I kissed dating goodbye

[Goodbook]

if you've read this book by Joshua Harris, what are your thoughts?

For those that don't know its an american christian book about the perils of dating and giving it up totally. Cos God has the spouse for you, you can't choose for yourself...and that dating leads people on to nowheresville.

 

[Messy]

Didn't read it. I just read that he said you should only date if you thought you'd marry the person. That's what I did and would do. Just dating to see where it goes is not for me since I have a hard time saying no. I prefer cutting it off in the beginning. I once danced with a guy in a disco when I was young and he wanted to come over but I couldn't say no. My goodness it was awful to get rid of him. Since then I thought: never again. I just stay away from those places so I don't have that problem anymore and only date the one God has for me, which I did. Much easier.

 

[Goodbook]

I think thats true if you the kind of person who find it difficult to say no.
For women i think its hard because, its nice that a guy asks you out. Also takes a lot of courage for them to, and its flattering for us to be asked. But you only have to go on one date. But just one date can get you into all sorts of trouble.

 

[sundewgrower]

I've yet to read the book but have heard it's a bit inflammatory. Personally speaking I'd rather get a good conversation then and there for a bit to see if it's even worth it. Then I suppose a date if that's my only line or chance of communication. If it's at church I think it'd be a while before I ask, and I'd use my conversations to slowly convey my interest then ask later on.

 

[MiniEmu]

Personally I thought there were some good thoughts outlined within the book, but I also think it has been blown up into a potentially damaging view of dating. It's very easy to view dating as damaging, and treating it in such a way, but the actual damage comes from the relationship itself.

Dating is not good, it is not bad, it is just the process of getting to know someone. What he outlines does not prevent hurt, it does not prevent the crash and burn of two people heading in two very different directions, it just views the same processes through a slightly different lens.

Now being the person I am it's perhaps understandable that I was not blown away by it. In my very uneducated view it adds unnecessary complexity to one element of life, sure it highlighted some issues that I may possibly agree with but the proposed model is no better or worse than the one he criticised.

People have been terribly burned by treating it as a dating gospel, others have been greatly blessed. For me it was something I read for book club, and left me deeply unmoved.

 

[sundewgrower]

Personally I thought there were some good thoughts outlined within the book, but I also think it has been blown up into a potentially damaging view of dating. It's very easy to view dating as damaging, and treating it in such a way, but the actual damage comes from the relationship itself.

Dating is not good, it is not bad, it is just the process of getting to know someone. What he outlines does not prevent hurt, it does not prevent the crash and burn of two people heading in two very different directions, it just views the same processes through a slightly different lens.

Now being the person I am it's perhaps understandable that I was not blown away by it. In my very uneducated view it adds unnecessary complexity to one element of life, sure it highlighted some issues that I may possibly agree with but the proposed model is no better or worse than the one he criticised.

People have been terribly burned by treating it as a dating gospel, others have been greatly blessed. For me it was something I read for book club, and left me deeply unmoved.

I've heard it's been a catalyst for problems in some people and it was (?) one of those more buzzword books for a while.
When I'm on my first date I'll figure it out, but personally I just like a friend idea (I've had experience in that), laying out what you're after, and getting to know them without emphasis on romantic things. I'm weird though and so maybe my idea isn't what many would vouch for.

 

[High Fidelity]

Cos God has the spouse for you, you can't choose for yourself...and that dating leads people on to nowheresville.

That's assuming you hold to predestination.

 

[Dante116]

I've heard it's been a catalyst for problems in some people and it was (?) one of those more buzzword books for a while.

I looked it up and read similar some time ago when someone mentioned the book to me. It seems to have caused a lot of problems, which seems like a warning sign.

 

[sundewgrower]

HA! I got it!!! That's with me being a social hermit since most of the churches aren't the best.
I can smell legalism from miles away and so I knew something was awry

 

[Messy]

Cos God has the spouse for you, you can't choose for yourself..

That's weird. Although I believe it's best to ask God Paul says you can marry who you want as long as they're in the Lord.

 

[MiniEmu]

If I recall rightly the author himself was disturbed by how many people took the book in such a legalistic manner. Some of his comments on the book indicate he wasn't really advocating never getting to know people, just to do so remembering that above all else God should be our focus. The problem with writing a popular book is that people will have their own opinions, and run with them. So even if you're shouting into the wind that this was not what you intended, people are not going to hear you out.

As a side note: perhaps God does have a spouse for us, perhaps He does not. Perhaps He gives us the ability to live perfectly content lives with any number of people we may be compatible with.

 

[Goodbook]

I dont know if Joshua Harris held to predestetination arrgh cant spell it...he was pretty young when he wrote it.

I think he wrote it for a particular subgroup of people on america, like he could have made his point about not dating unbelievers and in general praying about it all before you go ahead with any kind of relationship that may lead to marriage.

I think people in america date for different reasons. Also, since lots of people in america have the kind of income to spend I think its quite different the dating scene. There doesnt seem to be like, you meet a girl (if you a guy) and you ask her dad first before you take her out.

Also nowadays, girls DO ask out guys. Although we are told not to.
And then theres just the kind of hanging out, casual kind of friendly dating that has no expectations just to have fun..but cos of pressure, people think you bf and gf just cos you go out with someone.

 

[Goodbook]

In nz, its kinda like you go out with someone, and then next thing you know you pregnant and shack up (amongst unbelievers). Like you a couple if you start holding hands or something.

I dont know, its a bit of a minefield. I rather life without that kind of complication. if you like someone you like someone, doesnt mean you going to get married.

If youve given a girl a ring and you engaged, THEN you going to get married. Till then, i dont know why you even think you in a relationship. Just be friends for goodness sakes.

 

[KandiJo]

I have read it.

I liked the book. I do not believe the author meant it as YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. I think he was trying to teach that we should have God in every decision we make. That we should pray about it. Biblically, God did cause some people to get together on purpose (Hosea and Gomer come to hand). I think some chose on their own (David and Bathsheba).

Anyways, I agree with the author on the fact that we probably shouldnt date to date. It's not honoring God and tends to hurt us. I think the friends first thing is the best way to go about it. If you can't even be friends, how can you be more?

 

[Tess]

I haven't read it, but I've heard lots about it.

I agree with what most people here have said, these advice books are all about how you interpret them; if they work for you, great. If not, do your own thing.

Personally I think the general principles of the book are too extreme. I'm not going to wait for God to whisper "he's the one" in my ear before going on a date, you get to know someone by going on dates and then you take it from there

 

[Goodbook]

That's weird. Although I believe it's best to ask God Paul says you can marry who you want as long as they're in the Lord.

Maybe im getting his book mixed up with another I read on same topic called 'God writes your love story' by eric ludy and his wife..but I think in general they agree with each other.

Im sure its true that you can marry anybody so long as they are christian but it might be people have this idea of 'soul mates' I think the Jewish people do and call it 'brashert' like theres only one person meant for you out of all the billions of people on earth. I have not heard it amongst believing couples that even though both are christian, they are wrong for each other?! Also, if one is widowed would that mean they could never marry again?
That might be just peoples romantic notions. Of course God wanted for us to be together!
I think maybe God actually doesnt mind because hes working on peoples hearts all the while and you do grow together anyway, its not like that person is perfect the instant you meet them.

 

[Goodbook]

The title prolly has something to do with it, but then 'dating' in america is a loaded term and means different things.

 

[Goodbook]

Sorry, word is beshert.
Beshert is hebrew for soulmate. But I thought christians soulmate is Jesus.

 

[William67]

Havent read it and don't care to, honestly. We should take God into consideration in everything we do, not just dating.

I don't serial date, but I have dated a few women over the years. The ones I thought were compatible, weren't. I courted one for almost a year, then she suggested we move in together. I dumped her immediately. I wouldn't want someone like that to teach her morals to any children we may have.

 

[Goodbook]

Yes that happened to me this guy i thought was christian, obviously wasnt he was just saying. he suggested we start livng together after only a couple of dates Im like what?? Then he put me down saying I was getting old and still living at home blah blah blah.

After him I dont think I dated anybody cos that just put me off. It was real hard getting rid of him too -shudder- like he was codependent or something. He had problems...and was going with other girls at the same time.

So, no more dating, or at least, no online things. i dont know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the whole stupid ladies at work who always gossip and ask me when are you going to get a boyfriend thing. Ok, I'll just pick one off the street then shall I?