I kissed dating goodbye

Goodbook said:

Yes that happened to me this guy i thought was christian, obviously wasnt he was just saying. he suggested we start livng together after only a couple of dates Im like what?? Then he put me down saying I was getting old and still living at home blah blah blah.

After him I dont think I dated anybody cos that just put me off. It was real hard getting rid of him too -shudder- like he was codependent or something. He had problems...and was going with other girls at the same time.

So, no more dating, or at least, no online things. i dont know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the whole stupid ladies at work who always gossip and ask me when are you going to get a boyfriend thing. Ok, I'll just pick one off the street then shall I?

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I know what you mean. When I dumped the girl I mentioned, she...well, the only way to describe it was that she lost her mind. And that's putting it nicely.

I'm sure the author didn't mean to have the outcome he did when he wrote and released the book. I've yet to read it but, my roommate from my freshman year of college swears by it- in a sense. I think the book as been taken to the extreme and brought into preaching in such a way that it sincerely scares young adults and teens from ever just being with someone of the opposite gender. Dating/courtship should not be scary. However, I have never seen courtship work in such a way that didn't create some sort of problem after marriage. You must know the person before you ever begin thinking about marrying them. You need to know if you're sexually compatible (no, that doesn't mean you have to engage in premarital sex), you need to know if you can handle those little quirks that could eventually drive you up a wall.

Personally, I prefer to date but, not in a sense that I'm seeing multiple people at a time or kissing whomever I please. Dating isn't bad.

I've dated quite a bit, mostly since my divorce a few years ago. I'm not looking for a wife, so maybe that allows for each of us to be real.
But I've had some amazing time times on dates and have learned so much from those I've spent time with. The ladies I've dated have said many
time that they enjoyed their time with me.
If I followed kissed dating goodbye, I'd have missed meeting so many amazing ladies. While we aren't on the way to getting married
they often want to spend some time talking with me when we cross paths.

Goodbook said:

if you've read this book by Joshua Harris, what are your thoughts?

For those that don't know its an american christian book about the perils of dating and giving it up totally. Cos God has the spouse for you, you can't choose for yourself...and that dating leads people on to nowheresville.

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This article sums up with the issues I have with it...
http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/

Goodbook said:

Of course ive sworn off online dating. Ive decided its only for the desperate. Before computers, you put an ad in the paper. Its kinda like job hunting, going to interviews. fruitless.
But that doesnt mean a decent guy cant ask me out in person.

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It's not always fruitless. I know people who met each other on a dating site and got married and they weren't desperate. It's only fruitless if God doesn't tell you to do it and you do it anyway.

I found my last few jobs online ... and it was thru web sites, meetups and a dating site that I found my last few GFs.
How have you been finding jobs? BFs?

Goodbook said:

Thats a really good article txmatt.

In the book, the author never gave any kind of indication what courtship was meant to entail. When i go on dates i dont expect to marry the guy straight off!

I think the problem has been, its the guys who expect some kind of sexual involvement on the dates, and that has been the main problem. But of course mr harris is in a kind of christian bubble so instead of that he thinks when you date someone its akin to asking a girl to marry you. So you should never date anyone just the one girl who will be your wife.

The book was really written for guys cos guys just dont know how to date maybe??

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I don't understand how you are supposed to know who you want to marry if you don't ever date.

Goodbook said:

I think Indian people do that, its all prearranged through their parents.
My grandparents had an arranged marriage, they used to do that in China too.

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Except we don't have prearranged marriages anymore in our culture.

I think very few, if any, have spouses chosen for them. The no dating group are more like the 1st BF or 1st GF are the one you are to marry.
They see the heart break of a break up as so bad that they want to wisdom of the parents to help them get it right.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.