A reasonable response? Jealousy?

[Jenna]

Since we have moved into our new home, we have been doing very well in regards to every aspect of our personal lives. Many of the problems that we were having have since been resolved and/or overcome. However, I feel that I may be experiencing the effects of having been hurt. To an extent, I feel as though I am perfectly justified in my feelings, and that my husband should be the one to change. However, I am having difficulties in finding a way to express my feelings and set boundaries without coming across as controlling or just plain silly. Let me explain what has been going on....

A few nights ago, my husband began spending more time on the computer. Normally he just checks his email, and is done with it. He had been waiting on a download though, so he started visiting a local chatroom to kill the time while he waited. Well, while he was there, he began chatting with women whose company I was not comfortable with. She had tried to send him her picture, and I am sure that he had sent his. He said that there was nothing wrong with two consentual adults chatting over the internet, especially not when they are both married. I admit to giving him a look, since he had said that he had not asked for her picture. I pointed out that many women who offer their pictures without being asked, and those who have screen names like "sexy sex kitten" had other things on their mind than just their husband.

I didn't say anything more, and left him to his chatroom. At midnight, I told him that I was going to bed, and I did. I waited for a half hour for him to come to bed before I went and fussed at him a bit. Ok, to be honest, I sprayed him with a water bottle that I keep to spritz my hair. I told him that I didn't appreciate that he was choosing to stay online with some strange woman, instead of coming to bed with his wife. I said that if he was going to be naughty, I would treat him the same as I do the others who get naughty in our home (we have cats. lol). I had a smile on my face though, and he thought it was pretty funny. He joked, laughing it up as he got dried off and ready for bed. I had a smile on my face, but wasn't feeling nearly as amused by it as he was, especially not when he started laughing at me and teasing me for becoming jealous.

Well, for as silly as it is, I slept poorly that night. I had a stupid dream where my husband decided to 'help' a pretty girl up a flight of stairs, while he left me behind to make it on my own. I felt ashamed of myself for even allowing this to bother me as much as it has, but from the lack of sleep, I was cranky. Later in the day, he and I had a conversation, and he asked me why I hadn't slept very well, so I told him. Yet again, he starts laughing at me. I really can't stand the "I can't believe it! You're jealous!" comments anymore, and having him laugh at me is just over the top. I would be apt to just foo-foo it off and forget about it, except that it hasn't ended there.

I keep track of my husband's internet visits, behind the scenes. I don't mention it or make a big deal of it. It is just something that started back a ways, when he was struggling real hard with the internet inappropriate content. I hadn't felt the need to look things over in quite a while, but that darned green eyed monster was just riding me real hard. So, I looked over a few things from the past few days. This chatting incident hasn't been a one time shot or anything. He has been talking quite frequently with this "sex kitten", even though I told him that it made me uncomfortable, and I would rather that he not. He has also been having conversations with other women that put me on edge. A woman has told him how sexy she is feeling, and what does he say? Is "oh really?" a suitable response? He continues to talk with women who are hitting on him, sending him webcam invites, etc. I have yet to find where he brushes off any stupid sexual advances, or even mentions that he is happily married and uninterested. Nope. He just continues these questionable conversations with women who are not looking for his sparkling personality or wanting to share photos of each other's children.

Is it wrong to be jealous about this kind of thing? He acts as though I am completely out of line for being the slightest bit upset. Then again, he isn't aware that I know the content of his conversations. He just laughs at me and makes jokes at my expense because I am not comfortable with this. Granted, I don't see him having cyber sex with anyone, or getting that riske'. However, the tone of the conversations isn't chaste, and I don't think that it is appropriate. He's acting like I'm some prude though, making a fuss over nothing. Well, it may well be nothing, but it still doesn't feel that nice. He seems more interested in teasing me than making me comfortable though.

I'm just not sure where to go with this. I really want to trust him, but I know that the computer is a dangerous area for him. I know that he gets himself in trouble if he isn't terribly careful. Our intimate relationship has been going well, but this sort of thing still makes me feel vulnerable and possibly inadequate. I don't understand what the motivation is for him to be talking regularly with some 'sex kitten' if he is content at home. *sigh* Maybe I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe my jealousy is just ruling. I guess I just figure that I have ever reason to be jealous over who has contact with my one-flesh partner. I don't want some girl giving him peep shows, and I certainly would want him to respect me enough to stay away from women who would disrespect our marriage like that. Am I just being completely insane? lol

 

[murron]

Any advice you get about this is going to lean one of two ways - "be jealous, he's being a jerk" or "stop over-reacting". My advice - cancel your internet service completely. I know that would be an inconvenience to you as you also hang out online, but without the means of getting plugged in, hubby will either deal with it, or be unreasonably upset - in which case, you will have the answer to your question of whether you are being reasonable or just jealous.

God Bless,
Murron

 

[andiesmama]

Murron has a great idea....I didn't even think of that!! Unless you have a business that you do online from home, or something like that, I think that's the best solution.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all...especially with your husband's past history. I don't think he should just "laugh off" your discomfort, at least hopefully he'd want to make an effor to talk to you about it & come to an understanding!

Prayers are with you...

 

[Zoomer]

Maybe I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe my jealousy is just ruling.

I do not think you are wrong in your feelings. I do not think he should be talking to starnge women online period. It makes it worse when he knows it makes you uncomfortable and jokingly brushes off your feelings.
Have you asked him WHY he talks to these woman? Have you asked him how it benefits your relationship as husband and wife? Have you asked him how it benefits his relationship with God?
I am curious as to what his reasoning is to support his actions.

 

[LiberatedChick]

Nope, you're not being insane. I used to visit a chat room regulary and all kinds of topics would come up...everyone knew I was in a relationship and when we got married they knew that too and I showed them the photos. However, that didn't stop me feeling uncomfortable when they used bad language, started talking about sex and being generally mean and hurtful to others. One day I thought "what on earth am I doing here? This isn't right...how can I chat to these people, subject myself to these types of conversations and call myself a Christian. I'm meant to be glorifying God and respecting my husband, this isn't glorifying or respectful." So I stopped visiting those places. Hopefully, your husband will realise this on his own like I did. Hopefully, he'll realise that kind of place and that kind of chat is not something he should be doing. If he doesn't realise it on his own hopefully he'll realise it when he sees you continuing to be uncomfortable. Either way, no I don't think you're completely insane.

 

[Jenna]

Either way, no I don't think you're completely insane.

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence! At least now I know that I'm only partly insane. *chuckles*

It isn't that he is just in a chat room and people are being crude, but that he is having these conversations privately with women. This one in particular, bothers me. Being the trouble maker that I can be (I struggle greatly. lol) I logged into his messenger account and deleted her name from his buddy list. I figured that if she was really just a nobody that he was killing time with, it wouldn't be a big deal. He did chastize me about it though, and her name is back up there. I've already told him that it bothers me that he talks with her, but I haven't told him why. He doesn't know that I've read through his conversations with these other women. I haven't mentioned it, and he hasn't figured it out. He has cleared his history though, which just makes me even more uncomfortable. I'm loathe to mention any of this, basically because then I have to admit that I have been keeping tabs on him. I don't like it any more than he does, but to be honest, I feel like I have no other choice. I can't *make* him cancel the internet, but that doesn't mean that I want to be made a fool of either.

I admit that I am jealous, and that this bothers me more than the inappropriate content did. I mean, inappropriate content is inappropriate content. I don't think that he was ever actually lusting after particular people, only enjoying the whole situation on a whole. It still bothered me a lot, and we struggled through that. This bothers me so much more because there is the room there for things to get carried away, and for him to become involved with a real person in ways that he shouldn't. No, I'm not completely sane. *laughs* I'm not sure that I would trust myself to react in a graceful way if I found him being sexual with another woman over the internet, especially not while knowing that they are close enough to meet and take it offline. I wasn't born yesterday, and I know plenty enough about the allure of illicit online relationships. I know what sort of things many people do over their webcams, etc.

I'm not sure that my husband really thinks about what it does to our relationship when other people are brought into it. He didn't think that the inappropriate content was hurting anything, until the poo hit the fan and I was ready to leave. I have a better understanding of it now, but because I was hurt so much by him in sexual matters, I have a large achilles heel. I'm not sure why he isn't "getting it" when I speak to him about these conversations. He's not dumb, and understands english perfectly well. I'm not understanding why he is laughing at me, making me feel ashamed for even sharing my feelings, instead of just saying "Ok, it isn't worth hurting you over." If I am talking with someone and it makes him uncomfortable, I stop. He was feeling uncomfortable because a person that I was once close with kept calling me by a pet name. So, I put a stop to that sort of thing. I didn't laugh at him and ham it up real good that he was jealous. I just don't understand it. I don't understand HIM.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Show me a woman alive who wouldn't feel jealous/perturbed if dh was talking to a girl names "sex kitten" IMHO you should be able to check up on him and vice versa. If he has nothing to hide he shouldn't have a prob w/ you going thru his history. Is he saved? I personally wouldn't have went to bed while he was online talking to sexy kitten. I would have told him lovingly that you feel disrespected and would like him to get off NOW! IF he loves and values you he would have gotten off. I also think it's great you tried to be humurous while spraying spritz in his face. I can see that breaking the ice a bit, but he does need to know that you will not tolerate his emotional affairs( sounds like the beginnings) over the net!

 

[Zoomer]

I will be praying so that you may have guidance on how to get through to him. I will also be praying that he may find a change of heart on his own. It's a really difficult sitaution especially when he doesn't "get it" and there is no way for you to force him to. I know from personal experience and have found that honest open communication and prayer can help you through.</FONT></FONT>

 

[Agape4u]

I don't think you are wrong in feeling the way you are feeling. In fact, you are handling it better then most would. I'd have a heart to heart with him and tell him everything you've said here. I'm praying for all involved!

 

[Jenna]

No, I didn't tell him to get off the computer. *shakes head* I was just kind of keeping an eye out, checking out what was going on. When I would come in the room, it was obvious that his download was still running, so I didn't want to rush him. I know how hard it is to adjust to a dial-up connection when you need to download software. lol It's awful. So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.....at first.

You know, it's just plain odd that he was in a chatroom anyway. That is SO not like him. He gets annoyed with typing and all that good stuff. Normally he just reads at his car message board and checks his mail. So, my interest was peaked just by him being in the room. Of course, then I realized what was going on a little more, the next time that I stopped in to talk with him.

That night, I was waiting for him to do the right thing. When I got onto him, I actually didn't spray him in the face. lol I got him on his arm and chest. I even made a point to tell him, "Your wife should be your top priority, not some strange girl that you meet on the internet. When your wife says,'Honey, I'm going to bed', that means that you should be going to". *wiggles brows* I didn't say it in a mean way or anything, more in a playful sort of way......er......like he has good reason to get himself off to bed. But, it didn't matter, especially not after he started laughing at me. By that point, I was quietly fuming and wouldn't have been able to be aroused regardless of what he had done. Well, I don't know about that completely. The idea of whipping him with the mouse was a highly arousing idea, in my bad attitude. lol

I've been trying not to be mean about this, but I *feel* mean. Really, I want to just stomp my foot and tell him to stop disrespecting me before I whomp him upside the head with a baseball bat. He, however, would just start laughing at me again and joking about me being jealous, which would only make my threat a reality. lol I don't want to be a big jerk, but he isn't listening to me, and I'm feeling very disrespected. It's rare that we honestly have things that we will "war" over, but this is one of those things that strikes me so strongly that there wouldn't be anything less if he wanted to fight me. I feel as though I would legitimately be fighting for my marriage, and that makes me darned jealous and possessive. I figure that the only person who has more righ to be jealous over him, that would be God. Any other woman needs to just step back before I slap her. lol Now, my husband, he just needs to remember that I know where he sleeps at night.......... *chuckles*

 

[Singin4Him]

Can you not cancel the interent yourself? That would be a nice surprise .

Seriously though, you NEED to tell him how you are feeling disrespected. Whether he believes it or not he is not only disrespecting you but your marriage as well. No man chats innocently online with a woman under the name of "sexy sex kitten." Even if he is not saying anything that would cause you to believe there is something going on he is getting some pleasure out of it in some way otherwise he would not have mad it an issue when you deleted her name on his list and then added her again. Not only that but I would be very concerned if he was deleting the history as well. An affair usually starts very innocently, it's not something that seems wrong or dangerous at first. You need to make this an issue and don't let up something like this has torn apart marriages. If it's really nothing your husband should be able to stop. Even if it's just because YOU feel uncomfortable about it he should stop because as your husband he should be putting you first at all times.

 

[andiesmama]

First, let me commend you on keeping your sense of humor through the whole ordeal...your posts make me chuckle (whipping him with the mouse & the use of the word "whomp" immediately come to mind! lol), but you're still getting your point across...

instead of just saying "Ok, it isn't worth hurting you over."

I agree with you on that one...basically, that's the way I think your hubby should be thinking, not what it seems like which is making light of the way you feel!

 

[Conqueror12]

Jenna,

I don't think it is jealousy. I think it is appropriate discernment and alarm. As I was reading your descriptions of the situation, all kinds of alarm bells were clanging and red flags frantically waving. It's hard to know how to respond to such a situation, but I think my first reaction would be to get prostrate on the floor praying Scriptures and singing praise music in order to keep from falling into sin myself.

From my experience, when it gets that far, especially with his attitude as you describe it, it ends up being a kind of d***ed if you do, d***ed if you don't kind of thing. If you try to stop him or confront him about it, that could easily cement even more in his mind the justification he apparently already feels he has to keep doing it. If you ignore it, he may be content to just keep sliding down that slippery slope.

I personally would take this as conclusive evidence that satan was gunning for me, and I would go into full-on spiritual warrior mode . And in addition to prayer, fasting, and praise, this would mean in the flesh blessing my husband at every opportunity so that the enemy would have nothing to point at or work with to put any wedge between my husband and me. And for an extra punch in satan's nose, I'd start praying for "sex kitten" and her ilk as well.

I will be praying for you.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh Jen,

You could always do what one of my friends did (ok she wasn't a Christian at the time) - she realised her then-defacto was chatting continually to another girl on the net, so logged in under his name, and let the conversation go until she realised what was actually happening - it didn't take her too long to realise that he was in a 'red flag' area - and was considering cheating on her. So, she told this girl exactly what was going on, cancelled the internet, and then walked on out on him. Now, I know that's not an option here - and I would probably try to freak this girl out so she wouldn't contact him anymore! But that's just me...

Anyway, you have every right to feal 'jealous/worried/left out' - your dream was a pretty good interpretation of these feelings - and you shouldn't write them off. His place is with YOU - not with another woman on the internet, plus her screen name is a pretty obvious clue (ok, so guys are pretty clueless sometimes - but that would HAVE to be a dead give away about what she's after). His ambivalence you shared (ie just saying 'really' when she started in with the inuendo) is a big worry - a lot of guys I know have got themselves into trouble through this - it is passive encouragement of inappropriate behaviour - and a lot think it's ok because they weren't actively encouraging the woman to continue - they just 'let it happen'.

Nip it in the bud, Jenna. NOW. This is your house, and I'd gather it's your joint finances that is allowing this connection to happen. As mean as it sounds, you have a say in where that money goes, and if the providing of money for an internet connection is allowing your husband to have the opportunity to have a virtual affair on you, then I'd suggest that the internet is just not worth it. Are you able to cancel it? Ie. Is it in both your names (I think the person whose name it is in is the one who has the power to cancel). I know it's hard when you like the ability to get on here, but for the sake of your marriage, it sounds like the internet has to go.

It sounds like the both of you need some solid talking. Going on my past experience, he may not think he's done anything wrong (ie - he hasn't ACTIVELY asked her to do anything for him - he's just let her say things, and left the door open for her to continue along with the seduction), but you need to tell him how much it hurts. Gosh - I get upset when B spends all night on the computer, and only communicates with me when I put dinner in front of him! His behaviour has a definite chance of putting up communication barriers in front of the two of you (if it hasn't all ready), and it's going to have to be up to you to say something, and let him know that it hurts when you want his company so much, because he probably doesn't even realise what he's doing.

I'm praying heaps for you Jenna, you have every right to feel upset and left out - but you really need to talk to him ASAP and hopefully he will come to the table, understand where you are coming from, and have an agreement up and running about not behaving like that, and giving you more time than he does that computer, and his net conversations...



Sasch

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

You are doing such a good job of trying to not be bossy or controlling, Jenna!
I am sorry to here of your current troubles. What you are describing sounds like your husband has a major stumbling block with the internet. I am sorry that you can not just get rid of it.
I sit right next to my husband while he is on line. I see what he types and where he goes. We do it together. Neither of us go online unless the other is home, and the door has to be open. I know that some of this may not be an option if you do not have a willing partner. Keep trying to be loving and not bitter, and try not to let it interfere with your sex life. It sounds like you are doing a good job at trying to be the kind of wife God wants you to be. I do not think you should take any of the things your husband does too personally, because this is his problem with his sin. You seem to be seeing the big picture and where his lust is leading, and he is brushing it off as though it is all you. I would be extremely upset if I was in your shoes, and if my husband found me doing the things your husband has been doing then I know he'd ban me from using the internet at all, so I do not think you are being unresonable. I think satan has found an area where your husband is very weak. Build him up in prayer. I have seen prayer work in my marriage.


You must be quite a submissive understanding woman cuz if I were you, I would disconnect the internet, if he reconnected and continued cheating with inappropriate content and flirting with prostitute wanna bes, I would prob. leave or smash the computer. I do not think it is wrong for me to expect my hubby to be faithful. God is a jealous God. If it is in a righteous sense, is it still wrong?

 

[Jenna]

All in all, I'm not really upset with the girl who is talking with him. I guess because she is a stranger and I know nothing about her faith, I don't hold her as deeply accountable as I do my own husband. I would talk with her and ask her not to speak with him anymore, but I really don't see that that would be the best thing, honestly. If it's just an amusement that he is after, then it isn't going to matter what girl he talks to. If any girl is going to stop talking to him, I'd like it be because HE is the one saying that it has to stop.

I know that he isn't at the level of having any type of online affair or anything, as it has only been happening this past week. I think that he is just looking to be amused, and for some gross reason, playing with people amuses him. If it isn't in one fashion, it is another. I "get" how he works, because he and I met over the internet. I know how much he likes the thrill of playing word games and sparing with people. However, if he feels that he needs a little mental game of chess and double-edged words, I am more than capable of meeting his needs. I was, after all, the one who caught him. *laughs* I'm no dullard, and can definitely make better on any naughty threats that I toss out to him. Still, I don't think that he sees me quite the same way, which is probably the most bothersome.

I find the timing of everything to just be outrageous. Seriously. Let me know what you think here. He and I have been talking about children lately, and after I told him how I felt confident in letting the Lord lead me, I dropped the conversation. After some time to think, he must have apparently made up his mind about how things were, because he began purposefully engaging in activities in such a way as to make babies. *wiggles brows* Interesting enough, we went from one time a week to about every other day, and I didn't do anything! lol For some reason, he has just been so much more passionate since removing barriers between us.

So, imagine my surprise when he stays up talking with little miss "sex kitten". We were going full tilt, happily, and then some wall just gets thrown up. I don't know if he has just changed his mind about babies, and wants an outlet other than myself. I don't know if he just doesn't want to jump on me all of the time. I really don't know. After I had told him that I had faith in the Lord's plan for us if I became pregnant, I instantly began to have doubts and fears. It seems like every time we try to step out on that limb and stop micro-managing our lives, something happens to scare us back in our holes like little rabits. If it's stepping up to trust God with our finances, something big breaks or a large bill comes in that we didn't count on. When I started really dedicating my heart to being a loving wife, the inappropriate content thing reared it's ugly head. Now, when we are working toward possibly having another baby, that one thing that scares me is staring me right in my face. Really, can't a girl get a break? lol I feel like I am running an uphill race with the wind blowing into my face.

With the internet, I'm actually afraid that if I do anything dramatic, it will make things worse. I don't want him to get angry and frustrated, thinking that I view him as a child that I need to control. (Yeah, don't say it. I'm already thinking it. lol) Aside from that, the service is in his name. They won't shut it off unless he calls them. I could just take the PC over to my sister's place and let her hold onto it for me, but I know that he would just get terribly angry or see it as a challenge to build another one. lol It'd be like shooting myself in the foot.

No, I don't think that he is doing anything wrong. I'm holding him to a higher standard than he has ever been expected to meet before. He has done so well with the inappropriate content thing. He hasn't had any more of those temper tantrums. Over all, each year he is growing into a stronger, more responsible man. I am so proud of him every day.... and then something so stupid happens, like this internet thing. It doesn't even make any sense. Like I've said before, he just has never been interested in chatting all that much. Back in his highschool days, he liked to play around with people on the internet, but in a completely different fashion. I have never had any problems with him talking with other women or engaging in questionable conversation. He has even had a female friend that we would both talk to and share pictures of our children, back and forth. I was fine with that. I knew the extent of the relationship, and felt comfortable. Now, this, this is just weird.

I thought the same thing that you did, Sasch, with the passive encouragement. If I were to leave things as simple as "really", whenever a guy tried to hit on me over the internet, I'd be bombarded with naked pictures and other funky things. I know how it works. If I were more ignorant, maybe I wouldn't be bothered so much. However, like I told Michael, I KNOW WOMEN. lol I know what a woman is about when she says she is married, but talks to strange men with a sexually provocative screen name. I didn't just tell him this because I had this little green monster on my shoulder.

You know what really just rubs me the wrong way? I hate being more passionate about him, and more passionate about our marriage than he is. I really dislike being this ruffled by some silly girl who probably doesn't even realize what she is doing. It's not that I am terribly worried that he is going to go and meet some woman and sleep around. More than anything, I'm afraid that he will be more mentally aroused by another woman, and I will cease to be exciting to him anymore. After all, a woman on the internet can be anything she wants to sell. No one has to know that she isn't as svelt as she says. She can pretend to be completely enthralled with him, as though he is some super-man to her, which I understand is much more appealing than turning to a person who knows all of your faults and has seen you at your ugliest. lol I've been seduced before, and I know how intoxicating it can be. THAT is what worries me. I don't want anyone climbing into my husband's mind, stealing his thoughts while he is making love with me, or keeping him from my arms at night. I don't blame her though. This is a new aquaintence. She probably doesn't think anything of it, just like he doesn't. However, I know what a dangerous "slippery slope" it can be.

All in all, I want to talk with him more about it. Really what is holding me back is the way that he has laughed at me and made light of things. It makes me feel silly and childish for getting upset in the first place. I think that he is somewhat flattered by my jealousy, and maybe that was what he was after. It does make it infinitely harder to talk to him though, knowing that he may well start laughing at me again, over things that are deeply troubling to me. All I can think of is that maybe I did myself a disservice by trying to keep things light. I didn't want to jump all over him, but know he seems to think that it is some kind of joke. Of course it isn't, but I don't think that he is realizing the seriousness of the situation, not with his conversations, or the way that he handles things with me.

 

[Jenna]

You must be quite a submissive understanding woman cuz if I were you, I would disconnect the internet, if he reconnected and continued cheating with inappropriate content and flirting with prostitute wanna bes, I would prob. leave or smash the computer. I do not think it is wrong for me to expect my hubby to be faithful. God is a jealous God. If it is in a righteous sense, is it still wrong?

Oh, believe me, I war with my nature on an hourly basis. I feel like I literally have an angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other. There are some times when I feel pressed from every side, but thusfar it has only made me stronger. I haven't been able to do squat on my own. I'll tell you, that without the Lord, I'm a pretty pathetic excuse for a human being. It's all Him, 'cuz I certainly know that without the help of the Lord, I would be doing far worse than my husband.

I think that one of the reasons why I am trying to keep a level head and be understanding is because at one time sex was my biggest weakness. Oh, the devil knows how to tempt me, that is for sure. When things get rough and I feel lonely, that devil comes calling, knocking on my door with his honey-sweet voice. I've been in trouble before, and I've done far worse than my husband has done. I know about the threat of the internet because at one time *I* was the one having the emotional affair, and I was the one meeting the 'stranger'. I never had sex with anyone else, but every other part of my body and mind were saturated with filth. When I think about the ways that I hid things and lied, I still feel unclean. I have repented of my sins though, and I've asked forgiveness of God and of my husband. Because of everything that I've gone through, I understand the lure of sex and the internet. Because of everything that I've done, I feel more understanding for my husband and his struggles.

I'll tell you that at first, his struggles were fodder for driving me deeper into my own sin. The more he turned away from me, the more I turned to someone else. I learned my lesson real well though, and have come back even stronger in my love and commitment. The only difficult part is that since I have made the decision to never look toward another man for what my husband chooses not to give me, it has made me particularly possessive. I am worried that this might develop into an area of sin for me.

I actually find comfort in the Bible, when it says that our God is a jealous God. I'm understanding that jealousy isn't always bad. I am not coveting something or someone that belongs to another person. No, I want what God has given me. lol I think that is a good thing. I want my husband to know that I feel strongly for him, that I long and yearn after him. No woman he ever meets, internet or whatnot, will be able to say the same. While she may speak of lust, I know that guy at his worst, and still won't let him go. He's hurt me with his inappropriate content addiction, with his anger, through his ignorance. Still, I see that he is just a sinner, no worse or better than I am. I've wronged him in ways that I can't even imagine healing from. I owe him better than to harp on him, scream at him, or cast stones at him during his struggle. All I ask is that he still struggles, that he still fights to do what is right by me. I don't ask him to be perfect all the time, just to love me enough to hold on tight to me. That must be God working in me to help him, because my own nature says to lash out or run away. I'm not particularly submissive or extraordinarily understanding. I get just as frightened as other people, and worry just as much too. I just spend a lot of time at my chores, begging the Lord to heal me and equip me to really LOVE those that he gave me to care for.

 

[Singin4Him]

I "get" how he works, because he and I met over the internet.

This is exactly the reason you should do something about it now before it goes to far. An affair can strictly emotional, he never has to meet this woman and he can still be cheating you by giving connecting emotionally with another woman. You are a very strong woman it sounds like to me. Don't let the fact that he might laugh at you stop you from sharing your feelings with you husband. Not sharing your feelings is something that could do more harm than if you did and he laughed. Even if he does laugh most likely he will still think about what you said and take it to heart.

 

[GirlieGirl]

Jenna, I'm sorry. Such a tricky spot to be in. I told my hubby about your situation tonight and we tried to brainstrom solutions for you. So far, hubby was one vote chucking the computer out the window, and one vote for talking to the girl online and telling her she's interfering with a married man. But as you say, it could lead to a very angry and vendictive response.

But those don't seem to get to the heart of the issue which is your husband needs to choose to put you ahead of internet silliness. I think if he's laughing at the jealousy idea, I'd acknowledge that it was jealousy and it wasn't a laughing matter. Wouldn't he feel a twinge of jealousy if you were talking with "Hot Stud" on the internet? I believe that God will reveal things in the proper time. You can only police him so much you know? And I believe that God cradles and protects wives in your situation. Things like this make submission so hard.

Why you? Why does something come out of the blue whenever it looks like there are clear skies ahead? Satan wants your marriage.

 

[Jenna]

I sat up pretty late last night, since everyone else had gone to bed right after dinner. It's the hard work season, with snow removal at 5am, so I didn't mind too much. It did give me a good bit of time to gather my thoughts though. What I decided to do was to write him a letter, really explaining how I feel about this, and why. I even made a point to share with him through written word, because I was hurt by him laughing at me every time that I tried to talk with him about it. Oy, it is kind of long. *cringes* Of course, I'm sure that y'all understand, since you've waded through the "book" I've already written here. I did write a note on the bottom though, that I hope that my cares and concerns mean as much to him as the fantasy books that he breazes through in a day. If he can make it through a 400 page book in 24 hours, I know that he can make it through my letter in minutes.

We'll see how this is going to go. He won't get to it until after work, probably before dinner, since that is when he usually goes online. It's how he occupies his time while I am busy. So, hopefully he'll put it to good use, and this will be the end of the online girlies. If not, then I think that I am just going to have to take the computer out of our house. If I have to, I'll even bag it and put it up in the crawl space of our attic, if there is no other way. I may not be able to cancel the service, but that really isn't so big of a problem if I want to pay $15/month for some peace of mind. lol