Does Matt 5:32 Mean I Can't Marry A Divorcee?

[Goodbook]

I think the hand wringing is not so much that the other party is a divorcee is that the OP doesnt want to be an adulterer.

If you are both christians now, then you there would be no cause for adultery as God sees that spiritual adultery is something that a marriage cannot be based on.

God can forgive, if the divorcee married her ex out of naivetee and then left as he was an absuive hard hearted unbeliever. If shes repented and asked for forgiveness then, she may be free to marry again but we dont know her spiritual state. Thats something you have to discern.

 

[Goodbook]

A couple I know who hosted homegroup, the guy was a divorcee. He married an unbeliever. She left or he did im not sure. Married his second wife, now they are christians. When she met him he was long divorceed, she wasnt seeing him and not met him when he was still married. He does have grown children from this previous marriage.
They dont have children together as she cant, but they foster.

So yes christians can remarry. But...christian couples who marry each other cannot divorce and remarry. If that makes sense. Because christians work on their marriage and love each other as christ loves the church and we know Jesus wouldnt divorce US. He says i will never leave you nor forsake you.

 

[CCHIPSS]

That's permission to part in peace, but not to marry someone else.

In the post I was referring to you were saying that the only way to divorce is due to sexual immorality. And you said even if a spouse struck the other with an object, on a constant basis, there is still no ground for divorce. Here is what you said:

He had the opportunity when the Pharisees approached him in Matthew 19:1-9 on the subject. He chose not to take it. I believe that he didn't consider it to be a valid exception. A wife hitting her husband with a household object would have been covered under "any and every reason," along with burning his food, not giving him sex when he wanted it, not being as lovely as someone else (Rabbi Akiva justified divorce in this last circumstance), nagging him too much, etc. Jesus could have allowed for two or three exceptions in which divorce and remarriage is permissible, and by doing so still stuck up for Jewish women who were being wronged by frivolous divorces. He only allowed for one, however.

I was just pointing out that the bible allows for divorce if the non-believing spouse is "unwilling to live with" the Christian spouse. And to me if a spouse constantly hit the partner with an object, that spouse would be "unwilling to live with" the partner. And I will also say that abusive spouse is not really even a Christian, since Jesus taught us to love. So:

1) That abusive spouse is not really a Christian. His/her action has shown that he is worst than many atheists.

2) That abusive spouse is unwilling to live with the partner

And so by 1 Corinthians 7:12-15, I concluded that it is biblically correct for the victim of abuse to leave their abusive spouse. Now as others had point out the church need to check and confirm that the relationship is indeed abusive. Sometimes the partner might be lying about being abused just to get out of the marriage. But assuming this is indeed an abusive relationship, and the spouse refuse to stop his abusive ways, the church should back the partner's divorce 100%.

 

[Goodbook]

hitting someone is sexual immorality I would think. Bible says for men not to touch a woman. When we are married we allow ourselves to be touched by our husbands who love and cherish us.
But someone who beats us? Just cos we married to him??? Some people think that thats showing love but I don't think so. Rough sex is not love either.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Depends upon who left the marriage. If the wife leaves and divorces the husband, and he then has carnal relations with another woman, he has committed adultery, but his former wife has caused him to do so. Same for if the husband leaves and the wife has carnal relations with another man.

The Bible states that if a married couple separate without the cause of adultery, they both are to remain unmarried and chaste, or reconcile. If the man then has carnal relations with another woman, it is no different than if he were still living with his wife. He has committed adultery. The only way I can see a "way out" for the wife is if she then seeks a religious divorce/annulment for the cause of adultery, even if they are already divorced under the laws of man.

Yes that's what I mean. So after a couple divorced (no one cheated), the church should try to get them back together. But shall one of the ex-partner have sex (before or after their new marriage), then this ex-couple are totally divorced in God's eyes. Because that ex-partner had committed sexual immorality. So the other ex-partner should be free to marry whoever they want.

The first ex-partner to have sex with another person first would be sinning first, and at the same time frees the other ex-partner to remarry. I know this sounds twisted, but it seems that how it works.

And so to answer the OP's question, he has to find out if her ex-husband has had sex with someone else after their divorce. If the answer is yes, then the OP and her are free to marry. Her ex-husband has committed sexual immorality (after their divorce) and God no longer view them as married at all.

If the answer is no, perhaps keep on dating and wait until her ex-husband has slept with someone else.

But once again all of these are in the context that she is a faithful Christian today. If she is not a Christian, then none of her sins are forgiven nor purified.

 

[Goodbook]

CCHIPSS I think you got the right idea and I would agree. I do know a few divorced christians but they are careful not to jump into another marriage straight away.
The ex is always going to be in their life if they have had children together. But it could be they live in another town or the children are grown so its not so difficult to start anew.
But sometimes marriage is just not the right thing and they were better off and can accomplish more for the Kingdom if they remain single.

If any doubts ask an elder or chaplain or your own pastor for advice as they obviously minister to a lot of couples and marry them, so they would know.

 

[blackribbon]

I find it interesting that divorce/remarriage is the "unforgiveable" sin in so many people's view because it is considered so "holy" in God's eyes...to the point that it is okay to say people aren't allowed to love each other if they have failed at marriage one time. However, marriage is one of the earthly relationships that won't actually exist in heaven. Matt 22:30 and Mark 12:25.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I find it interesting that divorce/remarriage is the "unforgiveable" sin in so many people's view because it is considered so "holy" in God's eyes...to the point that it is okay to say people aren't allowed to love each other if they have failed at marriage one time. However, marriage is one of the earthly relationships that won't actually exist in heaven. Matt 22:30 and Mark 12:25.

It's not that it's unforgivable, it's that they believe you can't be forgiven if you don't repent and/or ask for forgiveness. Since they are living unrepentant in their adulterous relationship, they're outside of God's grace. Thankfully God's grace doesn't work like that or a sudden, accidental death would be eternally catastrophic.

 

[Grafted In]

I find it interesting that divorce/remarriage is the "unforgiveable" sin in so many people's view because it is considered so "holy" in God's eyes...to the point that it is okay to say people aren't allowed to love each other if they have failed at marriage one time. However, marriage is one of the earthly relationships that won't actually exist in heaven. Matt 22:30 and Mark 12:25.

Ok, suppose we insert a different sin in place of divorced remarrying.
Let's say you rob a bank and get away with it. Later you repent God forgives you. Are you now free to rob banks at will because the slate has been wiped clean?
We are not talking about a one-time sin. The lady is divorced. Period. That will never change until her ex dies. Then and only then is she free to remarry.
God is in the business of restoration. His will would be that this woman and her ex re-unite. That's not at all out of reason. He could change her ex-husband at any moment.
But if she marries another the door to restoration is shut.
Now, this man is asking for Biblical advice. Would you have him come between God and her ex? Would that advice insure that later there would be no second thoughts?
Suppose he does marry her and one day her ex shows up at the door with tears if repentance in his eyes, having been restored to the loving man he perhaps was, but posibly even better. Then your wife comes to the door as well and seeing him a changed man her heart goes soft for him and she regrets having remarried. Now we have a situation where both the woman who remarried and her new husband grow cold to one another because of this change in her first husband.
Do you really think it's wize to tell him to go ahead and marry the divorcee? That advice can potentially ruin what might have been a happy ending for all 3.
Do you want that on your mind the rest of your days?
I believe your advice us not Scriptural at all. But if he marries her....well, you can't unscramble eggs.
I honestly believe that if he walks away from her God will bless him richly at some point.

 

[CCHIPSS]

We are not talking about a one-time sin. The lady is divorced. Period. That will never change until her ex dies. Then and only then is she free to remarry.

God is in the business of restoration. His will would be that this woman and her ex re-unite. That's not at all out of reason. He could change her ex-husband at any moment.

Right after the divorce, it is indeed God's will for the two to remarry. And the church should definitely encourage that, assuming it was not an abusive relationship. (In the OP's case it was abusive. So nope God do not want them back together.)

But if her ex-husband later go out and have sex with a different woman, he commits sexual immorality. Then she is free to marry someone else. (Matthew 19:9) And the church should 100% support her in marrying someone else, since her divorce has been accepted by God.

It is not under God's law for a couple to remarry if one partner commits sexual immortality.

 

[Grafted In]

Right after the divorce, it is indeed God's will for the two to remarry. And the church should definitely encourage that, assuming it was not an abusive relationship. (In the OP's case it was abusive. So nope God do not want them back together.)

But if her ex-husband later go out and have sex with a different woman, he commits sexual immorality. Then she is free to marry someone else. (Matthew 19:9) And the church should 100% support her in marrying someone else, since her divorce has been accepted by God.

It is not under God's law for a couple to remarry if one partner commits sexual immortality.

Ok, so then the 2 sit and wait for confirmation that her ex has had sex with another. Wishing he would, praying he would, hoping he does.
And just how will they ever know for certain unless they actually witness the sex act itself?
Even if they could aquire proof, does not God's word still reveal a strong desire to restore the first marraige?

Go ahead and encourage them to marry. I suspect a day will come when you wish you had given sound Biblical advice.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I think people still didn't get what I said... Jesus was talking to JEWS under the Mosaic Law about Marriage, he was NOT addressing Gentile believers (Christians). One has to look to Paul for what he says about divorce and we don't see him equating anything wrong about divorce and remarriage at all. Let's face it you would think that if one murders their wife and then gets out of prison after serving their time (if they don't get a life sentence or the death penalty) and then remarry without concern for being an "adulterer". This would be totally acceptable to people here as he wouldn't be "sinning" by divorcing, but letting her live and divorcing her would be WORSE than murdering her and serving time in prison for it.

 

[Grafted In]

I think people still didn't get what I said... Jesus was talking to JEWS under the Mosaic Law about Marriage, he was NOT addressing Gentile believers (Christians). One has to look to Paul for what he says about divorce and we don't see him equating anything wrong about divorce and remarriage at all. Let's face it you would think that if one murders their wife and then gets out of prison after serving their time (if they don't get a life sentence or the death penalty) and then remarry without concern for being an "adulterer". This would be totally acceptable to people here as he wouldn't be "sinning" by divorcing, but letting her live and divorcing her would be WORSE than murdering her and serving time in prison for it.

Who wrote 1Cor 7:10-11 ?
10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Who wrote 1Cor 7:10-11 ?
10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

You need to closely read the entire chapter. It equates a LOT of commandments about how married people are supposed to treat each other. If one or both in a marriage is already breaking the "rules" in Paul's words they aren't "acting" like a husband/wife in a marriage at all and thus one is not truly departing from wife/husband who isn't "being" one but is akin to essentially in the category of an unbeliever.
Notice Paul doesn't equate ADULTERY anywhere NOR make prohibitions on "leaving" and suggests "unmarried" (divorced) here.

NO ADULTERY by Paul's own words. One can DIVORCE without ADULTERY by Paul's words.
Paul never mentions remarriage at all. Jewish law allows remarriage when one spouse dies I believe.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I still contend that God is pleased with Godly marriage between two believers and displeased when a marriage has a believer being stuck in a sinful situation such that I believe he has less of a problem with divorce than he does with hanging on and ENCOURAGING sinning because one is AFRAID to divorce themselves from SIN.

 

[Grafted In]

You need to closely read the entire chapter. It equates a LOT of commandments about how married people are supposed to treat each other. If one or both in a marriage is already breaking the "rules" in Paul's words they aren't "acting" like a husband/wife in a marriage at all and thus one is not truly departing from wife/husband who isn't "being" one but is akin to essentially in the category of an unbeliever.
Notice Paul doesn't equate ADULTERY anywhere NOR make prohibitions on "leaving" and suggests "unmarried" (divorced) here.

NO ADULTERY by Paul's own words. One can DIVORCE without ADULTERY by Paul's words.
Paul never mentions remarriage at all. Jewish law allows remarriage when one spouse dies I believe.

.

Did you happen to catch verse 39?
Nowhere in Scripture do I see Paul giving the ok for divorce, accept it be that they remain unmarried.
If a person wants a divorce bad enough there is plenty of wiggle room to fashion together Scripture to meet his or her fleshly desires.

 

[Sophrosyne]

.

Did you happen to catch verse 39?
Nowhere in Scripture do I see Paul giving the ok for divorce, accept it be that they remain unmarried.
If a person wants a divorce bad enough there is plenty of wiggle room to fashion together Scripture to meet his or her fleshly desires.

Unmarried means divorce and Paul makes no conditions for GETTING a divorce he does make a condition AFTER the divorce itself. If one concludes that one can get remarried in the sense the marriage follows ALL of Paul's suggestions that would make it (to Paul) a proper marriage I cannot see him objecting as such if he (Paul) saw that there would never be a reconciliation of the broken marriage ever.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I think God is for ALL marriages that fit Paul's description, including in some cases marriages that fit his description that include divorcees in them.
In other words I don't think God by default condones divorce, but I do think God realizes we are imperfect and sin can destroy a marriage and those who are sinned against and their marriage destroyed do not deserve to be deprived of a lifetime without a Godly spouse. Paul himself equates that for the sake of the Gospel it is better to stay single but he also says for those who burn in lust for them it is better to marry. This is why he equates sex in marriage must not be withheld the wife essentially has rights to her husband's body likewise the husband has rights to his wife's body. One who is denied rights lands outside of marriage that Paul equates (akin to being unmarried).

 

[Grafted In]

Unmarried means divorce and Paul makes no conditions for GETTING a divorce he does make a condition AFTER the divorce itself. If one concludes that one can get remarried in the sense the marriage follows ALL of Paul's suggestions that would make it (to Paul) a proper marriage I cannot see him objecting as such if he (Paul) saw that there would never be a reconciliation of the broken marriage ever.

I'm sorry but I do not think Paul oks remarriage anywhere in Scripture.
Do you really expect me to believe that God gave Paul the authority to make a determination as to whether or not a broken marraige can be restored?

 

[Sophrosyne]

I'm sorry but I do not think Paul oks remarriage anywhere in Scripture.
Do you really expect me to believe that God gave Paul the authority to make a determination as to whether or not a broken marraige can be restored?

I added my explanation in an edit you probably replied before I finished. God gave Paul authority over Gentile believers, he wrote to many churches many epistles laying down needed rules to them when required I'm absolutely sure he has plenty of wisdom to ascertain if a marriage is repairable or a lost cause or not.