Interestingly enough, the Catholic priests in my area are plain awful. They don't return calls, are late or totally miss funerals, they tell people to use birth control, the Monsignor/pastor of my parish here says the only thing the catechism is good for is putting you to sleep at night, the pastoral care is beyond abysmal, and I had a priest tell me he'd rather watch an NFL game than listen to my sorrow at losing my job ten years ago.
the liturgy in my area employs up to ten extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist for only around 800 people, everyone holds hands during the Our Father, everyone claps during Mass for this, that, and the other, the music is just horrendous with stuff like "Go Tell it on the Mountain," and "Amazing Grace" or the all-time worst "Gather Us In."
No incense is used EVER, the homilies are awful, the decor is protestantish, and the priests are just out of it.
Yet the Orthodox parish I've attended has no stone unturned, incense, no hymns but rather the liturgy chanted, people cross themselves hundreds of times in the liturgy, reverent icons that amaze and awe, a priest who takes things very seriously and will drive great distances for parishoners (he's in a wheel chair, too!), the friendliest people, reverent kissing of the Cross and the hand of the priest, total liturgical beauty.
I can't comment about everything you posted, but I'll try the best for what I know.
You're going to probably have a few bad apples no matter where you go, regardless of what denomination you belong to. Fortunately for me, I've had nothing but excellent priests at my church. I was actually sad to see some of them go when they were transferred to a different diocese.
Also, this is something I have noticed whenever I visit a Catholic forum, but what exactly irks you with the singing songs and holding hands? I'm no expert, but if someone wants to correct me, holding hands could be seen as "inappropriate" and therefore a possible liturgical abuse. If the holding hands part annoys you, just don't do it. I don't do it during the Our Father; no one will criticize you if you don't.
Do you think we go to mass to be entertained by the music? Is going to mass supposed to be personal entertainment for you? Granted, not all the songs are that great. People try their best for what they have. I believe that is what God cares about; trying our best to please Him knowing we are not perfect.
I do feel sorry that you feel this way, but it isn't about the Church adapting to us, it's about us adapting to the Church. I do like the Orthodox Church, but how do you know the Orthodox Church won't have liturgical abuse? To me, and this is just my opinion, you are almost going with a "feels good" approach to Orthodoxy compared to Catholicism. You're angry, and you think the Orthodox Church will fulfill that emptiness you think exists in Catholic liturgy.
I'm growing quite tired of listening to general online trash-talking of the Novus Ordo mass, whether it's from Traditionalist Catholics who think the NO is heretical or from non-Catholics (Orthodox in this case) who think the NO is just "too Protestant" (which form of Protestant? not all Protestants are the same...). None of those terms make any sense to me, and I'm generally confused as to why some think this way. Both the TLM and NO are the same mass and just as equally as "valid." I have no problem for those that prefer one over the other; but when it comes to trash-talking, claiming one is more valid than the other, one is more heretical, one is more sacred, etc. , that's when I lose my patience and decide such people are not worth my time. Please understand I am not attacking you at all, but websites like CAF and Fisheaters have been on my mind lately.
To answer you original OP, I am Catholic because this is where God has placed me. I have found many Orthodox to be incredibly "westophobic" and many of them are strongly anti-Catholic to the point where they are no better than Evangelical Protestants that belittle us and our faith. I have no problem with Orthodoxy in general, but I will never find any welcome in the Orthodox Church. I will never convert to Orthodoxy because I believe in the Catholic Church, the Magisterium, the Pope, the Bible, Her Saints, and Her Angels. The Latin Church is beautiful and so are all her other Rites.
Also, if you are interested in "eastern" practices, have you tried looking into Eastern Catholic Churches?