Yelling

Way to loud, thats how. I know it isn't the best method, and is quite like their yelling, or screaming, mainly to burn of steam, not productive. I try very hard to reduce it and some days I do great, others.... well lets just say I am far from perfect!

In a perfect world, we wouldn't lose our tempers with our children, we'd be able to say "NO" in a loud firm voice and then discuss the matter calmly, but I know for myself & the majority of parents I've discussed this with, that just ain't gonna happen all the time.

My daughter just turned 3, and evidently part of the requirements of being 3 is testing mom & dad to their limits! So there have been times when my voice has been raised (usually during tantrums, or when she has selective hearing & is willfully disobeying me) to a limit that is louder than I am comfortable with. It is something I'm struggling with and I'm practicing the counting to 10 thing, deep breathing, all that jazz, but every now & then it just happens.

I agree with the OP, though, a good deterrent is the look on your child's face when you yell too loud at them. And I also agree with Blue that as long as it's not done all the time, it's really nothing to feel guilty about! I think as long as the parents are aware of the fact & take a step back to try to control themselves most of the time, a "yelling" slip-up every once in awhile is perfectly normal!

Sure, I've yelled at my kids. A controlled stern tone usually gets the point across. But then, there are times when they don't even respond to that. In those cases a raised voice can actually work. Then they give me this shocked hurt look. So I ask them what they think I should have done to get them to stop (whatever unacceptable behavior), and they can't think of anything better, and I think they understand.

It is true that yelling is a sign of lost control.


About the only yelling I do is when I am not being listened to, I will Loudly say their NAME. It that point, it comes out in a growl, and usually does the job. The child will then obey.

Yelling is 100% unproductive. There is a difference between having a stern voice and yelling.. I think what parents want to accomplish by yelling can be accomplished by having the "strict" voice, but not *yelling* at the child.

Click to expand...

just what i was gonna say

Maybe this little story will curb some of ya'll's yelling. It is very true TRUST ME!!!!

OK when I was little, I would scream and yell to get my way. Well, my dad, being a military man, looked at me once and said, "I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU SO THAT ISN'T GOING TO WORK!!" Well, guess what this little 5 year old girl started doing. You guessed it, I ALWAYS YELLED!!! So by the time I was 10, I could out yell ANYONE I WAS PUT UP AGAINST!!! Still can for that matter. The point is, it is a challenge to the child when you yell, and not something that you want to challenge them in, goodness knows what they may become capable of.


Of course, I do yell occasionally, but mainly when the kids are upstairs and I am downstairs trying to get their attention, or of course if I lose my temper (which is rare but does occur). Of course, the difference is, when I yell my kids know that this means they pushed me WAAAAAAAY too far. My dad made a habit of yelling and I eventually just started yelling louder and blowing him off. I try to learn from my parents mistake, so that is one area that I work hard not to recreate.

This is something I struggle with a lot...and I feel very guilty about as well. I yell a lot more than I should... and most of the time it isn't about anything importaint...I just ...for lack of a better word...am in a "mood"... I love my son... he's 4, and a bit of a handful at times...esspecially bed times, which is generally when I get in a bad "mood" because he won't go to bed...or won't stay in his room... or if I am in a hurry and he is moving slow (and I know that it isn't always his fault the moving slow...he has a very mild form of cerebral palsey...and stumbles more than most kids) if ya'll could pray for me..and my short fuse... I'd apreciate it.... I really hate yelling at him, but I can't seem to stop on my own...

All parents should scream and yell at their kids. When there is a dangerous situation and you need to get your kid's attention.

But other than that...

Do you ever work better or harder because you've been yelled at? Do you like the yeller more after they yell at you? Do you like yourself more after you've been yelled at? How do you feel about being yelled at in front of other people?

Not for one second am I going to say that I never yelled at my kids. But I was never right in doing so. Parents can be stern and get their child's undivided attention without yelling. When you feel like yelling, give yourself a time out.