Worry

ParentofChildren · Apr 21, 2014

I have a high regard for the collective observations and suggestions on CF.

My wife is a constant worrier. I knew this during dating, engagement, and newlywed. What I never anticipated was she remains very nervous by nature. We have no; money, drug, health, employment, sex, faith issues to speak of. Her father did suffer a stroke and lingered under difficult circumstances for 10 years. Her brother died young.

She is good looking, loves her work, and is in great health.

Any suggestions are welcome

Autumnleaf · Apr 21, 2014

Love her the way she is. If you don't she'll worry about it.

Odetta · Apr 21, 2014

I imagine that concern over her father for a lengthy period has left some lingering effects.

What are the kinds of things she worries about? Can you give some examples? Is she just generally anxious, or about specific things?

ALEA40 · Apr 21, 2014

This is one of my favorite passages: Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I used to be a worrier too. I realized after many years that it does no good and it is just too exhausting. I now give all my anxieties to God

LinkH · Apr 21, 2014

Be supportive and comforting. You can also study the Bible with her regularly, and be sure to include that passage KEA44 mentioned, and the end of Matthew 6. Pray about it with her. Especially if she acknowledges that she has a problem with worry, you can pray with her about it nightly or several times a week. This may help her keep in mind that she needs to trust in God and not worry. She can memorize scriptures to think of when she is tempted to worry, and then pray.

bethrow · Apr 22, 2014

It may not be that she is just a worrier. She may have an anxiety disorder.
People with anxiety disorders may be unable to stop worrying about seemingly unimportant things, and they perceive situations as much worse then they actually are.

Anxiety is a treatable condition, and learning about it is an important first step.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders,
A majority of women suffer from anxiety than men. There are many forms of anxiety disorders, but the one thing they have in common is their impact on day-to-day activities. Anxiety can affect the ability to concentrate, sleep and carry out ordinary tasks at work, home or school. People with anxiety disorders often feel compelled to avoid stressful situations and in extreme cases avoid going out altogether. Physical symptoms are common, such as shortness of breath, a pounding heart and shaking hands.

Anxiety can be caused by one, or a combination of factors. These include genetic factors, ongoing stress, family background, physical health issues, or a traumatic event.

I copied and pasted most of the above information for you.
I don't know if any of the above applies to your wife and I don't know how old she is, but if any of it applies and she thinks she's just being a worrier then it's important for her to talk to her doctor.
It is possible she is scared due to the death of her brother and her father's illness.
She may have a fear that she can't control. Counseling might be helpful and maybe you could go with her.

ALEA40 · Apr 22, 2014

I also forgot to mention a book my Lifegroup is just finishing up today. It is called A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. I have really enjoyed it and it is all about casting away our anxieties. Renee Swope is also the executive director of Proverbs 31 ministry.

A Confident Heart | Renee Swope

Sending blessings to you and your wife!!!

Inkachu · Apr 22, 2014

So basically she's completely awesome and amazing, yet you're choosing to focus on what seems to be her only vice? That doesn't seem very accomodating.

Anyway, you could be praying for her, doing everything you can to make her feel comfortable and secure and reassured. If it's something that's impacting her ability to function day-to-day, maybe she could benefit from talking to a professional counselor.

ParentofChildren · Apr 22, 2014

LinkH said:
Be supportive and comforting. You can also study the Bible with her regularly, and be sure to include that passage KEA44 mentioned, and the end of Matthew 6. Pray about it with her. Especially if she acknowledges that she has a problem with worry, you can pray with her about it nightly or several times a week. This may help her keep in mind that she needs to trust in God and not worry. She can memorize scriptures to think of when she is tempted to worry, and then pray.

I look for ways to support her with time talent and treasure. I help her with, data entry for students 3-4 X yr, documentation for teaching and other word processing/power point material. She has had money for every need. She is a very non-materialistic person. She does spend money on $$$ creams and lotions for skin care and treatments. I spend it on running races and bicycling rallies.

The idea of more Bible Study or devotion is good. Maybe her choices will point to something. Thank you.

ParentofChildren · Apr 22, 2014

bethrow said:
It may not be that she is just a worrier. She may have an anxiety disorder.
People with anxiety disorders may be unable to stop worrying about seemingly unimportant things, and they perceive situations as much worse then they actually are.

Anxiety is a treatable condition, and learning about it is an important first step.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders,
A majority of women suffer from anxiety than men. There are many forms of anxiety disorders, but the one thing they have in common is their impact on day-to-day activities. Anxiety can affect the ability to concentrate, sleep and carry out ordinary tasks at work, home or school. People with anxiety disorders often feel compelled to avoid stressful situations and in extreme cases avoid going out altogether. Physical symptoms are common, such as shortness of breath, a pounding heart and shaking hands.

Anxiety can be caused by one, or a combination of factors. These include genetic factors, ongoing stress, family background, physical health issues, or a traumatic event.

I copied and pasted most of the above information for you.
I don't know if any of the above applies to your wife and I don't know how old she is, but if any of it applies and she thinks she's just being a worrier then it's important for her to talk to her doctor.
It is possible she is scared due to the death of her brother and her father's illness.
She may have a fear that she can't control. Counseling might be helpful and maybe you could go with her.

I believe there is some diagnosable anxiety at work. She saw a counselor before, Christian Psychologist and concluded it unhelpful after ten weeks. I may open that does again, but when the spirit is unwilling it is a total waste. This always has to be considered if the duration is long and it is life affecting.

ParentofChildren · Apr 22, 2014

KEA44 said:
I also forgot to mention a book my Lifegroup is just finishing up today. It is called A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. I have really enjoyed it and it is all about casting away our anxieties. Renee Swope is also the executive director of Proverbs 31 ministry.

A Confident Heart | Renee Swope

Sending blessings to you and your wife!!!

Will look into it, thank you.

ParentofChildren · Apr 22, 2014

Inkachu said:
So basically she's completely awesome and amazing, yet you're choosing to focus on what seems to be her only vice? That doesn't seem very accomodating.

Anyway, you could be praying for her, doing everything you can to make her feel comfortable and secure and reassured. If it's something that's impacting her ability to function day-to-day, maybe she could benefit from talking to a professional counselor.

Ink,

I respect your feistiness over the years.

Thank you for the compliment, it is all my honest perception. However pervasive worry seeps into everything; how we use time, spend money, discipline/reward children, etc.... It distorts more and more problems. Persistent anxiety can also lead to depression.

I pray for her often, and my walk only became intentional, I was nominal, while we were dating. She was in an awesome Sunday School class. Anxiety is often internal. She needs to she someone she respects and begin practicing a living faith. We tried counseling three years ago without success.

ps I like your colors..........

CounselorForChrist · Apr 24, 2014

Well theres a line between worrying and just trying to be safe. For example if I see a taxi driver whos driving down the road, I'll avoid getting in his taxi. But if I avoid all taxis because I'm not the one driving... then I am a worrier.

I will say I used to be a worrier at times. Probably because of things that happened in life. Now I don't worry as much. Still safe though. Of course I also did have anxiety issues, including a social anxiety. I'm much better now.

Sometimes people can get help and change, sometimes they cannot/will not. My father won't go to a counselor anymore since he was told he need to stop having a "comfort line".

Inkachu · Apr 25, 2014

I'm not sure what else you expect us to say? You say you pray for her, you've tried counseling... and yet she's still a chronic worrier. Are you not willing to try counseling again? Perhaps with a new therapist? Perhaps with medication to relieve anxiety? Or new techniques like CBT?

There's always a new option to try, as long as we're willing to keep looking for one.

ALEA40 · Apr 25, 2014

You might also want to encourage her to have a routine thyroid test when she goes to the doctor. My doctor ordered a routine test because he thought mine might be under-active (I was 20 lbs overweight). He was shocked to find out that I had Grave's Disease, a common autoimmune thyroid disorder. Usually people are rail-thin with it. Many of the symptoms of Graves disease mimic an anxiety disorder. Once I started thyroid blocking medication, the relief was immediate. No more shaking hands, jumping out of my skin when I would see someone unexpectedly, and clenching anxiety around my heart and stomach. The symptoms had crept up on me so slowly that I didn't even realize that something was very wrong I'm happy to say that after 2 years of treatment, it went into remission and hasn't come back in 10 years.

Blessings!

bethrow said:
It may not be that she is just a worrier. She may have an anxiety disorder.
People with anxiety disorders may be unable to stop worrying about seemingly unimportant things, and they perceive situations as much worse then they actually are.

Anxiety is a treatable condition, and learning about it is an important first step.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders,
A majority of women suffer from anxiety than men. There are many forms of anxiety disorders, but the one thing they have in common is their impact on day-to-day activities. Anxiety can affect the ability to concentrate, sleep and carry out ordinary tasks at work, home or school. People with anxiety disorders often feel compelled to avoid stressful situations and in extreme cases avoid going out altogether. Physical symptoms are common, such as shortness of breath, a pounding heart and shaking hands.

Anxiety can be caused by one, or a combination of factors. These include genetic factors, ongoing stress, family background, physical health issues, or a traumatic event.

I copied and pasted most of the above information for you.
I don't know if any of the above applies to your wife and I don't know how old she is, but if any of it applies and she thinks she's just being a worrier then it's important for her to talk to her doctor.
It is possible she is scared due to the death of her brother and her father's illness.
She may have a fear that she can't control. Counseling might be helpful and maybe you could go with her.

akmom · Apr 28, 2014

Is it actually a problem, or do you just wish she'd relax because that seems normal to you?

I worry all the time, but I don't think it's a problem. It's just a realistic attitude when anything can change at any time. I feel much less worried when things actually do go wrong, because then I'm occupied with addressing the problem. My husband really doesn't worry about anything, when there's a problem or when there's not. He's able to handle whatever life is at the moment. For me, it's just difficult to be in a comfortable situation, and then be surprised or let down. It just seems to make things easier when you're on guard.

Is your wife really worried, or just vigilant? What does she think she is?

PreachersWife2004 · Apr 30, 2014

Inkachu said:
So basically she's completely awesome and amazing, yet you're choosing to focus on what seems to be her only vice? That doesn't seem very accomodating.

Anxiety or worry can be very debilitating to a person, no matter how awesome that person is.

And it can take its toll on the people around us. My mom is a very good example of this. She worries ALL THE TIME. When I am driving a long distance, she texts me every 20 minutes. I then either have to pull of the road to answer her, or I get a phone call, and if I don't answer the phone call she will call 911.

Anyway, you could be praying for her, doing everything you can to make her feel comfortable and secure and reassured. If it's something that's impacting her ability to function day-to-day, maybe she could benefit from talking to a professional counselor.

Absolutely. And I bet he is praying for her. But this guy seems like he's alone in this, so I can understand him wanting some advice and comfort.

Really no need to judge him harshly.

KEA44 said:
You might also want to encourage her to have a routine thyroid test when she goes to the doctor. My doctor ordered a routine test because he thought mine might be under-active (I was 20 lbs overweight). He was shocked to find out that I had Grave's Disease, a common autoimmune thyroid disorder. Usually people are rail-thin with it. Many of the symptoms of Graves disease mimic an anxiety disorder. Once I started thyroid blocking medication, the relief was immediate. No more shaking hands, jumping out of my skin when I would see someone unexpectedly, and clenching anxiety around my heart and stomach. The symptoms had crept up on me so slowly that I didn't even realize that something was very wrong I'm happy to say that after 2 years of treatment, it went into remission and hasn't come back in 10 years.

Blessings!

I was going to suggest this, too, but ya beat me to it! Two of my friends suffered from this, didn't realize it, and had issues surrounding it like anxiety.

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