Why is it that I dont feel like I will every be "good enough" for God to love me and accept me. I suffer from BPD along with PTSD, depression and possibly bipolar. I struggle with this day in and day out. I could put my whole story of who my birth mom stabbed me at 28 months, then I went from foster home to foster home then was adopted by a narcissitic mother. I am falling apart. I have had the therapy, DBT, quit self injury etc. I still struggle with all these feelings. I wake up daily and most of the times I have nightmares but I dont remember them. I have this sense of terror and sadness from being rejected over and over from certain family members.
I tried to quit smoking for the 100th time yesterday and failed miserably again therefore I feel like I am never good enough for God. So he wont except me into heaven.
I try my best to be a good mother but I always feel like I am not good enough. My son has speech problems (he is 32 months). I am always so hard on myself.
Am I thinking in Black and White thinking towards God....What is going on. Please someone help. I am falling apart. I see a counselor once a week but its not helping much. I dont have any money to see an expert counselor or christian counselor. I brought up a few things at church but then I feel ashamed to talk about all that goes on.
I feel sick and disgusted with myself that I will never be clean enough for God. I know that we are saved by Grace but I feel like I lack that "self control" fruit.
What does God think about this. Its so hard to accept a Loving God and not even be able to love yourself or feel that anyone loves you.
I feel trapped. Alone...scared. I need to be stronger for my son, my husband is sick of me.
I almost feel just the label BPD is so negative in itself. I dont want to be this way. I wanted a healing. I asked the church numerous times to be healed from this.
What else am I to do. I feel so worthless and depression is getting worse and the meds dont seem to help much. I thought about trying the codependents anymous group again as I seemed to get quit a bit of insight from that.
Sometimes I doubt my salvation as real because of all this suffering. I need some help here. I know in my heart that Jesus loves me its my constant thinking here that is getting in the way.
I guess to sum it up I feel unworthy and unclean to enter God's holy kingdom. I love him with all my heart, soul, mind but controlling these things is a hard battle that I deal with on a daily basis.
Sorry so long. Please anyone any insight. I feel so alone in this fight.
Sorry just had to add this but the "low sodium" stuff is outrageously priced we have a "whole foods market" about 40 minute aways and everything is triple the cost of regular stuff. His doctors make it sound so easy but the have the money! A jar of low sodium spaghetti sauce is easily 3-4 dollars. I mean we are literally eating twice a week at church dinners already just to save money
Urgh so frustrated...?
Mel
I tried to quit smoking for the 100th time yesterday and failed miserably again therefore I feel like I am never good enough for God. So he wont except me into heaven.
I try my best to be a good mother but I always feel like I am not good enough. My son has speech problems (he is 32 months). I am always so hard on myself.
Am I thinking in Black and White thinking towards God....What is going on. Please someone help. I am falling apart. I see a counselor once a week but its not helping much. I dont have any money to see an expert counselor or christian counselor. I brought up a few things at church but then I feel ashamed to talk about all that goes on.
I feel sick and disgusted with myself that I will never be clean enough for God. I know that we are saved by Grace but I feel like I lack that "self control" fruit.
What does God think about this. Its so hard to accept a Loving God and not even be able to love yourself or feel that anyone loves you.
I feel trapped. Alone...scared. I need to be stronger for my son, my husband is sick of me.
I almost feel just the label BPD is so negative in itself. I dont want to be this way. I wanted a healing. I asked the church numerous times to be healed from this.
What else am I to do. I feel so worthless and depression is getting worse and the meds dont seem to help much. I thought about trying the codependents anymous group again as I seemed to get quit a bit of insight from that.
Sometimes I doubt my salvation as real because of all this suffering. I need some help here. I know in my heart that Jesus loves me its my constant thinking here that is getting in the way.
I guess to sum it up I feel unworthy and unclean to enter God's holy kingdom. I love him with all my heart, soul, mind but controlling these things is a hard battle that I deal with on a daily basis.
Sorry so long. Please anyone any insight. I feel so alone in this fight.
Sorry just had to add this but the "low sodium" stuff is outrageously priced we have a "whole foods market" about 40 minute aways and everything is triple the cost of regular stuff. His doctors make it sound so easy but the have the money! A jar of low sodium spaghetti sauce is easily 3-4 dollars. I mean we are literally eating twice a week at church dinners already just to save money
Urgh so frustrated...?
Mel
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