Would U marry a Divorced Christian??

brettnolan said:

thank you, just thought you ought to make that clear in your first attempt...for your own safety...wouldn't want to get flamed ya know

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Actually, I think someone was kind enough to back me up with scripture when I said it on page one of the thread... Or another thread like this one, I can't remember.

As a divorced Christian, this topic is intriguing... and sucks all at the same time. I want my wife back, I want a restored marriage, I want the bride of my youth to come home.... And I believe that God wants this as well. I didn't want the divorce, so I let the "unbeliever" leave.

If she were to remarry, then I may be single the rest of my life. Unless God makes it very clear that He wants me to remarry.

I believe in one marriage, and one only. I have believed this my entire life, even when I didn't believe in Christ. Sitting where I am now, in awe, wonder and shock at my situation, I cannot get my mind wrapped around it. I blew it, I know that, since I didn't cherish the gift God had given me.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that *I* never would have married a divorced person, even before I fell at the foot of the cross. Even now, the idea of marrying a divorced woman turns my stomach (unless it were to be my ex-wife, of course). So I'm admittedly judgemental on this subject. But then I look in the mirror, knowing all that I have learned from this and wondering if there are women out there in my same situation... And I realize that I am no one to judge - that's God's job...

I don't have an answer to any of this...

What about the divorced people who were saved after their divorce????????

jlc said:

What about the divorced people who were saved after their divorce????????

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Ideally they should try to reconcile things with their former spouse if possible (eg - neither one has gotten remarried).

I hope somebody would marry this Christian. After 3 affairs, I doubt I would give my ex a second shot at me. Not all Christians are divorced of their own fault.

This "singles" life stage seems to be geared towards young 20 somethings that have never been married before and experienced the love of their life betraying them and destroying their marriage.

-Chris320

for me...it matters more WHY they divorced.

i just have big trust issues. unless the man was some really dedicated guy, and it was just the wife who was terrible...i doubt i would.

In view of the Scriptures, I could not with a clear conscience. Even if the previous spouse had died, she would still have to change her deep rooted heart beliefs to a more Biblical perspective. As in totally repenting of the divorce and being absolutely firm to not divorce again.

I am no expert in this, I only know my thoughts. I have never been marrried and thus for me I would not personally marry a divorced person. At least not without a lot of prayer and a clear sense or knowing of God's had on the relationship.

For no matter if they married and divorced as a christian or non-christian, divorce is still not in God's plan. Most people christian or not are married in a church, and even not, God still watches and they are married in the sight of God. For one can go no where, that God can not see. I believe God pardons and God forgives, therefore if the divorced desire to marry again, it is within their consious, between them, their spouse and God. God is the only judge, not I.

Ultimately God knows the desires of your heart. Pray about it. God desires only the best for you, no matter who that may be, God will make it clear.

hischildsindik said:

I am no expert in this, I only know my thoughts. I have never been marrried and thus for me I would not personally marry a divorced person. At least not without a lot of prayer and a clear sense or knowing of God's had on the relationship.

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This is great advice whether the future spouse was divorced or not...

I am a divorced mom. My ex was having an affair, and he wanted the divorce. And no, he was not a Christian. Before the affair, he would go to church as long as it was a trendy politically correct not bibliccally based church. Once it started, even that went by the wayside, and it was just my kids and me. The circumstances were well beyond my control and I stayed in a terrible and abusive situation because of my children and because of my faith. The lesson I learned is that it takes two people to work on a marriage and one to end it.

If someone were to not want to marry me because of this, then quite frankly, they would not be worthy of me.

kitkat60 said:

The lesson I learned is that it takes two people to work on a marriage and one to end it.

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SAD - but uh so true.

kitkat60 said:

I am a divorced mom. My ex was having an affair, and he wanted the divorce. And no, he was not a Christian. Before the affair, he would go to church as long as it was a trendy politically correct not bibliccally based church. Once it started, even that went by the wayside, and it was just my kids and me. The circumstances were well beyond my control and I stayed in a terrible and abusive situation because of my children and because of my faith. The lesson I learned is that it takes two people to work on a marriage and one to end it.

If someone were to not want to marry me because of this, then quite frankly, they would not be worthy of me.

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Amen, and really single (never Married) people will have a different take on this, God did say it was ok in certain situations. I am also not going to be miserable being around a person I do not trust for anyone.

I get really aggrivated by those who have never been married who say that you should never get divorced for any reason. This is a load, there are many valid reasons for divorce, and Im sorry god doesn't heal all marrages or even intervene in all of them. So take everyone on a case by case basis. I forgave my wife the first affair, the next 2 got her booted out of my life. I will defend my decision to do this before Jesus if i have to.

oldrooster said:

I get really aggrivated by those who have never been married who say that you should never get divorced for any reason. This is a load, there are many valid reasons for divorce, and Im sorry god doesn't heal all marrages or even intervene in all of them. So take everyone on a case by case basis. I forgave my wife the first affair, the next 2 got her booted out of my life. I will defend my decision to do this before Jesus if i have to.

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Don't be too hard on people who say you should never get divorced - if it wasn't for this ideal, marriage would be doomed. Young children, young adults, singles of any age need to have this idea going into a marriage, or the marriage is over before it even started. Personally, I can say even as a divorced man, that I would never want to hear an engaged couple say that divorce is okay... NEVER.

Jesus said to forgive 7x70 times per day... That's a lot of forigiveness, and I know that I'm not capable of it myself. But He called us men to love our wives like He loved the church - that's an amazing love. And as humans, we will fail in that area often. But that does not give us an excuse to stop trying or to abandon the covenant of marriage for teh sake of our pride, self esteem or sanity.

I spoke to a young couple this weekend as part of a pre-marital class at our church. I don't know a lot about them, but the couple running the class asked me to come and speak to them to give them the idea that divorce Can happen in a marriage, and to share my personal story. The goal was not to scare them into marrige - anyone can get married, staying married is hard (and Godly) - the goal was just to share what I did wrong in my marriage and what has happened as a result. i fielded a few wonderful questions from them, and I believe that they will have a very successful life together.

Divorce does not happen to marriages - PEOPLE happen to marriages. Marriage is a perfect conenant from God, people are not perfect. Let's stop blaming the cause of divorce on something outside of the two people in the marriage...

All that being said, I miss being married. I miss my wife. I am standing on God's words and know that He will bring her back... And frankly, I still hold the ideal of marriage that I would never marry a divorced person. That's how I "feel" right now... But I'll leave that all up to God to decide. If He restores my marriage, than He will get all the glory. If she remarries and God brings someone else into my life for the purpose of marriage, then He will get all the glory... And isn't that all that really matters?

I'm in a situation right now, where a friendship I have with a man looks like it may one day go beyond that. But, he's going through a divorce right now, and has been separated from his wife for 2 years (she left him).

God has spoken to me quite clearly about not doing anything about this guy until the divorce is absolutely final - so I will continue my friendship with him as I have been the last few years. Although I think we are both aware 'something' is happening.

Obviously though I have thought about the 'what if's' of dating him in the future, and maybe even marrying him (which is a long long way off if at all). I have read loads of scripture, and the scripture is very clear about marrying a divorced man - its hard to not feel silly for even considering a relationship with a divorced man.

BUT, I have given the whole situation to God. I talk to God about it all the time, and I really really feel God has his hand on both of us. I KNOW God has said to me 'Not until you're back from Africa' (I'm doing aid work until end of Sept), which is also when his divorce will be through. At that point I will just wait to hear again to see what God has to say.

Through it all, and whatever the outcome, God has to be the centre of it all. I know what the scripture says and I also know that God doesn't have 'one off's' or make special allowances. But I do know sometimes we do stuff that isn't Gods plan (i.e. His divorce) but God has a way of turning these situations for the good.

Normally, outside of this situation I would not have thought about marrying a divorced man. But I am seeing how God can move in some situations. he is merciful, loving and generous. I am constantly amazed.

The thing is bkg, and what I think oldrooster's point is...never married people seem to think that it WILL NEVER happen to them, when in fact, chances are now greater than 1 in 2 that it will. The toughest thing in life to do, I think, is learn from other's mistakes, especially when it comes to love. They just don't want to listen. All you have to do is look around your church, there is infidelity and abuse and even unequally yoked couples in every church.

I NEVER intended to get divorced either, but I can't force a woman to stay with me who doesn't want to. And quite frankly, I'm not sure what is worse for the kids, divorced parents or married parents where one parent acts single. I tend to think that the example of only one woman and more than one man in the bedroom is probably not a very good one.

brettnolan said:

The thing is bkg, and what I think oldrooster's point is...never married people seem to think that it WILL NEVER happen to them, when in fact, chances are now greater than 1 in 2 that it will. The toughest thing in life to do, I think, is learn from other's mistakes, especially when it comes to love. They just don't want to listen. All you have to do is look around your church, there is infidelity and abuse and even unequally yoked couples in every church.

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But... just because the world says it's okay, and just because it's happening even in the church, does NOT mean that someone whould admit it's a possibility in their own marriage. The fact of the matter is that once the word "Divorce" is uttered, you have opened the door to Satan... and the marriage will go down hill.

Jimmy Evans has a great line "You have a 100% chance at having a successful marriage...." if you follow GOD's outline!!!! I believe he is correct.

Again, just because 1/2 of all first marriages end in divorce, and 70% of second marriages... does not mean that we should tell or expect singles to say "well... I s'pose I might divorce my wife if she ****ed me off or something".. No. God is very clear about His feelings on divorce - who the heck do we think we are to put our feelings above Gods?

I NEVER intended to get divorced either, but I can't force a woman to stay with me who doesn't want to.

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That my friend is exactly the problem: YOU cannot do ANYTHING to save a marriage... GOD can do EVERYTHING to save a marriage... We as God-fearing Christians have to stop trying to control every aspect of our lives and allow God to take over.

Just my $.04....

bkg said:

Jimmy Evans has a great line "You have a 100% chance at having a successful marriage...." if you follow GOD's outline!!!! I believe he is correct.

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No, You have a 100% chance at having a successful marriage if both people in the relationship follow God's outline.

We can't make our spouses adhere to Godly principles. God will convict them of their wrongs, but he won't make them either. We do have freewill, thus we sin and make mistakes. It's very unfortunate that the divorce rate is so high. I believe that many failed marriages could be restored if both parties were more into following Godly principles than living for the moment. But if one person decides not to and turns his/her back to what God's telling them and files for divorce, what's the other person supposed to do? We can pray all day long, but if the other person is in a state of rebellion and has hardened his/her heart, God will not force them to make the right decision 100% of the time.