Would you date someone who wasn't Christian?

This made me think of a woman I met on Match. She was an avid church go-er at her local church. Over 50, never married, no kids...lives locally. We didn't talk to much about God and faith while we were getting to know each other the past 2 dates...other than she goes to the mentioned church near her. Apparently, she's pretty well known among the locals. Where I met her for the date, she was chatting with people of the locale that knew her. THe staff knew her, and so on.

We met and did have a good time together, and she even thought I was a great guy...but apparently, she had to put dating on hold as she was going through chemo therapy....

...then a year later...I saw her on Match again. I still had her phone #...and I texted her..."Hey, how's it going? Hadn't chatted in a while, figured I"d reach out to you to see how you were doing" she was like, "I am well, I'm sorry, but who is this?"

I said my name and who I was that we had met on Match last year...no response. I texted her again..no response. I am guessing she may have deleted my #, and thus...didn't see my name come up.

I was saddened by this, as a childless woman around my age (as I am without children) would have been ideal. Both of us never married and no kids...VERY ideal. That's finding a unicorn. lol

SOrry, went off on a tangent.

ThisIsMe123 said:

I was saddened by this, as a childless woman around my age (as I am without children) would have been ideal. Both of us never married and no kids...VERY ideal. That's finding a unicorn. lol

Click to expand...

TIM,

I used to think like that but revisiting a book by Derek Prince (God is a Matchmaker) changed my mind. Sometimes the obvious match isn't the best one. There was a time when I restricted myself to men my age with similar qualities. But two years ago I began attracting younger suitors. That took some getting used to. I didn't want more children but now I'm willing to welcome them.

I want someone with a heartfelt thirst for God that matches my own. Oftentimes they want a family and other things which may require compromise. Having everything on paper doesn't mean the union will be happy.

The woman for you may have a child and your presence would make a significant difference in their life. You'd be able to share your knowledge and experiences and bless them both and be blessed in return. You never know.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

LaBèlla said:

TIM,

I used to think like that but revisiting a book by Derek Prince (God is a Matchmaker) changed my mind. Sometimes the obvious match isn't the best one. There was a time when I restricted myself to men my age with similar qualities. But two years ago I began attracting younger suitors. That took some getting used to. I didn't want more children but now I'm willing to welcome them.

I want someone with a heartfelt thirst for God that matches my own. Oftentimes they want a family and other things which may require compromise. Having everything on paper doesn't mean the union will be happy.

The woman for you may have a child and your presence would make a significant difference in their life. You'd be able to share your knowledge and experiences and bless them both and be blessed in return. You never know.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Click to expand...

Hi Bella, I get what you mean. I am not limiting myself strictly to that..I am open to dating women with children (older children (high school-aged) or college-aged...not much for dating women with young children...they just annoy me. lol. Just sayin'.

I do call this one sweet, beautiful Christian lady...but with really young children...I liked her to be honest, I guess. Didn't really lead to anything though. I was almost open to even that. I dunno, I'm just trailing on. We lost touch due to..just losing touch.

You see, I am an only child, so I'm not used to be being around children. You see, I know I wouldn't be happy in such a marriage, and it would be unfair to said mother.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Hi Bella, I get what you mean. I am not limiting myself strictly to that..I am open to dating women with children (older children (high school-aged) or college-aged...not much for dating women with young children...they just annoy me. lol. Just sayin'.

Click to expand...

TIM,

I know what you mean. But you may encounter a nice lady with a little one who reminds you of yourself.

You see, I am an only child, so I'm not used to be being around children. You see, I know I wouldn't be happy in such a marriage, and it would be unfair to said mother.

Click to expand...

That's not true. You're inexperienced but that doesn't mean you won't be a good fit or great father. My daughter is an only child. I'm not sure if she wanted children. I know work was a big deal and climbing the ladder was her goal.

But I won a book through Goodreads called The Brainy Bunch. I've never read it but she devoured the book when it arrived. It's about a Christian family who homeschooled their children. They went on to do amazing things. She was intrigued and wanted to do the same.

I observed a steady progression of change until she reached the point when she wanted to be home and have a family with children she'd homeschool. She did a 180 before my eyes. I'm fairly certain she'll have more than one.

Your openmindedness is an asset. It balances tradition and rigidness. You're willing to speak the truth and what you've experienced. That's a hallmark of good parenting. Getting real makes the difference.

Christians are pretty tight lipped. Especially with their kids. But I don't think you'd be that way. We need more of that to have a healthy society.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

PS. I'll pray you have a gang of kids!

JustSomeBloke said:

As we get older, it becomes harder to find someone without what is commonly termed 'baggage'. From that point of view, trying to find someone without any 'issues' is likely to be a tall order. And to be fair, most people who have lived a bit and made a few mistakes in life have 'baggage' of their own that they are bringing to any potential partner, relationship, and marriage.

Click to expand...

Any relationship, be it with the opposite sex, with siblings, with parents, with others in society there are biblical standards to maintain, but 'baggage' or 'no-baggage' would be a superficial, vain, discriminatory, and selfish thing to think, no? i.e. Love is selfless and the biblical standard demanded of (mature) believers is patience, kindness, long suffering etc...

So with any relationship, the more 'baggage' one sees, the more one is obliged to help, joyfully not begrudgingly. That's basic, no? Just as someone said earlier, if you see someone at the shops who needs help, you help because it's the right thing to do, not discriminating her/his appearance...

Galatians 6:2, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

JustSomeBloke said:

To me, that suggests that a large proportion of guys have deduced that the easiest way to get some no-strings fun is to use a scatter gun approach...

Click to expand...

I have a colleague/subordinate like that. He's a ruthless heartbreaker on Tinder and has no qualms about it. I've asked him whether he has any 'criteria' or concerns about the 'welfare' of these young ladies. None. I've asked him if he remembers their names. Barely. He's very honest and matter of fact about 'sleeping around' (not in proud tone) and claims the young ladies are 'up for it' (casual sexual immorality). Meaning, it's mutual depravity. So he's puzzled why they message him the day after. - Birds of feather flock together.

There's a classic film noir, The Hustler (1961) with Jack Gleeson, that has a scene portraying this kind of co-depravity in relationships with the opposite sex, interestingly featuring alcohol abuse as a common interest. Drinking booze being how they met.

After Charlie leaves, Eddie expresses his suffocation and claustrophobia when in committed partnerships: "Boy! Everybody, everybody wants a piece of me." Life takes a down-turn for them: dishes and garbage pile up in the kitchen, and Sarah has begun drinking heavily. As a would-be writer, she pecks at a typewriter on a make-believe story, similar to her own bitter life's story - "a story I'm making up." It characterizes their grim, uncommunicative relationship together: "We have a contract of depravity. All we have to do is pull the blinds down." Sarah describes their empty life of booze and sex: (The Hustler (1961))

LaBèlla said:

TIM,

I know what you mean. But you may encounter a nice lady with a little one who reminds you of yourself.



That's not true. You're inexperienced but that doesn't mean you won't be a good fit or great father. My daughter is an only child. I'm not sure if she wanted children. I know work was a big deal and climbing the ladder was her goal.

But I won a book through Goodreads called The Brainy Bunch. I've never read it but she devoured the book when it arrived. It's about a Christian family who homeschooled their children. They went on to do amazing things. She was intrigued and wanted to do the same.

I observed a steady progression of change until she reached the point when she wanted to be home and have a family with children she'd homeschool. She did a 180 before my eyes. I'm fairly certain she'll have more than one.

Your openmindedness is an asset. It balances tradition and rigidness. You're willing to speak the truth and what you've experienced. That's a hallmark of good parenting. Getting real makes the difference.

Christians are pretty tight lipped. Especially with their kids. But I don't think you'd be that way. We need more of that to have a healthy society.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

PS. I'll pray you have a gang of kids!

View attachment 284421

Click to expand...

Sorry, I won't budge on the young children part. Never been my thing, sorry.