- Dec 13, 2015
- 5,277
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- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Calvinist
- Marital Status
- Married
I am such a lukewarm "Christian" I don't evangelize, I hardly ever give to charity or do anything real Christians do. I'm a Christian on paper but I'm not a Christian in action. Just about all I do all day is play video games to wait for my wife to come home from work and watch TV with her when she gets home. That's it. That's my life. I don't take the time to evangelize in video games which is what I always wanted to do because video games are my main talent and I know how to talk to people.
I hardly if ever go to church even though I'm really good friends with our Elder and his wife and the deacons at our church. But, our elder doesn't mind because my wife has to spend many Sundays working and our church is an hour drive away. So he doesn't get on my case in fact, he keeps telling me that everything will be alright. I keep telling him that all I do is live in sin and he says "Join the club" and when I tell him about the video games though he says that I should be a Christian of action. Actively going out there and preaching the gospel. Donating what I can and being there for people.
So maybe my video game idea isn't that bad afterall. But, I never if hardly ever act on it. I'm just depressed and sick of being too disabled to work myself. If I worked at a job I could at least practice being kind to others and I could earn extra income to help make a difference in the world.
But since I'm schizophrenic/bipolar and manic sometimes for months at a time that just isn't going to realistically happen. I know ultimately God is in control and I'm living the best life that I possibly can but I just feel apart from God. Its like I don't even care anymore. Don't get me wrong I love God and I love the Biblical Jesus. I know he died for my every sin past present and future now and forever. I know he is guiding me every step of the way but I feel so distanced from God and I feel so alone. There's gotta be other lukewarm Christians out there that can relate...
I hardly if ever go to church even though I'm really good friends with our Elder and his wife and the deacons at our church. But, our elder doesn't mind because my wife has to spend many Sundays working and our church is an hour drive away. So he doesn't get on my case in fact, he keeps telling me that everything will be alright. I keep telling him that all I do is live in sin and he says "Join the club" and when I tell him about the video games though he says that I should be a Christian of action. Actively going out there and preaching the gospel. Donating what I can and being there for people.
So maybe my video game idea isn't that bad afterall. But, I never if hardly ever act on it. I'm just depressed and sick of being too disabled to work myself. If I worked at a job I could at least practice being kind to others and I could earn extra income to help make a difference in the world.
But since I'm schizophrenic/bipolar and manic sometimes for months at a time that just isn't going to realistically happen. I know ultimately God is in control and I'm living the best life that I possibly can but I just feel apart from God. Its like I don't even care anymore. Don't get me wrong I love God and I love the Biblical Jesus. I know he died for my every sin past present and future now and forever. I know he is guiding me every step of the way but I feel so distanced from God and I feel so alone. There's gotta be other lukewarm Christians out there that can relate...