year old brininging him beer and has the kids crushing the cans for him. He has an industrial size trash bag under the carport that is full of CRUSHED beer cans that he drank alone. Put it this way, there is a gallon size zip lock bag in the cabinet full of the tabs that come off the cans that he has drank alone in the last year or so. It's his way of helping donate a cancer treatment to a child who's parents can't afford it. He could pay for...ok, don't let me get started on that one.
He refuses to go to church with me and creates a fight everytime I go. It got especially bad a couple of weeks ago (when the door slamming incident happened) that he was screaming in a rage as I walked out the door. He threatened to pull some sort of plug on my truck so that I couldn't go. All I've heard ever since is that I broke his heart. Never mind the number of times he has broke mine. That doesn't matter to him. He has tendonitus in his elbow and used that as an excuse that he needed me at home. Honestly, there was nothing I could do for his arm. He is a big baby when he is sick. Thank goodness I don't get sick very often. Back during the last school year, I woke up sick on a Saturday morning. Micah was sick too. He had thrown up all over himself in his crib and I was very nauseated and weak with fever. Dh threw a fit at me b/c I didn't plan it, so he couldn't do anything outside that day b/c he had to take care of a sick kid and Logan and Madalyn. He never checked on me that day. He slammed drawers and made sure he fussed loud enough for me to hear. I remember my sweet girl coming in to check on me and I asked her to please get her daddy to bring me some tylenol and water for my fever. That was the only time I saw him that day.
After all of this, he wants sex. The tendonitus in his elbow isn't bad enough that he can't have sex but bad enough that he thought I needed to stay home from church. He gets extemely mad over this. I have been doing some research on verbal abuse and have learned that a decreased sex drive is a result of the abuse...makes sense to me. I'm constantly doing everything wrong, what makes him think I would be in the mood for it. He never shows intimacy. Treats me like I'm his toy. Rarely hugs me or kisses me for no reason. Usually, his hugs and kisses involve some kind of groping. I'm to my breaking point. Back during the revival at our church, I took a stand the night I left when he was in a rage demanding I not go. Ever since, it has been turmoil around here. See, for years, I have been his doormat. When we were first married, he used to leave me at home and go to parties, bars ect. He would never take me anywhere. Still doesn't take me anywhere. That's why we never do anything. But like I said earlier, I will see to it, that my kids will go on vacations every year and that they get to experience things that he doesn't want to take the time to do. The only thing he does with the kids is play outside with them...mostly just outside working while they are out playing. He doesn't help them with their homework, bathe them, pick out their clothes to wear, read books with them, ect. I do all of that.
I have an appt in a little while for counseling. I have grown a backbone in the past month and need some guidance. I'm not sure what the future holds for us right now but I do know that we cannot continue down this same path. Our oldest (6 yrs) screams at our middle childe (5) and sometimes his little brother now and will sass me. I know it's from watching his dad. Dh says it is b/c of me and my lack of showing him (dh) the respect he deserves. He has threatened me that if I leave, I would never take the kids away from him.
So, I guess my married life is a mess right now. I do know that I am not a doormat, I know I'm not perfect, but am not to blame for all the misery in his life. My main thing and reason for counseling tomorrow is for my kids. I want to do what is best for my kids. It has been good for me to get all of this out. I have been in denial about it or actually defended my husband's actions for years. As far as sleeping while he is gone...everynight this past month, he has come to bed and woke me up to scream at me about how miserable I make him and then try to demand sex. I can't stand for him to touch me anymore. I don't sleep good with him next to me. So, like I said earlier, since he's been gone, I have slept like a baby.
He refuses to go to church with me and creates a fight everytime I go. It got especially bad a couple of weeks ago (when the door slamming incident happened) that he was screaming in a rage as I walked out the door. He threatened to pull some sort of plug on my truck so that I couldn't go. All I've heard ever since is that I broke his heart. Never mind the number of times he has broke mine. That doesn't matter to him. He has tendonitus in his elbow and used that as an excuse that he needed me at home. Honestly, there was nothing I could do for his arm. He is a big baby when he is sick. Thank goodness I don't get sick very often. Back during the last school year, I woke up sick on a Saturday morning. Micah was sick too. He had thrown up all over himself in his crib and I was very nauseated and weak with fever. Dh threw a fit at me b/c I didn't plan it, so he couldn't do anything outside that day b/c he had to take care of a sick kid and Logan and Madalyn. He never checked on me that day. He slammed drawers and made sure he fussed loud enough for me to hear. I remember my sweet girl coming in to check on me and I asked her to please get her daddy to bring me some tylenol and water for my fever. That was the only time I saw him that day.
After all of this, he wants sex. The tendonitus in his elbow isn't bad enough that he can't have sex but bad enough that he thought I needed to stay home from church. He gets extemely mad over this. I have been doing some research on verbal abuse and have learned that a decreased sex drive is a result of the abuse...makes sense to me. I'm constantly doing everything wrong, what makes him think I would be in the mood for it. He never shows intimacy. Treats me like I'm his toy. Rarely hugs me or kisses me for no reason. Usually, his hugs and kisses involve some kind of groping. I'm to my breaking point. Back during the revival at our church, I took a stand the night I left when he was in a rage demanding I not go. Ever since, it has been turmoil around here. See, for years, I have been his doormat. When we were first married, he used to leave me at home and go to parties, bars ect. He would never take me anywhere. Still doesn't take me anywhere. That's why we never do anything. But like I said earlier, I will see to it, that my kids will go on vacations every year and that they get to experience things that he doesn't want to take the time to do. The only thing he does with the kids is play outside with them...mostly just outside working while they are out playing. He doesn't help them with their homework, bathe them, pick out their clothes to wear, read books with them, ect. I do all of that.
I have an appt in a little while for counseling. I have grown a backbone in the past month and need some guidance. I'm not sure what the future holds for us right now but I do know that we cannot continue down this same path. Our oldest (6 yrs) screams at our middle childe (5) and sometimes his little brother now and will sass me. I know it's from watching his dad. Dh says it is b/c of me and my lack of showing him (dh) the respect he deserves. He has threatened me that if I leave, I would never take the kids away from him.
So, I guess my married life is a mess right now. I do know that I am not a doormat, I know I'm not perfect, but am not to blame for all the misery in his life. My main thing and reason for counseling tomorrow is for my kids. I want to do what is best for my kids. It has been good for me to get all of this out. I have been in denial about it or actually defended my husband's actions for years. As far as sleeping while he is gone...everynight this past month, he has come to bed and woke me up to scream at me about how miserable I make him and then try to demand sex. I can't stand for him to touch me anymore. I don't sleep good with him next to me. So, like I said earlier, since he's been gone, I have slept like a baby.