Thanks for your encouragement, I do agree with your perspective of God's not being overly critical about what I or anyone else struggles with...if in our weaknesses He is strong, then I should technically rejoice in my weaknesses...however, I've yet to comprehend this mystery.
You mentioned how you enjoy church and the warm welcoming, and this is what caught my interest for Celebrate Recovery. If you haven't been yet, I think you'd really enjoy it as the fellowship is similar to that warm feeling at church. I loved it because the people were all weathered, not perfect looking, and the leaders were all tattooed and yet still clean cut and obviously working their program in a way that brought them joy and not misery. I also found it to be very helpful because once I joined the more intimate 12 step study women's group, I made friends with people from all different backgrounds, only a couple my age, but I find I connect better with people older than me anyways. This group though, lead us through the steps in a functional and biblical fashion where we really had a chance to open up about what we were struggling with. As I mentioned before, the motto was hurts, habits, and hangups, and most people have several issues with each, so the variety of problems being discussed really made it feel like bringing my own into the mix was safe and I didn't have to worry about extra drama. The group lead us through the types of insecurities that many people carry around everyday, but just were unaware of what it was. Say for example, I knew my thoughts could run rampant and create whole new levels of anxiety but if someone were to ask what was bothering me, I couldn't rightly say. After this group, I learned names that may have been thrown at me in previous therapy sessions, but never registered, like specific fears of being unloved, or abandoned, or victims of abuse and the fear of anger, all these things that were coexisting in the same place but never treated. I was able to target these, understand them, pinpoint to where in my life they arose, and deal with it in a healthy and spiritual way. I never learned this in NA or AA, as they would just tell you to call your sponsor...kind of let them deal with it.
I wish I could keep going to CR but circumstances prevent me from having opportunities, and my husband has some reservations about it as a whole. Plus it isn't so much as the meeting that I need, just the social atmosphere of connecting with other Christian who struggle with life and aren't afraid to talk about it. That and as you said previously, replacing the activities that would generally include a vice, with something more positive and joyful. I must share though that something like this has just happened for me as of today. To make a long story short, I used to ride horses a lot as a teen, but haven't since I had kids, my oldest is 10, and I just have left that desire up to God for well a really long time now, and today I was asked to volunteer at a horse rescue ranch. I'm super excited. Praise God for the little things right!
It'd be nice if you could go if CR was helping. Did you explain these groups were helping, or did you mostly voice your concerns about them to your husband? Discouradging someone from trying something based on what they believe is unfortunate, I wouldn't know if he has some good reasons, and don't mean to get too personal. I have some mixed feelings on that one I suppose.
As long as your getting better that's what's important, if you can find that at home with family that's awesome, if CR was helping you that could be something to consider, if you feel you want it still.
I didn't like or agree with traditional 12 step groups like AA or NA in a lot of ways, but I encouradged a friend to try it. I gave him my books and said it might be able to help. He ended up not liking the groups, but each person with these problems respond differently and has a different experience from what I can tell. Colter who has many post here seemed to get help in the traditional 12 step groups, I didn't like them at all. To each his own, ya know?
Colter
"I've worked ALL the 12 steps and continue working them, they come from God. I completely surrendered to God and resigned from the debating society when I was 22 years old. I got "yea-but" out of my auto response system, trusted the prosess and have been clean ever since.
No one ever labeled me, they still don't. Different people use diffent ways to introduce themselves which is generally a reaffirmation of step 1, surrender to God.
I am sooooo grateful that my bottom was such that I stopped fighting the program and faced the truth about myself. I love the fellowship and the Loving God that is at the heart of it."
We've gone back and fourth a bit. The standerd way to introduce yourself in a program like AA is to say your name then say your an addict, I've rarely seen anyone deviate from that, so it set the tone of things and from my experience and it was usually the same thing most of the time. We'd introduce ourselves, talk about what's wrong with us and have less time to go over other things.
I would have felt better if people were going to these groups and saying I'm here to get healthy and feel better, and let that set the tone for the group. The solution and the positive things should be explained more than they were, and those positive things should take center focus in these groups more than the problem, in my opinion.
Some of the literature is based around the solution of finding help through God or a higher power, but the majority of the
time taken up in these groups was taken up either by long time members who explained their horrible life story or newcomers who were depressed. In the groups themselves I wanted to hear more about how God was manifesting himself in everyday activities. In other words I wanted to hear more about what people were doing that was positive in everyday life. I wanted to hear about healthy activities and perhaps even have days where you did good things that had nothing to do with the addiction. Doing healthy things with people who want to do healthy things with you, and the newcomers could set their own pace on what to participate in. That would encouradge people to replace negative habbits with positive activites.
For me there was no point going to a group where people were explaining things I knew about myself already, it was discouradging to me to see that take up so much time in these groups. Yea I wanted to share the problems I had, but I didn't want to focus on it all the time either. I did step 1 before going to these groups, I had admitted I had a problem and knew about it all to well, I knew I needed help, I still do need help to be where I want to be.
So for me facing my problems and admitting them is one thing, rehashing them on a daily bases, and hearing others do the same was depressing.
One thing I noticed is that you said you stopped fighting the program and faced the truth about yourself. What if one faces the truth, tries to get better, but the group doesn't help at all? Personally I didn't have to accept that group fully to want to make changes, but the literature encouradges you to take on the program fully, those newcomers who didn't like the group were explained as being incapable of being honest....
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."
Getting better isnt simple, it's hard. With whatever path a person should choose, getting better is a long and complicated process for many if not most. It's complicated for many reasons, one of the big reasons is that people in our lives can often make it hard, or a persons schedual can make it difficult to make groups as much as sponsors want you to. With or without 12 steps healing is a process that takes time. The paragraph above is making promises that cant be kept, not always due to those who are rejecting help, also for some who are genuinely trying to get better, it doesn't work for everyone. From my experience and from what I'm reading, there have been many I've seen who worked the steps a lot, but leave because they didn't like the program or thought it was no longer helping, these stories are everywhere.
For those who have recovered in one of these groups I can say only say that's awesome. I believe
if it works, then work it, more than
"it works if you work it" if that makes sense.