I escaped from the mental health hospital today.

[Sword of the Lord]

Kind of. And I know I need to go back, but I'm not only scared of going back, but that I also won't be welcome back after my "escape". I went to a mental health specific hospital. I have a lot of issues, but what specifically lead my loved ones and myself to the conclusion that I needed to go to the hospital despite having a psychiatrist and seeing a psychotherapist weekly is that I can't take my medicine. I feel like it's poison that will kill me, so being in the presence of the doctors would theoretically get me to take my medication since, should the poison send me into a medical emergency, they can immediately save my life. Well, I was in the waiting room and filled out my paperwork. They buzzed the door open and told me to leave everything in my pockets with my fiance. I went back and it looked like a prison. The place is extremely locked down. The rooms looked like jail cells, the beds looked like jail beds, and there were cameras everywhere. They put me in a small room with a camera to wait on someone to come talk to me. The camera was watching me and the employees were whispering in the hallways. I asked the employee who brought me back if I could get some water so she would leave me. She left me, and I watched out the window of the room to see if someone would buzz the door back open to get back into the waiting room. Sure enough someone did, and I bolted out of the room and ran up behind her and slipped out past her back into the waiting room. She tried to grab me, but I yelled at her that I'm not a patient (because technically I wasn't yet) shrugged her off of me. I ran out the front doors and they followed me, telling me I needed to get back in there. To hell with you! They asked my fiance if I was safe and she said yes, so we left. But I do know that I need to go back. I'm just scared. I've lived with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type for 15~ years. It was originally misdiagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome (or High Functioning Autism as it's called now). I do need a lot of help, but it's hard. Everyone and everything is a threat.

 

[QvQ]

I have a friend who is severely schizophrenic. He has been taking the drugs since the drugs were first introduced, 30 or 40 years ago. He hasn't had any bad effects from the drugs.
He leads a normal life when he takes the drugs and follows the Dr's orders.
Once you are in the hospital for a while so they can adjust your medicines and make certain you don't have a bad reaction, you will probably be released to go on with your life.
Calm down, take your medicine and trust that everyone has only your best interest at heart, because they do.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

I have a friend who is severely schizophrenic. He has been taking the drugs since the drugs were first introduced, 30 or 40 years ago. He hasn't had any bad effects from the drugs.
He leads a normal life when he takes the drugs and follows the Dr's orders.
Once you are in the hospital for a while so they can adjust your medicines and make certain you don't have a bad reaction, you will probably be released to go on with your life.
Calm down, take your medicine and trust that everyone has only your best interest at heart, because they do.

Your intentions are sincere, but if it were that easy there wouldn't be mental hospitals or homeless people wandering the streets talking to themselves.

 

[Der Alte]

Your intentions are sincere, but if it were that easy there wouldn't be mental hospitals or homeless people wandering the streets talking to themselves.

Why do you ask for help then reject it when some is given?

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Why do you ask for help then reject it when some is given?

I didn't ask for help. I'm talking to a community of people in OBOB who have been my friends through a decade of struggles. They've always been here.

But I refer you back to the post you just quoted. You can tell people like me anything you want but it doesn't matter. That's like literally the illness.

 

[Der Alte]

I didn't ask for help. I'm talking to a community of people in OBOB who have been my friends through a decade of struggles. They've always been here.
But I refer you back to the post you just quoted. You can tell people like me anything you want but it doesn't matter. That's like literally the illness.

In the OP you made this statement. "I do need a lot of help, but it's hard. Everyone and everything is a threat."

 

[Sword of the Lord]

In the OP you made this statement. "I do need a lot of help, but it's hard. Everyone and everything is a threat."

I'm not seeing the question. I see a statement of knowledge my medical team gave me.

 

[Michie]

Why do you ask for help then reject it when some is given?

It part of the illness. He knows what he needs to do but has a hard time doing it. He is suspicious of everyone and everything so his reaction is to be expected.

 

[Neogaia777]

Kind of. And I know I need to go back, but I'm not only scared of going back, but that I also won't be welcome back after my "escape". I went to a mental health specific hospital. I have a lot of issues, but what specifically lead my loved ones and myself to the conclusion that I needed to go to the hospital despite having a psychiatrist and seeing a psychotherapist weekly is that I can't take my medicine. I feel like it's poison that will kill me, so being in the presence of the doctors would theoretically get me to take my medication since, should the poison send me into a medical emergency, they can immediately save my life. Well, I was in the waiting room and filled out my paperwork. They buzzed the door open and told me to leave everything in my pockets with my fiance. I went back and it looked like a prison. The place is extremely locked down. The rooms looked like jail cells, the beds looked like jail beds, and there were cameras everywhere. They put me in a small room with a camera to wait on someone to come talk to me. The camera was watching me and the employees were whispering in the hallways. I asked the employee who brought me back if I could get some water so she would leave me. She left me, and I watched out the window of the room to see if someone would buzz the door back open to get back into the waiting room. Sure enough someone did, and I bolted out of the room and ran up behind her and slipped out past her back into the waiting room. She tried to grab me, but I yelled at her that I'm not a patient (because technically I wasn't yet) shrugged her off of me. I ran out the front doors and they followed me, telling me I needed to get back in there. To hell with you! They asked my fiance if I was safe and she said yes, so we left. But I do know that I need to go back. I'm just scared. I've lived with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type for 15~ years. It was originally misdiagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome (or High Functioning Autism as it's called now). I do need a lot of help, but it's hard. Everyone and everything is a threat.

What is going to be your situation when you get out if you go in?

 

[QvQ]

there wouldn't be mental hospitals or homeless people wandering the streets talking to themselves.

Take the drugs Stay in the hospital until the Dr's can get the dosages correct and make certain you don't have bad reactions. Schizophrenia is a physical disease and can be treated, just like diabetes.

The health care professionals are well aware of paranoia and other reactions so you will be safe to return. There aren't any penalties for being ill and needing help. You won't be "punished" for running away. The health care folks will probably just be glad to see you again so go back and take your medicine, literally.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

It part of the illness. He knows what he needs to do but has a hard time doing it. He is suspicious of everyone and everything so his reaction is to be expected.

I'm shaking thinking of it but I know I need it. I'll go back. I have therapy next Thursday so after I talk to her I'll go.

 

[Michie]

I'm shaking thinking of it but I know I need it. I'll go back. I have therapy next Thursday so after I talk to her I'll go.

I’ll be praying for you in the meantime. Your are a smart man, you know that rationally, you need to do this but the disease is fighting you every step of the way. I pray that God gives you peace, some comfort, and discernment... and the strength to carry it through.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

What is going to be your situation when you get out if you go in?

I don't know. Immediately probably nothing if I live through it. After some time less hallucinations (which luckily for me aren't the Hollywood version...just shadow people, mist figures, radio transmitter sounds, little girls yelling in the distance, really absolutely typical things for the illness but Hollywood corrupts and misinforms people about this aspect) and delusions. Delusions is the big thing for me. I've lost literal years to them. I once stayed locked in a room for a year thinking a demon was trying to control my mind and body and I had a plan to slit my throat if it ever succeeded to keep everyone else safe. Those are the "positive" symptoms. Positive and negative don't mean good and bad with this issue. They mean added to and taken from. From my understanding there isn't a lot of help for the negative symptoms which are cognitive and that's what really keeps people from participating in society well.

 

[QvQ]

I'm shaking thinking of it but I know I need it. I'll go back. I have therapy next Thursday so after I talk to her I'll go.

Go to therapy. You might be surprised at how often schizophrenics run away or get paranoid. You aren't the only one. It won't be anything new to your therapist, most likely, and she will get you back on track for the care you need.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy . Take care of yourself and seek the help you need. I will pray for you.

 

[Neogaia777]

I am Schizo-effective, and have been for awhile now, and when it first started, it was bad, and I had to go in. If your situation is still going to be good when you get out if you go in, then go in, please. Push away temporaily all the fear and suspicion and panic and paranoia, and about the meds, just tell them you don't want them to turn you into a zombie, and just get used to taking them other than that if you can. My medication greatly helps me and I have been taking it for years now with no adverse or life threatening side effects. After you get out, you will probably get a counselor and a med doctor, and your med doctor will probably have you do blood tests once a year to see or make sure the medication is not a health risk to you, I have to go in to do one very soon actually (next week) but I have been on my medication for ten years now, and every single time everything has checked out so far, and I was able to reduce my medication to just three meds now, and have experienced only good and positive effects from the medication thus far...

As long as you're not going to be homeless and on the street when you get out, you really should go in, please, etc...

And it is kind of like jail, but not quite as bad, but it is only temporary, and the people really are there to help you, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

I don't know. Immediately probably nothing if I live through it. After some time less hallucinations (which luckily for me aren't the Hollywood version...just shadow people, mist figures, radio transmitter sounds, little girls yelling in the distance, really absolutely typical things for the illness but Hollywood corrupts and misinforms people about this aspect) and delusions. Delusions is the big thing for me. I've lost literal years to them. I once stayed locked in a room for a year thinking a demon was trying to control my mind and body and I had a plan to slit my throat if it ever succeeded to keep everyone else safe. Those are the "positive" symptoms. Positive and negative don't mean good and bad with this issue. They mean added to and taken from. From my understanding there isn't a lot of help for the negative symptoms which are cognitive and that's what really keeps people from participating in society well.

I do know what you are talking about, and would encourage you to read and/or respond to my last post just now, etc...

You will live through it if you go in, and will probably come out of it a whole heck of a lot better if you do go in, but only if you allow them to help you, etc.

God Bless!

 

[Sword of the Lord]

I do know what you are talking about, and would encourage you to read and/or respond to my last post just now, etc...

You will live through it if you go in, and will probably come out of it a whole heck of a lot better if you do go in, but only if you allow them to help you, etc.

God Bless!

I have somatic, erotomatic, religious, and persecutory delusions. The somatic make me believe I have an allergy or condition against foods and meds. With meds it combines somatic and persecutory where I believe it's both poison and that I'm allergic. I'm mostly worried about NMS happening. From 2014-16 I only ate one specific food because I thought I was allergic to all food and actually had in my mind physical reactions but nothing was actually happening. Really no idea why they ever diagnosed AS/HFA back then.

 

[Macchiato]

I have somatic, erotomatic, religious, and persecutory delusions. The somatic make me believe I have an allergy or condition against foods and meds. With meds it combines somatic and persecutory where I believe it's both poison and that I'm allergic. I'm mostly worried about NMS happening. From 2014-16 I only ate one specific food because I thought I was allergic to all food and actually had in my mind physical reactions but nothing was actually happening. Really no idea why they ever diagnosed AS/HFA back then.

Please go back to the hospital. You deserve help and to be well. You'll feel much better when you're out. God loves you very much you did nothing wrong.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

Thank you everyone for talking with me. That's all I needed.