A personal struggle. To tell or not to tell?

[TouchedByGod]

I have come to this board seeking advice on a very difficult issue that has plagued me since I was a very young child.

My father was an extremely abuseful when I was growing up. He had problems with alcohol and drug addiction. I would often be playing in our backyard and stumble upon half-used bongs and syringes carelessly disposed in our gardens. I had contracted Hepatitis B by the age of 12 due to a needlestick injury. I remember countless nights that I was unable to get to sleep because I could hear the violent outbursts towards my mother.

When I hit puberty, he began touching me inappropriately. It started with him walking in on me in the bathroom masturbating. He pulled me to the floor and began violating me orally. Things worsened from this point as his sexual deviancy advanced into full-blown rape when my mother was not home.

I turned to God for help and ran away only mere months later. I've only recently began contacted my family again. The question that plagues me is whether or not I should tell my mother (and the rest of my family). Apparently he no longer has an abusive or addictive personality (but can anyone truly change?).

Please help me.

In God we trust.
-TouchedByGod

 

[Akathist]

touched,

The most important thing you need to do is to get professional care in the area where you live.

Internet forum boards can not be your source of support in dealing with such a serious issue.

I would also strongly encourage you to regularly attend the church of your choice. Faith can be extremely helpful in dealing with such matters.

Please take no action related to telling your family based upon anything we say here. That is a complicated issue that deservices better examination and exploration by a professional.

 

[TouchedByGod]

Thanks for the reply Akathis.

I have attended my local church before and the Pastor gave off a real 'negative' vibe. I would most definitely not feel comfortable talking about this particular situation with him. His sermon ramblings were that of thinly veiled white-supremacy.

Despite the Christian teachings, I cannot help but feel complete and utter disgust toward my father. Although sinful, I am compelled to reveal this secret in order to hopefully cause the break-up of my parents marriage once and for all.

The depth to which his sexual deviancy extends is almost beyond imaginable. If I was to share the worst of situations that occurred I am certain that despite your beliefs you would feel some form of hatred towards this man.

I am both physically and mentally scarred because of my childhood. I can't even go to the toilet without painfully be reminded of my fathers abuse.

-TouchedByGod

 

[AlbertFish]

i will pray for you, your father and if i could... i would lay healing hands on you right now.
try to walk in the light brother.

 

[bricks00usa]

You are in my prayers. Always keep God inside you

 

[AlbertFish]

i tried to post this in my own thread but it wouldn't let me... sorry to post it here. maybe a moderator can move it?


this is really hard to admit to myself, let alone a huge forum such as this one. throughout my teens and early twenties i was a gay hustler and addicted to inhalents.
i was kicked out of home at 14 by my father who is a pastor for the dutch reform church. i had a very strict upbringing which involved a regular switching from his guiding hands. i will admit i probably brought most of my punishments on myself, but the final straw was when he caught me in his socks drawer, thumbing through his inappropriate contentography.
i was conflicted with feelings of guilt and fascination, coupled with astonishment at his hypocrisy at keeping such filth secretly. in an uncharacteristic display of defiance i challenged him about owning such magazines, to which he exploded with rage and promptly kicked me out of the house.
not having anywhere to go (all my family side with papa) i ended up in a halfway house.
from there my downward spiral really accellerated.
in the hostel i bunked with a really friendly and pretty boy called 'dropfry' who was a recovering heroin addict.
he seemed to really care about my problems and didn't shy away when i mentioned the lord. some people don't like it when you mention jehova, but dropfry actually seemed interested in what i had to share.
many nights i would cry and he would comfort me as i rocked back and forth with tears of shame and guilt.
i thought he was my friend and we had something in common, because his family had forsaken him too.
one thing dropfry didn't mention was his sexuality, and being naive i didn't notice the way he looked at me.

one night he was having a bad case of the chills, so i gave back some of the support he gave me and snuggled up close and tried laying hands on him.

the reaction i got wasn't what i expected, and the feelings i encountered with his kiss were unwanted and sinful.
to cut a long story short, i fell in love with dropfry and he and i soon left the hostel to hustle on the streets.
he taught me to suppress the shame of my new sexuality through sniffing tolulene and butane. i was hooked on him, the gas and a depraved lifestyle. i had completely turned away from jesus.

the next few months were spent trading on dropfry's fading looks and my innocence in dirty hotel rooms.
we would make enough money to eat and buy drugs until dropfry fitted one day and left me all alone.
after his passing i tried to get clean and managed to do so with continuous prayer and introspection. one thing i couldn't give up was the prostitution. i had grown accustomed to the easy money and the feigned love from my regular clientele. i need some serious prayer to shake this horrible burden of my past.

 

[bricks00usa]

My prayers are with you AlbertFish.

 

[shazabella]

praying for you both

Telling people about abuse / assault can be one of the hardest things you ever do and it does make it seem more real , i guess just be prepared for whatever evils satan throws at you in regards to people not believing you as well as trying to hurt you emotionally. You are a child of God and nothing from Satan can destroy you.

I spoke out about my ex's little thing with under age girls at my church and i was met with alot of disbelief and rejection. Through speaking out i was able to prevent him from hurting other girls in our youth group and it was ridiculously hard and many times i almost walked away from the church , i had the youth pastor question me many times about this and I'm not going to lie to you - words do hurt ,but you need to stick with it because you have no idea how many lives you stop from being ruined by speaking out.

I would suggest talking to a rape crisis center / getting some kind of support and or advice before you do tell your family because it may not be the reaction you want and they may side with your abuser and isolate you , it may not cause a breakup of your parents marriage at all and it could honestly back fire on you. Just be prepared for that.

Is there a person who you feel comfortable taking with you as a support person when you tell your family ?

just a few suggestions

- Shaz

 

[bricks00usa]

praying for you both

Telling people about abuse / assault can be one of the hardest things you ever do and it does make it seem more real , i guess just be prepared for whatever evils satan throws at you in regards to people not believing you as well as trying to hurt you emotionally. You are a child of God and nothing from Satan can destroy you.

I spoke out about my ex's little thing with under age girls at my church and i was met with alot of disbelief and rejection. Through speaking out i was able to prevent him from hurting other girls in our youth group and it was ridiculously hard and many times i almost walked away from the church , i had the youth pastor question me many times about this and I'm not going to lie to you - words do hurt ,but you need to stick with it because you have no idea how many lives you stop from being ruined by speaking out.

I would suggest talking to a rape crisis center / getting some kind of support and or advice before you do tell your family because it may not be the reaction you want and they may side with your abuser and isolate you , it may not cause a breakup of your parents marriage at all and it could honestly back fire on you. Just be prepared for that.

Is there a person who you feel comfortable taking with you as a support person when you tell your family ?

just a few suggestions

- Shaz

Shaz,
You sound like a very strong person that is filled with Jesus. You had to be to be able to talk about such an atrocity. I don't know if I could ever tell anyone about the times I was violated. God bless you, and keep Jesus inside you

 

[shazabella]

Shaz,
You sound like a very strong person that is filled with Jesus. You had to be to be able to talk about such an atrocity. I don't know if I could ever tell anyone about the times I was violated. God bless you, and keep Jesus inside you

thanks , I'm just sharing my own experiences - my ex raped me as well as assaulted 1 girl and tried to rape another... both of the assaults on the 2 girls happened on church grounds. I never told the police but through me speaking out he is banned from 2 churches and youth groups and can no longer prey on young girls.

There is only 1 person i have told what happened to and i trust her with my life - just mentioning *name* "hurt" me was enough to make people stand up and take notice. Tell someone and just keep telling until someone believes you.

If you want to talk more about this - PM me. Above all pray about it - i saw my ex at the youth group and i wasn't scared anymore - i was angry and i used that anger to stop him hurting other people.

May God's will be done

- Shaz

 

[bricks00usa]

My abuser has (through the years) caused me to enjoy many of the crimes that are now committed against me. They are habit. I am ashamed to tell anyone now. But simply live in a world of denial, and shame.