Worst of all anxiety attacks I’ve ever had

Blaise N · Sep 7, 2021

hi everyone

I don’t know why.but today is one of the worst days of my age (19)

ny anxiety has been skyrocketed to the universes edge today,I don’t know why but I don’t feel any want for God,I don’t desire God,and I’m trying to love him but then I get psyched back into the motive cycle because then I remember “your only trying to love Hod because your still afraid and have a fear of hell”
As a side note,I didn’t take one of myself evening medications yesterday because I ran out,but I’m getting more today,I feel like I’m becoming an atheist,I know that apostasy is dangerous because it will send one to hell.Still I know with a mental assent nobody and nothing will ever help me more than Jesus.I can’t fathom why I’m going through so many struggles,why am I going through so much torment?,am I like job?,ive told God numerous times that no matter how fiery the trial,I’ll never stop trusting him,and I think I’m like Job,I cant feel any love for Jesus and when I desire to love him I still get the psych that I’m only doing it out of fear.

I’m so confused,I’m so afraid because I’m scared I can’t do anything because it’s only rooted on fear,

my only question is,does God love me and why has he forsaken me like this?

TheWhat? · Sep 7, 2021

It's because you are letting the OCD take over.

No offense, but this is a near-identical repeat of a problem you had not long ago, iirc.

If you're waiting for God to do a miracle, even if He does, that means you'll be subject to whatever happens. So the next time an attack comes along you'll be subject to that too. This is why you have to pray and seek out the Holy Spirit on your own. If you don't, you'll have no basis to disbelieve the lies.

Blaise N · Sep 7, 2021

TheWhat? said:
It's because you are letting the OCD take over.

No offense, but this is a near-identical repeat of a problem you had not long ago, iirc.

If you're waiting for God to do a miracle, even if He does, that means you'll be subject to whatever happens. So the next time an attack comes along you'll be subject to that too. This is why you have to pray and seek out the Holy Spirit on your own. If you don't, you'll have no basis to disbelieve the lies.

thank you!,I won’t let these lies take over me,I will seek God!

TheWhat? · Sep 7, 2021

Bear in mind we're told to resist the devil, not submit to its oppression.

It's helpful to me to think of powers and principalities, the malevolent ones, as desiring to control you, and ocd can be a means to that end. It doesn't mean you're not elected to salvation. It doesn't mean you're not one of God's.

The holy angels on the other hand are not malevolent -- they are respectful of your decisions. They can help you, but you should not expect them to force that help on you.

The last time you went through this I remember saying that one thing you can know is that if this is an attack, you can know that you're someone the enemy wants to attack. If you were one of the evil ones, you'd be doing the things the evil one does, meaning oppressing other people, so already it seems to me you are not of it.

TheWhat? · Sep 7, 2021

Lastly, it wouldn't hurt to try this.

TheWhat? said:
This is a nice little exorcism prayer, great for people with ocd since it doesn't have a lot of trigger words. I like to put this on occasionally with a little prayer like "Lord Jesus, please let the good words of this prayer be counted as my own for the purpose of my protection from evil, in your holy name, amen."

Yes, it's catholic. No, you don't have to convert to listen to it. Catholics pretty much have the best exorcism prayers in circulation.

splish- splash · Sep 7, 2021

He definitely does love you & He would like a close and personal relationship with you.. Maybe if He takes away your struggles now, you will forget about Him completely...

When life is flowing smoothly, we tend to relax and start avoiding God a lot. God never grows tired of His bride, instead His bride can get a bit distracted sometimes.

Blaise N · Sep 7, 2021

splish- splash said:
He definitely does love you & He would like a close and personal relationship with you.. Maybe if He takes away your struggles now, you will forget about Him completely...I’m so sorry to say this but it feels like my faith is being torn from me,I feel like I don’t truly want to follow Jesus and I’m forcing myself,or that I’m forcing myself to come here,the thoughts are so confusing that I can’t verbally explain them,I’m crying everyday,and I think. It’s becUse I read up on reformed theology,I hate reformed theology because it portrays God as only loving his elect,and I don’t feel Gods love or loved by him,reformed theology has burned their treacherous teachings into my mind so badly that I can’t read or accept Gods unconditional love for me,But I don’t know why but I can’t let go of Jesus,I’ve read stories of people who fell to apostasy and it hurts me to my heart,and I never will fall to apostasy because nothing in this world can ever help me like Jesus,but with my OCD I’m Constantly worried about motives,one of the things that keeps my relationship with the lord is that I fear hell,it’s so scary that I can never let Go of Jesus,because I know doing so would mean destruction.I can’t get the thoughts that cycle about motives out of my brain and it seems like I’m going insane,like I’m losing my sanity.I can’t take it anymore

When life is flowing smoothly, we tend to relax and start avoiding God a lot. God never grows tired of His bride, instead His bride can get a bit distracted sometimes.

Blaise N · Sep 7, 2021

splish- splash said:
He definitely does love you & He would like a close and personal relationship with you.. Maybe if He takes away your struggles now, you will forget about Him completely...

When life is flowing smoothly, we tend to relax and start avoiding God a lot. God never grows tired of His bride, instead His bride can get a bit distracted sometimes.

I’m so sorry to say this but it feels like my faith is being torn from me,I feel like I don’t truly want to follow Jesus and I’m forcing myself,or that I’m forcing myself to come here,the thoughts are so confusing that I can’t verbally explain them,I’m crying everyday,and I think. It’s becUse I read up on reformed theology,I hate reformed theology because it portrays God as only loving his elect,and I don’t feel Gods love or loved by him,reformed theology has burned their treacherous teachings into my mind so badly that I can’t read or accept Gods unconditional love for me,But I don’t know why but I can’t let go of Jesus,I’ve read stories of people who fell to apostasy and it hurts me to my heart,and I never will fall to apostasy because nothing in this world can ever help me like Jesus,but with my OCD I’m Constantly worried about motives,one of the things that keeps my relationship with the lord is that I fear hell,it’s so scary that I can never let Go of Jesus,because I know doing so would mean destruction.I can’t get the thoughts that cycle about motives out of my brain and it seems like I’m going insane,like I’m losing my sanity.I can’t take it anymore

Blade · Sep 7, 2021

Blaise N said:
hi everyone

I don’t know why.but today is one of the worst days of my age (19)

ny anxiety has been skyrocketed to the universes edge today,I don’t know why but I don’t feel any want for God,I don’t desire God,and I’m trying to love him but then I get psyched back into the motive cycle because then I remember “your only trying to love Hod because your still afraid and have a fear of hell”
As a side note,I didn’t take one of myself evening medications yesterday because I ran out,but I’m getting more today,I feel like I’m becoming an atheist,I know that apostasy is dangerous because it will send one to hell.Still I know with a mental assent nobody and nothing will ever help me more than Jesus.I can’t fathom why I’m going through so many struggles,why am I going through so much torment?,am I like job?,ive told God numerous times that no matter how fiery the trial,I’ll never stop trusting him,and I think I’m like Job,I cant feel any love for Jesus and when I desire to love him I still get the psych that I’m only doing it out of fear.

I’m so confused,I’m so afraid because I’m scared I can’t do anything because it’s only rooted on fear,

my only question is,does God love me and why has he forsaken me like this?

Anxiety...wish pray I didn't know it. How to get around or through this. His word yes its that simple. We don't walk this life by how we feel or hear or see. We walk by faith and that means "your loving God because you afraid of hell". I hear ya I do but..not what He says. See you didn't seek Him find Him.. He found you. He only takes what we give Him..no't demanding anything. He loved you died for you.. get that? No.. He came for YOU! He will tell you.. I came died for you! You are the reason I suffered and died. He didn't want to lose you. He does this for all.

All these are lies they are not from God. Satan comes to kill steal and destroy. God is for you not against you.. He has not given you the spirit of fear but of power love and a SOUND ming. <---that is a promise you can say anytime anxiety pops up or fear..NO.. God has not given me the spirit of fear.. I have the joy of the lord.. The peace of God, your strong in the lord in the power of HIs might. On and on.

No you are not like Job. Satan is the god of this world so trials and tribulations will come to us all but CHRIST HAS over come the world! He can not force any thing on anyone. So read that word of GOD know WHY Christ came and died and rose. Your Father is GOD! So as long as we don't know the truth Satan will walk all over us. I don't wait for fear to leave or sadness to go. Sad.. I have the joy of the lord.. but I feel so sad.. I start to praise HIM! Worship Him.. .thanking Him for that JOY.. I receive that joy that peace not like the world gives. As we resist the devil he has to flee. Praying for you.

Mark Quayle · Sep 7, 2021

Blaise N said:
I think I’m like Job,I cant feel any love for Jesus and when I desire to love him I still get the psych that I’m only doing it out of fear.

Job 19 (Job himself, speaking)

25 I know that my redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
26 And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
27 I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

subtlecollision · Sep 11, 2021

You need to force yourself to stop thinking about hell. You're only so scared of it because you keep thinking about it. Every time the thought comes to your head, change what you're doing. I know it sounds silly, but when I have a bad OCD thought that scares me, I start online shopping for clothes or home decor. Not that I usually buy something, but doing a mindless task like that helps me calm down.

You don't need to keep thinking about hell. If the thought comes to your mind, play a game on your phone or draw something or watch a puppy video on Youtube. Just get your mind off it for as much time as you can. If anyone spent all their time thinking about hell, they'd be scared. But you can't do that. You have to live your life.

The Bible is clear on what is required for salvation:

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

Since you believe, you don't have to worry about hell. Obviously I don't know you but it seems like since you have such OCD about this, that you really do believe in God. The fact that you're so worried about this seems to me to be proof that you love God.

So I would recommend you to find a "mindless" hobby. I like watching Korean dramas haha. I used to not be a person who would watch TV but sometimes I need it to help me de-stress from my OCD.

Obviously you should continue to turn to God for help with all of this, but it's ok to use distractions, too, as long as they're not harmful. I've been very scared of hell before but I'm past it a lot more than I was. If I can do it, you can. I'm a weak person haha. Very emotional, too. I was in a horrible place, but now I'm doing much better.

Mark Quayle · Sep 11, 2021

subtlecollision said:
You need to force yourself to stop thinking about hell. You're only so scared of it because you keep thinking about it. Every time the thought comes to your head, change what you're doing. I know it sounds silly, but when I have a bad OCD thought that scares me, I start online shopping for clothes or home decor. Not that I usually buy something, but doing a mindless task like that helps me calm down.

You don't need to keep thinking about hell. If the thought comes to your mind, play a game on your phone or draw something or watch a puppy video on Youtube. Just get your mind off it for as much time as you can. If anyone spent all their time thinking about hell, they'd be scared. But you can't do that. You have to live your life.

The Bible is clear on what is required for salvation:

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

Since you believe, you don't have to worry about hell. Obviously I don't know you but it seems like since you have such OCD about this, that you really do believe in God. The fact that you're so worried about this seems to me to be proof that you love God.

So I would recommend you to find a "mindless" hobby. I like watching Korean dramas haha. I used to not be a person who would watch TV but sometimes I need it to help me de-stress from my OCD.

Obviously you should continue to turn to God for help with all of this, but it's ok to use distractions, too, as long as they're not harmful. I've been very scared of hell before but I'm past it a lot more than I was. If I can do it, you can. I'm a weak person haha. Very emotional, too. I was in a horrible place, but now I'm doing much better.

If your ability to believe depends on the strength of your decision, and not on God's decision, and not on the strength of the Holy Spirit by whom we have salvific faith, then there's good reason to be fearful.

subtlecollision · Sep 11, 2021

I am not sure if you are talking to me or the original poster. I am Reformed, so I believe that God made a decision to bring me to faith.

I'm not sure why you're telling us to be fearful or what you're trying to say? Even if the original poster isn't Reformed, he shouldn't be fearful as long as he is a believer. Being Reformed isn't a condition of salvation. Belief in Jesus is. From what he has posted, it seems like his OCD is making him afraid. As someone who has struggled with religious OCD, I am trying to help him. I know how OCD can make one terrified. I had so many doubts about my salvation. I am doing a lot better now, and it sounds to me like he needs encouragement due to his OCD.

Mark Quayle · Sep 11, 2021

subtlecollision said:
I am not sure if you are talking to me or the original poster. I am Reformed, so I believe that God made a decision to bring me to faith.

I'm not sure why you're telling us to be fearful or what you're trying to say? Even if the original poster isn't Reformed, he shouldn't be fearful as long as he is a believer. Being Reformed isn't a condition of salvation. Belief in Jesus is. From what he has posted, it seems like his OCD is making him afraid. As someone who has struggled with religious OCD, I am trying to help him. I know how OCD can make one terrified. I had so many doubts about my salvation. I am doing a lot better now, and it sounds to me like he needs encouragement due to his OCD.

My bad. I should have used the generic, "one" instead of "you".

What the OP has been saying is that his OCD has him doubting himself, whether his repentance is real, etc. I'm telling him to rely on Christ, not on himself.

I didn't realize you were Calvinist, when I responded to you, and you sounded like you did not believe in the strength of the Spirit of God for faith, but like you identified with fear, which in my experience has to do with the false understanding that the 'accepting' of Christ is the result of one's own decision alone, and not God's. As I was saying, repentance is made real by the Spirit of God, not by the integrity of one's own decision.

subtlecollision · Sep 11, 2021

Mark Quayle said:
My bad. I should have used the generic, "one" instead of "you".

What the OP has been saying is that his OCD has him doubting himself, whether his repentance is real, etc. I'm telling him to rely on Christ, not on himself.

I didn't realize you were Calvinist, when I responded to you, and you sounded like you did not believe in the strength of the Spirit of God for faith, but like you identified with fear, which in my experience has to do with the false understanding that the 'accepting' of Christ is the result of one's own decision alone, and not God's. As I was saying, repentance is made real by the Spirit of God, not by the integrity of one's own decision.

No worries. I've definitely experienced fear and identified with it but I don't think that means I'm not a real Christian or a real Calvinist. It's actually Calvinism that really helped free me a lot of my OCD (fear) and made it so that I could live on my own when I had been so afraid due to my religious OCD. Once I realized God chose me, I didn't have to be so afraid. When I wasn't a Calvinist, I didn't know that I was saved. Calvinism helped me gain assurance. Thank God for the gospel!

Obviously we shouldn't be afraid, but I think as a person with OCD (which I believe often comes from childhood trauma) it can be more difficult to be fearless. In my case, I had learned bad theology at church and became very legalistic, fearing that I could at any moment "lose my salvation", which caused me great distress when combined with my OCD.

Even though Calvinism has helped me, the OP can still be saved even if he/she isn't a Calvinist. I pray that the OP is coming to know God more and more.

Mark Quayle · Sep 11, 2021

subtlecollision said:
No worries. I've definitely experienced fear and identified with it but I don't think that means I'm not a real Christian or a real Calvinist. It's actually Calvinism that really helped free me a lot of my OCD (fear) and made it so that I could live on my own when I had been so afraid due to my religious OCD. Once I realized God chose me, I didn't have to be so afraid. When I wasn't a Calvinist, I didn't know that I was saved. Calvinism helped me gain assurance. Thank God for the gospel!

Obviously we shouldn't be afraid, but I think as a person with OCD (which I believe often comes from childhood trauma) it can be more difficult to be fearless. In my case, I had learned bad theology at church and became very legalistic, fearing that I could at any moment "lose my salvation", which caused me great distress when combined with my OCD.

Even though Calvinism has helped me, the OP can still be saved even if he/she isn't a Calvinist. I pray that the OP is coming to know God more and more.

Then you are familiar with the common, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life" mantra. I too feared Christ would return and I would be left behind. Ha, for a while I even had a thing concerning midnight, which I knew was no more likely to matter than 12:01. But like you, though by a different route (I never learned Calvinism as such, nor Reformed theology, but found it by studying Scripture, to answer all the questions that hadn't made sense with the semi-Arminian upbringing I had, and also as I looked for some sense in the way my life was going) essentially, Calvinism became my belief, (even before I knew it was called that).

Not too many years ago, I was talking with a Bible Church (dispensational, I think,) fundamentalist, that like me had been to seminars on "God's plan for your marriage". I asked him if someone should have told Hosea, that God had a wonderful plan for his marriage. He said nothing, so I said that maybe Hosea was an exception. He agreed. So I said, then we are all exceptions.

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